Urmila Santosh lives in Dubai with her husband and two year old son, Samarth. Urmilla’s parents have been in Dubai for the past 30 years so she has seen huge changes in The Emirates. After spending some time in India, Urmila married in 2004, and in 2008 her husband’s career brought her back to the region, to live in Abu Dhabi.

 

If parenting were going to be easy, it wouldn‘t have started with something called labour! No matter what stage of parenthood; with a child one can never really predict what is going to happen next as children have different needs every time. Each day is new, and brings with it a new joy and at times, difficulties. Anyone who says that it is a very smooth and easy process has probably never been a parent themselves. And then, imagine navigating one’s way around through this journey in a new country; someplace other than the country that one was born in. It’s exactly what expatriate parents do; they are faced with the mammoth challenge of raising their children away from their homeland.

 

Adjusting to a new country becomes a lot easier especially when children are around. It’s mostly because children communicate in their own bubbles and they can be the icebreaker for their parents. With a child in the house, there’s honestly no excuse for mums to stay holed inside their apartment because quite frankly the child won’t let them do it. Children need to get outdoors and feel the need to socialize a lot more. In between finalizing school admissions, getting the uniforms and stationery in order, coordinating play dates and sleepovers; mums end up interacting a lot with the mums of other kids in the same school and community.

 

A few expatriate mums, who are raising their children in the UAE, share some interesting insights into how they’re raising their kids away from their homeland and the challenges they face.

 

HVS Priya is Indian, she’s a Sharjah-based homemaker and mum to two cherubic children, Abhishek aged 10 and Aarti, 8. She feels that being in an atmosphere where her kids do not have many opportunities to interact with other children their age; the short age difference between them has really helped them to bond better over and above their primary relationship as siblings. Her children have lived here right since they were born so they are pretty much accustomed to the life they now lead here in the UAE, as compared to how they may have grown up back home in India. In her opinion, bringing up kids in India is made somewhat easier by the fact that there is ample support provided by grandparents and neighbours. Conversely, she sees a lot of benefits living in the UAE too. Priya believes that as expatriate parents we tend to become more responsible and we will not leave any loopholes when it comes to the mammoth challenge of parenting. Since we don’t have the benefit of a large social structure and no back-ups; we tend to do a better job of it. Since there’s not much to do sitting at home except watch TV or play computer games, we also tend to involve our kids in learning new skills and enroll them in extra curricular activities. Although they attend an Indian school, they still are exposed to other nationalities which broaden their line of thought.

 

Priya believes it depends on you as how we groom our children and make them understand the good and the bad and create a conducive atmosphere at home. She feels we can create a festive environment at home during traditional festivals and narrate incidences from our own childhood which can make the children understand value for things. We as parents need to lay down some ground rules like saying no to certain things even if we can afford to buy them. She opines that children here are fairly intolerant as they are not exposed to different kinds of people. They live with their parents day in and day out and miss out on the various personalities that can be discovered by living in a joint family.

 

Most people make the move to another country so that they can have increased savings; that will lead to a more comfortable life for their families. Of course, raising a child in a foreign country is a beautiful experience in its own way. As parents, we get to meet other expatriate parents who are going through a similar phase in their lives and we can share our experiences with each other. Even if there’s a language barrier, somehow it is easily overcome because parenting is universal.

 

Dubai-based mum Ranjani Jaidev also from India, is raising daughters Ananya 15, and Antara 11; and feels there’s no place like Dubai to bring up her kids in. She is all in support for the opportunities galore that her daughters have had the good fortune to enjoy, be it in the form of a more comfortable standard of living and also education-wise. They attend a British school and she feels that the standard of education and multicultural environment that they’ve been exposed to has shaped up their personalities and opened up their minds to greater horizons. Teenaged Ananya speaks with great pride of her schooling and says that she has learned to appreciate her Indianness a lot more. To stay in touch with their roots, she makes an effort for them to come back to an Indian environment at home.

 

According to Ranjani, a big minus that comes with bringing up a child here in the UAE is the lack of social interaction. People living in the same building as neighbours do not bother getting friendly with the very others that they co-exist with and as a result the children lose out on some great bonding and friendships that can be cultivated under the same roof. For this reason alone, at times she feels that her daughters would’ve benefitted from growing up back home in India. She misses celebrating festivals with her extended family back home, and although she does try and replicate the essence of it here for her daughters; somehow it’s never the same. She expresses concern about how her children are not being able to rough it out and are not so street-smart; because they have access to a lot of luxuries that are necessities here.

 

Living in the UAE can also be a challenge for the Western expatriates who move here from their respective countries. More so because it poses to be a clash of cultures. The culture seen here in the Middle East is starkly different and more conservative in its approach. Beginning from the language, the food, to the code of conduct used in conversations can be unsettling and diverse. I meet two such mums who have successfully bridged the divide and emerged with happy experiences of raising their children.

 

Originally a native of Poland, Aleksandra Kijowska is a Dubai-based mother of two and works with a medical facility. Her children Christopher 22, and Marta 20; have flown the nest and are young adults pursuing their higher education in Europe. Alexandra is proud of the upbringing she has given her children and wouldn’t have had it any other way. She feels that having them grow up in Dubai was beneficial as they were supervised. Children here are more protected and lead sheltered lives, so in a way their parents are also satisfied that they can keep a discreet tab on what the children are up to. When their children were younger, Aleksandra and her husband took the initiative and enrolled them in a Polish language school [run in Dubai by the Government of Poland] that they would attend on the weekends in addition to their English school on the weekdays. As a result the children are closer to their roots and speak Polish fluently.

 

Aleksandra feels that the biggest challenge to expatriate parents in today’s times is to get the children ready to face the outside world. It’s essential to keep communicating with them and giving them the truthful answers that they seek to satiate their ever-increasing curiosity. As they move onwards to seek a university education, they will come across various forms of the forbidden fruit and it is important for them not to succumb. She has always been a friend to her children and appreciates that they talk openly on all issues and don’t hide anything from her.

 

Abu Dhabi-based Gail Reynolds is mum to Rebecca aged 12. She and her husband have relocated from the UK; and are fairly new to the UAE, having been here for a little more than 7 months now. Although her husband has travelled extensively on work, for Gail and Rebecca this is their first experience of living abroad. For Rebecca it was a big change initially, but after attending few months of school here, she has a good friend circle now and has adjusted well to living in Abu Dhabi. Gail grew up in the UK in a big family and her parents always strove towards giving the family the best that they could within their limits. Her siblings and she enjoyed a happy childhood in a close-knit family which in turn has made her emotionally secure as an adult. It is the same values and happiness that she perseveres to inculcate in young Rebecca. Gail and her husband have always taught her to respect people, have good manners and treat everyone equally. They want her to have a holistic view of the world complete with consideration for other cultures and ways of life.

 

Rebecca has always received gifts for her birthday as the things that she really needs, as compared to what is in ‘fashion’. They also try to instill in her the importance of being a close family; and strongly believe that a family is where one can turn for advice anytime. Gail and her husband have a large extended family with lots of uncles and aunts; so Rebecca has a lot of cousins back home in the UK who pamper her silly when they get together. Gail feels that nowadays it’s really important for parents to listen and discuss so that the lines of communication are open with the children. She is very proud that Rebecca is an obedient child and displays appropriate behavior even at a young age.

 

For younger children in the age bracket of Aarti, Abhishek, Antara and Rebecca the right values or 'good values' don't begin with valuing money. It begins with much smaller issues. Simple day-to-day things like teaching the child to share with others, so that he doesn't grow to be a self-centered adult, or teaching the child it is important to be honest. Some other valuable pearls would be teaching the child to face up responsibility when he has erred; to stand on and face whatever life offers. Our little ones don’t need lectures; they need examples of our own behaviour as parents.

 

 

In the Eastern culture, people tend to give more importance to the family; they raise children in a more protective environment and expect children to reciprocate in a similar manner. Is it possible to raise children with the same strict values when they grow up away from their home countries? Probably not. The trends are changing for sure, and children need to absorb the best of the cultures that they see around them. No one culture can be considered as superior and we can all learn from each other. One large example can be such. In the East, it may be considered a major taboo for girls and boys to socially mingle with each other openly; but that is a very important part of the Western traditions. To come to think of it, it promotes a healthy relationship between the genders and enables them to acknowledge each other without any prejudices that society may thrust on their minds.

 

Since we are discussing India in the context of the East here; it is pertinent to note that the lives of people living in contemporary India is changing, and how! Parents are too busy working and saving up the double income and can’t seem to spare that extra invaluable hour for their children. How ironic, as it is these very children whose futures they are working so hard to build. Life for the expatriates living in the UAE is no different either. A long day at work, commuting in traffic for endless hours and added stress often means that there’s not much quality time spent with the children. My two cents will be to ask parents to take some few minutes out in their schedules and sit, yes actually sit with the children. Sit with them as they are studying, sit with them and talk and make family time a priority. Imbibing the right values and traditions will automatically follow soon enough.