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gem
Posts 166
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10/11/2010 21:50:07
Of course it's a Police case, how many Parents have been to court and had their children taken off them for hitting and abusing them, also been sent to jail. Then there are the Abusers who have gone undetected and their babies and children have died, then their is an outrage, and I'm talking about the Parent's themselves, so maybe parents do hit them but it is still not allowed is it. So then why is it not a police case if this Maid has hit a baby?
edited by gem on 10/11/2010
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salsB
Posts 7865
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10/11/2010 21:48:18
Im sorry but this has got to be a wind up. How can the OP be so happy about not losing money. I wouldnt give two monkeys about any amount of money, yet the child has been abused and I feel as a parent I would be absolutely sick to the stomach If a child of mine was treated this way.
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Hello.Kitty
Posts 2013
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10/11/2010 21:42:51
MissContenious wrote:
HK, hello do you remember where you live??? Of course you can get the police involved. The police get involved and called to everything in the UAE and act on it.
yeah, sorry - I forgot you can call them when you see a child being made to walk...
Seriously though. I couldn't imagine handing over my child's safety, well-being and upbringing to anyone that didn't align exactly with my own parenting ethos. I'm not blaming the OP's decision - or that of anyone who chooses this route - but it's a situation they have to be comfortable with and embrace the possibility of it going wrong. They are strangers, from very different cultural backgrounds, with different world views, let alone qualifications, language and ethics.
I'd rather take the financial hit or move somewhere else than compromise on my children's well-being. In fact, I have. If I were working, our life would be very, very different, but hey, it's a matter of priorities.
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MissContenious
Posts 908
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10/11/2010 21:42:42
gerrys wrote: Livelytrish wrote:
If the maid had stolen 5 dhr.........yes. and perhaps she did.....maybe the OP should ransack her room and find something to pin on her
You only have to mention blasphamy and she's in jail.
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Frazzle
Posts 203
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10/11/2010 21:41:37
Hello.Kitty wrote: spongemonkey wrote: Hello.Kitty wrote:
She's neglected a baby - which is horrendous, and I'm aghast and what the OP found out, don't get me wrong - but how can you measure what the correct amount/ type of interaction is? She didn't lock the baby in a room while she went out shopping... The same with the sporadic feeding - she could argue that she hadn't seen the time - show me a mum who hasn't done that before? Threatening and hitting the baby is horrendous, morally, but, again, she didn't inflict lasting damage or injuries that warranted hospital treatment... and in the UK at least, it's only the hospitalisation process that triggers a government response to allegations of physical abuse (sexual is different, ofc)
. Dear oh dear oh dear............. True though, isn't it? Frazzle, it's not that I don't consider her actions horrid in every way, but they're not too dissimilar to what most parents may have done at certain times in their lives. It's not a police case. edited by Hello.Kitty on 10/11/2010
But the maid was hitting him. I don't think that's on at all and if getting the police involved is the only way of getting a ban (or not - who knows?) then I do think they should do it.
Perhaps I'm looking at it from own point of view as if that was my child, I'd do everything in my power to make sure she could never come back, Mind you, I'd also want to smash her face in, but that's me 
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MissContenious
Posts 908
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10/11/2010 21:41:33
Livelytrish wrote:
If the maid had stolen 5 dhr.........yes.
No, the videa evidence and word of the parents will be enough. Dh just told me a hysterical story this evening, can't post but just shows the power of the word to the police here.
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gerrys
Posts 2549
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10/11/2010 21:41:21
Livelytrish wrote:
If the maid had stolen 5 dhr.........yes.
and perhaps she did.....maybe the OP should ransack her room and find something to pin on her
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gem
Posts 166
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10/11/2010 21:40:22
Sorry to hear about what happened to your baby. I just hope you will learn from this experience.
I would have dragged her by the hair out of the house and straight to the police station with the tape in one hand and her in the other. Believe me if you told them what you had just watched I'm sure they would have done something, at least kept her in jail where she belongs until you could get her sent back, not still swanning around your home like nothing had happened. If it was me I would be the one in jail as I wouldn't have been able to control myself enough to keep my hands off her.
But like people have said they are maids and not qualified nannies. So she should never have been left with your baby in the first place.
But if you look on the classifieds now there is another ad looking for a Maid to look after their 7 week old baby, will people ever learn, I doubt it. I have emailed her and told her to look at your thread.
Do you really have to work and leave your baby at all, you are missing out on the most precious moments of his or her life and you will never ever get them back.
I decided not to return to work after having children, before we planned to have our children, and it wasn't easy financially I can tell you, losing a full time salary was really difficult, but we managed, you seem to somehow. Yes we got into debt and paid it off eventually, and I would say it was worth it to know my children were safe and loved in my arms and not someone else's.
But I wouldn't swap it for the world, yes I had to do without, but that was a sacrifice I chose to make to be with my children, but what was more important to me was that my children had my love and hugs and kisses and everything they needed from me their Mother whenever they needed it and more.
That doesn't make me a Saint by no stretch of the imagination and everyone is different, but my opinion is why have children if someone else is going to raise them for you, what babies and children need more than anything else in the world is the Love from the parents. Some people say they don't have a choice they have to work, but we all have a choice. We can then go to work when they are at school if we so choose to, and work around school hours.
Just my thoughts and hopefully you can do something to get her banned permanently so she can't get a job with children ever again.
Julie
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Livelytrish
Posts 6436
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10/11/2010 21:38:43
If the maid had stolen 5 dhr.........yes.
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MissContenious
Posts 908
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10/11/2010 21:36:35
HK, hello do you remember where you live??? Of course you can get the police involved. The police get involved and called to everything in the UAE and act on it.
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Hello.Kitty
Posts 2013
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10/11/2010 21:33:40
spongemonkey wrote: Hello.Kitty wrote:
She's neglected a baby - which is horrendous, and I'm aghast and what the OP found out, don't get me wrong - but how can you measure what the correct amount/ type of interaction is? She didn't lock the baby in a room while she went out shopping... The same with the sporadic feeding - she could argue that she hadn't seen the time - show me a mum who hasn't done that before? Threatening and hitting the baby is horrendous, morally, but, again, she didn't inflict lasting damage or injuries that warranted hospital treatment... and in the UK at least, it's only the hospitalisation process that triggers a government response to allegations of physical abuse (sexual is different, ofc)
. Dear oh dear oh dear.............
True though, isn't it?
Frazzle, it's not that I don't consider her actions horrid in every way, but they're not too dissimilar to what most parents may have done at certain times in their lives.
It's not a police case.
edited by Hello.Kitty on 10/11/2010
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Frazzle
Posts 203
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10/11/2010 21:30:05
Hello.Kitty wrote: MissContenious wrote:
Good point No visa no ban, bad bad news, police case? I'm sorry to play Dev*l's Advocate here, but what criminal act has she committed to justify police intervention? She's neglected a baby - which is horrendous, and I'm aghast and what the OP found out, don't get me wrong - but how can you measure what the correct amount/ type of interaction is? She didn't lock the baby in a room while she went out shopping... The same with the sporadic feeding - she could argue that she hadn't seen the time - show me a mum who hasn't done that before? Threatening and hitting the baby is horrendous, morally, but, again, she didn't inflict lasting damage or injuries that warranted hospital treatment... and in the UK at least, it's only the hospitalisation process that triggers a government response to allegations of physical abuse (sexual is different, ofc) Anyhow, all that's been said has been said, but this kind of thing will continue for as long as people continue to employ random people blindly to look after what's most precious to them. It's not about banning an individual, but about stopping a practise.
This is a place where you can get thrown in jail for bouncing cheques, yet you don't think wht this maid did warants police intervention? I think what this maid did to the poor baby & his family was terrible and yes, maybe she doesn't deserve prison etc, but if she's not going to get banned then the police should be informed so perhaps they can do something (like banning her). Otherwise, she'll just come back and do it again to another poor family and that makes me furious!
Sorry that you had to go through this N00by. I hope you'll post again once you've got rid and let us know how she took the good news...
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spongemonkey
Posts 20942
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10/11/2010 20:30:25
Hello.Kitty wrote:
She's neglected a baby - which is horrendous, and I'm aghast and what the OP found out, don't get me wrong - but how can you measure what the correct amount/ type of interaction is? She didn't lock the baby in a room while she went out shopping... The same with the sporadic feeding - she could argue that she hadn't seen the time - show me a mum who hasn't done that before? Threatening and hitting the baby is horrendous, morally, but, again, she didn't inflict lasting damage or injuries that warranted hospital treatment... and in the UK at least, it's only the hospitalisation process that triggers a government response to allegations of physical abuse (sexual is different, ofc)
.
Dear oh dear oh dear.............
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Livelytrish
Posts 6436
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10/11/2010 20:14:11
I agree with Hello.Kitty, I can't see the police taking this seriously.
Sad, but I suspect, true.
Get rid if the maid and reassess the childcare arrangements - she was a cleaner, oops sorry, a maid, not a Norland nanny.
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Hello.Kitty
Posts 2013
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10/11/2010 20:06:52
MissContenious wrote:
Good point No visa no ban, bad bad news, police case?
I'm sorry to play Dev*l's Advocate here, but what criminal act has she committed to justify police intervention?
She's neglected a baby - which is horrendous, and I'm aghast and what the OP found out, don't get me wrong - but how can you measure what the correct amount/ type of interaction is? She didn't lock the baby in a room while she went out shopping... The same with the sporadic feeding - she could argue that she hadn't seen the time - show me a mum who hasn't done that before? Threatening and hitting the baby is horrendous, morally, but, again, she didn't inflict lasting damage or injuries that warranted hospital treatment... and in the UK at least, it's only the hospitalisation process that triggers a government response to allegations of physical abuse (sexual is different, ofc)
Anyhow, all that's been said has been said, but this kind of thing will continue for as long as people continue to employ random people blindly to look after what's most precious to them.
It's not about banning an individual, but about stopping a practise.
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MissContenious
Posts 908
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10/11/2010 19:55:10
gerrys wrote:
why have you not called the police?
what about her medical? did you do it? IF not then why was she in your house looking after your baby? If so, who will re-imburse you the money?
You need a wake up call noooby....really. Your baby was a preemie, and there were lots of warning signs. Now the evidence is there and she is still allowed to sleep in your home. You could have had her locked up. So no visa means no ban. Bravo. WHo will be next to get this maid?
Good point No visa no ban, bad bad news, police case?
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amy
Posts 268
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10/11/2010 18:50:37
I met and married my husband in the Middle East so when I fell pregnant (it wasn't planned) we were both relatively young, on overseas contracts and had no family support so there was not an option for me to give up work. We were very lucky that our first maid was with us for 13 years but we have heard so many horror stories throughout our many years here and the other maids we have had since then have been absoute duffers. Everyone's situation is different so Nooby I commend you for having the foresight to buy the camera and sincerely hope that it all works out for you in the future
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Livelytrish
Posts 6436
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10/11/2010 18:42:03
I wonder if couples moving to Dubai on the basis that both need to work to survive have really factored in the difficulities of finding proper childcare.
Please believe me, not meaning to kick the OP when she is down, but leaving a preemie months old baby with a stranger is pretty hard to comprehend even in the direst of financial situations, and if those were the circumstances, what was the point in coming to Dubai.
I honestly think that too many people just don't do their research, or their sums, or even their family planning.
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Luddite
Posts 406
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10/11/2010 18:37:16
This has put me off having a live in maid....
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SueB
Posts 10931
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10/11/2010 18:28:46
I am assuming here Nooby that you are at home and not going to work as well, right? I am sure if your company knew what was going on you would get unpaid leave. Ask.
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amy
Posts 268
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10/11/2010 18:28:15
Nooby I so rarely post on threads like this but what you have been through is truly awful (especially after reading the link brought up earlier re feeds etc.) I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your family- what you have found out is truly horrible. It is difficult enough being a working Mum and to find out that someone you have entrusted with caring for someone so precious is abusing their responsibilities is heartbreaking. I hope it is all resolved quickly x
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gerrys
Posts 2549
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10/11/2010 18:21:14
why have you not called the police?
what about her medical? did you do it? IF not then why was she in your house looking after your baby? If so, who will re-imburse you the money?
You need a wake up call noooby....really. Your baby was a preemie, and there were lots of warning signs. Now the evidence is there and she is still allowed to sleep in your home. You could have had her locked up. So no visa means no ban. Bravo. WHo will be next to get this maid?
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SueB
Posts 10931
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10/11/2010 18:11:18
drop kick all the way to the airport. Send her out on an errand that would take an hour or so, pack her bags then lock her door. When she comes home take to into the livingroom and make sure your husband is there along with another witness or 2...police would be nice.hhhmmmmm show her the video, take her to her room, take her phone. Lock the door until time to take her to the airport, (of course, drop kicking her the whole way there!!!!) Honestly, this woman deserves to be treated like a dog considering what she has done to your child, it is very good you have proof!!!!
and nobody better come back at me and say she is after all human and who knows what her life was like!!!!! poor maid....better not.
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captainjacky
Posts 2864
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10/11/2010 18:09:05
Followed your thread and feel totally angry on your behalf...But how you can still have her in the house without doing an action replay of what she did to your child is beyond me. Maternal instinct would have kicked in and would have dragged her out of her bed by her hair seconds after watching the video... But hey, you seem chuffed not to have lost money.??! Sorry if this sounds wrong but just could not have her anywhere near the house and she would have been sleeping in the gutter within 10 mins of me watching the film.....
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seraphnina
Posts 8973
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10/11/2010 17:57:53
OMG! what a stroke of luck 
I would so given her a big punch.
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N00by1
Posts 19
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10/11/2010 17:26:07
Great news! the maids visa hasn't been processed yet, paperwork was never handed in, so today or tomorrow we'll get her passport back and lose no money yay! then we're praying tomorrow night we can ship her off.
i'm sorry if this is vindictive but i'm salivating at the thought of showing that tape to her and seeing her reaction. after all the lying to our faces while we've been nothing but nice and helpful towards her, i want her to feel the shittest she'll ever feel! i'll pack her bags myself to make sure there's nothing of ours in there, or i'll watch her.
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N00by1
Posts 19
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10/11/2010 17:16:51
SueB wrote: How to know if your maid is good with the kids? Do their faces smile when they see her? are they nice to her and happy to be left with her. Do babies cry when you get home and cry when you leave them with the maid? Have your childs/childrens attitude/actions/reactions changed since your maid moved in? I am sure there are lots more red flags. For me, it would be if my child screamed/cryed when left with the maid. It is normal in the beginning but if they flinch, cry show fear I would sure be double taking the maid. Even babies can tell you. In this case the baby told the OP, she got a camera installed because she knew something was wrong, and it was, unfortunately  .... And to add. I would punch her in the face, stomach, and throw a few kicks in for good measure. Oh, any maybe pull her hair while having her in a neck hold...I think that might be it before someone dragged me off her.
LOL!
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gerrys
Posts 2549
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10/11/2010 09:47:43
I read your other post when you were concerned about his feeds/sleep pattern, and I hope others will listen to the warning signs.
http://www.expatwoman.com/abudhabi/forum/messages.aspx?TopicID=126385
edited by gerrys on 10/11/2010
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happymommy
Posts 385
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10/11/2010 06:53:59
So sorry for the OP to hear about this story. I remember the older thread about the seeping issues you were having and that you said you were afraid your LO's issues were due to something the maid did wrong during the day. Good for you that you trusted your motherly instinct and discovered this so soon. Your gut feeling as a mother is your most important tool and always worth listening to!
Now hearing a story like this makes me really appreciate that I can be a SAHM and take care of DD myself. On the other hand I do have a couple of friends who have to work and who found fantastic maids to look after their kids. They feel that the kids love the maid and are happy to be left with them. In one case the maid even did most work in introducing solids to my friend son, because she could do it better than my friend due to more experience and being able to stay more calm. My friend could then focus on playing and cuddeling when she got home instead of fighting with the spoon.
So as SueB said: your child will tell you when something is wrong, even when they can't talk yet.
I hope that all will work out well for OP and her little one!
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GlitterPunk
Posts 306
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09/11/2010 22:50:31
I have no idea how I would control myself if anyone laid a mean finger on my child. I would go ape ****. I'm actually impressed with your restraint.
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