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NO SUCH THING AS A

Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:53:02
Free meal?!

I got an invite from a good friend to a party at their home and they asked for a monetary contribution towards the meal. It was not a limited guest list however is this acceptable? I feel a bit awkward thinking about it and then I think well maybe I'm just old fashioned in my thinking of hospitality?

I'd like to know your thoughts and if you think I'm being silly - please say so. I'd love to feel like it's me on my own little planet again
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:55:22
that's a bit strange tbh.

You could ask her if she'd like you to bring something instead... or politely decline.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:55:29
Whaaaaa? happened to my dh before he was so embarressed cos they asked him on leaving!!!
tight is what id say ...
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:56:38
No longer a good friend then?
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:59:22
She is a good friend and if she had to ask me what I thought about it - I would find it very difficult to say anything other than how awkward I find it to be. That is my opinion on this and I know we are all different.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:59:30
corkshelly wrote:
Whaaaaa? happened to my dh before he was so embarressed cos they asked him on leaving!!!
tight is what id say ...


yeah - you cut your coat according to your cloth and all that. If you can't afford to host the party that you'd like, then it's time to maybe think of alternatives!
edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 08/03/2011
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:59:41
LOL.... is she a member here?
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 22:59:48
Whaaaaa? That's a first for me!!! I would be busy that night. Nothing wrong with your thinking, it's their thinking that's a bit screwy.

Reminds me about two instances where my husband was "invited" to a gathering for birthdays. On one occasion he arrived late and had a cup of coffee and the next day he got a "bill" for his share, which was the full amount as the bill was divided equally. The second occasion he was invited by another colleague to come and stop by for a drink and some canapes for her birthday. He took a break from work to wish her happy birthday and had a coke. Again, the next day he got a "bill" for 125AED for his coke.

People have strange ways, that's for sure.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:00:53
burnsie000 wrote:
She is a good friend and if she had to ask me what I thought about it - I would find it very difficult to say anything other than how awkward I find it to be. That is my opinion on this and I know we are all different.


if she's a good friend, then tell her how you feel - because you won't be the only one and I'm sure she'll actually be happier knowing not to make that social faux pas.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:01:52
Frances wrote:
LOL.... is she a member here?


No, but she does know I post here - hopefully she won't see this
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:03:51
Crystil wrote:
Whaaaaa? That's a first for me!!! I would be busy that night. Nothing wrong with your thinking, it's their thinking that's a bit screwy.

Reminds me about two instances where my husband was "invited" to a gathering for birthdays. On one occasion he arrived late and had a cup of coffee and the next day he got a "bill" for his share, which was the full amount as the bill was divided equally. The second occasion he was invited by another colleague to come and stop by for a drink and some canapes for her birthday. He took a break from work to wish her happy birthday and had a coke. Again, the next day he got a "bill" for 125AED for his coke.

People have strange ways, that's for sure.


oh my word!
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:05:12
Hello.Again.Kitty wrote:
burnsie000 wrote:
She is a good friend and if she had to ask me what I thought about it - I would find it very difficult to say anything other than how awkward I find it to be. That is my opinion on this and I know we are all different.


if she's a good friend, then tell her how you feel - because you won't be the only one and I'm sure she'll actually be happier knowing not to make that social faux pas.


Yes if she had to ask me then I would as politely as I could - say something. But to just go right on out and tell her, especially if she doesn't ask - I'd hate to offend her.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:07:18
I think it's a big no no here. Every time I've had a party I've not asked for anything. Folks always turn up with a bottle or ask if they can bring a dish, but to me that is a bonus. I wouldn't throw a party or host a dinner unless I was prepared to pay for everything.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:09:49
Would u accept her invitation again though? Its very weird as the Party was at her home.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:12:34
All I can say is that it better be a blo0dy good party Burnsie.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:15:50
manufan wrote:
I think it's a big no no here. Every time I've had a party I've not asked for anything. Folks always turn up with a bottle or ask if they can bring a dish, but to me that is a bonus. I wouldn't throw a party or host a dinner unless I was prepared to pay for everything.


That's generally how it's done I would say.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:17:07
well, if she outrightly and openly ask for monetary contribution for this dinner party, i don't think she is the type that would feel 'awkward' or anything if you would say something. they don't usually mince on their words so go on and say something it is making you un-easy plus you say she a good friend....

but again, if you don't wish to rock the boat, then decline the party say you have prior arrangements.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:24:18
Never been asked to contribute, dont think its the norm. I couldnt ask friends to give me money.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:26:15
My neighbour invited my family and I for dinner and asked me if I would make the salad and a small starter, she was new to our floor we really liked her and I could see a long term relationship in the making BUT I needed to set some ground rules, I told her I appreciated her invite but my idea of being invited for dinner did not entail cooking, a housewarming, welcome to the neighbourhood gift yes but no cooking, she was fine with it and dinner went as planned, two and a half years on all is well with us.
Be honest tell her you found it a little odd that she asked you to make a contribution she should have at least had the decency to ask you beforehand.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:30:16
I remember back home being invited to a BBQ where everybody was asked to bring food. OK.......?!

But when the meat was ready, the hostess with mostess was "having a discussion" with other guests about the fact that they had tried to nick her steak!!!!

Last time I went there. So embarrassing!
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:41:14
On the invite it says ''We will have a buffet and soft drinks will be provided, when you are here a contribution towards this will be appreciated!''

To clarify - this is a future event.... this info is on the event page, ie invite

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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:49:35
burnsie000 wrote:
On the invite it says ''We will have a buffet and soft drinks will be provided, when you are here a contribution towards this will be appreciated!''

To clarify - this is a future event.... this info is on the event page, ie invite



I doubt she's going to get many people to attend ""her dinner party". Soft drinks will be provided. LOL I guess soft drinks means BYOB. So she wants a contribution and you will have to bring your own bottle. Nice.

Just a question: is she in a financial position where she really can't afford to host and pay for a get together?
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:55:23
I think like most people they are feeling a financial pinch.
---
More than 100 people have been invited to this event.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:56:12
What is the reason for the party?
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:56:51
I have been invited to a party where we have all made a dish, bring your own booze, nothing wrong with this, as it makes a day different.
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:58:09
It is a house warming.

Please don't get me wrong - I have no problem making a salad and or taking my drinks....

I just find this whole money contribution awkward!
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:58:50
salsB, I agree, but asking for money is strange I would say
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:59:38
burnsie000 wrote:
It is a house warming.

Please don't get me wrong - I have no problem making a salad and or taking my drinks....

I just find this whole money contribution awkward!


I agree, back home sometimes we have had a kitty going whilst in the pub, great idea for the people that pretend to go the loo when its their shout!!!!!
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Latest post at 08/03/2011 23:59:40
salsB wrote:
I have been invited to a party where we have all made a dish, bring your own booze, nothing wrong with this, as it makes a day different.


I agree and do this with my good friends too. It allows for get togethers more often as most can stretch to 100aed every couple of weeks but 500aed at once may be too much.
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Latest post at 09/03/2011 00:02:17
First time ever I hear such a thing!

If you can't afford your parties / dinners, why would you invite ppl then? It does not make sense to me. It's a different scenario when you make arrangements with friends to go somewhere outside and then you share the bill or for a picnic and then everybody brings a different item.
Back home, birthday dinners in restaurants are always shared and sometimes the one celebrating his/her birthday doesn't even pay but might bring a cake or some special drink or something. When at home nobody is ever asked for any contribution (in any country I've lived actually).

Crystil: the same was about to happen back home to a friend of ours when the moment to share the bill came. However, a few of us made a point that it would not be fair for her to pay the same for only the dessert and a drink. So, we asked her to share with much less than the rest of us. But I guess many ppl try to take advantage or don't give a thought in these situations.
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