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How to be more positive, optimistic person?

623
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Latest post on 2011/12/08 at 21:27:12
Any tips? I find myself getting more and more depressed these days...How do you handle those days when everything seems dull, boring etc...Off course hating the place I live in at the moment is probably the reason I feel this way...I have another 7 months to go until we move back to a "happier place"and hope I can make it!
Please share your tips!
623
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Latest post on 2011/12/08 at 21:41:56
What makes me happy? Spending time with my friends and family! That's why I feel so down being away from them...I tried meeting people here and let's just say it's not working out!
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Latest post on 2011/12/08 at 21:51:54
valium


seriously lol, can be a bummer if you're not happy where you live and it seems everything else isn't how you would like either.. 7 months isn't long and it's the nicest time of the year to make the most of the place..how about making a point of finding new places to visit so that you won't have missed anything during your time here..planning for your move home will keep you busy...
623
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Latest post on 2011/12/08 at 22:37:45
Let me clarify that I am not in Dubai, I'm in the UK!!! Was in dubai for 11 years until last sept! Here in the UK until July next year...
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Latest post on 2011/12/08 at 22:39:46
Frenchy - They are not here - you HAVE to get out and do something within your comfort zone _ do you like to shop ? bargain Hunt ? What do you like to do ? eat , drink - wine and cheese evenings, BONCO ??

Whats making you down about where you live apart from friends and family not being here - because pretty much if your not married or have kids we are all in the same position

Dubai is not the greatest place on this earth but its the best place I have ever lived - Its got its faults where hasnt ? its seriously not boring this time of year is the best time to be out and about

do you celebrate Christmas ? if so are you preparing for anything special ?

There are parks and Historical monuments to see - build a sandman ?

golf ?? its the race to Dubai this weekend .. a chance to get out in the fresh air- Its free ! to get in anyway - we'll be stung on the hops and grape front but rollocks ! - walk around a golf course, get a tan, sip bubbly - take a picnic and watch some serious eye candy ....

This is not really about where you live its about finding yourself again in a different enviroment - and adjusting - there are meetings - coffee mornings - shopping days and friends like us who are looking for friends like you

we are out here and some of us are pretty nice people - stay strong - get some nuts and seriously go to the golf this weekend ! you'll have a blast !

Oh well blast ! there goes my talking to ! .. Uk eh ! Oh well ! your knackered ! kidding ! whereabouts are you ? HUGS x
edited by bbcb on 08/12/2011
7172
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 00:32:02
well that kind of puts a different slant on it !! just got off the phone with my parents and my mum held the phone out the back door so i could hear the gale and torrential rain lol...much as i love the UK i have to say it's probably a lot harder being miserable there.. sorry.
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 01:15:19
I was going to say surround yourself with positive people in Dubai but I now remember that you are here in the UK (so am I!!!). Sounds to me like you need a big pampering. Book yourself into a local spa and treat yourself. Get your hair done, nails done and feel a million dollars. That will put a smile on your face and make you feel more confident. You might meet a potential best mate at the spa or the hairdressers.

I've been stuck a bit at home as I had to have an operation pretty much as soon as I returned to the UK and the recovery was much much longer than I had expected so it's only now that I am getting out and about and meeting new people. I am lucky because we returned to where we lived a while ago so I have my best friend from college days up the road and another great mate in London who has come down every week since my operation to help me out but now I feel better I've booked in for the hair to be done and am feeling good and positive and excited about meeting new people.

I have a really good friend in Dubai who is leaving to return to the UK at the end of this month and she's going to be close by to you (I seem to remember that you were close to Birmingham) let's all meet up in the new year and we can laugh about our lives post Dubai.

I have been pleasantly surprised at coming back - I still sit in my car at the petrol stations expecting some little man to appear to fill my car and I still hope that when I open a wardrobe door my lovely housemaid will magically appear but other than that I'm settling back pretty well - just taken longer because I was out of action but I've got my mojo back and am determined to meet some new fascinating people.
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 01:42:16
"I still hope that when I open a wardrobe door my lovely housemaid will magically appear "

Claire I know maid's rooms are generally not big, but you are really not supposed to keep your housemaid in the wardrobe.

Frenchy, feel for you; I used to find UK winters very difficult just because of the lack of daylight. It may not be the same for everyone but it had a big effect on my mood.

Pampering yourself sounds good, whether spa-type pampering or just trying to take time for you, to do things that make you feel good, knowing that it is for a limited time, you aren't trying to adopt a decadent lifestyle for ever, just doing what you need to do to get through.

It is harder to meet people in the UK than in an expat society like Dubai, and although it isn't impossible, knowing you are here for such a short time can't help. Can you do anything like volunteering - it is a good way to meet people and it gives you a focus while you are with them, which takes away from the whole 'do I like this person' pressure?
15278
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 03:49:46
sandfly wrote:
"I still hope that when I open a wardrobe door my lovely housemaid will magically appear "

Claire I know maid's rooms are generally not big, but you are really not supposed to keep your housemaid in the wardrobe.



Cool
623
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 10:59:25
Yes Sue 62 you are rigth the weather is NOT helping at all...and by the time I get back from the school run at 4pm it's dark outside!
Oh I miss Dubai, the sun, the palm trees, my friends...on a brighter note I will be in Dubai soon for xmas so looking forward to that! But I need to find ways to cope for the reminder of my time here until the summer, i guess it will be easier once the days are longer.
618
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 13:34:46
I’m not surprised you’re miserable in England. No sun, dark for months on end, miserable people and nothing to do. I think you need to move back here.
7172
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 13:42:03
twilight wrote:
I’m not surprised you’re miserable in England. No sun, dark for months on end, miserable people and nothing to do. I think you need to move back here.


well, that's helpful !!!

if it's any consolation Frenchy, a friend put a video on his FB of his xmas tree and decorations and it made me feel quite homesick for the cosiness of winter evenings tucked up indoors all warm and snug while the wind blows a hoolie outside....something we never get here...put a christmas cd on, get the children making paper chains and christmassy things - www.pinterest.com (see other thread), bake rubbish snowmen biscuits (well, mine usually are lol) etc...then pack em off to bed, pour a large one and sit on your lappy chatting to friends and playing stupid games on FB... time will fly by... Big Grin
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 13:53:40
twilight wrote:
I’m not surprised you’re miserable in England. No sun, dark for months on end, miserable people and nothing to do. I think you need to move back here.


Not in England as I live in Scotland and yes, it's winter which is dark and cold but I am far from miserable. Nothing to do? Not in my neck of the woods. Am never in when am not at work, jump in the car to see family and friends or simply pop up the hill to see my sister or best friend. Got far more to do now that I'm home than when I was in dusty, dreary Doha trying to stay cool in searing heat. Looking forward to my first proper Christmas in 2 years and can't wait
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 14:32:11
frenchy, whereabouts are you in the UK? Maybe if you mention the area someone on here maybe from there are can tell you a hidden gem or favourite for you to go to that might cheer you up a little. I agree with Sue, make the most of the cold weather, stay inside, put the Christmas music on, put loads of decorations up and make silly things with the kids. Wrap up warm and go to a Christmas market and sample the Gluwhein / mulled wine and other Christmas goodies. Where are you going to when you move? Start making a list of all the things you can buy in the UK that you won't get there and make the most of the sales that are on and go and buy them... Failing that, eat lots of mince pies and drink larges glasses of warming mulled wine and things will soon seem cheerier!
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 14:42:08
twilight wrote:
I’m not surprised you’re miserable in England. No sun, dark for months on end, miserable people and nothing to do. I think you need to move back here.


Oooooh that's really going to help Frenchy!!!! Not sure where you go in the UK but we've got blue skies and sunshine again today (have only had 4 really bad days since we got back here in July) I've not yet met a miserable person and there's soooooo much to do here. We spend more time outside here than we did in Dubai. We've got lovely forests close by, golf courses, loads of outdoor play areas. the kids are on their bikes far more than they were in Dubai - honestly - being back is nothing like your description!

Frenchy - have you not met any of the mums from school? How about grabbing the bull by the horns and inviting some of them over for coffee and mince pies before school breaks up. One of them might just turn out to be a best best friend. Or organise a night out with the class mums. It's hard to make new friends but so worthwhile when you do.

good luck!
3120
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 18:57:43
Clairehdp wrote:
twilight wrote:
I’m not surprised you’re miserable in England. No sun, dark for months on end, miserable people and nothing to do. I think you need to move back here.


Oooooh that's really going to help Frenchy!!!! Not sure where you go in the UK but we've got blue skies and sunshine again today (have only had 4 really bad days since we got back here in July) I've not yet met a miserable person and there's soooooo much to do here. We spend more time outside here than we did in Dubai. We've got lovely forests close by, golf courses, loads of outdoor play areas. the kids are on their bikes far more than they were in Dubai - honestly - being back is nothing like your description!

Frenchy - have you not met any of the mums from school? How about grabbing the bull by the horns and inviting some of them over for coffee and mince pies before school breaks up. One of them might just turn out to be a best best friend. Or organise a night out with the class mums. It's hard to make new friends but so worthwhile when you do.

good luck!


Well said x
83
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 19:08:39
Maybe try to exercise, that always makes me feel better.
618
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Latest post on 2011/12/09 at 19:21:48
Ha I was trying out some reverse psychology. I adore England, Ireland Scotland and Wales so many beautiful places to visit and so much to do. I remember your previous posts Frenchy, have a look at the links.

http://www.birmingham.gov.uk/thingstodo

http://www.cadburyworld.co.uk/CadburyWorld/Pages/CadburyWorld.aspx

http://www.english-heritage.org.uk/daysout/westmidlands/?gclid=CIGA8d2j9awCFUhrfAod_iuQTA


It sounds to me like you’re in limbo, you know you are only there for a short time so you probably feel like it’s not worth making any real roots there, also after living in the UAE for 11 years it will take a long time to adjust to any country.

Spend more time around people. If you want to make friends, you first need to put yourself out there somehow in order to meet people. Friends seldom come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing computer games (Sue62 LOL)

Join an organization or club with people who have common interests. You don't necessarily need to have a lot of common interests with people in order to make friends with them. In fact, some of the most rewarding friendships are between two people who don't have much in common at all, but if you like a specific topic, try searching for just a location. It's a great way to meet new local people

Talk to people You can join a club, go to school, or go to church but you still won't make friends if you don't actually talk to people. By the same token, you don't have to be involved with an organization to be social, and any time you talk to someone, you have a chance at making a lasting friend. Don't be too picky. Most conversations will be a dead-end of sorts, when you may never talk to that person again, or you just remain acquaintances--but once in a while you'll actually make a friend.

Good Luck.
623
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Latest post on 2011/12/10 at 00:36:48
Thank you ladies! I wish those mums at school were as nice as you!!! It has been a struggle to fit in, the mums have not been welcoming at all...I guess they are not used to see so many foreigners in this small town! But come on I'm from France not from Mars! Anyway, I'm done trying with these women...their loss really if they are so narrow minded then I will have nothing in common with them anyway...
We are trying to enjoy England as much as we can!
The lifestyle here is very different than life in Dubai and I guess it will take time to adjust...
Good night ladies...
623
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Latest post on 2011/12/10 at 00:41:23
GoodMorning, I'm taking the kids to the farm on sunday. I'll think of you when we feed the animals.
See that's one thing I love about this place
I should make a list of all the things I love about this place and put it on my fridge!

1- taking the kids to the farm
2- taking the kids horseriding every sunday morning
3- nice shop with clothes that fit real woman's figure!
4- nice pub around the corner
etc.....
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Latest post on 2011/12/10 at 06:14:05
frenchy wrote:
Thank you ladies! I wish those mums at school were as nice as you!!! It has been a struggle to fit in, the mums have not been welcoming at all...I guess they are not used to see so many foreigners in this small town! But come on I'm from France not from Mars! Anyway, I'm done trying with these women...their loss really if they are so narrow minded then I will have nothing in common with them anyway...
We are trying to enjoy England as much as we can!
The lifestyle here is very different than life in Dubai and I guess it will take time to adjust...
Good night ladies...

Hi frenchy. I had a similar experience when I first came home to Australia...and I'm Australian!! I have found that the only 'new' friends I've made are also people who have either lived abroad or travelled extensively...and those girls tell me they also had the same trouble making friends.

I don't think I'm any different after travelling, but I'm definitely more broad-minded and accepting of differences than a lot of the locals here. I just can't be assed now with their cliquey, narrow-mindedness. I'm also in a relatively small community so while I'm not a foreigner here, I am and outsider and I think understand a little of what you're experiencing. There are literally only three school mums who are lifetime locals and (after a full year standing outside the same classroom) ever speak to me in a friendly manner. We get on 'well' outside the classroom, but there has never been any suggestion of spending time together away from school.

I hope you do find lots of fun, new things to do together for the time you have left. I'd LOVE to live in the UK for a while so please share your positive, fun experiences and I'll live vicariously through you! Big Grin
9418
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Latest post on 2011/12/10 at 07:09:06
Oh...and I meant to add what I do to make myself feel happier.

I find time, even just five minutes a day, to be by myself...REALLY by myself and in the moment. I might make a cup of tea, sit somewhere quiet and peaceful and be IN the moment. Taste the tea, smell the tea, feel the cup in my hands, feel my feet on the floor...then use all senses to 'see' everything around me...listen to every sound around me (birds, wind in the trees, someone's mower in the distance etc), see the leaves swaying etc etc. It all sounds very hippified, but that moment every day calms and relaxes me and helps me to face the challenges brought my way.

If I'm feeling really down, I make sure I wear my most favourite clothes, no matter what I'm doing. Hanging around in pj's all day does not lift one's mood. Unless one (lol) is sitting in front of a fire with a cup of hot chocolate and watching the rain outside. Big Grin

If there's anything you really love doing (reading, gardening, sewing, knitting, base jumping ) try to do it for even a short time, every single day. I love gardening, so even when I haven't had my own garden, I have some pots with flowers and herbs to tend every day.

I like to plan ahead when I know I need something to look forward to. Perhaps take some of the suggestions below and do a bit of your own tourist research then plan a calendar for the next seven months. Don't look at it as a "count down until you get the heck out of there", look at it as a list of things you can't wait to do and only have a limited time to pack them all in. Which villages do you want to see? What local food specialities must you try? Which parks do you want to walk through? Which country lanes would you love to picnic beside? Your UK 'Bucket List'. Big Grin

Have one precious item that ALWAYS makes you smile. A favourite, beautiful tea cup; an item of jewellery; favourite happy photos; a gorgeous scarf; a pretty cushion. Have it where you can see it, or where you can grab it when you need a boost. Nothing too nostalgic!! That can backfire and make you weepy.

Once you get yourself in the right frame of mind, it becomes easier to think of little things that bring a smile to your face.
15278
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Latest post on 2011/12/11 at 12:48:54
Green-ish wrote:
Oh...and I meant to add what I do to make myself feel happier.

I find time, even just five minutes a day, to be by myself...REALLY by myself and in the moment. I might make a cup of tea, sit somewhere quiet and peaceful and be IN the moment. Taste the tea, smell the tea, feel the cup in my hands, feel my feet on the floor...then use all senses to 'see' everything around me...listen to every sound around me (birds, wind in the trees, someone's mower in the distance etc), see the leaves swaying etc etc. It all sounds very hippified, but that moment every day calms and relaxes me and helps me to face the challenges brought my way.

If I'm feeling really down, I make sure I wear my most favourite clothes, no matter what I'm doing. Hanging around in pj's all day does not lift one's mood. Unless one (lol) is sitting in front of a fire with a cup of hot chocolate and watching the rain outside. Big Grin

If there's anything you really love doing (reading, gardening, sewing, knitting, base jumping ) try to do it for even a short time, every single day. I love gardening, so even when I haven't had my own garden, I have some pots with flowers and herbs to tend every day.

I like to plan ahead when I know I need something to look forward to. Perhaps take some of the suggestions below and do a bit of your own tourist research then plan a calendar for the next seven months. Don't look at it as a "count down until you get the heck out of there", look at it as a list of things you can't wait to do and only have a limited time to pack them all in. Which villages do you want to see? What local food specialities must you try? Which parks do you want to walk through? Which country lanes would you love to picnic beside? Your UK 'Bucket List'. Big Grin

Have one precious item that ALWAYS makes you smile. A favourite, beautiful tea cup; an item of jewellery; favourite happy photos; a gorgeous scarf; a pretty cushion. Have it where you can see it, or where you can grab it when you need a boost. Nothing too nostalgic!! That can backfire and make you weepy.

Once you get yourself in the right frame of mind, it becomes easier to think of little things that bring a smile to your face.


I love that greenish
15278
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Latest post on 2011/12/11 at 12:52:16
Frenchy go onto the national trust website they have beautiful country houses and gardens to visit and often have great Christmas things to do. It's so lovely to be able to visit such beautiful historic places.
edited by Clairehdp on 11/12/2011
1145
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Latest post on 2011/12/11 at 12:53:59
Love it too... just made me smile and I was looking for that today.. thanks Green-ish
edited by roysie on 11/12/2011
3120
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Latest post on 2011/12/11 at 14:10:47
It is very true that there can be a small town/village mentality in the UK which even to this day is sometimes suspicious of "incomers" but not everywhere! When we returned home to Scotland in January of this year, one of the first things I did was to join a choir. I'd been in a youth choir years ago. We had our concert last night in a local church where the new minister is Korean! He is a popular and greatly respected part of the community. Our audience last night comprised of locals and people of other nationalities who live in the community without any issues. My own little town has people of all nationalities too as we are close to a university (Stirling) and they get involved with local groups and clubs. Why not bite the bullet and ask these mums about what makes the community tick? I'm sure you will fit in soon once you find your niche
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Latest post on 2011/12/12 at 15:14:30
Thanks Claire and roysie...you've just made me smile too.

I've had a horrendously crappy day and thought I needed to re-read my own post to get myself back into a positive frame of mind. Big Grin

Right...pot of tea it is then!

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