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Urgent Advice - Husband is divorcing me

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128

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 13:45

Thank you all for all your advice and kind words..... I will not add any further comments on here for obvious reasons... however, I will post at a later date, to tell you the outcome. It is so awful for me right now, I cannot express how I am feeling right now, so close to Christmas, I've just had to take all my decorations down, not by me but a very good friend. It's just heartbreaking... Thank you all again, I wish you all a very Happy Christmas and wish you all a very happy, safe life to you all... Nippy <em>edited by nippy35 on 17/12/2012</em>

CallMeMaybe69991

415

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 13:22

http://www.thenational.ae/thenationalconversation/industry-insights/the-life/expat-divorce-a-tricky-affair

422

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:39

Nippy as I said earlier in the thread [b'>I'm pretty sure the reason he wants you in court on Thursday is because once the case is lodged here and both parties agree it is then impossible to file in the UK. [/b'>This is what I would find out as a matter of urgency. If this is the case you need to get out and back to the UK and file immediately. I second that thought.

337

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:12

This is so awful, I'm so sorry you are going through this so close to Christmas. Do you have family you can stay with in the UK?

296

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:12

Nippy as I said earlier in the thread I'm pretty sure the reason he wants you in court on Thursday is because once the case is lodged here and both parties agree it is then impossible to file in the UK. This is what I would find out as a matter of urgency. If this is the case you need to get out and back to the UK and file immediately.

Dubai_City_Chick

336

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:11

Thanks all, I am not an active user of Expat woman, normally a reader not a poster, I have been here 3 1/2 years, so my count log speaks and mainly of my post were in the early days.... I am 99% sure my husband will not be looking on here, he doesn't know how it all works etc.... I have spoken with DECAS and they have advised me not to go to the court and go back to the UK and deal with it from there. I am just checking to see if there is a block on our passports at the moment, but endless calls at the moment, I'm not getting anywhere!!! Thank you all for everything and all your kind support, it is helping me... Nippy xx Good luck Nippy. Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

1848

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:09

Thanks all, I am not an active user of Expat woman, normally a reader not a poster, I have been here 3 1/2 years, so my count log speaks and mainly of my post were in the early days.... I am 99% sure my husband will not be looking on here, he doesn't know how it all works etc.... I have spoken with DECAS and they have advised me not to go to the court and go back to the UK and deal with it from there. I am just checking to see if there is a block on our passports at the moment, but endless calls at the moment, I'm not getting anywhere!!! Thank you all for everything and all your kind support, it is helping me... Nippy xx Good they thought its best to fight it out in the UK and not stay here. Makes sense. Im sure whatever you cant sell now perhaps you have friends who can help you sell stuff and forward the money to your UK account. Every cent counts from now on. Did you pay deposit for school fees? Maybe they will refund you that considering the circumstances...

2738

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:03

Nippy i just wanted to say this is one of the most awful stories that could happen to any one and i wish you all the best in staying strong and clearing your life of this low life who deems to call himself a man. How anyone could do this to the mother of his children is beyond me. Stay strong.

128

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 12:00

Thanks all, I am not an active user of Expat woman, normally a reader not a poster, I have been here 3 1/2 years, so my count log speaks and mainly of my post were in the early days.... I am 99% sure my husband will not be looking on here, he doesn't know how it all works etc.... I have spoken with DECAS and they have advised me not to go to the court and go back to the UK and deal with it from there. I am just checking to see if there is a block on our passports at the moment, but endless calls at the moment, I'm not getting anywhere!!! Thank you all for everything and all your kind support, it is helping me... Nippy xx

2287

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:54

Nippy, don't do anything without speaking to a lawyer. You must have spoken to one by niw, as many other posters have advused you to as well?! He/she will advise you to stay or leave, what to do about court on Thursday, how to manage finances, kids schools etc. Everyone on this board means really well, but unless they are lawyers nobody really knows what the consequences to what actions will be. There are a lot of things I would want to say as advice, but it would be gut feeling and of no help to you at all. Please do go speak to a lawyer ASAP.

Dubai_City_Chick

336

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:46

I'm thinking we need a special access-controlled board on here for women who need advice and support when their lives have been turned upside down. It's happened more than once and husbands do generally know the wife uses EW and can easily get the heads up on what she is being advised. I would like the board to be open to anyone to raise a new thread (so lurkers can post if they are in trouble) but only people who have been members for say 4 months with over 40 posts are allowed to read the threads and contribute. What a great idea.

1120

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:46

I'm thinking we need a special access-controlled board on here for women who need advice and support when their lives have been turned upside down. It's happened more than once and husbands do generally know the wife uses EW and can easily get the heads up on what she is being advised. I would like the board to be open to anyone to raise a new thread (so lurkers can post if they are in trouble) but only people who have been members for say 4 months with over 40 posts are allowed to read the threads and contribute. How does that solve anything? EW is not therapists, counseling center, or anything of the sort. People come on to this (public) forum at their own risk. Everyone is responsible for what they post and absolutely anyone, including husbands, can create a username.

1811

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:27

Sorry to Hijack but your always very kind A Rancher.. bless you Thanks Mushypeas, lots of ladies on here are kind. I hope if I was ever in a situation like that someone would help me.

2192

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:21

Nippy, please whatever you do, don't sign anything here before talking to a lawyer. Dont even go to the court without seeing a lawyer. If you are going to the UK on Thursday, just go and let him chase you up from there. The idea that he wants everything sorted asap because the girlfriend is pregnant sounds very likely. I live in the Ranches and if you want a should to cry on I'm here. My husband is Arabic and not travelling at the moment and can make calls for you to help you see what's going on. Sorry to Hijack but your always very kind A Rancher.. bless you

1811

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:18

Nippy, please whatever you do, don't sign anything here before talking to a lawyer. Dont even go to the court without seeing a lawyer. If you are going to the UK on Thursday, just go and let him chase you up from there. The idea that he wants everything sorted asap because the girlfriend is pregnant sounds very likely. I live in the Ranches and if you want a should to cry on I'm here. My husband is Arabic and not travelling at the moment and can make calls for you to help you see what's going on.

317

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:11

Nippy - if you haven't already, SEE A LAWYER. You've been completely blindsided, this is happening so quickly and you're incredibly hurt - I get that. But you have to be smart and protect yourself and your children - you had no control over your husband's actions but you DO have control over what happens next. Get some legal advice, find out where you stand and then proceed from there.

297

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 11:05

Agree entirely, leave as quickly as you can, and seek advice in the UK. IF in time he still wants to pursue through the Courts here, and it transpires this is in your interests, you can always fly back alone, at his expense.

56

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 10:58

Do not go to court if you have not been summoned - the court will not make an order if both parties are not represented. You cannot just sit in the court and see what happens ... . Ignore the advice on here that tells you to stay here and stay strong. I assume you have no source of income and rely on his money. Get as much of it as you can and leave. Get the school records sent once you are back in the UK - but of course these will not be released if the fees are not paid. Enrol your kids in school back in the UK and file for divorce. He also knows you post on this site, as you have probably talked about the site with him. Take down this post and borrow money if you need to - so you can speak to a lawyer. <em>edited by aevans_indubai on 17/12/2012</em>

HereComesTheSun

544

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 10:46

He is so worried I skip the country too, and that I go back to the UK and scr*w him from there, sorry for the swear word! but it his words... If that's what he's most worried about, then that's what you should do. Don't give in to his demands as you don't owe him any favours after the way he has behaved. I wouldn't agree to ANYTHING at such an early stage, but you really must speak to a lawyer. There's obviously a reason he wants this sorted so quickly and to have you out of the way. Don't give him what he wants, unless you are 100% certain that it is what's best for you and your children. This really isn't a time to be rushing through life-changing decisions.

485

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 10:35

He is so worried I skip the country too, and that I go back to the UK and scr*w him from there, Well if you did, quite frankly it sounds like he deserves it. Not wanting to upset you, but my first thought was like that of others - he's been playing away and may have a pregnancy issue! The only piece of advice that I feel qualified to give is speak to a lawyer ASAP. That way you will have definitive answers with regards to procedures out here and your options. If that does not fit in with his time line well tough. A divorce request with one weeks notice was probably not what you wanted either! Be strong, rule with your head and give yourself time to think what you want and what is best for you and your children. I suspect regardless of settlement you won't see a penny like the other 'family'. If it were me, I would not be waiting for him to call the shots. It sounds like he is desperate for which threre must be a reason......that plays into your hands.

308

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 10:25

Thank you all.... I really don't want to go to the court, because at the end of the day, I haven't agreed to a divorce, it was only last Wednesday that he told me he was leaving a starting divorce proceedings. I didn't know that this Thursday was going to be the day to hand me my divorce papers and thats the end of my marriage, in just one week. He is so worried I skip the country too, and that I go back to the UK and scr*w him from there, sorry for the swear word! but it his words... How can I be going to court, when not one piece of paper has been sent to me, he has told me the date and time. I asked for the file case number on Thursday and he said, he doesn't have one.... I'm really scared, I am waiting to phone people but each hour is lost, sitting and waiting... But I would all like to thank you so much for all your support, it means so much, I feel pretty lonely, my family are so worried for me, being out here on my own with two children. thank you all so much, even some who are just sending hugs, everyone of them are a huge help... Thank you......xx Nippy Thursday will be an initial hearing only, you can contest this. i would go to the hearing and listen to what is said, do not agree to anything unless it is financially viable for you and your children, if I were in your shoes I would stay here, make him pay for a house, the school fees, and a monthly allowance but that it me :) You have to decide what you want and what is best for you and your children. Again if you want some more help I am happy to assist you xx

308

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 10:23

Can he summon her to court on Thursday for divorce ? Say like the day before or does that take months as well? he has obviously filed the divorce in the court and has been given the day of thursday for the initial hearing.

128

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 09:52

Thank you all.... I really don't want to go to the court, because at the end of the day, I haven't agreed to a divorce, it was only last Wednesday that he told me he was leaving a starting divorce proceedings. I didn't know that this Thursday was going to be the day to hand me my divorce papers and thats the end of my marriage, in just one week. He is so worried I skip the country too, and that I go back to the UK and scr*w him from there, sorry for the swear word! but it his words... How can I be going to court, when not one piece of paper has been sent to me, he has told me the date and time. I asked for the file case number on Thursday and he said, he doesn't have one.... I'm really scared, I am waiting to phone people but each hour is lost, sitting and waiting... But I would all like to thank you so much for all your support, it means so much, I feel pretty lonely, my family are so worried for me, being out here on my own with two children. thank you all so much, even some who are just sending hugs, everyone of them are a huge help... Thank you......xx Nippy

fairycakeyumm21878

2239

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 09:45

Can he summon her to court on Thursday for divorce ? Say like the day before or does that take months as well?

367

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 09:22

No advice here, but sending lots of positive vibes your way!

308

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 08:29

I have been through a divorce here in the Dubai courts, its not as simple as he thinks, you will go to the court and the judge will ask you various questions he simply cannot just divorce you like that, he will also ask about any financial arrangements, IF you both agree to the divorce you should bring the financial statement there and they stamp it in the court, in your case however OP they will not take kindly to the fact that he has cancelled your visa already and IF he has cancelled your visa he cannot put a travel ban on you. Also the divorce is not granted immediately you need to go back in approx 14 days. You can attend the immigration with your passport and tell them the situation they may well grant you an extension if he has cancelled your visas, I honestly would be very surprised if he has. I would do the following 1) get all of the valuables out of the house with immediate effect 2) get your hands on the passports 3) withdraw as much cash as you can on Credit cards and bank accounts 4) terminate any helpers in the house 5) search the house from top to bottom for any clues as to what is going on Take a step back I know this is a shock, but you need to be prepared to fight and also get your side of the story heard. There is allot of good advice on here but only you know what you want :) Big hugs and shout if you want to chat, am happy to go offline xx

96

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 07:56

If he divorces you by sharia law here, then he can marry his new one( sounds like he has one) asap. Otherwise he can't officially live with a girlfriend in this country. Somehow the idea, that she is pregnant makes sense, cause he is in such a hurry. I think a divorce here, does not mean, that you are divorced in the UK. He just wants to be free here, so that he can start his new life.

277

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 06:11

What about the house contents...you plan living it here ? Sell it or send it to UK ...Do not hurry, find a excuse for Thursday and don't go. Try to let him belive that you are agreing with his plan , dont fight it , but in a smart way buy your self time and think . It seem that he really is desperate to make you sign the papers for divorce ...say that you will do it , but in the last minute find excuse (sickness, pipe broken in the house ) and do not go ....

711

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 23:04

First off, you DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! Tell him to take a flying leap and that you will consider attending court after such time as you have consulted a lawyer. Thursday's party has obviously been planned for awhile and to his benefit. He has most likely consulted someone who has put into motion that you both are in agreement to end this marriage, have agreed to the terms (hence agreement), and you are showing up (because the court is requiring it) to evidence this charade because you are planning to leaving -- tickets in hand -- how convenient. He cannot force you out of apartment unless he has already cancelled lease or you are under eviction. He cannot force you onto plane. There are school records and possibly medical, dental records which need to be arranged. I know this is not pleasant and who would want to stay -- but he is counting on this. Of course you must consult an attorney as quickly as possible. But in the meantime, catch your breath, get your feet beneath you for yourself and your kids, and go tell him to """"" himself. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING AT THIS MOMENT. The court has not cited you in to appear. My heart really goes out to you. I know this is not pleasant, but to delay a week or two or three is not going to make any difference except to him and his planned outcome! He is probably being pressured by the new one to get this sorted by Christmas or else because he is expected to be there --- just my gut. Nothing like a wife and kids to ruin a holiday with the new arm candy. <em>edited by norak on 16/12/2012</em>

1337

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 22:54

Yes, I have a contact here and a contact in the UK... He stopped paying the CSA as soon as we left the country we live in a country were UK laws can't touch him with CSA payments.. However, the case will still be open in the UK, he can't ever live back in the UK for this reason and the debts he did in his previous marriage, and they too haven't been paid either! Nippy, do you actually hold out much hope of getting anything from him? Do you think he will treat you differently from how he treated his previous wife and children? Dont forget that the best measure of future behaviour is past behaviour. Do you have family you can go home to and would they help you over this nightmare?

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