Very distressed new friend | ExpatWoman.com
 

Very distressed new friend

2298
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:52
wouldnt there be lots of other signs at home whilst living with an alcoholic??? No. People with any kind of dependency issue can be very good at hiding it even from those living under the same roof as them. But of course family may have a nagging suspicion at the back of their mind that all is not well, but it can take a lot to let it come to the front of your mind so quite often its left as a nagging suspicion because dealing with it is too awful to contemplate. my MIL was an alcoholic and she didn't hide it from anyone !!
2298
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:51
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !! Now that actually *did* make me laugh out loud. You certainly live up to your name, Doubting Thomas! I do my best :D
2298
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:51
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !! Now that actually *did* make me laugh out loud. You certainly live up to your name, Doubting Thomas! I do my best :D
2298
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:51
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !! Now that actually *did* make me laugh out loud. You certainly live up to your name, Doubting Thomas! I do my best :D
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:22
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !! Now that actually *did* make me laugh out loud. You certainly live up to your name, Doubting Thomas!
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:00
wouldnt there be lots of other signs at home whilst living with an alcoholic??? No. People with any kind of dependency issue can be very good at hiding it even from those living under the same roof as them. But of course family may have a nagging suspicion at the back of their mind that all is not well, but it can take a lot to let it come to the front of your mind so quite often its left as a nagging suspicion because dealing with it is too awful to contemplate.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 17:46
wouldnt there be lots of other signs at home whilst living with an alcoholic???
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 16:39
Hiccup, yes, its what I would I do and its based on many years ago having a friend who got into the 'habit' of having a few drinks at the club in the afternoon when we would go swimming and something she did one day that involved walking back up the main public road to her house with another lady doing the Lambeth Walk. If I had still been around her it wouldn't have happened but I'd backed off by then because I was way out of my depth and had no experience of such things, I was about 23. I saw them from my window and it was awful. Anyway it was reported and her husbands employers told her she had to leave the country immediately and her husbands contract was not renewed. It was humiliating and the first thing her husband said to me was - why didn't you tell me she was doing this? She would be over the drinks when he got home so there wasn't really anything for him to see till come the day it all came tumbling down on top of them both. Then there was the situation just last year when my daughter had to help a lady who was out wandering round their compound in the morning and who was very distressed, my daughter helped her home and settled her down but weeks laters had to do the same thing again. This time the husband came home and my daughter explained the situation and he said I wish you had come back and let me know because I could have nipped it in the bud - it was a mental health condition and my daughter had said to me I don't know if she had been drinking or if she wasn't well. So yes, if I saw someone who appeared tiddly, or unwell, I would help them but make sure family knew of the situation for a whole host of reasons. edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/09/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/09/2013</em>
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 16:05
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !!
2298
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 16:05
Doesn't anyone ever take anything at face value here ? You met someone who appeared to be drinking - you have no idea whether she was, and now she's a raging alcoholic in need of psychiatric help !! LOL !!
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 09:25
I would seek the husband out and ask if she was ok?? Really DR? I have always agreed with/admired your replies, but in this case no way, albeit hypothetical scenario we are discussing here, we have OP's slant on things that the new friend is drinking and unhappy, maybe because of said husband, who knows? If he is the cause seeking him would do more harm? Only saying.... I agree! This was ONE episode - maybe she had had a drink - so what? It could be too much sun? It could be meds....it could be a condition that she knows she has... God help us from being judged like this by how we behaved on one occasion... she could quite simply be having a bad day.... OP mentioned the lady always carries the same bottle all the time, so Im guessing this wasnt a first for her in terms of drinking...with all being said she needs 'help' and by that I mean a listening ear next time to figure out what is going on with her whether it is the sun,, meds, temporary vulnerable moment, etc and only then action can be taken whether that is the choice to avoid her forever or approach husband or tell her drinking is not on....Never approach a person's direct family without having talked to the actual person a few times. (Unless they are in hospital, emergency etc...)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 06:25
I would seek the husband out and ask if she was ok?? Really DR? I have always agreed with/admired your replies, but in this case no way, albeit hypothetical scenario we are discussing here, we have OP's slant on things that the new friend is drinking and unhappy, maybe because of said husband, who knows? If he is the cause seeking him would do more harm? Only saying.... I agree! This was ONE episode - maybe she had had a drink - so what? It could be too much sun? It could be meds....it could be a condition that she knows she has... God help us from being judged like this by how we behaved on one occasion... she could quite simply be having a bad day....
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 03:31
I would seek the husband out and ask if she was ok?? Really DR? I have always agreed with/admired your replies, but in this case no way, albeit hypothetical scenario we are discussing here, we have OP's slant on things that the new friend is drinking and unhappy, maybe because of said husband, who knows? If he is the cause seeking him would do more harm? Only saying....
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 00:41
I would seek the husband out and ask if she was ok, and if I was asked why I was enquiring I would explain that she seemed unwell and leave them to get on with going over it all. Regardless of all the ins and outs of it, and all the what ifs, its the husband whose going to have to pick up the pieces of the lady getting into any kind of bother as a result of her maybe having a alcohol dependency problem, or an off day that she got through by getting tiddly.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 00:28
The OP doesnt know this woman well enough to suggest an AA meeting, she probably isnt even an alcoholic. She may well be on medication!!!! Im so glad I dont meet any new people these days, how can some just jump to their own conclusions!!!! The woman is probably having an off day!!!! I used the term AA as is AmyAus not to suggest AA meetings...:) Lol, ( cant do smilies) Really easy, my granddaughter taught me ! Just type : and then add a ) and it appears as a smily.A frown is the same with ( :)
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 22:47
just to add my son was on very strong anti-depressants earlier this year and swaggered and swayed like a roaring drunk-even had me wondering if he was drinking. He would also bend the ear of anyone who would listen and I am very glad some did.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 22:23
The OP doesnt know this woman well enough to suggest an AA meeting, she probably isnt even an alcoholic. She may well be on medication!!!! Im so glad I dont meet any new people these days, how can some just jump to their own conclusions!!!! The woman is probably having an off day!!!! I used the term AA as is AmyAus not to suggest AA meetings...:) Lol, ( cant do smilies)
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 22:06
The OP doesnt know this woman well enough to suggest an AA meeting, she probably isnt even an alcoholic. She may well be on medication!!!! Im so glad I dont meet any new people these days, how can some just jump to their own conclusions!!!! The woman is probably having an off day!!!! I used the term AA as is AmyAus not to suggest AA meetings...:)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 22:01
Wow, some of you are a harsh lot - let's summarise: suggest she needs medical help, give her a kick up the backside to help her with her demons, suggest to her to see a mental health person, don't get involved? Since when was it a crime not to have shoes on when you are in a bikini at the poolside? - all about a woman who *may* have some kind of medical condition which causes some of this and has nothing to do with alcohol. Surprised no one said " call the police to teach her a lesson" ! That is why honesty is the way to go here,one doesn't need to be ugly about it but as was suggested by AA make it light hearted then if it is a medical condition she will I am sure set the record straight. Yes but it could be something that she knows about and is coping with - could be MS, could be anything. All I am saying is that it is jumping the gun to start saying things like this. The number of people I have encountered who have drivelled a load of rubbish here...
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 21:56
The OP doesnt know this woman well enough to suggest an AA meeting, she probably isnt even an alcoholic. She may well be on medication!!!! Im so glad I dont meet any new people these days, how can some just jump to their own conclusions!!!! The woman is probably having an off day!!!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 19:50
If it was me who had seen this woman, then I think that the next time I saw her, I would have to make a point of telling her that I had had time to think about her behaviour, and that she ought to hear what it looked like. In a funny kind of way, when someone has poured out personal information to someone who listens, I feel that they are automatically involved. If you don't want to become involved, then don't allow them to tell you.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 18:49
Wow, some of you are a harsh lot - let's summarise: suggest she needs medical help, give her a kick up the backside to help her with her demons, suggest to her to see a mental health person, don't get involved? Since when was it a crime not to have shoes on when you are in a bikini at the poolside? - all about a woman who *may* have some kind of medical condition which causes some of this and has nothing to do with alcohol. Surprised no one said " call the police to teach her a lesson" ! That is why honesty is the way to go here,one doesn't need to be ugly about it but as was suggested by AA make it light hearted then if it is a medical condition she will I am sure set the record straight.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 18:45
Having lived the effects of alcohol abuse , my brother was killed by a drunk driver, I have pretty strong opinions. I know Op she did not get into a car,that time, but what is stopping her from driving drunk.What if she is walking across a busy road. I know it is just a suspicion on your part that there is booze in her flask but it seems explains her behaviour. I would really say something about it to her as AA says you can put it to her in a lighter way but you must say something. This must have bothered you significantly to ask for opinions on the forum. If it happens again please don't turn a blind eye. To TDB thanks for what you did, you might just have saved a life.... If someone had taken some action my brother might still be alive today.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 17:56
Wow, some of you are a harsh lot - let's summarise: suggest she needs medical help, give her a kick up the backside to help her with her demons, suggest to her to see a mental health person, don't get involved? Since when was it a crime not to have shoes on when you are in a bikini at the poolside? - all about a woman who *may* have some kind of medical condition which causes some of this and has nothing to do with alcohol. Surprised no one said " call the police to teach her a lesson" !
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 17:46
Yes, I am happy with how I dealt with it all. And you are right, I did ask for advice and got so much to help me, and hopefully her, for another time. Thank you everyone.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 17:32
Alot of people drink, it doesnt make them alcoholics, or does it? The lady is probably hiding from her boring life..... I can see this, been there myself at times. Right or wrong, it's her life, she will do as she pleases. Bless
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 17:26
Wise words. AmyAus. TDB. She lives 30 steps away from the pool. Wasn't out of her mind drunk. And as I said in my opening post I cannot be sure she was drunk. I didn't do more as I didn't want to embarrass her. And as you have done, I have too.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 16:57
She lives next to the pool. So no exaggeration on my part. Really, why look for negatives and ways to twist things, FairyDust? I wasn't twisting things - merely giving and opinion, based on what you wrote.
2264
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 16:45
She was in absolutely no danger getting home at all. I certainly hope I don't come across as uncaring. Well you stated she was 'staggering all over the place', slurring her words, forgetting things - the way you wrote it, makes it look like she was smashed and definitely not someone who should be left alone. COuld you have over exaggerated the description to make it worse than it was? I really do hope so.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 17 September 2013 - 16:39
She was in absolutely no danger getting home at all. I certainly hope I don't come across as uncaring.
 
 

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