Pee'd off!! We are First-Time parents but not ignorant. | ExpatWoman.com
 

Pee'd off!! We are First-Time parents but not ignorant.

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 October 2013 - 18:39

Okay, we just had our first baby 3 months back. I wonder is it just us who constantly come across some annoying people who think you are the most stupid people on earth right now and keep giving advices on how to look after our DD. And the funniest part is most of these people belongs to 'the cant be avoided category'. Sigh! How do I deal with these people??

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 October 2013 - 10:49
I had loads of that, mainly from in laws. I purposely did the opposite of what ever they said lol. They soon got the hint that i run this show. I was actually biting my tongue for a while until my mother in law said "I want her to call me mum" that's when i spoke up and said "you've had your chance, your now a grandma and thats what u will be called" still get **** over skype at times but i just let them speak so they feel important now...so over it....can't wait for them to find out we're staying here for our 2nd...roll on the we know best speeches again. :/ Oh my goodness MrsDB, my mother in law also wanted my kids to call her mum!! (when I pointed out that I was 'mum' she said... 'no, you are mummy, so I can be mum!!!). Makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who has to put up with this sort of nonsense, as my husband didn't seem to think it was that terrible!! I don't understand these MILs. Is it because they don't want to be reminded of the fact that they ve hit menopause by calling grandma??? <em>edited by mssassy on 31/10/2013</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 31 October 2013 - 09:56
I had loads of that, mainly from in laws. I purposely did the opposite of what ever they said lol. They soon got the hint that i run this show. I was actually biting my tongue for a while until my mother in law said "I want her to call me mum" that's when i spoke up and said "you've had your chance, your now a grandma and thats what u will be called" still get **** over skype at times but i just let them speak so they feel important now...so over it....can't wait for them to find out we're staying here for our 2nd...roll on the we know best speeches again. :/ Oh my goodness MrsDB, my mother in law also wanted my kids to call her mum!! (when I pointed out that I was 'mum' she said... 'no, you are mummy, so I can be mum!!!). Makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who has to put up with this sort of nonsense, as my husband didn't seem to think it was that terrible!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 21:36
Thank you so much ladies for sharing your experiences and views.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 21:14
Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. It's lovely that she was such a help to you but that doesn't mean she can tell you how to raise your child. Unwanted advice is one thing but I'd be really cross if someone removed my baby's thumb from his mouth - he loves his thumb and who are they to decide he isn't allowed to comfort himself. If she does it again I'd ask her to please not do it again and say you are happy with her sucking her thumb. You don't need to justify it or offer excuses. I will not wimp out next time an opportunity presents itself!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 20:31
In my experience, the worst offenders are those without children who make comments like "I will NEVER give my child a dummy, pat them to sleep, co-sleep, blah blah" ... could not agree more, and the second worse are those who have had one child and something worked with that child and so they assume it always works. "I gave vegies before fruits and now my son's a Dr" "I alway put my baby down awake and so he never needed settling in the night". If there is one thing that having a second child teaches you it is that all children are different. Its good to share experiences and give suggestions when people ask for advice, its not good to judge and assume that all babies respond the same way or openly criticise someone who does it differently. My MIL stopped giving conflicting advice once I mastered the glazed over eyes blank stare zone out. She has actually been pretty good, aside from bringing me close to vomit by wiping strawberry off my sons lips by spitting on her hanky once, still gives me the shudders thinking about it....
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 19:51
JoyceB you are so lucky were able to rescueyour MIL/DIL relationship.......mine ,among other numerous things, had my house sterilized while I was in hospital having DS1, she felt my cats spread germs! I had a wonderful maid helping at the time and she kept the place spotless....... Thank goodness my DH put his foot down right away.I was so mad it effected me so badly my mom made the comment ' it frightened her milk away '. We never had a relationship, so sad such missed opportunities all because she was right and that was it......taught me a good lesson on how to treat my DIL....;) She comes to me for advice when she can't get hold of her mom or doesn't agree with what her mom has told her about Gkids issues....couldn't ask for more. edited by Nomad on 30/10/2013 <em>edited by Nomad on 30/10/2013</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 19:49
TDB, or maybe they will still be giving you advice about what to do/not do with school age children.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 19:40
Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. It's lovely that she was such a help to you but that doesn't mean she can tell you how to raise your child. Unwanted advice is one thing but I'd be really cross if someone removed my baby's thumb from his mouth - he loves his thumb and who are they to decide he isn't allowed to comfort himself. If she does it again I'd ask her to please not do it again and say you are happy with her sucking her thumb. You don't need to justify it or offer excuses.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 19:34
Divine retribution however - when they have kids, let's see how they cope when the babies have colic, won't sleep, vomit through 20 sleepsuits, look like cr@p and can't speak on the phone. I will be sat there with my school age children smiling broadly. I bet you don't TDB. You'll remember how hard it is having a new baby and give them a (puke free) shoulder to cry on. Although possibly gleefully thinking 'I told you so' ;)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 17:22
My MIL, now gone bless her, was a bit of a nightmare when my DD was born. Too many incidents to describe here but I eventually snapped and told her that this was MY baby and my DH and I would bring her up OUR way. If we wanted advice, we'd ask for it. When she didn't comply, we simply stayed away for a few weeks. She would never come to our house uninvited because she knew that she didn't have the upper hand there. When she and my FIL and SIL came to visit us days after I came home from hospital with our DS 3 years later, it started all over again. DS was a whingey baby from birth and always wanted to suck so we bought a dummy, something I never thought I'd have to resort to but with him, it was a lifesaver. I had just got him to sleep when they arrived. First thing MIL did was look in the carrycot and say "aw my poor wee grandson with that horrible thing in his mouth" and pulled it out!!!!! My DH saw red and said "mum, if you do anything like that again, you won't be seeing either of your grandchildren!!" All this with my now awake and screaming 6 day old DS! I picked him up and went upstairs. The inlaws left in a huff but phoned later to apologise. Reckon my FIL tore strips off his wife!! Oh lord. Terrible. Now I feel what I'm facing is nothing. As the years went on we became very close have to say and her daft comments didn't rile me after a while. She was really a lovely woman in many ways but saw herself as a kind of child expert/matriarch. She died suddenly 2 years ago aged 82 and I broke my heart. RIP mummy B x
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 16:58
Our paediatrician was really helpful and said if anyone gave us advice we didn't like we could just blame him and said he'd told us to do whatever it was we were doing!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 13:57
My MIL, now gone bless her, was a bit of a nightmare when my DD was born. Too many incidents to describe here but I eventually snapped and told her that this was MY baby and my DH and I would bring her up OUR way. If we wanted advice, we'd ask for it. When she didn't comply, we simply stayed away for a few weeks. She would never come to our house uninvited because she knew that she didn't have the upper hand there. When she and my FIL and SIL came to visit us days after I came home from hospital with our DS 3 years later, it started all over again. DS was a whingey baby from birth and always wanted to suck so we bought a dummy, something I never thought I'd have to resort to but with him, it was a lifesaver. I had just got him to sleep when they arrived. First thing MIL did was look in the carrycot and say "aw my poor wee grandson with that horrible thing in his mouth" and pulled it out!!!!! My DH saw red and said "mum, if you do anything like that again, you won't be seeing either of your grandchildren!!" All this with my now awake and screaming 6 day old DS! I picked him up and went upstairs. The inlaws left in a huff but phoned later to apologise. Reckon my FIL tore strips off his wife!! Oh lord. Terrible. Now I feel what I'm facing is nothing.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 13:50
Here is a glance into kind of situations I am facing. My DD loves sucking her thumb. Knowing this an old aunt of mine tells me I should let her do that because it’s going to protrude her jaw. I do SNI (smile, nod, ignore). A few days later we bump into her in a mall, she sees my DD happily thumb sucking in her pram and looks at me like ‘Still’?? I tell her I read on the internet that thumb sucking is a good soothing technique till the age of 3-4. She tells me from her experience she knows that’s nonsense. I do SNI again. Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. I would just say something along the lines of. "I know it's bad but orthodontic dentists can do amazing things these days, so I am not stressed out over it", and smile. edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013 Nice One Alismum.Im definetly gonna say something like this next time. SNI just wont work with this lady. I wasn't given a dummy and sucked my fingers until I was 16 ( Very embarrassing at sleepovers) it hasn't done anything to my gums/teeth and I am now over 40! Haha.I don't prefer giving her dummy as well. I sucked my finger till 2 and my jaws r fine though not perfect.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 13:47
My MIL, now gone bless her, was a bit of a nightmare when my DD was born. Too many incidents to describe here but I eventually snapped and told her that this was MY baby and my DH and I would bring her up OUR way. If we wanted advice, we'd ask for it. When she didn't comply, we simply stayed away for a few weeks. She would never come to our house uninvited because she knew that she didn't have the upper hand there. When she and my FIL and SIL came to visit us days after I came home from hospital with our DS 3 years later, it started all over again. DS was a whingey baby from birth and always wanted to suck so we bought a dummy, something I never thought I'd have to resort to but with him, it was a lifesaver. I had just got him to sleep when they arrived. First thing MIL did was look in the carrycot and say "aw my poor wee grandson with that horrible thing in his mouth" and pulled it out!!!!! My DH saw red and said "mum, if you do anything like that again, you won't be seeing either of your grandchildren!!" All this with my now awake and screaming 6 day old DS! I picked him up and went upstairs. The inlaws left in a huff but phoned later to apologise. Reckon my FIL tore strips off his wife!!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 13:26
Here is a glance into kind of situations I am facing. My DD loves sucking her thumb. Knowing this an old aunt of mine tells me I should let her do that because it’s going to protrude her jaw. I do SNI (smile, nod, ignore). A few days later we bump into her in a mall, she sees my DD happily thumb sucking in her pram and looks at me like ‘Still’?? I tell her I read on the internet that thumb sucking is a good soothing technique till the age of 3-4. She tells me from her experience she knows that’s nonsense. I do SNI again. Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. I would just say something along the lines of. "I know it's bad but orthodontic dentists can do amazing things these days, so I am not stressed out over it", and smile. edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013 Nice One Alismum.Im definetly gonna say something like this next time. SNI just wont work with this lady. I wasn't given a dummy and sucked my fingers until I was 16 ( Very embarrassing at sleepovers) it hasn't done anything to my gums/teeth and I am now over 40!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 12:57
You will meet many people in your life and most of them will think differently from you. I see this as even more true in Dubai because of the convergence of cultures and beliefs. If someone says something that displeases you, you can either let them know it or just smile and change the subject. You can decide who your true friends are and with whom you want to spend your time. The other people are just passersby in your life and it doesn't really matter what they think... Sorry, I've just read your last post, OP. When we invite people into our lives, we have to accept the good and bad that comes with it. This woman took care of you when you were ill. She obviously cares about you. Alismum's response is very good. We can't please everyone! edited by AnonDubai on 30/10/2013 <em>edited by AnonDubai on 30/10/2013</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 12:49
Here is a glance into kind of situations I am facing. My DD loves sucking her thumb. Knowing this an old aunt of mine tells me I should let her do that because it’s going to protrude her jaw. I do SNI (smile, nod, ignore). A few days later we bump into her in a mall, she sees my DD happily thumb sucking in her pram and looks at me like ‘Still’?? I tell her I read on the internet that thumb sucking is a good soothing technique till the age of 3-4. She tells me from her experience she knows that’s nonsense. I do SNI again. Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. I would just say something along the lines of. "I know it's bad but orthodontic dentists can do amazing things these days, so I am not stressed out over it", and smile. edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013 Nice One Alismum.Im definetly gonna say something like this next time. SNI just wont work with this lady.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 12:45
One good reason to stay in another country :D I wish I could.:(
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 12:25
Here is a glance into kind of situations I am facing. My DD loves sucking her thumb. Knowing this an old aunt of mine tells me I should let her do that because it’s going to protrude her jaw. I do SNI (smile, nod, ignore). A few days later we bump into her in a mall, she sees my DD happily thumb sucking in her pram and looks at me like ‘Still’?? I tell her I read on the internet that thumb sucking is a good soothing technique till the age of 3-4. She tells me from her experience she knows that’s nonsense. I do SNI again. Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy. I would just say something along the lines of. "I know it's bad but orthodontic dentists can do amazing things these days, so I am not stressed out over it", and smile. <em>edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 11:15
One good reason to stay in another country :D
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 11:08
Three children. Still get advice. Enjoy parenthood! I have a soon to be 17 year old and still get advice (although not from my own family). :) I like the smile, nod and thank you for your input, sadly I have a bit of a sharp tongue myself and find it immensely difficult in practice ;) edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013 I'll faint now. My DD is just 3 months old and Im already irritated to the core.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 11:06
Here is a glance into kind of situations I am facing. My DD loves sucking her thumb. Knowing this an old aunt of mine tells me I should let her do that because it’s going to protrude her jaw. I do SNI (smile, nod, ignore). A few days later we bump into her in a mall, she sees my DD happily thumb sucking in her pram and looks at me like ‘Still’?? I tell her I read on the internet that thumb sucking is a good soothing technique till the age of 3-4. She tells me from her experience she knows that’s nonsense. I do SNI again. Two days ago she dropped by for tea and literally pulls my DD’s little thumb out from her mouth seeing her sucking it. I wish I should have shouted but I did SNI yet again due to the fear of offending this otherwise really helpful lady. In fact she took care of me for 3 weeks when I fell really sick during my pregnancy.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 09:40
Well first time parents are an easy target and until you have more kids there is an argument you no nothing.............lol Use reverse psychology and ask for their advice on the most obscure questions or put your brave knickers on and say straight out that you are fed up. When you have teens you will be asking for advice! <em>edited by Lolacat on 30/10/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 09:15
Three children. Still get advice. Enjoy parenthood! I have a soon to be 17 year old and still get advice (although not from my own family). :) I like the smile, nod and thank you for your input, sadly I have a bit of a sharp tongue myself and find it immensely difficult in practice ;) <em>edited by Alismum on 30/10/2013</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 09:10
I honestly believe that one of the most important parenting skills is learning to smile, nod and say something along the lines of "thank you for your input". Then don't engage any further!!!!!! Only you know your child best - but somehow it seems hard to get that across to others.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 08:53
Three children. Still get advice. Enjoy parenthood!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 30 October 2013 - 08:40
Good to know I'm not alone. But in my case if these people where my in laws my very supportive DH would have zipped their mouth but unfortunately they are my own beloved relatives who are put up right here near me in Dubai. Smile, nod and ignore is what I do over the phone, when they come over, at parties .... I'm sick and tired .For how long will this continue ???? edited by mssassy on 29/10/2013 If they are relatives that you see regularly I think you probably need to do more than the smile and ignore. Sit them down and talk to them. Tell them you appreciate they are trying to help but you are trying to find your own way of doing things and they are upsetting you with their constant comments. If they are unable to stop doing it, limit how much you see them as much as possible. Maybe your husband can nicely point out that new parents need to be supported, not bullied.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 October 2013 - 23:20
I had loads of that, mainly from in laws. I purposely did the opposite of what ever they said lol. They soon got the hint that i run this show. I was actually biting my tongue for a while until my mother in law said "I want her to call me mum" that's when i spoke up and said "you've had your chance, your now a grandma and thats what u will be called" still get **** over skype at times but i just let them speak so they feel important now...so over it....can't wait for them to find out we're staying here for our 2nd...roll on the we know best speeches again. :/ Your monster in law oh sorry mom in law ?is not one of a kind. I'm sure.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 October 2013 - 23:02
Good to know I'm not alone. But in my case if these people where my in laws my very supportive DH would have zipped their mouth but unfortunately they are my own beloved relatives who are put up right here near me in Dubai. Smile, nod and ignore is what I do over the phone, when they come over, at parties .... I'm sick and tired .For how long will this continue ???? <em>edited by mssassy on 29/10/2013</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 October 2013 - 21:18
Mrs DB, your MIL sounds like an utter nightmare. Getting down the business end uninvited when you gave birth and saying she wanted YOUR daughter to call HER mum. Holy smokes, that takes the biscuit. Gobsmacked. Have fun telling her you are staying here for second bubs ;) She has offered to take a career break for two years to come over too...hubs has warned me that she may just invite herself when she finds out we're staying put. Then i gta live with no meat allowed in the house, the list goes on Daza. It's nice that she shows interest in my child but its a bit too much for me even with the distance. Next stop Australlia lol
 
 

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