Confused & Worried with my DH | ExpatWoman.com
 

Confused & Worried with my DH

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 11:03

Hi I am a big fan of EW, and have always found it to be useful for advice when any of us ladies have any problems.I am a regular poster to EW but have created this account to keep things confidential. I am currently in a situation where I am lost in what to do. I have a DH who I have been married to for 8 years, and we have a DD who is four years old. We recently moved to Dubai a year back. Prior to moving to Dubai and even upto now me and DH have always had a rock solid relationship, and apart from a few tiffs we have always been on solid ground. However recently Ive encountered and noticed some changes in DH which have me truly worried. My DD is currently enrolled in a nursery school, and as DH works I always do the pick up and drop offs. A few months ago I was unwell and had to have DH drop and pick her up. At this point I have to mention that DD’s nursery teacher who is a lovely lady, is in her mid 20’s and to be honest very attractive. DD adores her. over these past few months though after that week of dropping off, DH was been strangely insistent on dropping DD even though it is out of his way, and keeps bringing up and ask more than normal questions about that particular nursery teacher. I brushed this off as just being inquisitive but last week he asked if we would invite her to our Christmas BBQ which made no sense to me considering I hardly speak to her. To top this all off, which is why I am writing in, yesterday I had gone myself to pick up DD from nursery and the nursery teacher asked if she could speak to me privately and I could tell she was embarrassed and nervous. It turns out DH had invited her out for coffee last week and it made her feel uncomfortable and felt she should let me know. I was at a loss for words, apologised profusely and now I am in a state of shock. Could this be all friendly? Am I reading to much into this? In all our years of marriage we never had any issues with fidelity. I really need your advice.

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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 13:00
Not always though. Sometimes it is to their benefit. It's nice to have a chat on EW about opposite viewpoints without resorting to a cat fight!! I agree !!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:58
Not always though. Sometimes it is to their benefit. It's nice to have a chat on EW about opposite viewpoints without resorting to a cat fight!! So often the written word can seem harsh without hearing a tone of voice or seeing facial expression. <em>edited by Olene on 25/04/2014</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:53
Blondie. The best for all of the people involved is what I wish for too. Unhappiness is a terrible thing to suffer. You may think you are a little jaded - but I could be totally deluded! But I hope not! Yes, all involved. Children do seem to usually suffer the consequences of our choices in life though
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:50
Blondie. The best for all of the people involved is what I wish for too. Unhappiness is a terrible thing to suffer. You may think you are a little jaded - but I could be totally deluded! But I hope not!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:42
Olene- you could be right. Time and age could have jaded me I wish the best outcome for the children involved
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:28
Blondie, I don't know? Maybe she is high on love and brimming with confidence?? Maybe she is trying to let people know that out of a horrible situation good can prevail? Who knows?
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:21
Look, the OP may be telling the truth. And have tried to cover up who she may be in real life by altering what children she has, and then, in her distress forgetting her story. She may also have oversimplified the end story for easier reading and to, possibly, alter the truth a little to cover tracks. None of us know for sure. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and wish her well. Really ladies, if this is a true story lets hope it all ends happily and peacefully. Have a happy weekend everyone. I can understand changing identifying factors such as child/children but than why come back and post about this new blossoming relationship if so concerned ?!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 12:05
Look, the OP may be telling the truth. And have tried to cover up who she may be in real life by altering what children she has, and then, in her distress forgetting her story. She may also have oversimplified the end story for easier reading and to, possibly, alter the truth a little to cover tracks. None of us know for sure. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and wish her well. Really ladies, if this is a true story lets hope it all ends happily and peacefully. Have a happy weekend everyone.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 11:28
threads like this if its not true, makes posters who have a real situation think million times before asking for advices or help, its like those professional beggars who keep coming up with tricks to extort money from any one falls for their tricks, which makes anyone become skeptical about helping anyone asks for help. If the OP had already figured out what she will do, why in the first place she asked for advices and what to do? even if you in the middle of the way you set up your mind on what is next, why should you brag about what you did? I had a look on old threads - not the OP's - but in general found out that once the poster got what she/he want, they deleted their original posts, but this OP she kept feeding the thread, not closing it, not letting it go....not she felt she have to brag about it. Now this really makes me thing triple times before I even read about someone else's problems, or even give an advice for someone will just make me feel bad about giving a hint of what could happen. The OP forgot she have a child or children between her and her ex husband, which means she will deal with him sooner or later, forgot that children after a certain age they don't want to deal only with the mum, they need their father in their lives, and now you had damaged your own relationship with your assumed child(ren) for the rest of your live, once you have a child your life had been changed 180 degree and you were so selfish that you thought only about yourself. assuming there were a baby with the mistress, as you said she backed up and terminated the pregnancy, didn't you think that it might be just words? didn't you think that this baby might will grow up with no father? there will be always so many questions that will not find answers now, but what happened happened to grown ups that acted irresponsibly, and all forgot about there are children did not do any harm are in this! if OP's ex husband forgot about his children, I am sorry you OP yourself forgot about them too! and now you are endangering your child(ren) life style again by going out/seeing another man, which the same weapon you used on your ex husband will be used on you, this time there are no one to take care of the children. I have nothing more to say about this, and this is my last input in this thread, and I hope this all is a wind up or just someone board and seeking attention to make up this whole thread, as I don't see any way out for the children involved in this, this is what I will keep telling myself so I can rest my mind from this thread.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 10:48
So gullible !!!:( I believe everything on here .... And why not? Don't understand the point behind coming up with a soap opera,bring others into it, to discover my concerns and well wishes were wasted! Hmmmmm.... Told my mother in law about it over skype the lot! Yep I am so gullible and will probably think twice, about commenting again.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 10:38
Maybe the OP is a novelist and is trying to see if people are interested in her potential novel before starting to write it...
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 10:18
I too thought this was a wind up from day 1, just someone trying to entertain us ladies. However, If the husband has been banned from working, it must go through municipality - they are the only ones that can ban someone from working although he can still be in Dubai on a tourist visa. If the husband is banned from Dubai (also UAE) then there will be a police case against him, for him to be out the country the case will have been opened after he left - he can't have got out the country with a case open here! I would not be getting involved with anyone if there was a police case against my husband, the police will dig deep and the laws are very tough out here!! From what I understand from your post, you are now seeing his ex boss - something I would not be getting involved in if there was a case in dubai! I certainly would not be proud of your latest thread and posting it on sites, the police out here are extremely tough and i would HATE to be on the wrong side of the law! There is also your child to think of, you have taken them away from their daddy. Regardless what you think, children make up their own minds and I would hope despite what has happened that you would never BS your child to disliking their dad. What has happened is between you and him and regardless of that, I'm sure I read in the past you stated your husband was a great father to your child. This story really does not add up, I'm sorry to say ... If it is true, I feel for the little child not being able to see their father! All excellent points! You never know who is reading this and yes- can be traced. Even local newspapers have copy/pasted posts from here for "stories." If this is true and you are seeing another man you could very well lose custody if your child/ren regardless. Please consider undoing what damage you can now before it completely gets out of control. If this is a windup - shame on you
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2014 - 08:38
I too thought this was a wind up from day 1, just someone trying to entertain us ladies. However, If the husband has been banned from working, it must go through municipality - they are the only ones that can ban someone from working although he can still be in Dubai on a tourist visa. If the husband is banned from Dubai (also UAE) then there will be a police case against him, for him to be out the country the case will have been opened after he left - he can't have got out the country with a case open here! I would not be getting involved with anyone if there was a police case against my husband, the police will dig deep and the laws are very tough out here!! From what I understand from your post, you are now seeing his ex boss - something I would not be getting involved in if there was a case in dubai! I certainly would not be proud of your latest thread and posting it on sites, the police out here are extremely tough and i would HATE to be on the wrong side of the law! There is also your child to think of, you have taken them away from their daddy. Regardless what you think, children make up their own minds and I would hope despite what has happened that you would never BS your child to disliking their dad. What has happened is between you and him and regardless of that, I'm sure I read in the past you stated your husband was a great father to your child. This story really does not add up, I'm sorry to say ... If it is true, I feel for the little child not being able to see their father!
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 23:06
This whole thread is a wind up, I have thought so since the first post. I think you are right, I did go an read the OP posts, boy ? she really couldn't keep track of the exact numer of children, the age and the gender! First post says she have a girl toddler attend a nursery school, then mysteriously next post she says the kids! Then the next she says my pupe ! I am sorry she can really keep track of what she said about the children's gender ,the age, how many kids she had with her husband !!!!!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 23:02
Can't believe I've actually read back the whole of this thread - mainly the OP's posts..and i'm confused that in two posts she referred to "children", and in others she has just the one... And twice she stressed that she didn't want to involve the authorities for fear of repercussions for her child/ren. Yet her friend's husband went straight to their boss. And said what exactly ? The husband ended the affair in the beginning of the thread which was probably why the teacher tried to tell the OP. Presumably he told the boss of the pregnancy..How was the teacher still in the picture, having been banned and unemployed....Did the husband get prosecuted for the adultery ? In which case how did he get out of the country so quickly.. "placed a ban on him so DH had to leave the country"..surely if the pregnancy had been reported the DH would have been in a lot more trouble than having to leave because of his boss sacking him ...Unless by this time there was no pregnancy..in which case on what grounds did the boss dismiss him... Sorry, can't get my head round any more of it .... none of it seems to make any sense.... sorry.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 21:16
This whole thread is a wind up, I have thought so since the first post.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 20:51
If this really is all truth please consider all the drastic changes your DD has been thru and will face before getting involved with someone else. Completely unnecessary at such a vulnerable time for all.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 19:41
How can sponsorship be changed this quickly especially as a ban was being put in place? In less than a 3 month period, 12 weeks. How wonderfully lucky for the op. <em>edited by Lolacat on 24/04/2014</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 17:32
hello everyone, I know it has been a very long time since I have posted an update on my situation. I have been on EW and seen so many infidelity stories which is so alarming. I wanted to thank you all for your support and warm wishes, it really helped me in such a difficult time. a lot has changed - but for the better!after what had happened, I was a in complete state of disarray and was working on getting everything together to leave with my child. during this period I was consoled by my good friend whose husband works with DH. her DH was so angry at the situation that he had informed the managing director of their firm. he called me in and had a long discussion with me and was very sympathaitic, it seems he was in a similar problem. to cut things short he has terminated DH;s employment and placed a ban on him so DH had to leave the country and with minimal funds as I had taken most of the funds out of the account. As for his lovely lady, once she found out he was penniless and could not live in Dubai anymore she ended the arrangement and the pregnancy. DH is now back home begging for me to come back, which I am not. I have a good employment now with DH;s former firm and the last thing I ever thought of was finding someone else. but the managing director is now being wonderful with me and I don't think I could have met a better person...all new life chapter! I have already started divorce proceedings. You never know what is around the corner.xxx Now that happy ending is a bit bizarre! Banning your husband/ex husband on what bases? What authority did have the DM to ban him? I know I will be the one will advise of calling police for the due - husband and mistress - IF the wife is going out of this marriage with the clothes on her back or not being able to have access to her child(ten)...... BUT that dramatic change is very suspicious. Getting someone to be terminated and banned mean that he did a very big mistake/discrepancy with what he supposed to do, but that ending?!!! I admit I didn't read the whole posts by OP, but to terminate someone and ban him means involving police and immigration in that, the husband spend some time behind bars - If this was a work related termination - but the DM doing this then hire the wife in the very same firm the husband used to work for??? OP aren't you afraid that it might hit you what hit your ex husband once this DM doesn't like you for a reason or the another ? If this all was true, then I am the queen of England! In real life things like this doesn't happen, in real life when this happen OP should look behind her shoulders, because this could happen in a blink of an eye for her too. What about your child? how on earth you would be able to renew his/her residency after banning your husband? do you think you will be able to renew it without his consent over here? if you were the cause of him loosing his job, and his money - after you took most of it as you said - do you think he will be helpful and let you have his kid just like that? Sooner or later you need to go home too, then you will be facing this standing between you and your child, your child will forgive and maybe give excuses for his/her father for cheating on you after you cleaned him from money and kicked him out of this country like that, now prepare yourself for your child not respecting you for doing this to his father. I know most of you won't like my opinion, but here I had to leave it like that, Now I do feel sorry for that man, you took most of his money, his child, his career, his dignity and had a black dot on him for the rest of his life. Now.... you had created your own monster, it won't hurt you now, wait couple of years then you will understand my post, what you won now, it will taste like dust over the years. <em>edited by Gorobattie on 24/04/2014</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 17:15
I agree with LT. And I have to admit I do find the entire sequence of events rather 'unusual'... Hope all turns out ok for you, celesti.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 17:12
Celesti, I think most of us are concerned rather than condemning. From your recent post it sounds as though you are in danger of being used, in more ways than one, by someone else who, as DR so rightly points out, may have an axe to grind. And, please take the advice of a woman more than old enough to be your mother, making any big decision after a big life change is rarely wise. You need time on your own before getting involved, even in the most platonic way, with anyone, and least of all with someone carrying his own baggage. And most importantly, you need a finalised divorce and custody of your child.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 16:57
I am disgusted by how woman turn against each other, ive been through the hardest part of my life and because things have turned around for me women cannot help by being vindictive. I am a happy woman now and my ex dh deserved everything he got and I am deserving what I am getting now. I deserve to be happy and he deserves to suffer. I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy I think people are a bit suspicious of the MD given it could be considered he took his anger re his ex wife out on your husband, and his relationship with you could be viewed as quite predatory. He sounds like a bit of a bunny boiler to be honest but I accept that its not us who know him - its you, even though you don't seem to have known him long enough to know him so to speak. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/04/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 16:47
I am disgusted by how woman turn against each other, ive been through the hardest part of my life and because things have turned around for me women cannot help by being vindictive. I am a happy woman now and my ex dh deserved everything he got and I am deserving what I am getting now. I deserve to be happy and he deserves to suffer. I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 24 April 2014 - 16:00
Maybe the OP and the managing director planned and executed a beautiful plan to get rid off the husband ;)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 17:24
If all this is true, then the OP needs to think very hard about what she is doing. it could all end in a terrible, terrible mess.
Anonymous (not verified)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 17:04
I have to say, there is something that doesn't quite ring true with this story. I was thinking that. How does the other woman suddenly has an abortion when illegal in the UAE and therefore anyone who does that here takes a big risk. It all sounds too beautiful, and too much of a coincidence with friend and her DH who works with her DH whose director is now with her while she is working at the company. The father still needs to give permission for the mother to live here with her daughter if he is not in the country. Nah, sorry but I don't buy it.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 16:55
Why did the OP say the mistress ended the affair when the husband had already broken it off in the beginning of this thread ? Early on she posted that the messages she found on the secret phone were that he'd wanted to save his marriage and had ended the affair - hence the teacher spilling the beans ... Could he have gone back to her once the OP flew home ? confused.com lol Sorry to say that the Boss, who was having similar problems (?!), may not be the most reliable future for the OP and I hope she's not jumping from the frying pan to the fire.... Meanwhile, in all this there's a 4 year old who isn't going to get to see her daddy for at least a year :( so sorry if i'm not cheering... but I guess it's the best ending there could have been... Good luck for the rest of your journey Celesti and thanks for the update.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 16:38
Managing Director fires hubby and bans him from Dubai. Now he is making moves on you.... Happy for you though. Just be careful who you let into your heart. You took the words right out of my mouth. If it were my husband.....we would be in World War 3 where money is concerned, ban or no ban. I would have a criminal case waiting for me in my home country.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 16:32
I have to say, there is something that doesn't quite ring true with this story.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2014 - 16:26
Managing Director fires hubby and bans him from Dubai. Now he is making moves on you.... Happy for you though. Just be careful who you let into your heart.
 
 

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