Move to Dubai or stay in the UK? Confused! | ExpatWoman.com
 

Move to Dubai or stay in the UK? Confused!

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 14:14

I am new to this forum. I hope most of us have gone through times where we have to make some decisions. I am unable to decide!

DH has been working in Dubai since January 2014. He has a challenging job with a good salary. Me, DS (13 yrs) & DD (9 yrs) are in the UK, where I have a good part time job and we have our own house. Both DS & DD are bright and DS goes to a top selective grammar school. He loves his school and is doing very well there. DD goes to a local primary. Both do a lot of extracurricular activities. DH wants us to move to Dubai & so applied in various schools. DS got into JESS and DD got into GEMS Silicon Oasis. We are now confused!

Should we disturb DS when he is well settled in his school? Would they be able to enjoy extracurricular activities as in the UK? We have been to Dubai twice this year - DS & DD likes Dubai as a holiday place, but don’t want to live there.

Another thing I have to mention is Dubai is not a new place for us as we lived in Dubai nearly 2 yrs before moving to the UK in 2001 when DH got a job transfer. But it is a new place for my children. We don’t have any family in the UK, but have made some good friends over the years. We have family & friends in Dubai. I don’t mind moving to Dubai but my DS’s grammar school is the pulling factor. I have read good reviews about JESS, still worried if DS would be able to settle in easily as he is a quiet boy. I don’t have much concern about DD as she can easily adapt. We have been in this rollercoaster ride for the past few weeks – one day we decide to move, the next day we think of staying back. Any advice, opinions, suggestions welcome.

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 22:50
I agree with those that say to move to Dubai. Family together is really important. Plus there's plenty of great schools and activities here and is a very friendly country.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 16:23
Thank you Oopsie Daisy, just sharing my own experience... :D
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 10:20
Life is too short to be apart... Stay together!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 07:58
The biggest mistake you can make is a bit strong and none of us can possibly say that about people we don't know !! I don't know the OP but can give my experience as that's all I know... We were in a similar position..husband sent to Dubai supposedly just for a few months but as they dragged on it turned out to be the longest year of our lives..staying in the UK with 2 kids aged 13 and 5 wasn't easy for any of us and they both missed their dad terribly..whatever decision we were going to make HAD to be one to get us all back together again... about 5 months after he'd left it looked like he'd be staying much longer so we had to decide whether or not to join him...we visited Dubai and all fell in love with it ..decision made !! Eldest got into JESS and it has been the making of him.. his state secondary school at home was the pits and we all hated it..at JESS he did the IB and did very well, and now he's back home ready to start uni in September..more than we'd have dared hope for 5 years ago !! Youngest has settled in a lovely school and we've had no concerns about him at all..Everyone who knows us says the move has been the making of us..we kept our house and stay there every summer..I can honestly say we've never regretted it..am a bit surprised that so many replies on this thread have been so adamantly against coming here...certainly watching the UK from afar I don't have any regrets about leaving it !! lol But if we have to leave tomorrow then of course we will, and resume our UK life as if we never left...will miss our Dubai life enormously though i'm sure... oh and to say you can't trust married men alone here is absolute nonsense - in my opinion the type of men who cheat will do it anywhere, Dubai is no different...plenty of decent men stay here on their own without wandering... women who say different do so because they never had a decent man !! lol Excellent post DT, both the bit about families and schooling as well as the so called straying husbands.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 04:06
The biggest mistake you can make is a bit strong and none of us can possibly say that about people we don't know !! I don't know the OP but can give my experience as that's all I know... We were in a similar position..husband sent to Dubai supposedly just for a few months but as they dragged on it turned out to be the longest year of our lives..staying in the UK with 2 kids aged 13 and 5 wasn't easy for any of us and they both missed their dad terribly..whatever decision we were going to make HAD to be one to get us all back together again... about 5 months after he'd left it looked like he'd be staying much longer so we had to decide whether or not to join him...we visited Dubai and all fell in love with it ..decision made !! Eldest got into JESS and it has been the making of him.. his state secondary school at home was the pits and we all hated it..at JESS he did the IB and did very well, and now he's back home ready to start uni in September..more than we'd have dared hope for 5 years ago !! Youngest has settled in a lovely school and we've had no concerns about him at all..Everyone who knows us says the move has been the making of us..we kept our house and stay there every summer..I can honestly say we've never regretted it..am a bit surprised that so many replies on this thread have been so adamantly against coming here...certainly watching the UK from afar I don't have any regrets about leaving it !! lol But if we have to leave tomorrow then of course we will, and resume our UK life as if we never left...will miss our Dubai life enormously though i'm sure... oh and to say you can't trust married men alone here is absolute nonsense - in my opinion the type of men who cheat will do it anywhere, Dubai is no different...plenty of decent men stay here on their own without wandering... women who say different do so because they never had a decent man !! lol
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 00:58
I am quite surprised at the number of replies not supporting the family living together. I know it can be tough supporting a family in Dubai and cost of renting and education increases every year but if the package / salary supports a family living together and having the same or better lifestyle as their home country why not go for it? I understand the anxiousness of moving children from settled environments but with two supportive parents I am sure as many children do they will settle in new schools.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 00:26
I don't have children, however, my DH and I lived apart for 18 months, pretty tough and I finally joined him last year. We have a strong marriage but it did test us. I believe it's even more important if you have children for everyone to be together as a family unit where everyone has the support of each other. I know you are concerned for your DS but (don't take this the wrong way!) don't let one member of the family be the decision to remain separated. Sometimes we don't like change but us humans eventually adapt well. Good luck to you. <em>edited by Quicksilver6 on 08/08/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 August 2014 - 00:13
Similarish - 13, 11 and two older ones. When we found it so hard to decide I re-assured myself that neither decision was therefore wrong :-)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 23:19
@foolnightsleep, are your children similar age as my children (13 & 9)? We wouldn't have had this confusion if they were in primary school. We would have moved to Dubai without thinking twice! Thank you ladies for all your replies. This has definitely given us some food for thought!
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 22:41
I would never feel comfortable having my husband on his own in Dubai. There are too much temptation even for the most loyal men out here. I would also worry about the children's relationship to their dad. I have no experience of U.K schools, so don't know how it compares. Tons of good quality afterschool activities though. Men are so weak.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 22:40
Stay where you are now. JESS is not all it's cracked up to be. That's all I'm going to say. <em>edited by cushion on 07/08/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 21:00
I won't even consider telling you what to do - but to put another side for you... We were in exactly the same situation - children at an academically challenging selective school in the UK, DH in Dubai and me and him travelling every two weeks to see each other. We spent all of last summer holiday like you, dithering about what to do - decided literally at the last minute not to move, and realised straight away that it was a huge mistake. We all then moved a few months later, I spent the whole school year full of angst about whether the children are happy, whether the schools are good enough and all of the things we were missing by not being in the UK. But, we were recently offered the chance to move back to the UK - and the children refuse! They are really settled in Dubai, have a great life and lots of friends...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 18:59
My dh goes to work around 7am and I'm lucky to see him at 7pm, that's when he's not travelling. He come's home exhausted, tired and grumpy and at weekends all he wants to do is sleep - Dubai has sucked the life out of him and we're struggling on and off with our relationship since being here for 2 years in Dubai!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 18:14
DH travels to the UK every other weekend, he comes on a Friday morning and returns on Sunday eve. It is expensive, but that is what he has been doing since he started working in Dubai. It is a strain for him as his job already involves a lot of travelling and tough for me too as I have to manage everything on my own in the UK.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 17:11
Agree Agree Agree - I will stay for one more year until my DS turns 13 and then back to our home country for high school education and some reality! It's a no brainer! Stay where you are, you would be completely mad to give up what you have and TBH unless your son and DD could get into DC forget it. Stay where you are and just come out during the holidays, do not up route your son in these critical educational years, be the worst mistake you ever make. Agree! Agree 10 times over! Its a really hard age to move the kids - Dubai is a notoriously unfriendly environment for people to settle into quickly, and the kids have already said they don't want to move. Not only could it hinder their educational development, should they not settle in well, it could cause issues between you and the kids which is the last thing you want/need. Good luck with your decision! Agree.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 17:00
I was just going to say something similar to Ohman. Whilst the kids are happy and settled I can see why a huge strain to move them. But I know lots of families who have made the move and it's worked out well for them. Its a life experience for children that cannot be taught and serves them well in adult life. A strong, together family will let through most things, including a change of schools. But even the strongest of relationships will feel the strain of separation over time.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 16:53
Personally, I would be looking at the impact of the kids and family as a whole of not living in the same country. I was an expat kid and my father also lived away for long periods which ultimately led to a divorce and the family splitting up for good. I don't want to scare you, but if it were me I'd be more concerned about the impact on the family unit and relationships rather than the education and extra-curricular activities.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 16:42
Hi Nicky, are you aware that Jess does the IB diploma in sixth form, not A levels? We were happy with Jess but came from Australia where the secondary system is similar to the IB with 6 subjects to study at senior school. Good luck with your decision.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 16:35
Thank you all for your replies.... We thought we would consider moving to Dubai if DS got a place either in DC or Jess as we thought these schools would be to some extent equivalent to the school he is going to now. DS did not get into DC, but got a place in Jess. Does any of you have children going to Jess secondary? What are your views about the school? @irish259, yes, we want to live together as a family!
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 15:59
It's a no brainer! Stay where you are, you would be completely mad to give up what you have and TBH unless your son and DD could get into DC forget it. Stay where you are and just come out during the holidays, do not up route your son in these critical educational years, be the worst mistake you ever make. Agree! Agree 10 times over! Its a really hard age to move the kids - Dubai is a notoriously unfriendly environment for people to settle into quickly, and the kids have already said they don't want to move. Not only could it hinder their educational development, should they not settle in well, it could cause issues between you and the kids which is the last thing you want/need. Good luck with your decision! Agree.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 15:34
but what about your family as a whole? is it really convenient and you feel comfortable to live apart from your husband and your children growing up far away from their dad? how long can you live like that? yes, kids are our priority but sometimes you need to see bigger picture and sacrifice something smaller like your DS comfort zone. Children will be fine where ever you go, they adapt quickly and at the end you live as complete family. Just my opinion.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 15:16
It's a no brainer! Stay where you are, you would be completely mad to give up what you have and TBH unless your son and DD could get into DC forget it. Stay where you are and just come out during the holidays, do not up route your son in these critical educational years, be the worst mistake you ever make. Agree! Agree 10 times over! Its a really hard age to move the kids - Dubai is a notoriously unfriendly environment for people to settle into quickly, and the kids have already said they don't want to move. Not only could it hinder their educational development, should they not settle in well, it could cause issues between you and the kids which is the last thing you want/need. Good luck with your decision!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 15:13
It's a no brainer! Stay where you are, you would be completely mad to give up what you have and TBH unless your son and DD could get into DC forget it. Stay where you are and just come out during the holidays, do not up route your son in these critical educational years, be the worst mistake you ever make. Agree!
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 07 August 2014 - 15:02
It's a no brainer! Stay where you are, you would be completely mad to give up what you have and TBH unless your son and DD could get into DC forget it. Stay where you are and just come out during the holidays, do not up route your son in these critical educational years, be the worst mistake you ever make.
 
 

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