Marrying a Muslim man. I'm Christian.

Just a couple thoughts from a Muslim wife: 1. Just because you have not found signs of a wife in his home in Dubai does not mean there isn't another home/homes here in the UAE or other countries with a wife/wives and children. This is his right. I cannot see the age of this man - but, I would imagine most Muslim men over the age of 25 (if not younger) would already have a wife, which was arranged for him by his family. This is not necessarily a negative for you - something you have to come to terms with. He must, however, treat each wife in a similar way, giving equal time, money, etc to each without favouritism - a little difficult sometimes I would imagine. 2. Muslim men are permitted 4 wives legally and are not under any legal obligation to inform the wives of each others existence (to my knowledge). In fact, some men have wives and children even their families have no knowledge about (e.g. maids or "girlfriends" that get pregnant). 3. All your children will belong to their father and his family - never to you - you would never get custody should your marriage end in a separation or divorce. Accept that you will never have access to their personal documents - birth certificates, passports etc. And, quietly likely, will never be able to travel with them out of the country alone to visit your home country and family. You will always need his permission to take his children out of the country if you are traveling alone. 4. Just because he is not a "practicing" Muslim now does not mean he will not in the future. Many Muslim men go through different stages (as do most men), and adherence to their religious practices is a common one. Be prepared for him to revert to a devout Muslim man at some stage, especially when children start arriving. 5. It will be your duty as a mother to ensure your children are raised as Muslims. Think very long and carefully about this huge, life-changing step you are considering. Life as a Muslim woman/wife can be wonderful - secure, respectful, loving, happy, strong family environment, but you need to be prepared for this if life within an extended family is a new concept for you. I am fortunate that I have a very happy marriage and I live in a huge extended family situation. There are many unhappy marriages, however - in all religions, cultures etc. and when the marriage is a mixed one - culturally or religiously, there are even more pressures than the usual ones. You have to be prepared for this. All marriages take hard work to be successful. I think the analogy that "Marriage is like a Box" - both partners have to keep putting into the box to keep taking out. Do your homework well before making your final commitment as marriage is supposed to be "forever". Mrs B, these are some valid thoughts. Just to add to it: the Qur'an permits but does not command a man to have four wives. Furthermore, the Qur'an stipulates that a man is responsible for the maintenance of his wife or wives. If a man has more than one wife, he has to provide separate living accommodation for each of his wives. Multiple marriages are a heavy responsibility on the male. It is not a pleasure trip as some people may assume. Some even imagine all kinds of sexual exploits involving a man and his wives altogether. However, such activity is not permissible in Islam. A man must divide his time equally among his wives. He may, for example, spend one night with each wife on a rotating schedule. If a man cannot maintain justice in the treatment of his wives, the Qur'an stipulates that he is to have no more than one wife. Also according to my info he needs permission from his wifes to marry another and there has to be a valid reason e.g his current wife cannot conceive, is unable to "be" with him, to give shelter of one's name, to prevent adultery to name a few.....not just because. ...ofcause some people take advantage of this and do as they please. Anyway, as a product of a mixed marriage I do have to say he needs to be honest with his family and with the OP. My father was from a feudal family but he respected his family and my mother enough to make sure everyone was comfortable. My grandfather was an enlightened man and so sent a return ticket fro My Mum to come out by ship ( in the 50's) to see if she could deal with thee diffrent culture and religion. at the same time he told my father that if wanted to go through with it he was to respect her religion and not force her into anything. Also he forbade my father to ever marry again (fuedals love o marry) We as children were educated in both takes ...as people of the book. When we were old enough we were given the choice. Needless to say we all chose Islam but we understand and respect Christianity. H nneds to give credit to his family. His father may not be as millitant as he may seem to him. the OP's BF needs to man up

Just a couple thoughts from a Muslim wife: 1. Just because you have not found signs of a wife in his home in Dubai does not mean there isn't another home/homes here in the UAE or other countries with a wife/wives and children. This is his right. I cannot see the age of this man - but, I would imagine most Muslim men over the age of 25 (if not younger) would already have a wife, which was arranged for him by his family. This is not necessarily a negative for you - something you have to come to terms with. He must, however, treat each wife in a similar way, giving equal time, money, etc to each without favouritism - a little difficult sometimes I would imagine. 2. Muslim men are permitted 4 wives legally and are not under any legal obligation to inform the wives of each others existence (to my knowledge). In fact, some men have wives and children even their families have no knowledge about (e.g. maids or "girlfriends" that get pregnant). 3. All your children will belong to their father and his family - never to you - you would never get custody should your marriage end in a separation or divorce. Accept that you will never have access to their personal documents - birth certificates, passports etc. And, quietly likely, will never be able to travel with them out of the country alone to visit your home country and family. You will always need his permission to take his children out of the country if you are traveling alone. 4. Just because he is not a "practicing" Muslim now does not mean he will not in the future. Many Muslim men go through different stages (as do most men), and adherence to their religious practices is a common one. Be prepared for him to revert to a devout Muslim man at some stage, especially when children start arriving. 5. It will be your duty as a mother to ensure your children are raised as Muslims. Think very long and carefully about this huge, life-changing step you are considering. Life as a Muslim woman/wife can be wonderful - secure, respectful, loving, happy, strong family environment, but you need to be prepared for this if life within an extended family is a new concept for you. I am fortunate that I have a very happy marriage and I live in a huge extended family situation. There are many unhappy marriages, however - in all religions, cultures etc. and when the marriage is a mixed one - culturally or religiously, there are even more pressures than the usual ones. You have to be prepared for this. All marriages take hard work to be successful. I think the analogy that "Marriage is like a Box" - both partners have to keep putting into the box to keep taking out. Do your homework well before making your final commitment as marriage is supposed to be "forever".

Hi. Just to provide a different perspective, I am married to a local and I know many other women who also are. We all live very varied lives. Some of us post pictures of ourselves in bikinis on Facebook and others wear niqabs. Some go off for the summer to their Christian countries with the kids without their husbands and some don't travel alone at all. I think that our lives are very similar to the lives of women married to men from similar backgrounds. Some of us are happy. Some of us are not. That being said, if you are a devout Christian, I would think that it would be hard for you to raise your children as Muslims. I don't know of many Muslim men (even the non-practicing ones) who allow their children to not be Muslim. I do know of some, however.... Also, if your boyfriend is a non-practicing Muslim now and you like that aspect of him, expect that he will most likely become a practicing Muslim at some point. These are wise words, AnonDubai. I agree that there are many happy mixed couples here, and yours is definitely one of them. My response was based on all the negative comments from other posters which led me to believe that there was something fishy here - in particular, given that the OP's bf does not want to introduce her to his parents. Btw is there a way to find out whether a man is already married? E.g. at Dubai Courts? If it is to a national then it will show in the little booklet he has. If he does not have one then mate not as he is still in his father's book but if he has one of his own then it means he has a family of his own so is married.

Hi. Just to provide a different perspective, I am married to a local and I know many other women who also are. We all live very varied lives. Some of us post pictures of ourselves in bikinis on Facebook and others wear niqabs. Some go off for the summer to their Christian countries with the kids without their husbands and some don't travel alone at all. I think that our lives are very similar to the lives of women married to men from similar backgrounds. Some of us are happy. Some of us are not. That being said, if you are a devout Christian, I would think that it would be hard for you to raise your children as Muslims. I don't know of many Muslim men (even the non-practicing ones) who allow their children to not be Muslim. I do know of some, however.... Also, if your boyfriend is a non-practicing Muslim now and you like that aspect of him, expect that he will most likely become a practicing Muslim at some point. These are wise words, AnonDubai. I agree that there are many happy mixed couples here, and yours is definitely one of them. My response was based on all the negative comments from other posters which led me to believe that there was something fishy here - in particular, given that the OP's bf does not want to introduce her to his parents. Btw is there a way to find out whether a man is already married? E.g. at Dubai Courts?

Do what your heart says.. if you are doubtful then take some more time before taking decision. All you should know is that you should not regret any of ur decisions later in life as u will only do what u r feeling right at this moment

I agree to AnonDubai it surely varies from person to person. If someone had a bad experience. It doesn't mean that you will surely have the same. It all depends how flexible you both can go.. and flexibility in a relationship is directly propotional to the Love between two..

gosh cherpie, you sound so unhappy and scared. i'm so sorry you are in this mess. big hugs to you x Ah I'm used to it by now but thank you, appreciate it :) Not all aran men are like this - is your husband local? Aran? like the cardigans ;-) yes dear...... :)

Hi. Just to provide a different perspective, I am married to a local and I know many other women who also are. We all live very varied lives. Some of us post pictures of ourselves in bikinis on Facebook and others wear niqabs. Some go off for the summer to their Christian countries with the kids without their husbands and some don't travel alone at all. I think that our lives are very similar to the lives of women married to men from similar backgrounds. Some of us are happy. Some of us are not. That being said, if you are a devout Christian, I would think that it would be hard for you to raise your children as Muslims. I don't know of many Muslim men (even the non-practicing ones) who allow their children to not be Muslim. I do know of some, however.... Also, if your boyfriend is a non-practicing Muslim now and you like that aspect of him, expect that he will most likely become a practicing Muslim at some point.

No offense but just because you have met siblings DOES NOT mean he is not married. I had a friend who was dating someone - she had met a few of his brother in-laws - only later did she find out that they were his wife's brothers and not his sisters' husbands. Eek. OP - I haven't read your original post but based on the other responses it sounds v fishy. Run for the hills - life's too short. Totally true, not the first time I've heard this and won't be the last.

No... To return to the topic, if I knew someone who had been in the situation I was contemplating getting myself into, it would have been helpful. Do not be fooled by stars in your eyes. You don't want to be in your middle years in a black hole dug so deep you can't see the light anymore, wondering what coulda shoulda woulda if only.... Please know I'm not the only one with this same experience, I would never Wish that upon anyone though.

No offense but just because you have met siblings DOES NOT mean he is not married. I had a friend who was dating someone - she had met a few of his brother in-laws - only later did she find out that they were his wife's brothers and not his sisters' husbands. Eek. OP - I haven't read your original post but based on the other responses it sounds v fishy. Run for the hills - life's too short.

gosh cherpie, you sound so unhappy and scared. i'm so sorry you are in this mess. big hugs to you x Ah I'm used to it by now but thank you, appreciate it :) Not all aran men are like this - is your husband local? Aran? like the cardigans ;-)

gosh cherpie, you sound so unhappy and scared. i'm so sorry you are in this mess. big hugs to you x Ah I'm used to it by now but thank you, appreciate it :) Not all arab men are like this - is your husband local? <em>edited by IzzyOnTheSeat on 14/08/2014</em>

gosh cherpie, you sound so unhappy and scared. i'm so sorry you are in this mess. big hugs to you x Ah I'm used to it by now but thank you, appreciate it :)

gosh cherpie, you sound so unhappy and scared. i'm so sorry you are in this mess. big hugs to you x

You have been to his house on a regular basis, but only when his parents are out?? Sneaking around eh. And most likely his siblings know the entire situation and I am telling you, he will not take you any further than the bedroom. I'm sorry but that's how they see us. And if you push to take it further I can promise you you are setting yourself up. The way you see him now, that is a front. It doesn't matter if you find out two months from now or ten years from now, you'll have to see it for what it is eventually.

For the record, I'm a westerner with a masters degree. I have not had a promiscuous past, and it used to see my family and go to church every other week. It wouldn't matter if I were a degenerate, drug addict, criminal low life. If I was an Arab Muslim I'd be at least human in their eyes.

If I would have known then what I know now, believe me,it isn't worth it. In the beginning, I "loved" him but I have no love for him now at all after what he has put me through. I will not take care of him when he is old,I simply resent what he has turned me into. They use their religion when it's convenient for them and put you into a guilt trip for arguing about it.

You can write it, but it's up to the courts to enforce it. Let me tell you once again my personal situation in a little more detail. I met and married this man in my own country, we lived there for several years and it was a strain but "not that bad". I was young and ended up in a mental ward after attempting suicide when he banned me physically from seeing my family. Of course that in itself makes you an unfit parent. I agreed to come here because my daughter wanted to visit her fathers family, and as a mother that's her right. It was supposed to be one summer. Ok so were going on eight years. I've never seen my own family in that time, only communicated by email. I have had two very close family members pass away and I never even said goodbye. I have to suffer his almost daily putting down my family, emotional abuse verging on physical. I sleep in the childrens room because I am scared he will just pack them up and hide them with his family. He has taken them every year to see his 50+ family members! for one entire month every summer. He has physical possession of their passports, despite them holding MY nationality, not his. Things were "ok" when in my own country, really. At least then I had access to resources and fairness to an extent. But if he is from here, he will never, ever tolerate living outside of his world for any extended period of time.

IF, I say IF, we decide to get married eventually, would it make any difference if we do it in the UK? Will I have more rights? I Nope - its where you live and get divorced what will determine your rights with regards to your children - however, you can have it wrtiten into your marriage contract that in the case of divorce, any children will remain in your custody until they are 18 - in fact you can write whatever you like in the contract.

run for the hills. i agree with all the posters on this thread, nothing (or hardly anything) good can come of this. granted, there are happy endings to some of these marriages, but those are from relationships that were done properly from the start. good luck!

I am actually scared to continue with this relationship, after reading your comments. I appreciate your inputs and you are right, it will definitely be complicated. He wants to meet my family yes. I have explained to him that I would like to meet his family too, if they wouldn't accept me now, they will not accept me in the future. He is willing to do that. Like he said, at the end of the day he wants to be with me and it's something he will explain to his family. We can only hope for the best, hopefully they will understand that we love each other dearly. He is definitely now married, I have been to his house on a regular basis when his parents are out. I have met some of his sisters and brothers, not all though. IF, I say IF, we decide to get married eventually, would it make any difference if we do it in the UK? Will I have more rights? It's really hard to think about it, and indefinitely don't want to end up in a situation where I will have to give up my kids one day! After your advice I have decided to put all plans in hold until I know where I stand exactly with right etc in the future. In fact, there is no rush. If we are meant to be together, we will be. Only time will tell. There are really a lot of stories about there about children been taken away from British woman, and left with the man. At least in the Uk, that would not happen to you. You should put your foot down and meet his family, things may be clearer for you after then. How long exactly have you been with him?

No offense but just because you have met siblings DOES NOT mean he is not married. I had a friend who was dating someone - she had met a few of his brother in-laws - only later did she find out that they were his wife's brothers and not his sisters' husbands.

So here's the story... I'm Christian and in a relationship with a Muslim man. I'm half South African, half British and he is from Ras Al Khaimah. My family is very open minded, however, I think they would prefer for me to marry a Christian. I don't think they will refuse it if he is not, as long as he takes good care of me and love me. For his family, they are Bedouin. Close minded. Obviously his family would never accept it if he wants to marry a Christian Westerner. He is talking about getting engaged and I am keen on the idea. We really love each other and we are not only a couple, but best friends also. He doesn't want to tell his family for obvious reasons, but once we are married he would like me to meet his family. He thinks they will accept me into their family once we are married. I know his parents wouldn't be happy. Has anyone been in a situation like this before. The problem is not our religions, the problem is his parents are old and not open minded so wouldn't like any change in tradition. When you marry someone, you marry their family. You need to love them and get on with them. Many relationship from same cultures and religions dont last due to so many small things now days, what you want to take on is huge. Unless, he is a Muslim that has lived in a western country and seen your world completely he will not understand you ever. What about him wanting to meet your family? Has he shown any interest in your back ground and culture? This works both ways, all the sacrifices cant just be done to you. I would only go ahead with something like this if I was in my country where I have rights to future children if something went wrong...

And just FYI. According to Muslim law. It is illegal to teach the children of a Muslim father anything other than Islam, and it is grounds for not only divorce but for custody of the children. I had to contact a legal person (not sure if they're called lawyers here) and they told me that, so even the children are forced. You can only tell them about the non religious aspects of holidays, for example, because all the man has to do is say you've been teaching the children any religious thing, and they're gone.

Just a thought. It's very possible that your local boyfriend is already married, to wife no1 tucked away in Ras Al Khaimah, hence the decision to only introduce you to his family once the legal marriage has occurred. As you may or may not know, Muslim men are allowed to remarry without the first wife's consent or knowledge.

I'm new on the scene here but first post I read. Don't. Freakin. Do it. This is my life such that it is and it sucks to say the very least. If you've ever heard the term mamas boy believe me that is a grotesque understatement. He might be using you. He and his family can and will take the future kids for whatever duration they deem appropriate, there is such a long list of problems. I cannot absolutely cannot think of a single positive thing to say about this. I live my children dearly but have zero input on anything in their lives and I'm forced to endure this family **** so much it's sickening. He will cut you off from your own family. For your own heart, please don't!

My DD married an Arab ( not local ) last year. His family are quite traditional, they were also open to him marrying a Christian. DD will not convert, this is ok by her husband and his family. Their unborn baby will follow Muslim traditions, but also will learn and understand our faith too. If I was to sit back and this was happening to my DD, I would see she would be walking into a very unhappy marriage. .... OP you need to think long and hard...