Teenager dilemma

Ummm mm read posts before u..this is from years ago and no need to give advice

First of all, I would insist on meeting the perents of the kids is having the party, most of the times perents don't have an idea that their kids is throwing a party, if the parents do know, I would ask them why they didn't send invitations themselves to the other parents too?? If your DD don't want to give info or couldn't give you info, then she either know there will be no chapprons to look over or, she could be a victim herself to someone's "party"! This what I would do if it was my kid, again this is not my kid. To be honest it's very dangerous to enter anyone's property over here - and anywhere- as you just entered at your own risk. No, I wouldn't let my DD or DS to go to such event called party

*gigglefit* :D This was posted on the EW fb page just 8 hrs ago, sorry!

Aaawww, I really feel for you. As many EWs have said, do meet the parents, and yes, please drop her right in to the apartment and meet as many of the attendees as possible. A big hug to you. I've been there, done that, got out unsinged phew! But I know how like a landmine this particular decision making process can be :) Just want to add this though - the work towards facing a yes or no decision about this one party, or teaching our kids to resist temptations, or instilling in them the self worth and leadership skills to say no to their peers, actually begins sometimein their early toddlerhood. Teenagers are difficult under the best of circumstances. Imagine under the worst.. So once you get this party over with, please resolve to talk to her more regularly on things that matter to HER. We may think we already do, but I was surprised to discover how far off the mark I was. Small changes in tone and body language make a world of difference. It involves changing our own mindsets on many matters. For eg, teenagers will have crushes. It's better that they feel free to discuss this stuff with you, than look outside for a confidante. It involves giving in on things that don't really matter - for me it was the damn hoverboard. I let my teenager have it under the condition that it can only be used in an enclosed space with no traffic or pedestrians. And I was shocked to learn that's exactly how he had intended to use it anyway! - and only hold on to the one or two things that truly matter, especially if they involve her safety and security. She'll get that. It's a gradual process, so please don't lose patience. By and by, you'll find her understanding that you're making these decisions WITH her, and not AGAINST her. Lots of luck to you! P. S - if she's asked YOU for permission, i suggest YOU grant it (or not) to her. Sure, it's very important that you consult with your husband. But let her grow up with the example of a strong, capable mother figure who doesn't shy away from the decision making process (nor defers to her father), along with a supportive father figure.. :) Check the date on the post. It was October 2014 party has log been over :lol:

Aaawww, I really feel for you. As many EWs have said, do meet the parents, and yes, please drop her right in to the apartment and meet as many of the attendees as possible. A big hug to you. I've been there, done that, got out unsinged phew! But I know how like a landmine this particular decision making process can be :) Just want to add this though - the work towards facing a yes or no decision about this one party, or teaching our kids to resist temptations, or instilling in them the self worth and leadership skills to say no to their peers, actually begins sometimein their early toddlerhood. Teenagers are difficult under the best of circumstances. Imagine under the worst.. So once you get this party over with, please resolve to talk to her more regularly on things that matter to HER. We may think we already do, but I was surprised to discover how far off the mark I was. Small changes in tone and body language make a world of difference. It involves changing our own mindsets on many matters. For eg, teenagers will have crushes. It's better that they feel free to discuss this stuff with you, than look outside for a confidante. It involves giving in on things that don't really matter - for me it was the damn hoverboard. I let my teenager have it under the condition that it can only be used in an enclosed space with no traffic or pedestrians. And I was shocked to learn that's exactly how he had intended to use it anyway! - and only hold on to the one or two things that truly matter, especially if they involve her safety and security. She'll get that. It's a gradual process, so please don't lose patience. By and by, you'll find her understanding that you're making these decisions WITH her, and not AGAINST her. Lots of luck to you! P. S - if she's asked YOU for permission, i suggest YOU grant it (or not) to her. Sure, it's very important that you consult with your husband. But let her grow up with the example of a strong, capable mother figure who doesn't shy away from the decision making process (nor defers to her father), along with a supportive father figure.. :)

I am 23, so not too long ago I was asking permission to go to parties. Most of the time I got a no way in he'll type of answer. When i gave a fake number of "parents" to contact, and a friend would pretend to be the parent, I managed to go to a few parties. If I lived life over I wouldn't dare go to them! So many horror stories of kids in the hospital, crazy drugs all around, pregnant friends, friends asking everyone to donate to get an abortion, friends getting raped! AlhunduliAllah none of this happened to me, but it's not fun to think about even now. Please don't let her go. She will get over it!

Show your daughter this thread! Must be plenty of kids being told 'no you can't go'. I have spent many years working with teenagers and I need to say - it's a totally different world out there. Comparing your own experiences as a teenager with what kids are dealing with today is like apples and oranges. I'm sure many people would be horrified to learn about what [b'>some[/b'> kids get up to, and sometimes at a very young age. Whether it be the content of their conversations, their actions, well..... we're not in Kansas anymore. I've 'overheard' conversations about parties and my heart sinks. They're too young to be dealing with the issues they are facing. Their brains aren't even nearly developed enough to comprehend consequences in great detail. I know it's different here, but I always taught my students one very important rule: CALL. Don't worry about getting in trouble, don't worry about the police, if you need a parent - CALL. If you need an ambulance - CALL. If you don't know what to do - CALL. Take the burden of life changing consequences off your shoulders - get an adult there ASAP. CALL.

Going by the responses here, I would believe there would be more parents who would be disappointing their kids who have been invited to this party. Why not get them together (with your DD's help) and plan something safer. This way no one misses out and have their own party tales to tell...

Why not suggest she has a 'gathering ' at your place, that way you get to meet her friends, whilst controlling the situation (albeit subtly), that way you can gauge how responsible or not the people she is hanging out with are. It is not unusual for the police to be called to rowdy unsupervised teenage parties, which usually involve a delivery from the milkman. Convince her there is now way she wants to spend any time at Bur Dubai Police station - which is what will happen. Good luck with the teenage years! This!

Let's just say ROSIE2121, at your daughter's age, I was concerned with exactly what every woman on this thread is saying. And unfortunately, so were all my friends. It's a hard one; and one that only each individual parent can figure out for themselves and how they're going to handle it - no matter how much advice you get, only you know your daughter fully. I agree with those saying NO: My parents were stern, and stopped me from certain parties and gatherings and laid down all the rules like any parent would. I would fight and argue and get upset, but in hindsight, of course they were doing it for my safety and protecting me. I completely understand that now. Of course you should say no! But as Izzy pointed out, and I somehow agree a little - perhaps it's getting to that age now where you need to be giving the old school *** ed conversation. And make sure she's protected. Because I know - when I was a teen, when I wanted to do something or go to a party or see someone - I managed to figure out how to.

Why not suggest she has a 'gathering ' at your place, that way you get to meet her friends, whilst controlling the situation (albeit subtly), that way you can gauge how responsible or not the people she is hanging out with are. It is not unusual for the police to be called to rowdy unsupervised teenage parties, which usually involve a delivery from the milkman. Convince her there is now way she wants to spend any time at Bur Dubai Police station - which is what will happen. Good luck with the teenage years!

This feels like a real dilemma now, but I am afraid that this is only the beginning of difficult questions, demands and moral dilemmas for you. Having daughters is difficult no matter where you live when they reach this age .It is hard to make decisions aganst their wishes as you want to believe that they will always do the right thing', but you are constantly worrying for them because they are under so many pressures. My father was very strict and I really didn't understand why at the time. So I would say always explain why you are saying no. Some of your reasons will be things hat the young ones will not have even thought about themselves. My husband was very strict with our 2 daughters- stricter than I would have been actually, and my daughters were at times very miserable but I think he was a little bit older and wiser than me! And of course it is all forgotten now .Looking back, they have not had to suffer the heartbreaks that some of their friends went through.

Hi There is no way that I would allow my daughter out to any party underage without 1) adults present and 2) having met them personally! She is only 15.. if she was 14 would you even be hesitating? Does that extra 12 months make that much difference? That said - if it is not a possibility to meet them- I would still say no - but also plan to do something else that night so that when she is asked by her friends if is she going/why she isn't going - she has a decent reason ... we are going out the theatre/cousins/cinema/whatever - my parents have already booked the tickets/arranged dinner etc That way she can 'save face" among her peers if she is worried that they will tease her for having such strict parents (such as mine were - so I know her dilemma)... hopefully this may soften the blow. Good luck -

I love how your daughter said she "never gets to go out" - totally sounds like something I would have said as a teenager - and my mom still wouldnt have let me go! Try to let her go out more often with 1 or 2 girls from her class, like for a movie, so she still feels like she has a social life. Parties like this just send warning bells off for me. My mom would never have let me go, and as angry and annoyed as I used to get, now that I'm a mum I really appreciate it and plan on having the same limits for own daughter (I might even be more strict!) Being a parent is always an internal battle, but remember you are the mum and you know whats best. It's okay if she gets upset or angry, it's just part of being a teenager! <em>edited by sourskittleashnut on 21/10/2014</em>

I'm with the party poopers on this one. No way a 15 year old should be going to a party given by someone you don't know, without known and trusted responsible adult supervision and with a boy you haven't met. It's a recipe for disaster.

NO!!! I wouldn't let a boy of 15 go to an unsupervised party either. It's not just girls who are vulnerable at that age and we have a duty to protect our sons too. How do you/your daughter know this isn't intended to be a party just for 2? You seem to have no way of checking this out. When my son goes to a house party I always ask for the contact number of the parents so I can make they will be there for the duration. He's always been happy to give it to me, knowing I am prepared to phone them. Some parents are happy to let their kids have unsupervised parties; some are away for the weekend and don't know about it until they come back and have to deal with the consequences, which may well include police involvement, criminal damage, hospitalisation, death, etc. Don't forget that lots of houses & apartment complexes here have pools. Even if it's not a pool party it can so easily turn into one without adult supervision and there is plenty of scope for things to go wrong. I know of one party here where the young man's body wasn't found until later because nobody noticed him going under the water. If you are able to make the decision yourself, Rosie, you tell your daughter rather than making your husband responsible for it. There will be plenty of other times you have to say no to her, so she'll know where you stand and that you are taking her welfare seriously. I agree with Daza's view that you should encourage her both to widen her circle of friends and meet this boy too. You may decide he's not the best influence on her. On the other hand, you may well find he's a perfectly nice boy who really, really likes her, but she's worried that him meeting her parents will scare him off. It's worthwhile remembering that there are some lovely teenage boys out there who actually want a proper girlfriend they can talk to & spend time with. If he does turn out to be wonderful, she still needs to make some good friends apart from him though. Just not at an unsupervised party.

Hi Rosie, I would really struggle saying 'yes' back in the UK (even if I had met the host) but out here without hesitation it would be a very firm 'NO'. I have heard too many horror stories. Your daughter will get over it - like I got over not going to Bobby Boultons birthday party back in 1989 ;) Hope you got your answer on here x edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014 To think - what might have been. You could have been MollyBoBo, for one thing. edited by Redrec Tangle on 21/10/2014 Good god RedT, I never thought of that! lol edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014 <em>edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014</em>

Hi Rosie, I would really struggle saying 'yes' back in the UK (even if I had met the host) but out here without hesitation it would be a very firm 'NO'. I have heard too many horror stories. Your daughter will get over it - like I got over not going to Bobby Boultons birthday party back in 1989 ;) Hope you got your answer on here x edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014 To think - what might have been. You could have been MollyBoBo, for one thing. <em>edited by Redrec Tangle on 21/10/2014</em>

dear Rosie, you say your daughter doesnt have any friends; just this boy? What doesnt she have any friends? May be she will feel easily led if she is reliant on party "friends" and will be vulnerable. For my part I cant understand why any mother would send her daughter to such a dubious function. Dont mothers want to protect their daughters? Why send them to a place of no safety just because you feel sorry for them? As for Izzy's comment, she is realistic, for what would a mother in that situation expect? Harsh but true. She is saying, okay send her, but if you are worried about her safety at least protect her from pregnancy and she will be fine. This is the reality: girls and boys who mix in that kind of scenario may drink alcohol and end up having ***. Since you are considering sending her because you feel sorry for her, then at least protect her from getting pregnant, since you are considering not protecting her in other dimensions (her vulnerability without friends, may be lack of confidence, breaking the law by drinking alcohol etc). I know I also sound Izzy-like and harsh, but really, dont mothers feel the serious responsibility of protecting their daughters from things like dating and alcohol and parties and unsavoury characters who hang around such places? Letting her go is not to me letting her learn responsibility, to me letting her go is the mother letting go of her responsibiity to protect her. Dont people want to protect the physical privacy of their daughter? Why let her out to a place where boys have just got one thing on their mind? Plus a myriad of other troubles and side-issues? You know what you saying and of course I am not the sort of mother to stick a pack of condoms in her bag and this is why i have asked for advice....no mother is perfect and when you get wrapped up in your emotions you do need confirmations sometimes from other mothers that you are right in feeling concerned...I dont need someone being sarcastic by making the comment lizzyonseat made...it will put people off to reaching out for help. I think generally I am a good mum and do say no....i just wonder how some parents can leave their teenagers to have a party unattended and yes, it doe snot feel right too me. Appreciate your comments though....She definitely will not be going on this basis...if their no parents they we have not met or know, then it will be out of the question...none of my friends have teenager daughter so it dont think there is anytjhing wrong by me asking for some advice on her Rosie you don't have to justify yourself to anyone - you are obviously a very good mother otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking. Ignore any posts that you find unhelpful - go with the ones that will help you make the right decision. <em>edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014</em>

Hi Rosie, I would really struggle saying 'yes' back in the UK (even if I had met the host) but out here without hesitation it would be a very firm 'NO'. I have heard too many horror stories. Your daughter will get over it - like I got over not going to Bobby Boultons birthday party back in 1989 ;) Hope you got your answer on here x <em>edited by MollyMooMoo on 21/10/2014</em>

As a person who attended parties, I also swore I would never allow my own children to attend parties. Honestly, at that age, it is not halos, it is horns. And girls, even good girls, have horns. That is the age when you want to enjoy yourself and you body and all of the nifty new feelings it has. Id say no. No parents. No way. No how. As a nice person, Id have plans for the night, plans she was a part of, so taking her somewhere - so she can save face - that will be a different approach to how the mothers would do it though. <em>edited by Londiamond on 21/10/2014</em>

My parents weren't particularly strict but there is still [i'>no[/i'> [i'>way[/i'> I would have been allowed to go to an unsupervised party when I was 15. I was allowed to go to parties but only ones with parents present. Rosie, if your daughter doesn't have many friends and this is her first party of this type don't let her throw herself in the deep end by going to an unsupervised party. Let her learn to navigate such social situations a bit more slowly. Unsupervised teen parties have a tendency to get waaaaaaaaay out of hand quickly and anything could happen. As a compromise could you allow her to invite this boy and maybe a few other teens to your home for an evening? Provide nice food and a bit of privacy but still be there to keep an eye on things? If the boy in question is only interested in spending time with your daughter completely unsupervised then he is probably someone she should avoid. ETA: At least she has been honest about no parents being there. As a teen I wasn't always entirely truthful about exactly who was going to be at parties. <em>edited by Daza on 21/10/2014</em>

I have a teenager who recently went to a party. 100 16 - 18 year olds. The parents stayed in the house that was being used, and also had slightly older kids there as 'security' to make sure nothing untoward happened. DO NOT let your daughter go to this party unless you know who she is going with, whose house it is, how she is getting home, and how many are going. If you are happy with the arrangements, then have the talk about her being a confident young woman who should never feel pressured by anyone to do something she feels isn't right. For good measure, I always used to remind my daughters that no boy worth his salt will ever say " you would if you loved /like me" , because if he thought anything at all of you, he wouldn't ask you to do something you didn't want to ! Do not be fooled into thinking boys and girls here are any different because they are in a foreign country. They aren't ! I have lived here a long time, and know personally of 2 teenage girls who were raped after their drinks were spiked! If it feels wrong to you, then just say no. You really don't need your husband to confirm what you already know. And they don't hate you for long anyway :)

I will leave this to my husband to have the final say Ah this made me laugh out loud. Exactly what my mother used to do - 'ask your father' - in which case the answer was usually NO. *chuckle*

This is a tricky situation as you want to give your daughter as much responsibility (some freedom) to make choices. However I would not have a very good feeling letting her go to a non-supervised house party. Playing the devils advocate a lot could go wrong (and of course the chances are slim but still), alcohol could be involved, drugs are readily available in Dubai, peer pressure to do something she would normally not do. A good indication is her body language, so crying when you asked to drop her off and meet the host. That is for me a red flag and warning sign.

My parents had a simple strategy if I wanted to hang out with kids outside the network of families we were close with: be home by sundown, and nothing good happens after 8pm. I didn't appreciate it too much when I turned 17, and they told me I was welcome to move out lol In a sentence: in this country, nooooooo way