How much of a disposable income is reasonable in Dubai? | ExpatWoman.com
 

How much of a disposable income is reasonable in Dubai?

3
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 18:12

Hi,

My husband and I recently moved to Dubai for his job. I am still looking for work and till I find something my husband is giving me money. At the moment he is gives me 3000 AED a month of which I am having to spend 2000 AED on food shopping, leaving me with 1000 AED a month for entertaining myself whilst he is at work, clothes, meeting people for lunch, fitness classes, make up, birthday presents, hair cuts, facials etc. My husband pays for all the bill including when we go out which is at least twice a week. If I'm honest, I'm annoyed at my husband for only giving me 1000 AED for my personal expenditure. I left a well paid job to move to Dubai with him and he earns a very good salary in Dubai. I am being unreasonable to expect more of a disposable income - around 2000 AED from him whilst I am out of work?

Thanks!
B

42
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 18:22
Hmmm I feel this won't go down well, but I will say it anyway. You husband is the one out working his bo**ocks off to keep you happy and in the style that you may have become accustomed to. While you are not working, I feel you should not be out at the beauty salon every week, or out lunching twice a week or having coffee mornings twice a week. There is no need for a trip to the hair dressers every week. Unless you are desperately trying to fit in to the Jumeirah Jane lifestyle. Yes marriage is a partnership but at the moment you are not contributing to that partnership. I would not have felt comfortable asking my husband to support me when I first came here. He worked hard for his money, as do I, so it just wouldn't have been an issue. I'm not saying 1000aed is enough, however maybe look at what you are spending it on and what and why you need more money. Sorry if this offends anyone. Bouncy, that is pretty unfair. The OP clearly stated that they have just moved here and she is still looking for work. She left a career back home to follow him here, so of course it is reasonable to expect him to support her for the time being. She did not mention going to the salon every week, only that the budget given must cover all personal expenses. I am very low maintenance and I would struggle on that budget. Her husband is being a tightwad. End of.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 17:48
Don't forget transport - taxis if she doesn't have her own car. I just want to answer the question that OP asked directly. No, 1000 is not nearly enough for the expense you mention. Here are my rough calculations: Fitness classes: average 50 and 100 dhms per group class x twice a week - 650 dhm a month Breakfasts (to network, meet friends etc): on average 70 dhms(15-20 for a coffee, 30-50 hot dish, tip) x twice a week - 600 dhm a month Lunches (to network, meet friends etc): depending where you go, but unlikely to go to a food court, so say 100 on average x twice a week - 850 dhm a month Haircut - 200 dhms I haven't even mentioned nails or make up or presents or clothes and the total is already at 2,300. So if your situation is such that you get a certain budget from your DH - you need to ask for more than 2000.
199
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 15:43
Hmmm I feel this won't go down well, but I will say it anyway. You husband is the one out working his bo**ocks off to keep you happy and in the style that you may have become accustomed to. While you are not working, I feel you should not be out at the beauty salon every week, or out lunching twice a week or having coffee mornings twice a week. There is no need for a trip to the hair dressers every week. Unless you are desperately trying to fit in to the Jumeirah Jane lifestyle. Yes marriage is a partnership but at the moment you are not contributing to that partnership. I would not have felt comfortable asking my husband to support me when I first came here. He worked hard for his money, as do I, so it just wouldn't have been an issue. I'm not saying 1000aed is enough, however maybe look at what you are spending it on and what and why you need more money. Sorry if this offends anyone.
199
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 15:43
Hmmm I feel this won't go down well, but I will say it anyway. You husband is the one out working his bo**ocks off to keep you happy and in the style that you may have become accustomed to. While you are not working, I feel you should not be out at the beauty salon every week, or out lunching twice a week or having coffee mornings twice a week. There is no need for a trip to the hair dressers every week. Unless you are desperately trying to fit in to the Jumeirah Jane lifestyle. Yes marriage is a partnership but at the moment you are not contributing to that partnership. I would not have felt comfortable asking my husband to support me when I first came here. He worked hard for his money, as do I, so it just wouldn't have been an issue. I'm not saying 1000aed is enough, however maybe look at what you are spending it on and what and why you need more money. Sorry if this offends anyone.
14
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 12:35
Hmmm I feel this won't go down well, but I will say it anyway. You husband is the one out working his bo**ocks off to keep you happy and in the style that you may have become accustomed to. While you are not working, I feel you should not be out at the beauty salon every week, or out lunching twice a week or having coffee mornings twice a week. There is no need for a trip to the hair dressers every week. Unless you are desperately trying to fit in to the Jumeirah Jane lifestyle. Yes marriage is a partnership but at the moment you are not contributing to that partnership. I would not have felt comfortable asking my husband to support me when I first came here. He worked hard for his money, as do I, so it just wouldn't have been an issue. I'm not saying 1000aed is enough, however maybe look at what you are spending it on and what and why you need more money. Sorry if this offends anyone.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 10:25
As others say, I think the issue is that you and your DH aren't discussing it. It may be that the budget is so tight that can't afford any more. I know we are hugely tight here and I keep a small wallet in which I put AED500 every month. This is my spending money for coffee, clothes etc. I don't buy a lot of clothes, we financially aren't in a position to do so. It's tough but if I spend any more then we are short for essentials. The difference is that I have calculated that this is all I can afford.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 09:30
[b'>My one question in this situation would be, 'do you know where the rest of his salary is going'[/b'> Perhaps he's just being cautious until he's sure everything is working out ok.[b'> I did pretty much the same as you when I came out here, but until we found our feet, I was quite happy to give up on a lot of things until we were more stable.[/b'> Do you actually know what the household finances and spending add up to? My exact thoughts on both points. Hard to really comment on specifics, as we don't know any details pertaining to how much the OP's DH is putting back each month, or spending on his own incidentals. One one hand, if he is spending 10000 dhs a month on whatnots and handing her 1000, then this is a different ball of wax. On the other hand, he might be a general tightwad, clueless as to how far 1000 dhs goes, or he may have good reasons for wanting to keep the disposable spending at a bare minimum at the moment. Marriage is a partnership no matter who is working, but spending money isn't the only thing that should be shared; sacrifices should also be shared, no? When I wasn't working after first arriving to UAE, DH would give me an allowance, but the amount was decided upon by having a discussion. I didn't see it as an insult because I left my career. Our decision to move was mutual, we have a goal, and budgeting will always be a part of that. When I would get frustrated, I would focus instead on what we were trying to accomplish rather than focus on what I was doing without. It takes emotional maturity and practice. Sounds like OP and her DH need to revisit their goals and approach. That said, I would hope the OP has access to her DH's account(s) for emergencies. I don't want to sound harsh to the OP, but it did come over as a bit of a winge. Sit down and talk to your DH. Perhaps he's worried about spending too much money at first and wants to keep some in reserve just in case. Also be prepared to cut back on things you spend on. I am not saying this just for effect, but for our first few months I never dreamed of spending on manicures and facials, or going out for coffees and lunches unless if was really necessary. Please just talk to him or this will hang over your time here from the start.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 25 November 2014 - 09:14
[b'>My one question in this situation would be, 'do you know where the rest of his salary is going'[/b'> Perhaps he's just being cautious until he's sure everything is working out ok.[b'> I did pretty much the same as you when I came out here, but until we found our feet, I was quite happy to give up on a lot of things until we were more stable.[/b'> Do you actually know what the household finances and spending add up to? My exact thoughts on both points. Hard to really comment on specifics, as we don't know any details pertaining to how much the OP's DH is putting back each month, or spending on his own incidentals. One one hand, if he is spending 10000 dhs a month on whatnots and handing her 1000, then this is a different ball of wax. On the other hand, he might be a general tightwad, clueless as to how far 1000 dhs goes, or he may have good reasons for wanting to keep the disposable spending at a bare minimum at the moment. Marriage is a partnership no matter who is working, but spending money isn't the only thing that should be shared; sacrifices should also be shared, no? When I wasn't working after first arriving to UAE, DH would give me an allowance, but the amount was decided upon by having a discussion. I didn't see it as an insult because I left my career. Our decision to move was mutual, we have a goal, and budgeting will always be a part of that. When I would get frustrated, I would focus instead on what we were trying to accomplish rather than focus on what I was doing without. It takes emotional maturity and practice. Sounds like OP and her DH need to revisit their goals and approach. That said, I would hope the OP has access to her DH's account(s) for emergencies.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 12:52
Sadly AED1000 is far from enough. Sometimes, when I do the whole thing at the hairdressers it costs more than that. Talk to him about having access to money equally. If he is adamant that its enough, [b'>let him have a go with AED1000 for one month and see how far he gets[/b'>! It costs 40 AED for my husband to get a haircut! And he doesn't have enough hair left for a blowdry. Men are [strike'>cheap[/strike'> low maintenance. edited by Daza on 24/11/2014 I guess some men are, but if he pays for dinner, half his monthly allowance would be gone :lol:
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 11:22
Sadly AED1000 is far from enough. Sometimes, when I do the whole thing at the hairdressers it costs more than that. Talk to him about having access to money equally. If he is adamant that its enough, [b'>let him have a go with AED1000 for one month and see how far he gets[/b'>! It costs 40 AED for my husband to get a haircut! And he doesn't have enough hair left for a blowdry. Men are [strike'>cheap[/strike'> low maintenance. <em>edited by Daza on 24/11/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 11:08
Sadly AED1000 is far from enough. Sometimes, when I do the whole thing at the hairdressers it costs more than that. Talk to him about having access to money equally. If he is adamant that its enough, let him have a go with AED1000 for one month and see how far he gets!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 10:30
My one question in this situation would be, 'do you know where the rest of his salary is going' Perhaps he's just being cautious until he's sure everything is working out ok. I did pretty much the same as you when I came out here, but until we found our feet, I was quite happy to give up on a lot of things until we were more stable. Do you actually know what the household finances and spending add up to?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 10:12
Having a shared budget with the goal of managing the family finances towards agreed upon goals is not the same as being given an allowance. If you feel you are short at the end of the month, but aren't feeling like the sacrifices are worth it in terms of meeting your financial goals then I think your husband is either a) genuinely unaware or b) a bit cheeky.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 10:10
I am getting a fixed monthly allowance too but I don't feel insulted. True, marriage is about partnership but there is no right single approach I feel. When we got married we discussed finances and it was actually my idea to have a fixed allowance or budget or whatever you may call it. I had my reasons, a. I'm a crazy spender when I had a job before kids (a very good one) I used to spend ALL of my salary in 3 weeks. DH is a smart finance guy and manages money very well. I don't want to think about grocery bill, this bill and that bill. I myself asked for 3500 for myself every month. All grocery, utilities, gifts, dining out, entertaining, rent,my car's fuel and servicing, dining with friends, kid's expenses, etc are all on DH. My money is for makeup and clothes no questions asked. I did work off and on but DH never asks for money from me. With my fixed budget I get to control my spending habits and have access to a little luxury spending for myself. I would not have it any other way. I agree. When it comes to these things, there is no one size fits all approach and I believe culture has a lot to do with how families deal with budgeting / finances. Where I come from, it's pretty normal for older generations to allocate allowance to wives etc but it's not the done thing among younger couples.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 09:53
Pink Lily has a point. When you were both working, how did you manage money as a couple? Maybe he is still in that mindset that you have your own money to spend on yourself and unaware that his "allowance" concept is not working. Looks like a sit down involving coffee, a chat about marriage being a partnership and his salary is family money, some figures and brochures to show him the price of things is in order. That said, DH and I have an allowance each for personal expenses but it is a figure we agreed on together. It is part of our budget. It is 4,500 dirhams a month each. Family outings, things for the kids (sports activities, clothes, etc), weekends away, groceries, holidays, holiday shopping, are all separate. This allowance is for personal use only. I spend mine on getting my hair and nails done, outings with my friends, clothes, a small monthly donation to a local charity. When DH and I are out together I let him pay :) Some months I am so busy I barely use any, so it accumulates.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 November 2014 - 00:23
Maybe this has something to do with how money is managed when you are both working? I have always worked,and we manage our own money. and when I was without work for a short time, my husband gave me what I now realize was a very small amount for myself.I think it was because he was not used to giving me any money, and I was not used to asking for or expecting money from him as I have always been self-sufficient.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 21:45
I detest the word allowance. I imagine the wife being treated as a child. Very standard practice in certain parts of the world, where he TAKES a wife, who is his responsibility, who behaves naive, however if the pair is a western pair, it is a degrading word. The last allowance I got, I was 15 when receiving it. The best solution is to sit DH down and ask to do the budget with him. It appears as though he is doing it all on his own (the budgeting) and you are only a row in his spreadsheet. Get in on it. That is what couples do. They assess what THEY earn (not what HE earns), and then both know the bills, agree on the savings, and then spendings is left in the account - the account that has cards held by both parties. If he thinks you are throwing cash about, he can bring it to the table as you would do if you felt the financial goals were not being reached. <em>edited by Londiamond on 23/11/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 21:15
I am getting a fixed monthly allowance too but I don't feel insulted. True, marriage is about partnership but there is no right single approach I feel. When we got married we discussed finances and it was actually my idea to have a fixed allowance or budget or whatever you may call it. I had my reasons, a. I'm a crazy spender when I had a job before kids (a very good one) I used to spend ALL of my salary in 3 weeks. DH is a smart finance guy and manages money very well. I don't want to think about grocery bill, this bill and that bill. I myself asked for 3500 for myself every month. All grocery, utilities, gifts, dining out, entertaining, rent,my car's fuel and servicing, dining with friends, kid's expenses, etc are all on DH. My money is for makeup and clothes no questions asked. I did work off and on but DH never asks for money from me. With my fixed budget I get to control my spending habits and have access to a little luxury spending for myself. I would not have it any other way.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:39
I just want to answer the question that OP asked directly. No, 1000 is not nearly enough for the expense you mention. Here are my rough calculations: Fitness classes: average 50 and 100 dhms per group class x twice a week - 650 dhm a month Breakfasts (to network, meet friends etc): on average 70 dhms(15-20 for a coffee, 30-50 hot dish, tip) x twice a week - 600 dhm a month Lunches (to network, meet friends etc): depending where you go, but unlikely to go to a food court, so say 100 on average x twice a week - 850 dhm a month Haircut - 200 dhms I haven't even mentioned nails or make up or presents or clothes and the total is already at 2,300. So if your situation is such that you get a certain budget from your DH - you need to ask for more than 2000. The words "get a certain budget from your DH" just make me cringe!!! We are in 21st century...marriage is a partnership, where both husband and wife are EQUAL, no matter who earns more...so they get to decide together on their joint income and expenses...se getting a fixed budget from DH is a big NO NO!!!!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:36
Eeesh, I would find it utterly demeaning to be given an allowance by my husband. Save on the grocery bills by buying him nothing but beans and bread, you'll have plenty of extra to spend on yourself ;) <em>edited by Daza on 23/11/2014</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:33
Thanks for your opinion ladies. I am really annoyed and I couldn't figure out why I was so upset and why is was bothering me so much. Your right Guinness2, Its more to do with the fact that he isn't treating me as an equal in this marriage. If the shoe was on the other foot I would never consider treating him in such a way. Thanks again for all your opinions.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:33
I just want to answer the question that OP asked directly. No, 1000 is not nearly enough for the expense you mention. Here are my rough calculations: Fitness classes: average 50 and 100 dhms per group class x twice a week - 650 dhm a month Breakfasts (to network, meet friends etc): on average 70 dhms(15-20 for a coffee, 30-50 hot dish, tip) x twice a week - 600 dhm a month Lunches (to network, meet friends etc): depending where you go, but unlikely to go to a food court, so say 100 on average x twice a week - 850 dhm a month Haircut - 200 dhms I haven't even mentioned nails or make up or presents or clothes and the total is already at 2,300. So if your situation is such that you get a certain budget from your DH - you need to ask for more than 2000.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:29
Braveheart put a stop to this right now. You would have never given up your job had you known you were going to be on an allowance. Sit your husband down and tell him you demand full access to your family income. Of course you will discuss large investments, so should he, but no way should he be putting you on an allowance. <em>edited by Oopsiedaisy on 23/11/2014</em>
Anonymous (not verified)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:22
I think giving money vs. access to a joint account depends on the financial situation of the family.. I mean what if the husband takes a good salary but has to save for rent, pay credit card/loan/...? In this case giving money is a better option to control spends. I would say have a talk and tell him what your personal spends are and ask if he can give more. edited by Carambar on 23/11/2014 I think you miss the point of what a marriage should be. I agree with Guiness, marriage is a joint effort. Even if you do have commitments - mortgage, loan repayments, savings for retirement, etc, you are surely capable of managing the family money and don't require your husband to control the family spending. My husband and I have a joint account, most assets are in joint names and we spend what we want/can afford individually on daily expenses although we always discuss and jointly decide on large purchases, investments, family financial issues. I don't think you need to ask for more spending money, I think you and your husband need to sit down and re-evaluate the management of your family finances.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:20
Carambar, what you just said sounds like: oooh, he brings the money, he pays and saves and she is spending!!! A marriage is more than this...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 19:08
I think giving money vs. access to a joint account depends on the financial situation of the family.. I mean what if the husband takes a good salary but has to save for rent, pay credit card/loan/...? In this case giving money is a better option to control spends. I would say have a talk and tell him what your personal spends are and ask if he can give more. <em>edited by Carambar on 23/11/2014</em>
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 18:52
Same thinking here: are you his wife or his employee?!?! My husband burst into laughter when I read him your post! Sorry, I don't mean to be rude or insensitive but...really!?!?! :angry:
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 18:42
I'm with Guinness - the problem isn't how much you are getting. In my mind, the problem is that he gives you an allowance. My husband and I just share an account. I'm a stay at home mum, I'm away from my family and I'm out and about trying to make new friends. We certainly discuss large purchases, and I would never spend large sums without consulting him, but I dare him to comment on my day to day expenditure..... Sometimes he'll throw in the odd "how much did that cost?" but he knows better than to make any further comment after that! ;)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 18:41
Have you tried asking for more or explaining that 1000dhs doesn't go very far during the month?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 23 November 2014 - 18:37
Till you find something, your husband is giving you money? Hello, dark ages! Shouldn't you share the money equally whether you are working or not? My husband and I will agree on big purchases and will mention if I am spending too much, but what's ours is ours together!
 
 

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