The sacrifices of Expat Life ...

I just found out one of my best friends from school is on her death bed. 43 yrs - birthday today....

She was one of my 'besties' group from high school, and I see her whenever I return - along with the others. I haven't lived at home for over 20 years so this is a long time. I rarely see her or talk to her, just the usual FB communication which we both enjoy. But it doesn't mean that she doesn't mean a great deal to me - I love her very, very much, and I just can't stop crying. My school friends and I have a very special bond that time and distance doesn't effect.

I desperately want to go home to see her to say goodbye, but I have so many commitments at this time of the year, especially with my kids, and my husband is travelling and cannot help out, and not to mention that the prices are incredibly high to buy last minute tickets during the Christmas period.

One of my friends said you can't compare $ to memories, which really hurt me. At the same time I strongly agree, but with 11 days left to Christmas, I am struggling with how to manage all of this. I missed my father's funeral, my grandmother's funeral, another friend's funeral, and my husband missed his grandmother's and uncle's funeral - all because we live the Expat Life. I am not sure that my friends could afford to spend over 8500 dhs on a ticket to come and see me for a few days just before Christmas and leave all of their families behind. Had it been a few months ago or in a few months time it would have been so much easier - but this is just super bad timing... clearly not her fault :(

I created some video diaries, skype and have called her, but that's about all I can do.

If it were my immediate family that was in this situation I would go in a heart beat , regardless of the cost and situation at home - and indeed I did that with my father - but couldn't return for the funeral.

I have another good friend of mine here whose Aunt is more or less in the same situation as my friend. She too is struggling as to how she can get there.... her husband is very busy with work, and she has 3 young kids. Would cost an absolute fortune to take the kids with her...

Is this just the price we pay....???? If I had family around they could have helped out - but I don't.... the pain and guilt is killing me.... yes, we missed the funerals of our families, and this is 'just' an old friend', but she is still alive for the moment and I could at least still see her... am I being a terrible friend?

Feeling gutted....