Broken Cooker...Sad Times | ExpatWoman.com
 

Broken Cooker...Sad Times

674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 08:45

So the stove has been broken, they're supposed to come and get it today for repair. Not cool, very difficult.

To make things worse, of course kids father has to be a total deck. First he was only going to take one kid for food, leaving me and two others to microwave which we had done two days previously. So I get them all into the car, he proceeds to dump us at a fast food and sit there, arms crossed, eating nothing. Next, I got take away after school and for some reason he was at home (never happened before) and ate all the food, I got nothing. He used to pour salt and lemon all over the food without asking so I could not eat it, now just stuffs his face. This morning tons of another takeaway in trash, obviously he got last night. He's supposed to be on a diet anyway not for weight but cholesterol, etc.

Anyway.
I'm wondering if anybody can see things from another angle and recommend what should I do? I literally cannot stand his presence anymore. So sick of being treated like a child, never asked or told anything, just supposed to go along with everything after the fact. Found out about the AD move on Facebook, his brother congratulating him. I kind of want to do something that will push him over the edge but what, I don't know, all I know is it is a really painful life.

2738
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 12:01
Poor Cherpie, It’s sadly all about control and your OH appears to be a very big bully boy. He aims to make your life miserable, question is how long you have to suffer this? Maybe you should look at other ways that may not be so conventional to get out with your children back to the US? Or perhaps you could just overfeed him high fat foods and wait for the result?
674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 11:21
Doesn't matter if I have a plan, if he doesn't "allow" me to act on it, I'll never do anything. I have money. I never said I don't but it's only a savings, not an income. Totally at his mercy which was not the case when I was not in this country. Example: I try to get a job, he doesn't give me noc. I try to get a divorce, he doesn't agree, goes through court, I get visa cancelled and he gets custody. I try to remove self and kids completely, he files police report, I land in jail. How many of these scenarios really seem in my or my kids favor. What looks like me being passive is in my opinion actually protecting myself and my kids. edited by Cherpie on 02/03/2015 eta: grasping at straws, thought I could try and reverse the situation and make things so intolerable for him that he would take action and start any type of separating process. <em>edited by Cherpie on 02/03/2015</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:38
So sorry Cherpie, Would he allow you to work? at least if you are going to stay until the kids are old enough, having something else in your life might make the next few years somewhat tolerable.
674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:31
That is an excellent point. I fear for her, I fear for her future. I fear he would encourage her in that way. I honestly think men like this consider females to be incapable. helpless, thoughtless, and if given any decision making rights, they would just make mistakes. He probably really thinks he is "helping" by alleviating me of any decision making responsibility. I wish I could remove her from that type of influence, but all I can do is try to help her understand her importance as an individual. She sees, she hears, she feels. I can only hope I would be able to help her avoid mistakes like I have made. <em>edited by Cherpie on 02/03/2015</em>
674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:28
Really the last straw was getting the kids passports behind my back, I'll live the rest of my life resenting him for that. Yes it is worse, now its like a very tightly controlled, very bad father-child situation, I feel like I'm a teen waiting to grow up and move out.
4062
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:27
Cherpie, have you ever asked him if he would be happy for your daughter to have a husband who treats her the way he treats you?
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:24
For me, that means somebody else completely. Not me. I cannot accept him after what he has done to me and I don't want to take care of him when he is old. I told him a long time ago, just forget about changing, it's not worth the effort, just move on. Every time in the past (long ago) he tried to act differently, it was so, so temporary. We have zero communication now, that's just unacceptable with kids involved. divorce would at least require communication even if it involves a third party.
4062
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:21
I've got no advice Cherpie but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things are going from bad to worse :(
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:18
It must be very draining for him to be in a loveless relationship. I don't know why he is so unwilling to make any compromises. Surely he could benefit from having a wife who is partially happy. I am guessing that he'll say no to this, but it's worth a try. Have you considered couples counseling? <em>edited by AnonDubai on 02/03/2015</em>
674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 10:08
I did, last week. He just refuses, I don't know if he's refusing to acknowledge there is a problem or refusing to take action- maybe both. I'd have no issue mediating, compromising, or whatever the term is where the kids are concerned. I'd rather have shared custody than the current situation, at least that way they would have quality time with both of us. Right now it's really a strain. I don't really like going along with his outing plans as it always seems forced, and it's really transparent to my oldest. If I take them anywhere alone, he always seems to have some complaint. I'd rather have a schedule. Sometimes I feel as if he's the one pushing me to the edge just so he can accuse me of doing something wrong and claim innocence. I'm trying my best to tolerate the situation but it's so so difficult.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 09:31
Have you spoken to him about getting a divorce here? Do you think that you two could share custody if you continue to live here?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 09:29
What about support from some social organisations that support women and children suffering domestic abuse.
674
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EW GURU
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 09:10
Yeah it's pretty obvious he hates me, I think this actually is the reason... He wants me to be belittled and he sickly wants to be the cause of it, that's the only thing I can see from it. And no, I'm not leaving without them. I'd never, never. I couldn't imagine how their lives would turn out if I wasn't around for them.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 09:00
Oh you poor thing, don't know what to say to you. I know you have said you will never leave without your kids. If you had money, I have read about organisations that help 'rescue' kids who have been abducted in custody battles, it's extreme and don't know how it works or if its feasible. Why will he not let you leave? he obviously has no feelings for you at all, other than hatred. I feel for you and your poor kids.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 02 March 2015 - 09:00
You have two choices: Leave or stay - its up to you and you alone what you do.
 
 

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