need advise: maid stealing small things

Placing cameras is not good advice. You'd better just mention the stuff you've seen in her room. Try to figure out what are her motives to do this if she is really a good maid and you don't want to fire her

I know many people have cameras but doesn't the law state you have to inform her that you have cameras I didn't think it was allowed to be done secretly

Personally I would terminate her. My maid (of 3 years) started stealing little things (my body wash, shampoos, etc). I really liked her and she was amazing with the kids so I let them go. Now 3 years later, we had to terminate her for something else. When cleaning out her room, to help her pack - found my diamond pendant, rings, pearl necklace, designer sunglasses, designer clutch -- all items that were safely put up, stored away that I had no idea were missing as I didn't use them often. I felt especially silly as we sent her home 2x a year to see her child and she only just returned a month ago so these are probably items that she's just started collecting for her next visit. I was shocked, and wished I had followed my gut when I knew she was stealing the first time. In terms of the camera - you are allowed to have cameras in your home for the reasons stated above. We have now installed cameras inside and out having had our trust shattered.

Sit her down and talk to her? She is a thief! A thief is a thief, stolen little things or big cash! OP you know exactly your feelings about the maid, but you want someone to take the decision instead of you, you say you can't trust her and found the missing stuff in her room while you've been cosplaying nurse to her! The poster said its illegal to take videos or photos INSIDE your own home is wrong, you can install cameras in your own home - why do you think Itisalat do sell nanny cams?- as long as you don't install them in the bathrooms... And don't publish them on social media or any way, and just give it to the police... Back to the original post: you know what to do, if your trust is gone, then the maid should be too gone, if this doesn't matter with you; then let her in your home and don't come back asking for advices of what to do when big cash or expensive items gone missing, no one will take your decision for you, it's only you, go with your gut feeling and don't listen to any voice or reason or trying to explain what steeling is for the maid. That's my 5 cent, and that's all.

Hi ladies, we've moved this thread to our Maids & Home Help board as it's more appropriate. Thank you for your understanding!

Hi Saggi_1 Whatever has been ‘borrowed’, small or large, may not always be in the house by the time you notice it. It will be outside sent to friends elsewhere when your maid is on her day off. I have a different way of doing things. I would replace it and put a nice written note next to it, in small saying ‘please ask Mam's permission. If it happens again, I would call her to have a chat and tell her you have no choice but to let the agency know to get another replacement. Full stop. I never had any problems with any of my au pair plus girls from Europe when the children were growing up many years ago. All they care about was how big your house was. One came and took one good look at our then semi-detached house in Hampton (outside London) and left. To help me run my guesthouse in South Africa, I had a team of three, one part-timer. One of them being a live-in maid. Like someone said, they are great in the beginning but after a while, the ‘borrow’ your stuff incident begins whether its edible or not, small or large. Here the agency has to be informed regardless, reasons given for any dismissal. I don’t know what the rules are now but a few years back, the working hours for maids are 45 hour week, one hour for lunch, 15 minutes for morning coffee and 15 minutes afternoon tea and one day to one and a half day off a week. If it’s quiet, the maid goes off. It’s tough though working for someone like me who owns a four star guesthouse and a number one out of the 24!! They have to make up an Inventory List of all the stuff in the house, checked regularly. There was a couple in Cape Town, wife was SA and husband’s English and they have two young teenagers. The maid looking after them had a young daughter also in her early teens. The English guy was even helping with the maid’s daughter’s school fees (to make sure she gets a good education). What do you think the maid did when there was enough jewellery lying around? She thought hey, I have been slogging my guts out for this family for 13 years; surely I deserve something bigger for myself? It was instant dismissal!

Saggi_1 you've said "I understand its ok to take something which is common example food stuff etc" but have you ever sat down with her and explained what is and isn't ok to take? Maybe she thinks that if anything comes in with the groceries it's "common" and she can use it? It might make sense to you what is personal stuff that she can and can't take but maybe it's not so clear to her? Our previous maid who was brilliant and totally trustworthy used to wear my garden flip flops when she first started when she was cleaning up outside. I asked her to please wear her own and it turns out she thought the shoes outside were for anyone to wear. If it was money or clothes or jewellery going missing then I would try to catch her out or search her room for proof but for the things you've mentioned I would just sit down with her and say that I'd noticed my clips, hair freshener etc and her room and could she please buy her own as these weren't things I wanted to share and/or provide. In other words, the "grown-up approach". Some of the other suggestions in this thread are laughable. Hi Ave Marina. At least we are trying to help the lady. It is very difficult luckily not having been through such a situation.. Where is your contribution so we can laugh at that? I'd do exactly what Daza suggested - sit her down and talk to her face to face like a grown adult. She doesn't have to accuse her of anything, just establish a few ground rules. We're not dealing with the crime of the century here so I certainly wouldn't be wasting my time sneaking around, putting cameras up, marking cans of deodorant, or manufacturing scenarios to catch her in the act with my hair clips or chewing gum. You've either got far too much time on your hands or you're struggling to keep this situation in perspective. Feel free to laugh away.

Saggi_1 you've said "I understand its ok to take something which is common example food stuff etc" but have you ever sat down with her and explained what is and isn't ok to take? Maybe she thinks that if anything comes in with the groceries it's "common" and she can use it? It might make sense to you what is personal stuff that she can and can't take but maybe it's not so clear to her? Our previous maid who was brilliant and totally trustworthy used to wear my garden flip flops when she first started when she was cleaning up outside. I asked her to please wear her own and it turns out she thought the shoes outside were for anyone to wear. If it was money or clothes or jewellery going missing then I would try to catch her out or search her room for proof but for the things you've mentioned I would just sit down with her and say that I'd noticed my clips, hair freshener etc and her room and could she please buy her own as these weren't things I wanted to share and/or provide. In other words, the "grown-up approach". Some of the other suggestions in this thread are laughable. Hi Ave Marina. At least we are trying to help the lady. It is very difficult luckily not having been through such a situation.. Where is your contribution so we can laugh at that?

Sorry DT. A colleague and his wife were called into CID because they purchased a nanny cams online for use in their home. Their residency permits were cancelled and they had to leave. Perhaps the rationale was that the nanny cams does not discriminate between the nanny and anyone else entering your home

Have you made clear what she's aloud to help herself to? My agency maid used to help herself to snacks in my house, but always told me like, I had an apple or a cereal bar and for me it was fine, but I can see it wouldn't go down well in a lot of houses.

Saggi_1 you've said "I understand its ok to take something which is common example food stuff etc" but have you ever sat down with her and explained what is and isn't ok to take? Maybe she thinks that if anything comes in with the groceries it's "common" and she can use it? It might make sense to you what is personal stuff that she can and can't take but maybe it's not so clear to her? Our previous maid who was brilliant and totally trustworthy used to wear my garden flip flops when she first started when she was cleaning up outside. I asked her to please wear her own and it turns out she thought the shoes outside were for anyone to wear. If it was money or clothes or jewellery going missing then I would try to catch her out or search her room for proof but for the things you've mentioned I would just sit down with her and say that I'd noticed my clips, hair freshener etc and her room and could she please buy her own as these weren't things I wanted to share and/or provide. In other words, the "grown-up approach". Some of the other suggestions in this thread are laughable.

Saggi_1 you've said "I understand its ok to take something which is common example food stuff etc" but have you ever sat down with her and explained what is and isn't ok to take? Maybe she thinks that if anything comes in with the groceries it's "common" and she can use it? It might make sense to you what is personal stuff that she can and can't take but maybe it's not so clear to her? Our previous maid who was brilliant and totally trustworthy used to wear my garden flip flops when she first started when she was cleaning up outside. I asked her to please wear her own and it turns out she thought the shoes outside were for anyone to wear. If it was money or clothes or jewellery going missing then I would try to catch her out or search her room for proof but for the things you've mentioned I would just sit down with her and say that I'd noticed my clips, hair freshener etc and her room and could she please buy her own as these weren't things I wanted to share and/or provide.

It is illegal to take pictures of anyone without their knowledge so placing cameras is a no go. Marking items is an option. I think you'll find it's legal within your own home providing you don't publish them and use them only as evidence for the police.

Hi marycatherine, I stand corrected. Forgot about that part. Hopefully someone else might have a lot better ideas. Just clutching at straws for the poor woman.

It is illegal to take pictures of anyone without their knowledge so placing cameras is a no go. Marking items is an option.

Well obviously you have to have solid proof. Speak to your partner first so you both are aware and agree on plan of action. You could get some random cameras and dot them around very high unsuspected areas where you can catch her out. Obviously not in her room, but places visible where she could be taking things from. I know you don't want to be spending for the sake but i'm sorry once bitten and all that. Or get a permenant marker and put black or red dots or crosses in random areas of deo cans, underside of hair clips etc. Pretty tiring I know but you will have proof then. Just randomly one day say... oh 'sally' can you come with me please and walk with her to her room. You could say i need to make sure everything is ok in here. Even if she says no mam everything is fine, just keep walking in saying I have to check. Ask her to sit on the bed while you open and inspect all her cupboards etc you need to make sure she has enough wardrobe space, open the doors, enough coat hangers, enough shoe space at bottom of the wardrobe, bed frame is ok, head board etc and then if she has enough drawer space. All the while casually seeing if you spot anything. If you do you will check for the marker area and if its there then confront her and ask her why she has your deodorant etc. Then say well I'm sorry i will now have to inspect all your room. I would then tell her you will not accept stealing in your home. Ask her why she took them from you? You could say how disappointed you are at her and you will now have to seriously consider letting her go. Let her ponder over it for a while. She may apologise etc and promise never to take anything again without asking. If you forgive her and willing to let her stay let her be aware that you will do random checks with her in her room. Until you can trust her again. You'd have to do them too. But each time always check somewhere different. Under the mattress, in-between her clothes in the drawers, get her to empty her handbag in front of you. Things like that. She has to realise you wont trust her again for a long time and you'll be on your guard from now on. Not nice I know but its not nice when you're trusting these cleaners and they start thinking you're a soft touch. I know its just the odd hair clip and deodorant but it's still stealing from you and you do give her an allowance for those items. If she works for an agency and you do catch her then you could let them deal with it. Or just say not acceptable in my home and tell her she has to go. Give her time to pack up her things and make other arrangements etc. Hopefully other EW may come up with even better suggestions. I do wish you luck though. Not nice at all. bye: