| Pages: 1 2 |
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
12/08/2010 10:43:42
confusion wrote:
I have followed these posts for the last few days as my world crumbled a week ago. The man I love deeply and was planning my future with decided he did not know what he wanted and loved me but felt he would not be putting me through this if he was 'in' love with me and couldnt see a future for us.
Hi Confusion
I am so, so sorry to hear this. I have some idea how you feel as this time last week I thought my whole world was crumbling and I was beside myself. I felt physically sick. I'm probably not the best person to give you any advice, for obvious reasons, but I hope that you get through this quickly.
Hugs xxx
edited by whattododxb on 12/08/2010
|
|
JoyceB
Posts 2772
|
11/08/2010 23:25:26
whattododxb wrote: DesertRose1958 wrote:
Now if you've finished that ice cream can I suggest you go and jump your husband. Forget your flabby bits and if your husband tries to mention his, just kiss him and shut the b*gg*r up. Ice cream long gone  Watch out DH, LOL! xxx
Glad things are better and that you have cleared the air with DH. Everyone has been very helpful and even "wee dafty" gave us all a laugh. My lovely DH isn't the toned, bronzed Adonis he was 35 years ago but I'm no longer sylph like either. That matters not one jot and as you mature, you learn that looks aren't important when you have true, deep love. Won't keep you any longer whattodo  x
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 21:31:50
DesertRose1958 wrote:
Now if you've finished that ice cream can I suggest you go and jump your husband. Forget your flabby bits and if your husband tries to mention his, just kiss him and shut the b*gg*r up.
Ice cream long gone Watch out DH, LOL!
xxx
|
|
DesertRose1958
Posts 1923
|
11/08/2010 21:19:25
Whattodo - I never know what that 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' means and to be quite honest with you I don't think it matters what it means. If you love someone you love them and thats it. And where there is love there is all the hope in the world.
Now if you've finished that ice cream can I suggest you go and jump your husband. Forget your flabby bits and if your husband tries to mention his, just kiss him and shut the b*gg*r up.
hth xxxx
edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2010
|
|
kittycat71
Posts 1772
|
11/08/2010 21:05:51
You are welcome. Hope you sort it out soon. x
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 20:59:25
Thanks kittycat71!
|
|
kittycat71
Posts 1772
|
11/08/2010 20:51:18
Denese MacDonald at Dubai Community Health Centre is lovely. She specialises in family relationships.
http://www.dubaicommunityhealthcentre.org/index.php
|
|
shasha
Posts 635
|
11/08/2010 20:48:25
Prodigy wrote:
I personally find fat men really unattractive and don't think I would be able to hide my disgust if I saw one naked.
I really hope you have the excuse of youth on your side.
What's youth got to do with it?
Apologies, I wrote this before realising that you are deliberately trying to be offensive. And judging by your posts on other threads it is all just looking a bit try hard now. sad.
Offensive or honest? I accept your apology, thank you.
Prodigy, this will be my final post to you. I should have done what the other ladies have been wise enough to do and ignore you. I am assuming from all your silly little posts that are a bored teenage girl, or girls or even a boy playing on EW, and I can no longer be bothered biting. Ironically my 5yo daughter was banned from her computer for a few days for writing something mean. Shame your mum doesn't do the same.
edited by shasha on 11/08/2010
|
|
seraphnina
Posts 8973
|
11/08/2010 20:47:34
LOL 
All the best for you both, whattododxb.
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 20:45:08
Aww thank you Sam7 and BrownEyedGirl for your lovely posts.
DH came home tonight from work and we had a great chat and although I am emotionally wrung out, I'm feeling so much better. He's been thinking a lot about our conversation the other day and he feels he made it seem more of a mountain than it really is. I asked him how he would feel if we were separated for good from tomorrow and it's most definitely the last thing he wants. We've both agreed that we've become too complacent in the relationship and we need to put in more of an effort into us.
So, thank you all for "listening" to my woes today. Even you, Prodigy, because even though you're a pain in the @ss I have had a laugh at your comments!
|
|
Cyclone T
Posts 4494
|
11/08/2010 20:38:46
BrownEyedGirl wrote:
Being 'in love' is surely the preserve of the newly together?? It's literally a chemical/biological/physiological reaction which continues for 2 years or so at the most!
We have had our bumps in the road and although it hasn't always been overwhelming I am still in love with my DH after 21 years. His smile across a room still makes my heart skip a beat.
I agree that first love develops into more mature love but if all we had was fondness and affection after 2 years we would be missing out.
|
|
Prodigy
Posts 43
|
11/08/2010 20:20:48
shasha wrote: Prodigy wrote: shasha wrote: Prodigy wrote:
I personally find fat men really unattractive and don't think I would be able to hide my disgust if I saw one naked. I really hope you have the excuse of youth on your side. What's youth got to do with it? Apologies, I wrote this before realising that you are deliberately trying to be offensive. And judging by your posts on other threads it is all just looking a bit try hard now. sad. edited by shasha on 11/08/2010
Offensive or honest? I accept your apology, thank you.
|
|
BrownEyedGirl
Posts 1160
|
11/08/2010 19:19:04
I say enjoy your tub of Ben and Jerry's today Whattodo and start the diet when you're less emotionally wrung out.
Being 'in love' is surely the preserve of the newly together?? It's literally a chemical/biological/physiological reaction which continues for 2 years or so at the most! We're conditioned to believe in fairytale romance but anyone in a long term relationship has long since moved past this heady, swoony stage. It natually gets replaced with a more mature love, a sense of shared history and a deep reservoir of fondness and affection (well, most of the time!!).
You most certainly seem to have that for each other and the lack of ***, which is clearly a huge problem in your marriage (particularly for your DH) can be changed regardless of your sizes. Do work on feeling good about yourselves but seduce him tonight with confidence!! Afterwards he'll feel just like he's in love with you again!!
Helen is great. Best of luck.
edited by BrownEyedGirl on 11/08/2010
|
|
Sam7
Posts 578
|
11/08/2010 18:32:48
Sorry to hear of your problems, whattododxb, you have my sympathy! I know in the past DH and I have both gone through similar times, due to stress from jobs/kids/money and/or weight gain by either party! I know oftentimes when I've gained weight previously I end up being miserable and taking it out on DH, purely because I'm so angry and unhappy with myself. This includes feeling too gross to indulge in bedroom antics!?! Things usually come to a point where he/I start the diet, make lifestyle changes, and hit the gym, often together to motivate each other. You said you'd never share with friends or family, but are you sure there's no one you can confide in? After all, a problem shared is a problem halved!
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 18:24:05
beachymaria wrote:
The other day he said that all relationships go through phases and one of them is a not neccessarily intimate and reaches a stage of true love, different from romantic love.... and doesnt feel like one is "in love" with the other person but just love them deeply. Many folk may panic here, or go into a mid life crisis.[quote]
Perhaps this is the phase we're going through at the moment then, it sounds like it! I'm not that worried about the lack of intimacy as I know I love him deeply, but I think it worries him.
Thank you for recommending Dr Raymond Hamdan. I've decided to wait for Helen to come back though as I think we'd both be more comfortable with a female counsellor.
edited by whattododxb on 11/08/2010
|
|
beachymaria
Posts 775
|
11/08/2010 17:54:49
Sorry to hear about your predicament ! Myself and the ex went through something similair where we both had very stressful jobs, and worked long hours and what neither of us did was "self-care" which was really really nurture ourselves and look after ourselves. We both were usually too tired / sick/ fat / stressed to get intimate and only after therapy realised that we needed to make lifestyle changes to get back to one another, and find ourselves too.
Helen is very good, but Dr Raymond Hamdan is also excellent and he talks a lot about relationships on the radio, He is very expensive but maybe worth a few sessions? The other day he said that all relationships go through phases and one of them is a not neccessarily intimate and reaches a stage of true love, different from romantic love.... and doesnt feel like one is "in love" with the other person but just love them deeply. Many folk may panic here, or go into a mid life crisis. I hope you find a solution and I think its great that he broke the ice - no more denial !!
|
|
shasha
Posts 635
|
11/08/2010 17:47:43
Prodigy wrote: shasha wrote: Prodigy wrote:
I personally find fat men really unattractive and don't think I would be able to hide my disgust if I saw one naked. I really hope you have the excuse of youth on your side. What's youth got to do with it?
Apologies, I wrote this before realising that you are deliberately trying to be offensive. And judging by your posts on other threads it is all just looking a bit try hard now. sad.
edited by shasha on 11/08/2010
|
|
Prodigy
Posts 43
|
11/08/2010 17:34:46
shasha wrote: Prodigy wrote:
I personally find fat men really unattractive and don't think I would be able to hide my disgust if I saw one naked. I really hope you have the excuse of youth on your side.
What's youth got to do with it?
|
|
auscnd
Posts 208
|
11/08/2010 17:00:47
She's great but unfortunately away for a month. Sorry I can't recommend anyone else but I'm sure someone will be able to.
|
|
seraphnina
Posts 8973
|
11/08/2010 16:49:06
Gosh she is a sort after counsellor.
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 16:46:23
Yes it was Helen Williams. OK, thanks for letting me know.
|
|
auscnd
Posts 208
|
11/08/2010 16:42:46
Just FYI, if you have contacted Helen Williams, she is away until 6 September I believe so you may want to find an alternative.
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 16:37:13
sv5555 wrote:
have you thought of counselling with a lady called Helen?
Hi sv5555, I emailed a counsellor called Helen this morning, so I would assume it's the same person. Thanks for giving me her number. It's great to hear she was able to help you xx
|
|
shasha
Posts 635
|
11/08/2010 16:36:19
Prodigy wrote:
I personally find fat men really unattractive and don't think I would be able to hide my disgust if I saw one naked.
I really hope you have the excuse of youth on your side.
|
|
sv5555
Posts 320
|
11/08/2010 16:17:13
Hi I havent been able to read all the replies so dont know if its already been suggested, but have you thought of counselling with a lady called Helen? She is wonderful and has been a great help to me. i can't recommend her enough. If you want, her no is 055 893 6524. Good luck and hugs xx
|
|
Cyclone T
Posts 4494
|
11/08/2010 16:06:03
whattododxb wrote:
I would be devastated if DH and I separated for good tomorrow. He is my soul mate and I can't imagine my future with him not in it.
Tell him and if it is right for both of you show him.
|
|
whattododxb
Posts 14
|
11/08/2010 15:58:33
Thanks all.
JoyceB, your post had me in tears again! For good reasons though, it was lovely to read your story. I would be devastated if DH and I separated for good tomorrow. He is my soul mate and I can't imagine my future with him not in it. I think he would say the same thing but will be interesting to hear what his answer is.
|
|
Paradox
Posts 851
|
11/08/2010 15:41:46
whattododxb wrote: Phyl wrote:
Don't do it, girl. I know, this is my problem, but comfort food is needed today
Suggest you get your mouth around an alternative.
|
|
JoyceB
Posts 2772
|
11/08/2010 15:37:07
Aw bless. I can remember many years ago when DH and I were going through a rough patch, mainly my fault as I was bored being stuck at home with 2 under fives in an area I hated with few friends. When he came home from work, he got it both barrells!! He listened to yet another of my tantrums one evening and quietly told me that he loved me but right now, he didn't like me and if it wasn't for the kids he'd walk! I was horrified and had to take a good look at myself. I know that this is not your issue but we had got into a bit of a rut and we were both at fault. He was and still is a great dad but he didn't quite get that his wife, used to being at work blah blah, was bored to tears and I didn't get that he was tired of a long commute to work and back every day. We got rid of the kids for a weekend, went to a nice cottage and talked for hours. We are now middle aged, me at 55 and DH is 61. We love each other to bits and although we are no longer swinging from the lights, we are very happy and content. Love changes as you get older, it grows deeper and more comfortable. I can understand that younger couples need *** to feel fulfilled but it's not everything. If there is still love there in your relationship then there is certainly hope. Ask each other how you would feel if you were separated for good tomorrow. Would you be devastated, lost or not really care. Take it from there and try some counselling. Good luck x
|
|
Yasmine
Posts 885
|
11/08/2010 15:13:51
I dont want to sound to superficial but you guys need to go to the gym (or any physical activity)...TOGETHER...have some fun losing weight together...you might enjoy another side of each other and get your self-esteem back what might result in getting your *** life back on track. I know a lot of people say outside has nothing to do with it, yes maybe for them..but since you mentioned yourself that both of you have put on weight I think its time to get in shape and get back in touch with your bodies...both of you....
|
| Pages: 1 2 |
