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JoyceB
Posts 2772
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06/11/2010 10:14:38
We're thrilled to have people from home to stay and I have currently have a great friend staying at the moment with my DS arriving next weekend. These visits keep us sane and make our life more bearable here. We only have family (my side only as DH's side would drive me nuts and he agrees!!), our own adult children and our closest friends. Wheeeeeeeee!! Only 9 weeks to go and it's HOME!!! 
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salsB
Posts 7865
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06/11/2010 10:13:10
Ive had visitors that dont put their hands in their pockets too, I dont have people come over anymore, only immediate family. How I wish we were loaded!!!!!!!!!! some cheeky people around. If Iw as going to have people over in future I would ask them to contribute to the Kitty.
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DesertRose1958
Posts 1929
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06/11/2010 07:17:10
We have great visitors as well and only one will never be allowed back - my neice and her husband. But thats for more reasons than them being freeloaders of the highest order.
For us though visitors are mostly family or old friends who are as good as family and thats probably why we're always sad to see them go. We live as a family and do the things families do for each other. I do at times have visitors I don't really know but if we've asked them to visit its because we've given it a lot of thought and mostly for our sons sake. If we think you'd be ok with a 19 year old jumping into bed with you in the middle of the night, you're welcome. If we think you'd get a bit upset when he said to you, hey what you playing at, you're not my brother - we'd book you into a hotel.
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JulesinDXB
Posts 2595
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06/11/2010 07:12:22
I've always had pretty good guests that will pay their way, take you out for dinner as a thank you etc etc. I think ou have to pick and choose your guests carefully. I absolutely would not tolerate people not paying their half and expecting me to pay for everything - who does that.
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Cornish Pixie
Posts 5502
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06/11/2010 07:01:31
Nice post Wendopia, we are fortunate too with our guests but I do screen them quite carefully! Duty Free orders are made, plus shopping lists fulfilled and they know we are not 'flash with cash' (we run our own company) and most will help pay in the supermarket and buy dinner at the end of their stay, we would never book anything very expensive either - unless they tell us to!!
I also refuse to have whole families to stay, we are not a holiday destination, if they want to come - book a hotel and we'll catch up with them some evenings. Funny how the attraction of Dubai is lessened to some when we say their holiday accommodation is on their account!
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Wendopia
Posts 1404
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06/11/2010 06:47:13
I'm glad I don't have friends and family like the ones mentioned in this thread! lol
We get lots of visitors wherever we live. They always ask us what we are missing from home, I always send a long list and they bring it all. Always stop at duty free. Always take us out for dinner near the end of their stay to thank us for our hospitality. They help with the groceries and they pay their share where we go out!
My parents usually visit for 3 weeks, and help around the house and cook some of the meals. They come to see us and not to be on holiday, guess that is the difference.
We had one acquaintance visit, he did share in the costs of things but he complained the entire time he was visiting us (this was in Eastern Europe). B|tched that no one spoke English almost daily so DH turned to him and said: "Hey, you know where you can go where they speak English? Go to England!" I never laughed so hard in my laugh... the guy just look dumbfounded!
We have our first visitor arriving on Tuesday, he is bringing us loads of maple syrup, a stop at duty free and taking DH to F1. 
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Marita
Posts 676
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05/11/2010 23:09:31
Custard Apple wrote: Appletiser wrote: cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come. Same here. Parents find it too hot and touristy. Sister doesnt want to spend money on airfare. I can't help laughing in agreement at this. We had very few visitors over our whole time in Dubai, because all of our friends felt terribly sorry for us having to be there - but not to the extent of wanting to come over to console us! I think if we'd stayed longer, what we would have regularly done was to rendezvous with people we really wanted to see in some third location for a holiday. I genuinely never get why anyone would go to Dubai on holiday. I understand why people go to live there for work reasons, especially in a global recession, but for a holiday it really makes no sense to me.
There are many families and expats from Kuwait, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Iran, Irak, Pakistan, India, Jemen, Nigeria, Kenya, Sudan, Egypt.... visiting Dubai for great fun, specially for children!
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Crystil
Posts 1330
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05/11/2010 21:08:45
Custard Apple wrote: Appletiser wrote: cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come. Same here. Parents find it too hot and touristy. Sister doesnt want to spend money on airfare. I can't help laughing in agreement at this. We had very few visitors over our whole time in Dubai, because all of our friends felt terribly sorry for us having to be there - but not to the extent of wanting to come over to console us! I think if we'd stayed longer, what we would have regularly done was to rendezvous with people we really wanted to see in some third location for a holiday. I genuinely never get why anyone would go to Dubai on holiday. I understand why people go to live there for work reasons, especially in a global recession, but for a holiday it really makes no sense to me.
It appears that alot of people come here "on holiday" at the expense of the people they stay with. Beaches, restaurants, shopping, possibly a house maid available, and if you don't want to go out, free food. Oh, and no hotel bill.
They probably take two "holidays" a year.
I like the idea of meeting up at a third location. Get to see friends/family and everyone gets to have a good time.
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Custard Apple
Posts 834
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05/11/2010 20:29:10
Appletiser wrote: cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come. Same here. Parents find it too hot and touristy. Sister doesnt want to spend money on airfare.
I can't help laughing in agreement at this. We had very few visitors over our whole time in Dubai, because all of our friends felt terribly sorry for us having to be there - but not to the extent of wanting to come over to console us! I think if we'd stayed longer, what we would have regularly done was to rendezvous with people we really wanted to see in some third location for a holiday. I genuinely never get why anyone would go to Dubai on holiday. I understand why people go to live there for work reasons, especially in a global recession, but for a holiday it really makes no sense to me.
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Appletiser
Posts 7136
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05/11/2010 19:45:15
cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come.
Same here. Parents find it too hot and touristy. Sister doesnt want to spend money on airfare.
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Goose
Posts 1493
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05/11/2010 19:25:22
gerrys wrote:
why do people accept guests, this is their home, not holiday hut. You have lives, children, work, what is wrong with you?
I even know ppl who have friends of friends coming over. WTF
are ppl trying to show off
it hard not to agree with this...
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Goose
Posts 1493
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05/11/2010 19:22:10
not any more, it happened once.That's it..It was very very close family member...and it was still back while we lived in France.Totally taken for a ride.Learned my lesson...soonest we moved to Dubai, same person called and called, but it never materialized.
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maxindubai
Posts 1404
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05/11/2010 18:40:32
vista wrote:
I know it can be difficult to directly confront some 'guests' who want to take advantage.
What can help is making a welcoming Guests' Handbook that you leave on a table in the guest room. Upon their arrival show them to their room and point out the handbook saying, "here is a handbook we put together to help out our guests and they have ALL found it very useful".
In it you can include:
- spare keys to the villa/apartment
- a spare mobile with a 25 Dhs prepaid credit and include info regarding where they can recharge the
SIM once the credit is used up
- telephone number for taxi companies plus written directions to give to taxi for collection and drop off plus a drawn map of your location (you could also get them a NOL card with some credit that they can top up)
- directions to nearest ATMs and money exchange
- take away menus
- directions to nearest supermarkets
- list of suggested sights/malls to visit
- directions to the local supermarkets
- instruction for using the washing machine and dishwasher
- Include timings for mid-week dinner time, writing down that you need to know before a certain time xx:xx whether they will join you for dinner that evening, and weekend breakfasts. Then you can add, "we have found that the rest of the time everyone prefers to fend for themselves".
- plus any other little house rules that are specific to you eg. "we all take off our shoes when we enter......"
Then you know you have communicated everything that is important to you, they will hopefully understand where they stand and yet they wont feel like you are making an exception of them.
Great plan vista! Sounds like a good idea for those who have numerous people visiting for more than a couple of days.
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Stardust
Posts 1794
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05/11/2010 18:36:22
Marita wrote:
For me it is important that am real with the people around me. Being real is one of the most loving qifts you can give to one another.
Being real means to say NO and YES when it feels right for you.
This thread is one of the many threads where women indirectly express how it seems nearly impossible to say NO. And that "there is no choice".
When you can say NO from your heart, that gives space for the genuine YES, too.
Try it out in small things, it works. Aaah, what a freedom and space!
.
edited by Marita on 05/11/2010
You are comletely right, however, if you add one controlling husband to that equation then it becomes a lot more complicated. I think the poster is trying to please her husband more so than her guests. In truth, she can tolerate the guests for a week, stick on a big smile and cater to their every whim and peace with DH is kept. Or she can buck up and tell him it is nonsense, refuse to be host - the guests will leave and then she will have weeks of arguing/not speaking/strain between her and her husband. It becomes a case of choosing the lesser evil...
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vista
Posts 47
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05/11/2010 14:36:45
I know it can be difficult to directly confront some 'guests' who want to take advantage.
What can help is making a welcoming Guests' Handbook that you leave on a table in the guest room. Upon their arrival show them to their room and point out the handbook saying, "here is a handbook we put together to help out our guests and they have ALL found it very useful".
In it you can include:
- spare keys to the villa/apartment
- a spare mobile with a 25 Dhs prepaid credit and include info regarding where they can recharge the
SIM once the credit is used up
- telephone number for taxi companies plus written directions to give to taxi for collection and drop off plus a drawn map of your location (you could also get them a NOL card with some credit that they can top up)
- directions to nearest ATMs and money exchange
- take away menus
- directions to nearest supermarkets
- list of suggested sights/malls to visit
- directions to the local supermarkets
- instruction for using the washing machine and dishwasher
- Include timings for mid-week dinner time, writing down that you need to know before a certain time xx:xx whether they will join you for dinner that evening, and weekend breakfasts. Then you can add, "we have found that the rest of the time everyone prefers to fend for themselves".
- plus any other little house rules that are specific to you eg. "we all take off our shoes when we enter......"
Then you know you have communicated everything that is important to you, they will hopefully understand where they stand and yet they wont feel like you are making an exception of them.
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cryptic
Posts 1805
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05/11/2010 11:34:26
Marita wrote: cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come. Cryptic, same here. I really need to make an effort that someone comes, as my friends like to go rather to Hong Kong, Thailand and Maldives etc. than come here as they are afraid that it is "too hot, too arabic, too islamic, too scary that you maybe taken to jail if you hold hands etc. funny" Am getting tired of trying to explain that am not wearing a veil and wear bikini, and that the stories on newspapers are .. just what they are.
Yep I get that too. I just let them have their ignorance. Lets me live in peace..
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Marita
Posts 676
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05/11/2010 11:32:04
cryptic wrote:
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come.
Cryptic, same here. I really need to make an effort that someone comes, as my friends like to go rather to Hong Kong, Thailand and Maldives etc. than come here as they are afraid that it is "too hot, too arabic, too islamic, too scary that you maybe taken to jail if you hold hands etc. funny" Am getting tired of trying to explain that am not wearing a veil and wear bikini, and that the stories on newspapers are .. just what they are.
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simpleasabc
Posts 7273
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05/11/2010 11:21:57
I was about to join Marita in requesting that you post your email, Tanya, and then realized that I am lucky enough not to need it, as all the friends who are likely to visit us have until now been "good" guests, and I think that's unlikely to have changed in the move from GVA to DXB
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cryptic
Posts 1805
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05/11/2010 11:21:43
I am grateful no one EVER wants to come to Dubai and visit. We paid for my mom and sister to come last year and they decided it was their first and last time. All of my other friends make it plain and clear they can not afford the airfare and the weeks worth of expenses, so they do not come.
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TanyaR
Posts 797
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05/11/2010 11:14:28
Marita, I deleted it and posted it on another thread because it was actually intended for another one (same topic but slightly different circumstances).
edited by TanyaR on 06/11/2010
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Marita
Posts 676
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05/11/2010 11:09:14
TanyaR, what clarity! Wow, you must be responsible for much bigger organizations than family visitors, am sure you have lots of close friends. You must be very loved as you create so much space for real intimacy and meeting. No politics, no hidden agengas, no hints but clear communication and support for the visit!
Would love to have that visitor welcome email posted here, if that is ok for you. I also need it! Email is maybe to best way to communicate these things.
ETA, noticed that TanyaR has just deleted her long posting 
edited by Marita on 05/11/2010
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Marita
Posts 676
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05/11/2010 10:53:58
For me it is important that am real with the people around me. Being real is one of the most loving qifts you can give to one another.
Being real means to say NO and YES when it feels right for you.
This thread is one of the many threads where women indirectly express how it seems nearly impossible to say NO. And that "there is no choice".
When you can say NO from your heart, that gives space for the genuine YES, too.
Try it out in small things, it works. Aaah, what a freedom and space!
edited by Marita on 05/11/2010
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daisygirl
Posts 34
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05/11/2010 10:49:44
We have had fantastic guests in the past!! Who are welcome anytime!! These guests are friends of my husbands parents, whom he has known since he was a baby. He is just as shocked as me, anyway they leave on Sunday never to be invited back.
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sallymander
Posts 325
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05/11/2010 10:46:39
Sue- there are all types- some people have neck and can barge in and place orders and others fear to tread too firmly. Im able to be tough with most "friends" and family but there are odd characters- certain family members- that intimidate me sufficiently so I lose the upper hand. Sadly these ones often come hand in hand with someone you really love that you dont want to upset. It can get complicated. I dont entertain people I dont like(more than once anyway)
I also get the -youre loaded so what are you worrying about treatment sometimes- just have to laugh it off as ignorance and jealousy. I have tried explaining but unless they live here they wont ever fully understand- if they even want to- that is.
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Marita
Posts 676
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05/11/2010 10:46:32
How practical advice SueB gives!
Why so many women are so good in communicating what is ok and what is not at work, and what comes to visitors, like on a victim trip.
What is the worst thing that can happend when you express how you feel about their visit? And talk about some ground rules?
Setting boundaries protects your relationship with the quests, it is a win win situation! It is out of LOVE that you care so much the visitor and that you wish that the stay is the most memorable, but for that you need to have a ground ruling of what are your expectations. And no need to justify anything when you say "Am so happy to have you visiting here, I like to share expenses and responsibilities. Am very happy to see what you find at the supermarket and enjoy your cooking, cannot wait to taste your delicious curries!" And so on..
edited by Marita on 05/11/2010
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simpleasabc
Posts 7273
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05/11/2010 10:43:08
To be fair, we've just had excellent guests staying - they arrived on the first day we were in our new home and helped us settle in and with daily chores and more. They were willing to take taxis, bought their own stuff and put it in the fridge, offered to pay when we went out to eat (but we mostly paid for it ourselves, OH is like that), so not a problem at all. Most of our guests are like that, it is just my mother who is a very difficult guest.
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Stardust
Posts 1794
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05/11/2010 10:41:18
CanadianInDXB wrote:
In some circumstances, one does not have a choice.
I think sometimes it can get complicated - DH allowed an old friend of his, someone he hadn't heard from in 6 years to stay with us. Then DH happily hopped on a plane and went away for a couple of days leaving me to sort out his friend.
The friend was a complete nutter who had gone on some spiritual journey and accepted a master into his life. At one point he said to me "so even though you can see me and I can see you, neither of us really exist..." The scary part being of all the things he said during the week that was the most rational... gosh what a week that was.
And as much as he thought he didn't exist he still wanted to be fed and empty several bottles of champagne in one sitting...
edited by Stardust on 05/11/2010
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SueB
Posts 10934
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05/11/2010 10:33:55
I really am stymied as to why none of you actually ask for help, drop them off at the grocery with a list and drive off, tell them you will be back to pick them up outside. Put a sign on your bedroom door that this area is a quiet zone on Fridays and do not disturb under any circumstances. Mothers included. and, never ever open the door unless invited. Phone from the office and give them something to do to help with the dinner, cut up veg, prepare a salad, marinate meat, set table ...most people can do this but you must ask as alot will not want to step on toes so...ask. Out for a dinner, smile and say it is so lovely to go Dutch as your family like everyone else is watching pennies and you do appreciate their contributions . you can if necessary remind them you live in company paid accommodation and are so lucky to be able to live like this because you could never afford it...you can blatantly lie if you like.
I have not had a bad visitor yet and they come back. My MIL is a Gem as she comes for 6 weeks, picks up after herself, contributes, is always asking what she can do, takes us out for dinner and expects nothing so when we fuss over her she is very pleased lol.....
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sallymander
Posts 325
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05/11/2010 10:33:02
I would have given the shirt to the girlfriend with a laugh and told her man where to find the ironing board. I dont iron for anyone except myself( when tumble drier has decided its a parachute packer) or someone I love who cant do it for whatever reason (they have to be seriously disabled somehow)
guests and fish stink after 3 days
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Stardust
Posts 1794
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05/11/2010 10:32:58
One of my pet hates is when a "long lost friend" contacts you out of the blue. They make small talk about how long they have been trying to get intouch which is quickly followed by "oh and can you believe I am coming to Dubai..."
The last person who did this hadn't spoken to me in years - they came, they stayed, they went and I haven't heard a peep from them since...
I didn't realise how many long lost friends I had until I moved here, but apparently quite a few... LOL
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