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WaxMuch
Posts 3028



10/03/2011 09:16:37
No worries, sweetcheeks.

You know we'll look after you! Big Grin


salsB
Posts 8463



10/03/2011 09:13:13
WaxMuch wrote:
BrownEyedGirl wrote:

What about if you invite friends out to celebrate a birthday at a bar? I was embarrassed when a lovely girlfriend invited me for birthday drinks and then insisted on paying the tab for everyone at the end of the night. When we did the same for DH's birthday everyone just paid their share at the end of the night.


I've always supported the policy that, regardless of who organised the party and for whatever reason, that the guest of honour has his/her share split between the remaining guests.

So if a dinner out for a birthday is organised -- even if it's not planned in advance -- when the bill comes round, we insist that the birthday girl or boy bows out of the contribution, just as a gesture. It doesn't work out to much when you think about it, and it's a nice thing to do.

Drinks nights ... more difficult, obviously. But a group of friends taking another friend out to celebrate their birthday or impending wedding ... same deal should apply, imho, or at least, they should have drinks bought for them by their mates!!


.
edited by WaxMuch on 10/03/2011


Great idea Waxmuch, my birthday is in May, cant wait for my treat, lol.


WaxMuch
Posts 3028



10/03/2011 09:08:02
BrownEyedGirl wrote:

What about if you invite friends out to celebrate a birthday at a bar? I was embarrassed when a lovely girlfriend invited me for birthday drinks and then insisted on paying the tab for everyone at the end of the night. When we did the same for DH's birthday everyone just paid their share at the end of the night.


I've always supported the policy that, regardless of who organised the party and for whatever reason, that the guest of honour has his/her share split between the remaining guests.

So if a dinner out for a birthday is organised -- even if it's not planned in advance -- when the bill comes round, we insist that the birthday girl or boy bows out of the contribution, just as a gesture. It doesn't work out to much when you think about it, and it's a nice thing to do.

Drinks nights ... more difficult, obviously. But a group of friends taking another friend out to celebrate their birthday or impending wedding ... same deal should apply, imho, or at least, they should have drinks bought for them by their mates!!


.
edited by WaxMuch on 10/03/2011


WaxMuch
Posts 3028



10/03/2011 09:02:29
vero possumus wrote:

Anything else should be catered for by the hostess at her expense.
Never, ever invite people and expect them to pay, except for pub rounds. it is only an invite to sit with them at your expense. whoopeee dooo....I think not.


Reading this reminds me of my 21st birthday, oh so many aeons ago!

But I'm ashamed to admit it, but money WAS requested, under certain circumstances, so perhaps I -- or rather, my parents -- should hang our/their heads in shame.

My parents 'took over' our local country club and threw a party for 180 people. Included in the festivities, was the four-course meal, champagne, [very good] wine, beer, port and soft drinks. All the guests had to do was throw on a nice frock or DJ and join the party.

My mother decided, however, that should anyone of -- how do I put this?! -- 'tender age' [ie friends of mine!] request top-shelf spirits [whiskey and the like!] that the bartenders should ask said partygoers to pay for it! She had no problem with HER friends drinking whatever they liked; she simply didn't want my ne'er-do-well friends to be drinking Johnny Walker Blue at her expense! And I think she felt they wouldn't appreciate it anyway ...!

Anyhoo, I lived to survive the 'embarrassment'. As it turned out, everyone was tickety-boo with the alcohol they were served for 'free', so no problems. Big Grin


.
edited by WaxMuch on 10/03/2011


arohadxb
Posts 6335



10/03/2011 07:36:05
BrownEyedGirl wrote:
I guess social etiquette is a minefield in such a multicultural place but I think we've established that it's universally unacceptable to charge guests when you're entertaining them in your own home! I just couldn't imagine the embarrassment of asking guests for money let alone the actual deed of collection.

What about if you invite friends out to celebrate a birthday at a bar? I was embarrassed when a lovely girlfriend invited me for birthday drinks and then insisted on paying the tab for everyone at the end of the night. When we did the same for DH's birthday everyone just paid their share at the end of the night.


that birthday thing is such a tricky one...usually hubby will pay for my friends when we invite them to do whatever it is I have decided would be nice for my birthday...we kind of look at it as my present. One year though we were asking for the bill and then friends insisted on paying for themselves for whatever reason ( i think because they had a: not realised we would pay and 2: because they had gone all out on their meal fully expecting to pay and enjoying their special treat out) and to avoid squabbling over it you just need to be graceful and accept...but then you feel like stink because you have invited them out to where ever, maybe somewhere they wouldnt go normally and they have had to pay for the priviledge. gahhh, birthday mine field!


HereWeGo
Posts 755



10/03/2011 07:32:34
I think if all is clear and agreed on before gong out it might be fine, especially among a group of friends, but in general I think whoever invites should be be prepared to pay the bill especially so if it is for a birthday party or celebration and that is stated beforehand - as most people would then buy gifts and bring.

It is really quite different how different cultures look at paying or splitting a bill. I remember reading about someone from my country who was working in a country in Africa. Ten colleagues were out together and one man paid for everyone's first drink at the bar. My compatriot got nervous and imagined that now all ten would have to pay for a round of drinks so that to be fair everyone would end up having to drink 10 drinks each which she felt was more than her capacity. Her African colleague laughed and said this is not the idea. He explained that he paid because he wanted to invite everyone and because in the long run it would even out. Maybe next time someone else would pay and next year someone else would and if it wasn't drinks it might be something else but all would probably be square and even by time...


BrownEyedGirl
Posts 1226



10/03/2011 00:51:26
I guess social etiquette is a minefield in such a multicultural place but I think we've established that it's universally unacceptable to charge guests when you're entertaining them in your own home! I just couldn't imagine the embarrassment of asking guests for money let alone the actual deed of collection.

What about if you invite friends out to celebrate a birthday at a bar? I was embarrassed when a lovely girlfriend invited me for birthday drinks and then insisted on paying the tab for everyone at the end of the night. When we did the same for DH's birthday everyone just paid their share at the end of the night.


mejane
Posts 604



10/03/2011 00:17:23
So what would they do if you refused to payWhaaaaa??


salsB
Posts 8463



09/03/2011 23:31:56
Regardless to being friends or otherwise should no money be exchanged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Definately so wrong, end off. Isnt this the land of plenty, come on sell your diamonds, go on throw us a party to be remembered, and it will be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


Puffinlunde
Posts 526



09/03/2011 23:22:58
OP - are you going to attend the party??

I just keep having visions of the hosts rattling collection tins everytime people go near the buffet LOL


gleekfamily
Posts 3621



09/03/2011 16:44:03
This reminds me of one of my favorite Bridezilla episodes when the couple hired and placed an ATM machine at the front door of their wedding reception...subtle . At least you got an advance warning on the invite. LOL.


bunny
Posts 1626



09/03/2011 16:17:35
We have a lot of dinner parties from 4 up to 10 people at a time and I enjoy hosting and cooking for my friends, it would never ever enter my head to charge money.

If I have a girls night everyone brings a bottle even though I have plenty of wine and other booze.

The only time I have paid was when a friend chartered a Yacht and we were all asked to contribute towards the cost which included the catered food and booze, this was a 40th, and I did not mind at all on that occasion.

But to have an invite to someone's home for a dinner or a party and be expected to make a monetary contribution is a definite no no.


Puffinlunde
Posts 526



09/03/2011 15:22:30
It sounds very stingy to charge people to attend a party in your own home unless it was a charity event - if they cannot afford a lavish party then they should not have one IMHO and invite fewer people or just have a cheaper do - not sure if I would go to a party like this

I have been invited to a wedding once that was a pot-luck supper - both the couple and parents were very poor and asked people to bring a dish - but I think coordinating the whole think turned out to be more stressful than if the family had just made a few sandwiches - and then there was the cleaning and washing up ....

There have been some formal parties that I have attended where the norm is that people pay for themselves - went to a PhD party once where the norm was that colleagues from the department paid for themselves but the student paid for their own family/friends and supervisors - but it was all clear on the invitation from the start that this was the norm


shep
Posts 188



09/03/2011 14:29:41
I've had two housewarming parties here (both fully catered and free I hasten to add) - first time some people brought gifts - which was a nice suprise - some didnt - I certainly didnt expect them

Second time around lots of the same friends so I politely told them no gifts as didnt want them to think we expected them again


troublebubble
Posts 274



09/03/2011 14:28:54
Did she specify how much money they would like each guest to provide?

It does seem like quite a money making scheme. I wouldn't go.


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:28:30
I would take a gift for the home, for a house warming.
In this case I would excuse myself, and make it fairly obvious that I did not like the idea. (can't come as I need to wash my hair/watch CSI/play online games)


Genie
Posts 1779



09/03/2011 14:24:55
burnsie000 wrote:
Genie wrote:
I can't get my head around asking a 100 people to a house warming never mind then asking them to pay.

Why a 100 people? Are they all expected to bring a housewarming gift (as is the norm) ?

Then they have to pay so that it has cost the hosts next to nothing and they get a 100 presents??? Or am I wrong?

I hope so. I have to say that I have never come across such stingyness / freeloaders / users anywhere as I have in Dubai. It seems to attract them but this one really must come close to taking first prize.


Look I haven't been to a house warming, but my initial thought is how many people actually take a gift? I automatically take beautiful flowers (at the least) when going to a friend for dinner. Don't know if I would actually go and get them a gift though - maybe I'm the socially numb one now?


If I go to house warming, or even if a friend / relative moves to a new home I buy them a gift ... maybe it's me but I thought bringing a gift to a housewarming was the norm. I am happy to be corrected though - although I would still do it


burnsie000
Posts 533



09/03/2011 14:22:09
Genie wrote:
I can't get my head around asking a 100 people to a house warming never mind then asking them to pay.

Why a 100 people? Are they all expected to bring a housewarming gift (as is the norm) ?

Then they have to pay so that it has cost the hosts next to nothing and they get a 100 presents??? Or am I wrong?

I hope so. I have to say that I have never come across such stingyness / freeloaders / users anywhere as I have in Dubai. It seems to attract them but this one really must come close to taking first prize.


Look I haven't been to a house warming, but my initial thought is how many people actually take a gift? I automatically take beautiful flowers (at the least) when going to a friend for dinner. Don't know if I would actually go and get them a gift though - maybe I'm the socially numb one now?


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:20:14
burnsie000 wrote:
vero possumus wrote:
burnsie000 wrote:
Her tone was normal and sweet.

They would like a money contribution.

and how was your tone?


I was normal and just said oh ok. We couldn't talk long, but when I see her - I will tell her how awkward I feel about this kind of invitation.
perhaps your absence will speak volumes.


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:19:38
Genie wrote:
I have to say that I have never come across such stingyness / freeloaders / users anywhere as I have in Dubai. It seems to attract them but this one really must come close to taking first prize.


Dubai has gone to the dogs.


shep
Posts 188



09/03/2011 14:19:27
wonder how many of the 100 will turn up


burnsie000
Posts 533



09/03/2011 14:19:17
vero possumus wrote:
burnsie000 wrote:
Her tone was normal and sweet.

They would like a money contribution.

and how was your tone?


I was normal and just said oh ok. We couldn't talk long, but when I see her - I will tell her how awkward I feel about this kind of invitation.


Genie
Posts 1779



09/03/2011 14:17:18
I can't get my head around asking a 100 people to a house warming never mind then asking them to pay.

Why a 100 people? Are they all expected to bring a housewarming gift (as is the norm) ?

Then they have to pay so that it has cost the hosts next to nothing and they get a 100 presents??? Or am I wrong?

I hope so. I have to say that I have never come across such stingyness / freeloaders / users anywhere as I have in Dubai. It seems to attract them but this one really must come close to taking first prize.


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:16:31
burnsie000 wrote:
Her tone was normal and sweet.

They would like a money contribution.

and how was your tone?


shep
Posts 188



09/03/2011 14:16:00
that is soo wrong - and how embarassing will it be all round to stand there collecting money from your "guests" - couldnt go to something like that
probably not legal either?


burnsie000
Posts 533



09/03/2011 14:15:21
Her tone was normal and sweet.

They would like a money contribution.


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:11:51
when you clarified it, how did her tone sound?
sharp?
sweet?


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:11:11
arohadxb wrote:
burnsie000 wrote:
I have clarified this with the host, and they will provide everything and would like people to give a small contribution to the meal and drinks.


of food or money?
they will provide it, but you pay for it


vero possumus
Posts 1258



09/03/2011 14:10:38
so like, they will buy your food and drinks on your behalf...and you will pay them back?


arohadxb
Posts 6335



09/03/2011 14:10:23
burnsie000 wrote:
I have clarified this with the host, and they will provide everything and would like people to give a small contribution to the meal and drinks.


of food or money?


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