Advice for telling 5 year old that her granddad has just died | ExpatWoman.com
 

Advice for telling 5 year old that her granddad has just died

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 16:25

Hello Ladies, I am asking really on behalf of my sister whose father in law died last night very suddenly. Such a shock. She and her husband need to tell their daughter this evening and I wondered if anybody here had had any experience. I want to be able to help in some way especially as I am here and she is in the UK. TIA.

70
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 20:39
Thank you to both you for sharing your experiences - it really has helped. I am passing it all on to my sister and she appreciates it too. I am now waiting to hear how her dd has taken it.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 20:21
SkyKitty thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and personal response. xx
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 18:22
We had to deal with this twice last year when my husbands father passed away and my dad too so my kids lost both their grandpas very quickly. My husband's father was ill and we had been back to visit him and the children knew that he was very sick so they seemed OK - they were very pragmatic and my little girl who was 5 said - so he's not going to hurt any more...... We told them that he had gone to heaven and was a bright star in the sky. When my Dad passed away it was far more tricky because we were due to see him at the weekend after travelling back from Dubai for the summer and he passed away unexpectedly and we didn't get to see him. The children were both upset because they hadn't seen him but asked if he would go to heaven and see their other grandad - so of course we said yes. They didn't really many questions other than would he see his old dog that had died and would he see their 2 hamsters who had also died and gone to heaven...... it made it easier for us - we had lots of cuddles and reassurance that both Mummy and Daddy were not ready to go to heaven yet but they were pretty good. I think it's us adults that struggle more. Every night they say goodnight to their grandad and grandpa ted stars. I think at 5 you really don't need to go into lots of detail just reassure them and make sure you are around for lots of cuddles. When you lose your dad it's lovely to snuggle in with your kids. My condolences to your sister and her husband.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 16:52
That's a good idea - hadn't thought of GP/nurse. My dad has looked this morning and found some help. I wanted to ask on here because it such a helpful forum and people always go out of their way to offer advice
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 16:47
Good luck, hope it goes okay. I'm sure also that there might be websites of professionals that might know best how to do this too- have the considered calling their GP or local child nurse to ask some advice?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 16:45
Thank you SK. You have given some useful ways to say it simply. I spent a lot of time this morning mulling it over and realised that the you can't really take away the pain she will feel. You just have to get on with it a calmly and simply as you can and deal with the emotion as it happens. It breaks my heart to think of my sister and BIL telling her. I will pass on your advice - thank you again
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 November 2011 - 16:37
Sorry to hear your sad news!! Kids are surprisingly pereptive & see through any pretence, so Ithink being as honest as possible in terms she would understand would work. E.g., "grandad's body wasn't working very well and it broke and the doctor couldn't fix it" type thing... she would understand that other things can break and stop working and can't always be fixed, so she can then learn that the same can happen to people. Yes it's sad to have to learn such things but it's a part of life. Basically they explain simply what happened, then if she asks for more details they can explain appropriate to her age level. Often the simple explanation will be enough for now and then later on she might ask more. I suppose the important thing is to reassure her that this can happen with age and that mum and dad (hopefully, inshallah) will be around for her. My father died when I was young and my mum basically just told us that daddy went to work and something hurt him and it was too much for the doctor to fix, so daddy's body stopped working like it should, and she explained that when someone's body doesn't work properly any more sometimes it's better that it doesn't get fixed at all because then they don't hurt any more. That was enough for me at the time and later on when I was older she could explain in more detail what exactly happened. This doesn't seem like it makes sense but hopefully you get what I'm saying. Just give a little bit of information and let her decide if she wants to know more. Lots of cuddles and be prepared that LO might be clingy for a while afterwards.
 
 

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