Wise mother-in-law...? | ExpatWoman.com
 

Wise mother-in-law...?

191
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 08:13

What makes a wise mother in law? ... a friend is working on a social project of sorts and asked me this question... from my own experience i told her... non-interfering in relationship between the spouses, accepting daughter-in-law's short comings and supporting her wherever necessary... not prying in her affairs... not talking to her son about daughter-in-law behind her back, if has any issues then discuss when both are present...
What are your observations??

105
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 March 2015 - 16:56
I see a lot of problems between DIL and MIL when neither want to accept the other person as an important figure in the mans life. Theres an urgency to have 'all his love'. Being a mum of a boy myself I now understand how it feels. My son is so close to me and I imagine him as always being my boy. I can understand my MIL more now. So simply put when it comes to their sons, its important for a wise MIL to know when to let go and let another woman into their sons life. Its equally as important for the DIL to respect that MIL was there first. Theres a lot to learn for both parties. <em>edited by Hungry_Caterpillar on 09/03/2015</em>
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 09 March 2015 - 12:49
Although both parties are equally responsible for good relationship... But being older MIL is expected to be wiser and can really help set the relationship on the right footing on the onset... But then again wisdom is not necessarily something that comes with age by default... Thus the frictions... I think non interference in each other's business and having a control over one's tongue are the golden rules both MIL and DILs should hold on to... Closes doors to a number of conflicts...
685
Posts
EW GURU
Latest post on 08 March 2015 - 09:18
MIL's are generally older so they usually have a wealth of knowledge to share. Often they have good intentions but from my experience they share a lot of outdated information, for example, MIL will cook livers and kidneys for a pregnant woman and offer a plate with all the unpasteurised cheeses, totally oblivious to the risks.
191
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 March 2015 - 08:54
@ ScottishRose... I think it doesn't matter if MIL has only one son or not (mine has just one too)... what matters is whether she is a person in her own right or not, instead of just being emotionally dependent on others for her well-being... and that goes for all of us... we need to have a life, so that we are able to let others live their own in peace... I think every woman should develop that kind of self-reliance to age gracefully and live a tranquil life...
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 08 March 2015 - 08:03
Surprisingly, although my other half is an only child, my mother in law and I have a wonderful relationship. It's the Stepfather in Law who is the real issue for me. At the moment we're living with them and this is putting a bit of a strain on things. I'm still having no real issues with my MIL but the issues we have with the SFIL are making things difficult! He doesn't have any children of his own so doesn't really understand boundaries at all. He only became a Stepfather when my husband was in his 20's so there is no real bond there. I have no qualms in admitting to hubs that I despise the man, and he is beginning to feel much the same! Unfortunately MIL is somewhat blind to all of this and my biggest fear is that our good relationship will be affected. Continuously biting my tongue at the minute so hopefully moving into our own apartment in the next month will ease things.
1601
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 20:43
The most valuable lessons I learnt about being a MIL came from my MIL. She never approved of me from day 1 , no matter what I did, said , etc. I was never good enough. FIL not much better. Luckily I have an amazing husband who put his foot down and told them both accept the marriage treat my wife with respect or butt out. The lesson I learned from my in laws was how NOT to treat your DIL/SIL.....I made a promise that no matter who my boys chose I would give them every chance. You raise your children with your values and have to trust that they will use what you have taught them in choosing their life's partner. My DIL loves my son and is a wonderful mother to my precious Grand children, I don't always agree with what she does or says but keep those opinions to myself , in the big scheme of things little niggely things are not important. Our common bond is how much her husband and children are loved by both of us.:)
318
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 16:28
I wouldn't know - mine isn't wise, courteous, diplomatic or particularly sensitive. Doesn't help that my husband has an amazing MIL;)
191
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 15:25
What makes a wise mother in law? ... a friend is working on a social project of sorts and asked me this question... from my own experience i told her... non-interfering in relationship between the spouses, accepting daughter-in-law's short comings and supporting her wherever necessary... not prying in her affairs... not talking to her son about daughter-in-law behind her back, if has any issues then discuss when both are present... What are your observations?? I agree with all of the above. From the opinion of a DIL (never blessed with children so can't give a MIL's opinion) these are all the qualities which I so loved about my late MIL. There were obviously times when we disagreed (sometimes coming at things from diametrically opposite directions) but we never fell out as we each understood that we were entitled to our own opinions and would invariably agree to differ. I regret to say, however, that my mother - whilst not being a complete ogress - doesn't hesitate to criticise my DH both to me and to his face. To his everlasting credit he manages to ignore her moments of rudeness for which, after approaching 40 years, I believe he deserves a medal ?. Mind you she doesn't reserve her rudeness and criticism just for him - if anybody displeases her they soon know about it? With age my mother has become the same with people she is close too... but thankfully she holds herself when it comes to SILs hehe... otherwise I cant imagine my husband being so magnanimous... :) <em>edited by Grittt1 on 05/03/2015</em>
191
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 15:20
What makes a wise mother in law? ... a friend is working on a social project of sorts and asked me this question... from my own experience i told her... non-interfering in relationship between the spouses, accepting daughter-in-law's short comings and supporting her wherever necessary... not prying in her affairs... not talking to her son about daughter-in-law behind her back, if has any issues then discuss when both are present... What are your observations?? Your friend will derive a wealth of info on that topic here no doubt to garner research for her project, but if it is intended for publication I think you should make that clear from the outset so contributors have that in mind. She has not asked me to post this question here... but her asking me got me thinking... and since one gets pretty interesting feedback on such issues here on EW... and that too from women from different cultures and all... so was curious to know what general experiences and observations are... who knows, it might help me become a good MIL one day ... ;)
4000
Posts
EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 11:14
What makes a wise mother in law? ... a friend is working on a social project of sorts and asked me this question... from my own experience i told her... non-interfering in relationship between the spouses, accepting daughter-in-law's short comings and supporting her wherever necessary... not prying in her affairs... not talking to her son about daughter-in-law behind her back, if has any issues then discuss when both are present... What are your observations?? Your friend will derive a wealth of info on that topic here no doubt to garner research for her project, but if it is intended for publication I think you should make that clear from the outset so contributors have that in mind.
452
Posts
EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 March 2015 - 08:51
What makes a wise mother in law? ... a friend is working on a social project of sorts and asked me this question... from my own experience i told her... non-interfering in relationship between the spouses, accepting daughter-in-law's short comings and supporting her wherever necessary... not prying in her affairs... not talking to her son about daughter-in-law behind her back, if has any issues then discuss when both are present... What are your observations?? I agree with all of the above. From the opinion of a DIL (never blessed with children so can't give a MIL's opinion) these are all the qualities which I so loved about my late MIL. There were obviously times when we disagreed (sometimes coming at things from diametrically opposite directions) but we never fell out as we each understood that we were entitled to our own opinions and would invariably agree to differ. I regret to say, however, that my mother - whilst not being a complete ogress - doesn't hesitate to criticise my DH both to me and to his face. To his everlasting credit he manages to ignore her moments of rudeness for which, after approaching 40 years, I believe he deserves a medal ?. Mind you she doesn't reserve her rudeness and criticism just for him - if anybody displeases her they soon know about it?
 
 

ON EXPATWOMAN TODAY