Only children | ExpatWoman.com
 

Only children

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 April 2015 - 11:49
Rockabye. I saw this post a while ago and meant to reply. Sorry! Anyway I wanted to tell you that I have cousins who are only children and are very happy well adjusted people. My best friend is an only child and says she wouldn't have it any other way as she had a great life and the best that any parents could give her. I am sure your little one will be just fine and I also think that nowadays only children are way more common aren't they? Hope you're feeling better and a little more assured. Good luck ?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 March 2015 - 08:59
Thanks Notnewintown. That was so lovely to see first thing today :) xx
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 28 March 2015 - 14:04
A good friend of mine is an only child and she says that she was very happy to be one and that she never wanted it to be any other way.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 March 2015 - 12:27
I want to say thank you again for all the replies. I am still so so worried but at least no I do have a little positivity to hang onto. Your words and experiences are so much appreciated. Here's hoping he will be a happy confident boy who also says he's fine with having had no siblings. I do worry about when he starts to ask for one but I guess I face that when I come to it. Xx
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 March 2015 - 15:50
We are all happy with our little family of 3 (by choice). Whatever number of children you have I think there are pros and cons. There are so many advantages to having 1 child, but disadvantages too, I regret my child is not learning the social and emotional skills gained through fighting with siblings (hard to do this with friends). Parents of 2 often complain that their children fight too much. With 3 someone is always being left out and so on and so on. We have pets as it adds another dynamic to the family, someone to care about, be responsible for and protect. Of course there are always the family and friends that like to make you feel guilty. Sometimes I said we were being eco responsible by only having 1 (which was NOT our reason, but that keeps them quiet for a bit - ha!) :biggrin: As many of the mummies have said in their previous posts, dont worry... enjoy. Que sera. :)
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EW GURU
Latest post on 25 March 2015 - 14:48
Please do not get a horrible sick feeling. As I said it does nothing positive for anyone. You cannot stress and lose happiness that you have today over things you cannot control. What you can do and what you have done is reach out. Now you have different enough viewpoints to see it is different for each child. Your ahead of it! Your child is blessed because you truly think of all aspects about his happiness. You are lucky to have each other and that is what really matters
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 March 2015 - 06:46
Thanks Blondie. No not what I wanted to hear and I now have a horrible sick feeling again but as you say it is the truth so thanks. I guess I have to hope that he will have his own family by then and also that we can make every provision we can for our own old age. I do hope your mom gets well and that things get easier.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 24 March 2015 - 21:01
Not want you want to hear but honest I hated being an only child and struggle with it more now that I'm middle age and my mother is not well. It's all on me and I wish I had a sibling who knew exactly what I was going thru and was with me during the hospital visits. I have wonderful friends but its not the same. I have met other only children who although during youth felt a bit isolated said until they were much older -that's when it struck them. What I can tell you is that you cannot worry over something you can't control. It does nothing positive, only negative and our children pick up on this. Also, I find more and more families just having one child lately by choice. When I was young I was the only only I knew. It is much more common now therefore only children do not feel it as much as we did years ago. Focus on the gift you have been blessed with and now you have so much insight with this thread. Your child is lucky to have such a loving concerned mother as you
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 March 2015 - 20:34
I really do appreciate all the really thoughtful responses thank you. You've all been so open and shared info that is really helpful to me and my little man. I think the reason I am so fixated on the negatives it is that I really had hoped for another but age and medical issues are against us and we really had a hard time getting our little man so we know no 2 is not possible. It just seems that everywhere I turn people have at least 2 kids or are having their 3rd! I just don't want him to feel odd at school etc. I also foolishly googled and we all know the damage that can do as I guess happy people don't go online to say how happy they are!! We also don't have any friends with babies this age here so that is something I struggle with as finding it a little hard to meet likeminded people of our age group (40) with babies. We will persevere there though! Silvstet, I hope your little man gets through the socialising challenge at school. You sound like a lovely mom as do all of you who have responded to me. Thanks so much. Here's hoping I am really overplaying this worry!! I am sure my little man will be just fine. Did that sound confident enough? ;) Thank you xxx
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 24 March 2015 - 12:39
i am an only child and have nothing but POSITIVE things to say about it! i was never lonely, never longed for a sibling - in fact i would have hated it and told my mum and dad not to have one! i'm very independent and also very sociable - in fact my job depends on it. i have a lot of friends who have siblings who hate one another, in fact my DH loathes his brother and they haven't spoken for 20 years. so a sibling is no guarantee of friendship/companionship. i look at my DH andthink that i am the lucky one. i have one child myself, and that is the way it is going to say - i'm delighted with that decision.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 17:50
If you can look at this from another point of view it may help. He can choose his friends and drop them if they don't get on. He can't change his siblings and as some people have said on here you don't always get on with your immediate family. I am sure you will find that in time he has a number of close friends and will not be bothered about being the only one.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 17:42
Thanks again ladies. Appreciated. I guess I am just worried about those melancholy feelings that Beebra mentioned. Any particular tips Beeber? Would so love to prevent him having those feelings!xx Rockabye, I am not trying to paint a glum or sad picture by any means and like Ruby said, you can't predict anything. Number of siblings is not indicative of happiness or that they will even get along or be close or happier for it. When my older siblings were young, my mother had a lot of help from my father, as well as other couples with friends the same age. Play dates, vacations, the whole 9 yards. When I came along, my father worked 6 days a week + owned a business, and I was around my mother 24/7 which just seemed to be too much for her. Older siblings were dating and driving, and I was a pest wanting what I guess are the normal things. Play with dolls, go to the zoo, make a mess baking cookies, whatever. My Mom would take me to work with her in the summers, or to her coffee/grape dates or send me off to the neighbors to see if they had chores I could help with :) I would go off on my bike for the day trying to find friends, but there were not many kids in my neighborhood. I highly doubt this is the norm, and that is why I say it is an environment thing that lead to my feelings of isolation and loneliness. Not every child with a big age gap with their siblings or who is an only child feels this way!! My friends today that were only children are highly well adjusted across the board! The fact that you are conscious of it and maybe a little worried about says to me your LO will be just fine! x
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 17:19
DS is an only child, I had a traumatic birth and never had the urge to have another (well I had a wobble about 18 months ago but that was the only time) I'm 47 now and DH is 17 - never regretted only having the one. I asked DS about a year ago if he'd have liked a brother or sister - a blunt 'no', he's happy and said he likes it just him, mum, dad and the dog! I was married at 21, loved being a family just me and DH, then DS was planned after 10 years of marriage. It works for us and I wouldn't change a thing xx
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 15:31
See lengthy article in Time Magazine of July 08, 2010 about only children - http://content/time/magazine/article/0,9171,200530-2,00.html I was impressed by it when I read it back then. ( if link doesn't work it comes up on google).
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 14:30
My 5 yrs old is an only child, he struggles socially at school as he prefers the company of adults. He is social but with older children outside school only. He is fine with sharing, he is not spoiled and he is very well behaved at school. But he talks to us (his parents) as if we are his age, if I raise my voice a bit he accuses me of shouting and he thinks he has the right to "discipline" me. We don't know if we're going to have more children, we're not young and ttc for a 2nd hasn't been a nice experience so far. I am sorry to hear that your DS is struggling socially... odd though that it is only at school? Is he generally happy there? What do his teachers say? Does he do any team activities? Have playdates? It is not uncommon for only children to spend a lot of time with adults.. however I certainly wouldn't tolerate my LO treating m as an equal or trying to discipline me... THAT behaviour is a slippery slope to problems later on... fast forward to when he is 16......!! He is happy at school and his teacher is working on his social struggles, he is advanced for his age and the fact that he is a November born (one of the oldest children in class) is not helping. He is fine with group activities, but when it comes to free play at school, he prefers to walk around the play area instead of playing with his peers. According to his teacher he is improving. Outside school he doesn't have those issues, he goes to after school group activities and he is social there. But again the children are older I agree about the discipline, this is why I am firm with him and I always explain to him that parents discipline their children, but it doesn't mean children can "discipline" their parents ;) <em>edited by wickedangel_78 on 23/03/2015</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 13:37
My 5 yrs old is an only child, he struggles socially at school as he prefers the company of adults. He is social but with older children outside school only. He is fine with sharing, he is not spoiled and he is very well behaved at school. But he talks to us (his parents) as if we are his age, if I raise my voice a bit he accuses me of shouting and he thinks he has the right to "discipline" me. We don't know if we're going to have more children, we're not young and ttc for a 2nd hasn't been a nice experience so far. I am sorry to hear that your DS is struggling socially... odd though that it is only at school? Is he generally happy there? What do his teachers say? Does he do any team activities? Have playdates? It is not uncommon for only children to spend a lot of time with adults.. however I certainly wouldn't tolerate my LO treating m as an equal or trying to discipline me... THAT behaviour is a slippery slope to problems later on... fast forward to when he is 16......!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 13:06
Thanks again ladies. Appreciated. I guess I am just worried about those melancholy feelings that Beebra mentioned. Any particular tips Beeber? Would so love to prevent him having those feeling It would be horrible if my child felt this and I don't think i would know how to help. However I believe that for every only child that has feelings of isolation, loneliness and melancholy... you find children in larger families who are depressed by the feeling that their siblings are the favourite. Is there any reason that you are fixating on the negatives of having an only child? No matter who we are, we really don't know whether we will have the family size we dream/hope/plan for until there is a safe delivery. Unfortunately life doesn't offer any guarantees and seldom runs to plan. Also, having seen other families first hand... there is no guarantee that having a larger family will ensure it will be the Brady Bunch.... or even that they talk to one another when they are older (I know a set of twins who cant stand each other and a set of sisters)... I also know sisters who are incredibly close... you cant predict what will happen in the future. <em>edited by rubyslippers on 23/03/2015</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 09:22
We only have one, my decision mainly as i only ever wanted one but my health issues made it an easy decision. DH would have had 2. He is now happy with the decision of only having 1. Our DD is happy and only ever asked for a sibling when two of her friends had brothers. She soon changed her mind. She is very social, shares and is happy. She is 6. We did make a huge effort when she was smaller (and still do) to have her friends over for play dates. In the park/soft play she is encouraged to talk to other children her age and has made some good friends this way. It has been good for us as adults as well as we now have more friends.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 09:19
I was an only child and I don't feel I suffered in any way. All of my friends funnily enough were girls who only had male siblings, or were only children themselves. It never occurred to me to wonder why I had no brothers or sisters, perhaps because I didn't have much of an extended family. My two cousins were in their 20s when I was born. Also at that time people very rarely had more than two children. I'm sure he will be fine, just ensure that he has perhaps one or two special friends he can always have playdates with. <em>edited by Geordie expat on 23/03/2015</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 09:02
Being one of 6 siblings, I cant imagine my baby being the only child.. but like you Rockabye I am unable to conceive naturally.. haven't given up yet though... I have seen only children feeling it deeply back home where family interactions are more frequent and the only child often feels left out or penalized by the siblings gang ups... whereas here in UAE kids are more content.., Having said that I would still want at least one sibling for my DD... !
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EW GURU
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 08:57
My 5 yrs old is an only child, he struggles socially at school as he prefers the company of adults. He is social but with older children outside school only. He is fine with sharing, he is not spoiled and he is very well behaved at school. But he talks to us (his parents) as if we are his age, if I raise my voice a bit he accuses me of shouting and he thinks he has the right to "discipline" me. We don't know if we're going to have more children, we're not young and ttc for a 2nd hasn't been a nice experience so far.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 08:12
l do IOve your explanation ruby slippers about all families being different. I wish schools and nurseries would be a little more sensitive to these issues xx
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 08:09
Thanks again ladies. Appreciated. I guess I am just worried about those melancholy feelings that Beebra mentioned. Any particular tips Beeber? Would so love to prevent him having those feelings!xx
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 07:32
Hi We have an only child and I was effectively an only child until my siblings came long many, many years later. There is a lot of myths around having/being an only child 1) they are spoilt 2) they don't learn to share 3) they are over opinionated 4) they grow up to quickly (being around adults all the time) shortly followed by 5) they are always babied! All of which are certainly true for some "onlies" as well as some children with siblings. and 6) Everyone has an opinion - which you will hear - solicited or not. (definitely true!) My LO was only two month old I was asked when I was having my next one! When I answered I wasn't planning any more -I was met with incredulousness and accused of being "selfish - she will be lonely" (she's not) and any number of the above accusations from busybody family and strangers, including my personal favourite *You aren't getting any younger, Dear.. You had better get on and have another quickly" - ( Umm, excuse me, strange old lady in M & S queue!) After these interactions I panicked and found some very good books available on Amazon if you google "only child" which helped settle any questions that I had. Don't fret about what you see you are missing (a sibling for your only) but instead enjoy you lovely little one and cherish them. Good luck. x Rubyslippers can I ask how old your little girl is please She is 7. With regards to not having siblings.. she did ask once, when they were doing something at nursery about families, "Why don't I have a sister?" (note - not a brother!) We knew the question would arise so had an answer prepared.. We said everyone's different and all families are different... (our bog standard answer for most things relating to difference and diversity) .. she frowned, nodded very seriously as if considering the answer (I held my breath to see what was coming next) and she said "Can I play Lego?"(Bless her) and hasn't asked ever since. If it gives you any comfort, your family is your family, and since your son hasn't had a sibling , he knows no different. It will be your response to his questions and/or your anxiety around the issue which will have more of an impact.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 07:29
Just to add another perspective, I am not an only child, but have a good age gap between myself and my siblings. The myths that rubyslippers mentioned are sweeping generalizations--although I definitely exhibited a couple of those myths. Truthfully, I spent much more time around adults rather than my peers from a young age, and this affected me both positively and negatively. I was never really "allowed" to be a child and at the time, I was really craving that experience but couldn't articulate or understand why I felt isolated and often melancholy; square peg in a round hole if you will. Looking back, it's plain as day, of course. OP, I guess what I am trying to say is that, IMO, there is no "nature" to an only child, it's a nurture and environmental thing.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 07:00
I was also an only child for many years, my siblings came along when I was a teenager. All I can add to Rubyslipper's post is, please enjoy your little one " in the here and now " and don't spend too much time worrying about "what if ", he will be just fine. ;) <em>edited by Nomad on 23/03/2015</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 06:50
Hi We have an only child and I was effectively an only child until my siblings came long many, many years later. There is a lot of myths around having/being an only child 1) they are spoilt 2) they don't learn to share 3) they are over opinionated 4) they grow up to quickly (being around adults all the time) shortly followed by 5) they are always babied! All of which are certainly true for some "onlies" as well as some children with siblings. and 6) Everyone has an opinion - which you will hear - solicited or not. (definitely true!) My LO was only two month old I was asked when I was having my next one! When I answered I wasn't planning any more -I was met with incredulousness and accused of being "selfish - she will be lonely" (she's not) and any number of the above accusations from busybody family and strangers, including my personal favourite *You aren't getting any younger, Dear.. You had better get on and have another quickly" - ( Umm, excuse me, strange old lady in M & S queue!) After these interactions I panicked and found some very good books available on Amazon if you google "only child" which helped settle any questions that I had. Don't fret about what you see you are missing (a sibling for your only) but instead enjoy you lovely little one and cherish them. Good luck. x Rubyslippers can I ask how old your little girl is please?x
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 March 2015 - 06:49
Thank you very much for your replies. I have to admit to getting even more concerned when I sa how many views and no replies so very relived to read your posts. Some very good advice and I hope he will be absolutely fine. Thanks again xxxxx
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 22 March 2015 - 20:02
Hi We have an only child and I was effectively an only child until my siblings came long many, many years later. There is a lot of myths around having/being an only child 1) they are spoilt 2) they don't learn to share 3) they are over opinionated 4) they grow up to quickly (being around adults all the time) shortly followed by 5) they are always babied! All of which are certainly true for some "onlies" as well as some children with siblings. and 6) Everyone has an opinion - which you will hear - solicited or not. (definitely true!) My LO was only two month old I was asked when I was having my next one! When I answered I wasn't planning any more -I was met with incredulousness and accused of being "selfish - she will be lonely" (she's not) and any number of the above accusations from busybody family and strangers, including my personal favourite *You aren't getting any younger, Dear.. You had better get on and have another quickly" - ( Umm, excuse me, strange old lady in M & S queue!) After these interactions I panicked and found some very good books available on Amazon if you google "only child" which helped settle any questions that I had. Don't fret about what you see you are missing (a sibling for your only) but instead enjoy you lovely little one and cherish them. Good luck. x
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EW GURU
Latest post on 22 March 2015 - 16:04
Don't worry so much. Growing up I had a lot of friends who were an only child (some older and some younger). Having close friends will replace the feeling of not having any siblings. It may be harder here since a lot of the families here only stay a few years and leave ( I grew up in Bahrain and Kuwait) I'm still in touch with a few of my childhood friends who were an only child and it hasn't affected them now, in fact I've noticed they are all very close with their parents. Just keep a strong bond with your child and he should be alright. He will have the holidays to look forward too see all his relatives. If anything you will notice it more as you will be spending more time entertaining him rather than leaving him to play with his siblings
 
 

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