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Home » Pregnancy, Babies & Toddlers » setback....need advice please
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angel joy
Posts 1508

07/08/2012 23:22:45

thank you everybody for your wonderful suggestions and to give me support.wonderful forum with wonderful ladies well today was highs and lows. but i maintained my patience and cuddled him and picked him all the time. he cries with his eyes closed and shouts but still i kept on talking to him. might be something is bothering him and we are not able to understand.hopefully he will be better tommorow.
well peek-a-boo is not his favourite game but still we play every afternoon. so far he likes when i blow raspberries or keep on singing cuppy cake song with silly faces. but the grin you get is worth the effort. as for going to strangers i realized that in times when he is in pain because of teething he will be more clingy to me since he is with me all day and night and to some extent to his dad.so let him stick to me. now desperately waiting for the carrier as he is too heavy to be in arms all the day long
as for letting him cry i felt very bad and i know its just opposite of AP. but sometimes when baby is crying for no apparent reason and you are at your teethers end its better to leave him for few minutes. although i didn't left the room and was sitting besides him only.but whole day then if he shouted again i tried distracting him which worked to some extent. slowly and gradually we will be back on track. for now i'll comfort him as much as possible. why teething is so painful ?

kiwispiers
Posts 2563

07/08/2012 14:25:56

Congratulations, your baby's brain is growing just as it should, his vision has developed and he has now recognised that YOU are the most important person in his world right now, he instinctively gets distressed if he appears to have lost you (as he should, its a basic survival mechanism.) This is certainly not a setback or sign of failing on your part, babies are meant to be very attached to their mothers and to not be happily be taken away by strangers.

As Nanny MT says below, eventually he will come to understand that when you leave it is not forever, however this is a long process and the most important thing you can do is let him understand that you are and will always be there for him when he needs you. Leaving him crying for you for 10 minutes is really the opposite of attachment parenting and you will not hurt, spoil or damage him by picking him up the second he cries.

All babies go through clingy stages of emotional development, an attachment parenting model basically says give them as much reassurance as they need and they will pass through them.

In a nutshell, what should you do? love your baby, cuddle your baby, stare into his eyes and tell him mummy is there. The world is a big scary place for someone so small.

Nanny MacTee
Posts 34

07/08/2012 10:55:14

Hi angel joy,

Don't worry it's a normal developmental stage, possibly exacerbated by teething. Just comfort and support your DS when he gets upset, and try not to force him to be with people and situations he's not yet comfortable with.

At the moment his anxiety is caused by his inability to understand that you will return to him. Play peek-a-boo games with him to help him understand the concept that your separation is not permanent.

You can also practice trial separations with your DS. Move from his line of sight for a few moments but still talk to him and reassure him. Then when you feel he is ready, move into another room, still talking to him. If you gradually increase the length of time he will eventually learn that it will be okay if you are gone for a little while and that you'll always return.

Good luck, it's hard work being a mum

sparkly
Posts 193

07/08/2012 10:53:45

Hi Angel Joy,

I am an AP parent also. My DD is 5 months old and I would say that she went through a similar patch during her fourth month. She started making this sound for everything from happiness to tiredness to frustration (I couldn't stand it!) just with a different emphasis to signal the mood and she was also upset when she couldn't see me. She would be the same when my hubby was looking after her too, just clingy and very demanding of our attention. I thought that sort of separation anxiety didnt come till alot later.

I couldn't find a reason at all, always assumed it was teething but there were no other symptoms other than drool so I just made sure I have her lots of cuddles and carried her around all the time. I have a maya wrap and had a baby Bjorn but just bought the ergo to replace the Bjorn.

Just this week she is back to her usual self and is such a delight. New sounds, babbling like she used to and moving around. thankfully she has ditched the annoying sound she made. I would not have left her to cry as this probably would have made it worse and I think that would be my advice to you. Don't let it get you down, all kids go through these patches so hang in there and this too shall pass (so I kept telling myself- and it did!). He just needs you right now for some reason you may not ever know...

You will love the ergo. Hope it arrives soon. AP is so worth it and I hope you find your way through this little patch.

HTH x

angel joy
Posts 1508

07/08/2012 10:05:50

hi! i have been following attachment parenting (hard not to) with my 3 month old ds. so far he was a happy baby playing on his own too. i used to pick him up whenever he cries.but from last week i am noticing changes in his behaviour. he is quiet as long as i am visible or in my arms only. even if i am sitting near him at his back and he is not able to see me he starts crying very noisily. if i wait for some time ( i did yesterday for 10 min) he was sobbing with tears! another incident was when one of the older kids from play room in our building took him to meet her mama. i was with him. my phone rang and i went outside their house to recieve it. he started crying so loudly he goes very happily to my DH in the evening but then wants me infront of him all the time . my voice alone is not enough for him.he has stopped playing anywhere. his playgym and his bouncer has lost interest to him i am not able to understand why suddenly he is behaving like this.he used to coo and smile at everybody and now only do that if i am in the vicinity. he want to be with me in my arms all the time which is wearing me down. i have ordered ergo baby carrier and just waiting for the delievery. so will try babywearing after that. i have already taken him to my paed if there was any problem. he is fine .even his reflux is almost not there. although his gums has started to swell. is it because of that? he does not take pacifier,teether,or cooled carrot. only my DH's finger not even mine. really has a mind of his own. when my husband said this morning that he has become too attached to me (crying since morning today) i realized he is right. i am at a loss what should i do?
ps: bear with me if the post is long and random. thanks ladies

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