Question about small children and having no maid | ExpatWoman.com
 

Question about small children and having no maid

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 04 June 2012 - 12:16

Hello

I just wanted to ask you ladies who have small children and no live-in maid what do you do for baby-sitting when you want to go out? Is it easy to find trustworthy people?

Thanks
Bella

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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 15:22
u are most welcome. yes i can fully understand ur situation as i m also a mother of three boys. and you are right about having time with DH at home. it can be done easliy after putting children to bed. thats what we do too :) We have a weekly 'takeout night', and we have movie nights and lots of special time together. We actually don't MISS going out, we want to be here, with our beautiful kids sleeping upstairs. If one of us goes out then we know the other is here watching the kids and that they are fine.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 15:16
u are most welcome. yes i can fully understand ur situation as i m also a mother of three boys who r only 4 and 18 months old twins. and you are right about having time with DH at home. it can be done easliy after putting children to bed. <em>edited by amylhe on 06/06/2012</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 15:09
We dont and dont want to go out without the kids. I have "me" time when they are at school :) edited by Flower33 on 05/06/2012 You're in trouble then when they get older and it's just you and your dh! i think she means with "me time" is that she socialize with her friends during that time i.e to go out to shopping with them or having coffee mornings with them which we EW ladies are always talking about. and regarding this fear of being alone after children get older who can say that these all our expat friends will be with us after so many years and God knows where will i be after a year which is the biggest drawback of dubai. so one can always make new friends which again we are always asking other women to do Thank you amylhe for clarifying for me. Yes absolutely, when kids are at school, i have coffee mornings, shopping, etc. its hard to do these things with very active boys. Shopping with kids guarantee a trip back to exchange sizes! I meant we dont and dont want to go out "as a couple" for dinner or something romantic. We manage to do at home without worrying about the kids. Reading all the accidents about small kids, we feel strongly responsible for the safety of our kids. And if God forbid anything happen while we are BOTH out enjoying ourselves would feel guilty and the person involved babysitting. No doubt Accidents will happen even when are with them, but it will be harder on us under someones watch. Time will come for us, when they are older, but right now they are still small for us, 6 & 4 <em>edited by Flower33 on 06/06/2012</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 14:52
We dont and dont want to go out without the kids. I have "me" time when they are at school :) edited by Flower33 on 05/06/2012 You're in trouble then when they get older and it's just you and your dh! i think she means with "me time" is that she socialize with her friends during that time i.e to go out to shopping with them or having coffee mornings with them which we EW ladies are always talking about. and regarding this fear of being alone after children get older who can say that these all our expat friends will be with us after so many years and God knows where will i be after a year which is the biggest drawback of dubai. so one can always make new friends which again we are always asking other women to do
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 11:52
We dont and dont want to go out without the kids. I have "me" time when they are at school :) edited by Flower33 on 05/06/2012 You're in trouble then when they get older and it's just you and your dh! Lol! May be I should add that we visit our home country 5 times a year, and have fun in a different climate! I mostly enjoy these trips as dh is full time home, no cooking, cleaning, and plenty places to visit. Besides we all go out every friday for launch or dinner.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 09:55
Its called helicopter parenting and we are on top of our children 24/7. In the absence of the extended family we think its healthy and we are being caring and loving to be with our kids all day every day until they enter formal schooling. Been there done that, with my eldest and learned many lessons along the way. I am a better mom and wife and they are better children when I have my own "little" social life. Good luck to all the mothers out there that are happy with a life that only entails time out with the kids, it sure doesn't work for me!!:cool: Why so judgemental? How does not leaving kids with a stranger / unqualified maid equal helicopter parenting? I get plenty of time away from my kids thank you, just not at the same time as my husband. And Im sticking to my guns. Will not leave my kids with a stranger, not here, not elsewhere. A relative perhaps yes, or a close family friend we have known for years yes. But a stranger? No thanks. As for the saint comment, I can only LOL. Really??? <em>edited by Purple on 06/06/2012</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 09:31
Hello, OP here. Thanks so much for all your insight into this. I guess I've got my answer, which is that it's quite possible to hire reliable and legal babysitters from an agency, get the same one each time (hopefully) and build up a relationship with them. Thanks everyone. My mum keeps saying I should start a baby-sitting circle with my friends. I know it worked 'back in the day' in the UK, but here I would feel too guilty leaving a friend to babysit, knowing she's as knackered as I am. We all cram so much into our days these days - and the heat and massive amount of driving don't help.
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EW GURU
Latest post on 06 June 2012 - 08:15
My goodness. What a can of worms. To answer OP, we have no maid and go out without the kids maybe once a month at the most. We use an agency who provide the same lady each time. All their sitters are mothers and trained in childcare, including first aid. We trust and like her and she loves the kids. To be honest, my four year old is normally asleep by the time we leave and the nine year old takes himself off when the sitter tells him to. We would never risk our children's safety or wellbeing, but we also don't feel guilty going out occasionally and leaving them in the care of someone we trust. Any issues and she would call us immediately. OP, if you would like a recommendation, let me know and I will email you details.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 23:43
So you would leave them with a complete stranger in your own country? All the weird people are only in a foreign country? That makes sense, and all the stories we hear from "other " countries about child abuse and paedophiles is not true? Why do you keep your children in nursery or school in a foreign country with complete strangers? Maybe it mistrust of foreign people in a foreign country that is the problem? Sorry, I think you missed my point. You were using the pejorative term ''helicopter parenting' to describe expats in Dubai who don't go out without children here. The point about the foreign country is not about 'foreigners'. I wouldnt leave my child with a stranger anywhere. The point about it being in a foreign country in respnse to your judgement is that people often have no choice here but to leave their children with complete strangers or not go out. The same people might go out a lot more regularly in their home country when family and friends they had known longer were around to babysit. hence why the fact that it is in a foreign country is very relevant as to why you can describe it as 'helicopter parenting' or not Helicopter parenting is a judgmental term. Choosing not to leVe kids alone with strangers is not akin to smothering them 24/7 or to claiming to be a 'saint'. And in response to the nursery/school issue, the differences are a) the teachers are trained and qualified in child care and education b) they are not alone with the child c) you research schools before you place your child there - it's not just calling up for a random stranger to show up at your house to care for your child <em>edited by Plain-Jane on 05/06/2012</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 22:44
So you would leave them with a complete stranger in your own country? All the weird people are only in a foreign country? That makes sense, and all the stories we hear from "other " countries about child abuse and paedophiles is not true? Why do you keep your children in nursery or school in a foreign country with complete strangers? Maybe it mistrust of foreign people in a foreign country that is the problem?
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 22:14
Its called helicopter parenting and we are on top of our children 24/7. In the absence of the extended family we think its healthy and we are being caring and loving to be with our kids all day every day until they enter formal schooling. Been there done that, with my eldest and learned many lessons along the way. I am a better mom and wife and they are better children when I have my own "little" social life. Good luck to all the mothers out there that are happy with a life that only entails time out with the kids, it sure doesn't work for me!!:cool: There is a very big difference between "being on top of your child 24/7" and not leaving your child alone at night with a complete stranger in a foreign country. <em>edited by Plain-Jane on 05/06/2012</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 22:00
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) Sorry, cannot imagine sending kids out to a sleepover without meeting the Mom, but then again, mine have never done that kind of thing..... I would think it mighty weird, inviting kids to sleep in your home without knowing the parents......where do you come from? I'm from the UK...a Northerner, from a small town. Me too, but they have always said Northerner's are more friendly. I definitely noticed the difference when I spent 6 years in Cambridgeshire, no one spoke to you and if you said hello, they just looked at you as if you had landed from outer space. And my kids have grown up into sensible well adjusted adults, without being with their mother 24/7
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 21:49
Its called helicopter parenting and we are on top of our children 24/7. In the absence of the extended family we think its healthy and we are being caring and loving to be with our kids all day every day until they enter formal schooling. Been there done that, with my eldest and learned many lessons along the way. I am a better mom and wife and they are better children when I have my own "little" social life. Good luck to all the mothers out there that are happy with a life that only entails time out with the kids, it sure doesn't work for me!!:cool:
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 18:09
We dont and dont want to go out without the kids. I have "me" time when they are at school :) edited by Flower33 on 05/06/2012 You're in trouble then when they get older and it's just you and your dh!
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 18:06
Wow there are so many saints on this forum. How healthy is it for child and mom to be in each others face every waking moment, a little seperation is healthy for all. How do you remain sane? You don't need adult time? or "me" time? I always use a sitter from an agency and they are reliable and send the same lady every time. So we might not go out that often, but even a movie and dinner makes momma a happy woman. I agree with you..I've been surprised at this too! Crikey, me too! Guess this is why we see so many weary looking women with screaming children in malls - oops! :D
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 18:01
We dont and dont want to go out without the kids. I have "me" time when they are at school :) <em>edited by Flower33 on 05/06/2012</em>
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:27
it's a shame we can't mark the future TNT as a sticky.
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:23
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) Sorry, cannot imagine sending kids out to a sleepover without meeting the Mom, but then again, mine have never done that kind of thing..... I would think it mighty weird, inviting kids to sleep in your home without knowing the parents......where do you come from? I'm from the UK...a Northerner, from a small town.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:22
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) Sorry, cannot imagine sending kids out to a sleepover without meeting the Mom, but then again, mine have never done that kind of thing..... I would think it mighty weird, inviting kids to sleep in your home without knowing the parents......where do you come from?
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:09
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) yes you said - because you are opinionated !!! LOL !! don't know what they mean haha....well, my 2 have never had sleepovers although the teen has made up for that in the last 3 years or so but i still always check with the other parents... Me? Opinionated? No, you must have me confused with someone. ditto :D
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:08
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) yes you said - because you are opinionated !!! LOL !! don't know what they mean haha....well, my 2 have never had sleepovers although the teen has made up for that in the last 3 years or so but i still always check with the other parents... Me? Opinionated? No, you must have me confused with someone.
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 16:02
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :) yes you said - because you are opinionated !!! LOL !! don't know what they mean haha....well, my 2 have never had sleepovers although the teen has made up for that in the last 3 years or so but i still always check with the other parents...
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:58
That comment was meant a bit 'tongue in cheek' btw! DD is 9 so they were probably about 8 sue62. I don't usually get to meet the other mums though (I assume they all know my DH who does the school run and always has done)....and when I did meet some here, one asked me if I was Sue62!!! :)
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:43
Suze, tell us your story. We are all ears. *opening Doritos* LOL!! Opens the can of worms! I emailed all the mothers, half of whom didn;t respond (the first surprise). I followed up with phone calls...[b'>one lady said she wasn't sure as she didn't know me (not relavent in my view as I wasn't inviting her for a sleepover),[/b'> someone else said her DD could come but couldn't sleep there and someone else said she would need to ask her husband as she wasn;t sure (she eventualy said yes but her husband came with her to drop the child off and I thought for a moment he was going to ask to see the upstairs). When i was a kid, we were always off staying at someones house at the weekend and there was never any of this nonsense. I work full time and have done since DD was about 4 months so I guess my exposure to all this 'hands on' parenting has passed me by and I wasn't aware people thought like this. what age were the children ? sorry but if they were young then it was completely relevant - i wouldn't let my youngest sleep over in a house or with a family i didn't know..... Our teen sits if we go out together but mostly we all go out together...have never had anyone other than our parents sit either of my two...when eldest was too young to be left we just didn't go out together...nowt saintly about it as you'll gather from all the other posters on this thread - just the way it is...
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:42
I'm with Sydneygal on this, suze63, there's no way I would let my child sleepover at a house when I didn't know the parents. I still don't like the idea of it, and she's 17 now :) Am I missing something here. Even back in the dark ages we got to meet the parents of our kids friends, or is it just that nowadays parents don't have the time to do things like that. It wasn't uncommon for one of their friends to ask if they could introduce their 'Mummy' to to me so they could play together after school or at the weekend. That way we got to know most of the other parents at least in their class. And yes a lot of us did still work. I'm probably going to get shot down in flames now ;)
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EW MASTER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:33
I'm with Sydneygal on this, suze63, there's no way I would let my child sleepover at a house when I didn't know the parents. I still don't like the idea of it, and she's 17 now :)
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:15
Suze, tell us your story. We are all ears. *opening Doritos* LOL!! Opens the can of worms! I emailed all the mothers, half of whom didn;t respond (the first surprise). I followed up with phone calls...one lady said she wasn't sure as she didn't know me (not relavent in my view as I wasn't inviting her for a sleepover), someone else said her DD could come but couldn't sleep there and someone else said she would need to ask her husband as she wasn;t sure (she eventualy said yes but her husband came with her to drop the child off and I thought for a moment he was going to ask to see the upstairs). When i was a kid, we were always off staying at someones house at the weekend and there was never any of this nonsense. I work full time and have done since DD was about 4 months so I guess my exposure to all this 'hands on' parenting has passed me by and I wasn't aware people thought like this. I only worked part time for their first few years, but once they started school mine were at friends most weekend nights, or their friends were at ours. Also I meant to add, when we used to leave them with babysitters it was long before the mobile, so we had to rely on landlines if we were needed. Same went for other kids parents and they didn't always have one, so it was out to find a phone box (as long as you had change), no chance of using a credit card in those days :) Don't I sound like a dinosaur, but I still think it was better then Ha ha...I remember when we got our first phone (I was 13!). I wonder how we all survived. When I was younger ours was a party line. I had a schoolgirl crush on the boy next door, who was in a bad, and was devastated when I heard him telling a girl he loved her. Serves me right for listening in :(
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EW EXPERT
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:12
Suze, tell us your story. We are all ears. *opening Doritos* LOL!! Opens the can of worms! I emailed all the mothers, half of whom didn;t respond (the first surprise). I followed up with phone calls...one lady said she wasn't sure as she didn't know me (not relavent in my view as I wasn't inviting her for a sleepover), someone else said her DD could come but couldn't sleep there and someone else said she would need to ask her husband as she wasn;t sure (she eventualy said yes but her husband came with her to drop the child off and I thought for a moment he was going to ask to see the upstairs). When i was a kid, we were always off staying at someones house at the weekend and there was never any of this nonsense. I work full time and have done since DD was about 4 months so I guess my exposure to all this 'hands on' parenting has passed me by and I wasn't aware people thought like this. I only worked part time for their first few years, but once they started school mine were at friends most weekend nights, or their friends were at ours. Also I meant to add, when we used to leave them with babysitters it was long before the mobile, so we had to rely on landlines if we were needed. Same went for other kids parents and they didn't always have one, so it was out to find a phone box (as long as you had change), no chance of using a credit card in those days :) Don't I sound like a dinosaur, but I still think it was better then Ha ha...I remember when we got our first phone (I was 13!). I wonder how we all survived.
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:09
Suze, tell us your story. We are all ears. *opening Doritos* LOL!! Opens the can of worms! I emailed all the mothers, half of whom didn;t respond (the first surprise). I followed up with phone calls...one lady said she wasn't sure as she didn't know me (not relavent in my view as I wasn't inviting her for a sleepover), someone else said her DD could come but couldn't sleep there and someone else said she would need to ask her husband as she wasn;t sure (she eventualy said yes but her husband came with her to drop the child off and I thought for a moment he was going to ask to see the upstairs). When i was a kid, we were always off staying at someones house at the weekend and there was never any of this nonsense. I work full time and have done since DD was about 4 months so I guess my exposure to all this 'hands on' parenting has passed me by and I wasn't aware people thought like this. I only worked part time for their first few years, but once they started school mine were at friends most weekend nights, or their friends were at ours. Also I meant to add, when we used to leave them with babysitters it was long before the mobile, so we had to rely on landlines if we were needed. Same went for other kids parents and they didn't always have one, so it was out to find a phone box (as long as you had change), no chance of using a credit card in those days :) Don't I sound like a dinosaur, but I still think it was better then
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EW EXPLORER
Latest post on 05 June 2012 - 15:07
We are lucky to have a good friend who lives upstairs who has a LO same age as ours....so we sometimes take it in turns to go our with hubbies for dinner while the other babysits. It works great as it's only a floor lift away at the end of the night :) Plus we're in JBR so plenty of places to eat close by so it's never a late night. Suze63 - the sleepover thing can be cultural rather than just hands on parenting....my dad is Italian and he never let us sleep over growing up in Oz as the concept of sleeping somewhere when you had your own bed at home just didn't make sense to him lol. I had asian friends whose parents also never let them sleep over anywhere. The lady who said she didn't know you had a fair point in my opinion, I would also want to know the parents if my kid wanted to sleep over at a friends place!
 
 

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