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can not get used to having a maid in the house..

Latest post at 01/03/2012 19:54:57
we've recently hired a maid so that i can get out and do more, look for a job, go out at night with my husband, spend qualilty time with my daughter and dogs. we decided to hire now so that the dogs are familiar with her before i head off for the summer. anyway she is really great, started a week early and didnt want paid for first week ( i of course will pay her) . my daughter loves her and so far she is perfect in everyway. my problem is i cant let go of doing things. i still like to do bath and bed time and feeding the dogs myself, and no way is anyone else cooking for me, my maid looks at me like i am crazy, but i just want her to clean and babysit when needed, think i may be a bit ocd though, she offered to take my daughter to park this evening and i agreed this time, but while they were out i cleaned, and it felt great! even though house is spotless, i still have this urge to do everything myself. i've lived on my own since i was 16, so may take a while to adjust and learn to relax and enjoy the fact i dont have to do all the running around. think my maid will have some adjusting to do too, she even thought she should come with me on the nursery run and that i could just wait in the car. anyone else had this problem or am i on my own here? just got the little one off to bed, normally i'd be ironing now, might get a glass of this wine stuff i keep hearing about!
52
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 20:01:25
Completely normal.

A maid is there to make your life easier, not take over completely. My last maid was with us for over 4 years and she never once cooked a meal for me. She cooked for DH while I was away but never for me - that wasn't what I wanted her for.

She'd get the kids ready for bed and put them to bed on the odd occasion we went out but never as part of her routine. She is your employee, she is there to do what you want her to do. If there are things you would rather do yourself then do them, it's your decision, although I would say never give up the chance to have someone clean your floors and do your ironing

Sounds like you may have found yourself a good maid though...
9679
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 20:42:12
Your maid will get used to it. My maid used to make me nuts trying to care of my baby at all times even when I was holding him she wanted to take over. I just told her a few times and now she only helps with the baby when I ask or when I am not home.
The thing is that for many people the maid does everything, you have to teach her and tell her to relax and enjoy she does not need to work so hard.
1119
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 20:45:20
thanks for the replies, we will get there, she really is a star find, i'm sure over the next couple of weeks we will have everything running smoothly!
52
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 20:50:56
We are new in Dubai so this is the first time we have had a live-in nanny. She is lovely and I am sooo happy we found her but she would totally run my life for me if I let her! It is taking a while to establish who does what in the house, and while I love the fact that she cooks delicious food without being asked to (I hate cooking), I can't get my head round things like her finding a plant and planting it in the garden without telling us, changing my children's clothes because she thinks what they are wearing looks too worn, going online to look for a job for me, giving me clothing advice, etc. I'm not complaining about the fact that she really takes the initiative, it's just taking some getting used to! May that be the biggest 'problem' I have with her
111
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 20:54:53
You really do need to lay down the law though.

If you don't want her interfering with your life you MUST tell her. If you don't, it will fester and become a huge problem.

If she changes your children's clothes tell her you were happy with what they were wearing and she is not to change them without talking to you first.
Tell her not to plant new plants. Next time she comments on your clothes tell her you are happy with your choice and don't need other's opinions.
don't let her overstep the mark.
9679
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 21:03:22
nixdxb wrote:
We are new in Dubai so this is the first time we have had a live-in nanny. She is lovely and I am sooo happy we found her but she would totally run my life for me if I let her! It is taking a while to establish who does what in the house, and while I love the fact that she cooks delicious food without being asked to (I hate cooking), I can't get my head round things like her finding a plant and planting it in the garden without telling us, changing my children's clothes because she thinks what they are wearing looks too worn, going online to look for a job for me, giving me clothing advice, etc. I'm not complaining about the fact that she really takes the initiative, it's just taking some getting used to! May that be the biggest 'problem' I have with her


going online to look for a job for you? Bless her .. lol
Posts

Latest post at 01/03/2012 21:04:25
Yup, I know I have to set boundaries and I am. Definitely a learning curve, though!
111
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Latest post at 01/03/2012 21:09:24
You really need to set boundarys, like yesterday. It is not your maids house, its yours. You run it, she assists. I have a fabulous maid who probably would do a better job than I can but it makes for bad dynamics if you allow her to take over

Make each Sunday morning, review time. I sit down with the maid after hubby has gone to work on a Sunday and we plan our week. What meals we will have, what shopping we need and what I expect her to do etc. Its a good habit because if she does something we are not happy with, it gives you the opportunity to discuss it and how it could be done better in the future
1474
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KKS

Latest post at 01/03/2012 21:16:39
Thanks for the advice Sanddy Dog and KKS. We are working things out as she does listen when I ask her not to do things. But noted that I should err on the side of laying down the law.
111
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Latest post at 02/03/2012 09:04:53
Sanddy_Dogg wrote:
You really do need to lay down the law though.

If you don't want her interfering with your life you MUST tell her. If you don't, it will fester and become a huge problem.

If she changes your children's clothes tell her you were happy with what they were wearing and she is not to change them without talking to you first.
Tell her not to plant new plants. Next time she comments on your clothes tell her you are happy with your choice and don't need other's opinions.
don't let her overstep the mark.



I agree with Sandy Dogg. Do it right from the start! Don't forget a lot of them come from different experiences. They have to learn that each house is different, each "Madam" is different and there are different requirements. Sitting her down and establishing what your expectations are, would be the best. Like for example, set particular rules when it comes to the kids.
127
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Latest post at 02/03/2012 10:01:07
We recently took help in the house (5 weeks and settling in nicely) and following advice off here created a schedule of work for the daily and weekly jobs, day by day, what else needs doing monthly, and what needs doing ad hoc. It also states house rules and what we expect of them and them of us. I have amended as necessary, as we have gone along and found things that need doing more/ less regularly, or anything I have missed.

This has been great for me. There is no misunderstanding about the duties and I don't feel either of us is unsure of 'the boundaries'. We each get on with what we do. I was afraid of feeling that I couldn't ask for things to be done/ not done, but this clarifies everything! If it's not on the list, it doesn't happen!!

It might sound a bit OCD in itself, detailing everything, but I can be a bit like that and this resolves the issue for me. HTH.
180
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Latest post at 02/03/2012 11:20:25
You sound super organised and would love to have a look at your schedule, if you don't mind. My maid seems to be all over the place and takes ages to clean a single storey villa, often finishing at 7.30pm....mind you by she only really gets started around 9.30am or 10. She is lovely though, so I do not want to get rid of her, I just need more structure for her. I hate to think if we move to a bigger place, what would happen.

My email is habibti.dxb@gmail.com

TIA

Perces wrote:
We recently took help in the house (5 weeks and settling in nicely) and following advice off here created a schedule of work for the daily and weekly jobs, day by day, what else needs doing monthly, and what needs doing ad hoc. It also states house rules and what we expect of them and them of us. I have amended as necessary, as we have gone along and found things that need doing more/ less regularly, or anything I have missed.

This has been great for me. There is no misunderstanding about the duties and I don't feel either of us is unsure of 'the boundaries'. We each get on with what we do. I was afraid of feeling that I couldn't ask for things to be done/ not done, but this clarifies everything! If it's not on the list, it doesn't happen!!

It might sound a bit OCD in itself, detailing everything, but I can be a bit like that and this resolves the issue for me. HTH.

edited by TurkishDervish on 02/03/2012
427
Posts

Latest post at 02/03/2012 11:54:10
KKS wrote:
You really need to set boundarys, like yesterday. It is not your maids house, its yours. You run it, she assists. I have a fabulous maid who probably would do a better job than I can but it makes for bad dynamics if you allow her to take over

Make each Sunday morning, review time. I sit down with the maid after hubby has gone to work on a Sunday and we plan our week. What meals we will have, what shopping we need and what I expect her to do etc. Its a good habit because if she does something we are not happy with, it gives you the opportunity to discuss it and how it could be done better in the future


Great post KKS! Boundaries and constant, clear communication before anything gets out of hand!
9418
Posts

Latest post at 02/03/2012 12:11:43
to get an effective schedule going, house help really needs to begin the day at 7.30 am, so that they do a good 4 hours work, then are ready for morning break after 2 hours work and lunch break after 4 hours. Mine used to start 7.30am and end the day at 9pm BUT there were natural quiet times late afternoon and between dinner shifts
edited by loube on 02/03/2012
725
Posts

Latest post at 02/03/2012 15:33:29
am so soooory to intrude on ur thread... but how much-average- a live in maid takes a month? all in all... thanx for the help in advance Big Grin
144
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Latest post at 02/03/2012 18:15:05
river85 wrote:
we've recently hired a maid so that i can get out and do more, look for a job, go out at night with my husband, spend qualilty time with my daughter and dogs. we decided to hire now so that the dogs are familiar with her before i head off for the summer. anyway she is really great, started a week early and didnt want paid for first week ( i of course will pay her) . my daughter loves her and so far she is perfect in everyway. my problem is i cant let go of doing things. i still like to do bath and bed time and feeding the dogs myself, and no way is anyone else cooking for me, my maid looks at me like i am crazy, but i just want her to clean and babysit when needed, think i may be a bit ocd though, she offered to take my daughter to park this evening and i agreed this time, but while they were out i cleaned, and it felt great! even though house is spotless, i still have this urge to do everything myself. i've lived on my own since i was 16, so may take a while to adjust and learn to relax and enjoy the fact i dont have to do all the running around. think my maid will have some adjusting to do too, she even thought she should come with me on the nursery run and that i could just wait in the car. anyone else had this problem or am i on my own here? just got the little one off to bed, normally i'd be ironing now, might get a glass of this wine stuff i keep hearing about!


I'm with you! It definitely took A LOT of getting used to for me. I really enjoyed doing things for my family and have only been able to very gradually let go of some things. We're only a few weeks in as well so it's a bit of an adjustment period for both her and us.
Good luck to you!
edited by Kaba on 02/03/2012
734
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