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My friend is smoking and is pregnant...

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5

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 12 July 2015 - 13:17

Tough one. A former colleague of mine smoked through all three of her pregnancies. We were all shocked. But we kept quiet. It was tough to see though. You know it is wrong, but feeling is it is best to stay out of it.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 12 July 2015 - 13:01

My DD stopped smoking the day she found out she was pregnant, and hasn't returned to smoking either, which is brilliant. My DD and a friend were pregnant at the same time and her friend smoked and drank alcohol.... Its frowned upon today by society, but as others have said it's not our business.

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Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 12 July 2015 - 08:11

I'm sorry GE :( Thanks Daza. This is one of the reasons I get so wound up about things like this. Yes we would all like to do everything possible for our babies, but as far as I was concerned the occasional cigarette did me more good than bad. I agree with you GE - The only time I had high blood pressure and my unborn child was at risk was when I was trying to go cold turkey on the smoking. In the end, the Dr told me that if I can keep it less than 3 a day then it would be better for me and my child to do that then give up all together. I did stop in the end but only after about 6 weeks of having a couple a day. this does not mean I didnt love my unborn child, just means I am an imperfect human that had an addiction. Just to add, there are plenty of pregnant ladies out there scoffing sugary treats, fast food and drinking more than they should be which is actually equally as dangerous - you cant go judging everyone by your standards.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 11 July 2015 - 01:14

Thank you for your reply GE, and I hope it didn't bring back sad memories for you to share that. Glad you have your healthy girls (and their children!).

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 10 July 2015 - 22:21

Of course it is not ok. But, if you love your friend she will still be your friend but you can only ask her not to smoke around you. If she really does not mean that much to you then you can break the relationship without it being painful. I would love my friend anyway, I dont have to agree but I will be there for her. Liked what another poster said. 'keep your eyes on your own plate' or, 'not my circus, not my monkeys' What a great post. Can't really say it better.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 10 July 2015 - 03:43

Of course it is not ok. But, if you love your friend she will still be your friend but you can only ask her not to smoke around you. If she really does not mean that much to you then you can break the relationship without it being painful. I would love my friend anyway, I dont have to agree but I will be there for her. Liked what another poster said. 'keep your eyes on your own plate' or, 'not my circus, not my monkeys'

4393

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 16:15

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. But, why would you just not do anything to protect you child and make sure they are the healthiest they can be...woman smoking while pregnant now days is just ridiculous...we are so well informed and educated about this there is no excuse.... Yes but when you have gone through losing a baby because of the stress of trying to give up, smoking during future preganancies doesn't seem so bad! And no they couldn't prove that it was that that actually caused the miscarriage, but it certainly didn't help. Sorry GE. It sounds awful. Can I ask you, with no offence intended, why you and all the other women reading this who may be smoking still and thinking of starting a family, would you not quit first and then try for a baby? I honestly am just curious. This happened to me over 30 years ago. I was lucky and went on to have 2 gorgeous girls (I now have 2 lovely grandchildren too), but I still smoke and probably always will. I think it was just one of the things we all did back then and most of my friends smoked too. If I told you what some of us ate during our pregnancies your would have a fit, but we were all lucky, have fit and healthy children and majority of us are now grandparents. Mind I would still say to anyone who asked me, that if they are finding it so very hard to quit and get pregnant at the same time, just cut them back and relax.

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EW GURU

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 15:59

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. But, why would you just not do anything to protect you child and make sure they are the healthiest they can be...woman smoking while pregnant now days is just ridiculous...we are so well informed and educated about this there is no excuse.... Yes but when you have gone through losing a baby because of the stress of trying to give up, smoking during future preganancies doesn't seem so bad! And no they couldn't prove that it was that that actually caused the miscarriage, but it certainly didn't help. Sorry GE. It sounds awful. Can I ask you, with no offence intended, why you and all the other women reading this who may be smoking still and thinking of starting a family, would you not quit first and then try for a baby? I honestly am just curious.

4393

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 11:36

I'm sorry GE :( Thanks Daza. This is one of the reasons I get so wound up about things like this. Yes we would all like to do everything possible for our babies, but as far as I was concerned the occasional cigarette did me more good than bad.

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Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 11:22

I'm sorry GE :(

4393

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 09:36

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. But, why would you just not do anything to protect you child and make sure they are the healthiest they can be...woman smoking while pregnant now days is just ridiculous...we are so well informed and educated about this there is no excuse.... Yes but when you have gone through losing a baby because of the stress of trying to give up, smoking during future preganancies doesn't seem so bad! And no they couldn't prove that it was that that actually caused the miscarriage, but it certainly didn't help.

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 09 July 2015 - 09:21

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. But, why would you just not do anything to protect you child and make sure they are the healthiest they can be...woman smoking while pregnant now days is just ridiculous...we are so well informed and educated about this there is no excuse....

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 19:20

The thought that "my mum did it when she was pregnant with me...we turned out OK" is quite flawed. It's the same excuse that people who don't buckle up use. The fact that nothing has happened while your mother smoked while pregnant OR you haven't been seriously injured in a car accident while not wearing a seatbelt means you are LUCKY. Both are unsafe activities and you should do everything you can to avoid both. My mother also smoked while pregnant with twins AND also while pregnant with me. My brother came into this world as an only child. Smoking while pregnant is despicable. How one can equate it to a glass of wine is incomprehensible. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome cannot happen because of a daily glass of wine or beer. It happens because of constant alcohol abuse. And to equate smoking while pregnant to things like yelling at your child or using an iPad to babysit...well that's just reckless. Every, single time you inhale cigarette smoke is directly harmful to your baby's health. Say something once, then move on. No amount of nagging will do anything to change this woman's ways. Hope for the best for her child and her. Personally, I would have to distance myself as well. Talking about alcohol abuse while pregnant, I was chatting to my DIL about the smoking debate on here. She mentioned she knew of some moms who when they found out they were pregnant they went on one last blast before giving up drinking. It upset her terribly and she let them know exactly how she felt. She really battled to have our two grandchildren and almost lost her life with the second delivery.........her words " how can you do anything that may harm your unborn child ".................

sheikhandbake108829

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EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 18:24

Diamente, so many people find it easy to judge mothers before they become one themselves ...

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EW GURU

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 16:08

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. Lots of people manage to quit smoking. I know many of them. Where there's a will, there's a way.... And if the health of your unborn child isn't enough of a reason... :brokenheart: I am the OP and I agree with your last comment. I am childless and if I happen to fall pregnant one day,I would do everything in my right mind to give my unborn child the healthiest start. And yes its none of my business, but it bothers me inside :broken heart: I pray that her baby is born healthy A sad story: I have a friend who was advised after 2 recurring miscarriages not to fall pregnant within the next 6 months at least. Well she fell pregnant had a successful birth to a healthy baby boy.....until she noticed after several months that his development was not as fast as what it should be (she has another child already) . A year later he has now been diagnosed with cerebal palsy. She says she regrets every single day of her life that she did not take the Drs advice :(

ThirdCultureFamily

138

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 14:45

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. Lots of people manage to quit smoking. I know many of them. Where there's a will, there's a way.... And if the health of your unborn child isn't enough of a reason... :brokenheart:

ThirdCultureFamily

138

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 14:42

The thought that "my mum did it when she was pregnant with me...we turned out OK" is quite flawed. It's the same excuse that people who don't buckle up use. The fact that nothing has happened while your mother smoked while pregnant OR you haven't been seriously injured in a car accident while not wearing a seatbelt means you are LUCKY. Both are unsafe activities and you should do everything you can to avoid both. My mother also smoked while pregnant with twins AND also while pregnant with me. My brother came into this world as an only child. Smoking while pregnant is despicable. How one can equate it to a glass of wine is incomprehensible. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome cannot happen because of a daily glass of wine or beer. It happens because of constant alcohol abuse. And to equate smoking while pregnant to things like yelling at your child or using an iPad to babysit...well that's just reckless. Every, single time you inhale cigarette smoke is directly harmful to your baby's health. Say something once, then move on. No amount of nagging will do anything to change this woman's ways. Hope for the best for her child and her. Personally, I would have to distance myself as well.

231

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 08 July 2015 - 13:09

As my mum used to say... keep your eyes on your own plate!

3376

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 07 July 2015 - 17:33

I had a friend who smoked almost 2 packs a day then dropped down to about 3 cigarettes a day as per her doctor's suggestion, as he told her that if it stressed her out too much to completely quit, that wasn't good either. Who knows what people's doctors advocate. It is a slippery slope to judge and have opinions about every other woman's choices she makes while pregnant or as a mother. What about extremely unhealthy women that choose to get pregnant, and take medication they need daily that could affect their baby? What about women that bring children into a rocky marriage? What about financially unstable parents that continue to bring children into this world and become a burden on others? I would go crazy reserving judgments toward all these people, its a waste of energy.

588

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 07 July 2015 - 12:21

Exacty Nomad. When you battle an addiction, its your problem. But when you decide to involve the life of any innocent person while still in the grip of that addiction it becomes a big problem. Babies are born everyday with serious complications that require years of painful treatment, what they go through is only worse than watching their desperate parents that would do anything to prevent the pain their child is in. To deliberately expose an otherwise healthy fetus to your addiction that may or may not cause health problems is playing such a dangerous game of Russian roulette, for the child. Its utterly selfish and despicable. Why would any sane person who is about to take on such a huge role of caregiver start off on such a wrong footing? To then ask for support for that woman or liken it to shouting is laughable. Everyone by now knows the risks involved with smoking while pregnant and we don't need to go into these again, but the consequences do not compare. What next, do we stop to offer sympathy to someone who decides to get behind the wheel drunk? He may or may not kill someone weaving his way home from the bar so lets not judge, people.

4062

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 07 July 2015 - 11:47

Smoking during pregnancy is horrible but so is constantly using an iPad as a babysitter or feeding children piles of junk food yet plenty of people do that. All are to the detriment of a child's health. Only you know if it's a deal breaker for your friendship.

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 07 July 2015 - 02:39

Agreed RT if you choose to smoke that's up to you but you don't have the right to make that choice for your unborn child. As you put it " your child will bear the consequences ". I recently buried a friend who on her deathbed looked like something out of a horror movie, the result of smoking from age 15. She was still being wheeled out the to smoke........ BUT that was HER choice. Someone has to speak up for the poor mite, it's not judgemental as was said earlier just common sense.

588

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 07 July 2015 - 01:55

Its wrong plain and simple but your friend has made up her mind, and the child will pay the consequences for it. There's not much else you can do except say your piece and, if you feel very strongly about it, maintain a distance. Its alright to be selfish and put yourself first at times, as a mother, but not at the cost of endangerment to the health of your child. This is not about lack of support and being judgmental, its just common sense. Maybe the grown up thing to do would have been to decide to quit and then try for that first baby. It would be very hard for me to pretend everything was ok and I continue to meet her and watch her light up. It may be her business but its my right to not want to stay friends with someone where the health of a baby is being clearly compromised.

1601

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 23:50

Back in the day, 60's and 70's, smoking was not considered as dangerous as it is today. There is NO excuse today to smoke while pregnant.......you are in fact giving your unborn child NO OPTION but to smoke. What would you do if you saw a toddler walking down the street puffing away and it's parents were OK about it ? Do a bit of research as to exactly what happens when a expectant mother inhales, the internet has loads of research sites. Sorry but if you can't be unselfish and stop your habit while pregnant ( it's only 9 months not the rest of your life )then yes I am afraid I would also distance myself.

sheikhandbake108829

409

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 20:50

I'm no advocate of smoking by any stretch of the imagination but I bet each and every mother has done something they aren't proud of where their children are concerned. Is smoking that much worse than having a glass of wine? Or losing your patience and yelling at your kids? Or leaving them with the nanny and going out every night? My only point is that women are really harsh judges of other women and obviously this mother knows that it's not good for her child and would probably prefer to quit but she needs support rather than un-friending!

858

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 19:42

I couldn't be friends with such a reckless person. Judgmental much? If that is judgmental, then good. Fortunately, I am an adult and can choose who my friends are.... I think I would have to do the same as I would realise I didn't have as much in common as I thought I had with someone who wouldn't put the health of their unborn child before their own need to smoke. A friend who smoked got pregnant and she stopped immediately because the love for her unborn child gave her the willpower. It can be done, just depends how much you [i'>really[/i'> want it... Have to add though, that my mum smoked throughout both her pregnancies and my sister and I are both tall and healthy. However, that was the late 60's and early 70's and it was more the norm then. No excuse nowadays in my humble opinion.

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EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 17:59

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant. Lots of people manage to quit smoking. I know many of them. Where there's a will, there's a way....

5452

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 17:58

I couldn't be friends with such a reckless person. Judgmental much? If that is judgmental, then good. Fortunately, I am an adult and can choose who my friends are....

4393

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 16:48

In all honesty do you have any idea how difficult and stressful it can be for some people to give up I tried when I wasn't pregnant and struggled. I would have hated to have tried while I was pregnant.

sheikhandbake108829

409

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 06 July 2015 - 16:46

I couldn't be friends with such a reckless person. Judgmental much?

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