More
Hide

Ready to be a mother? (Funny!)

771
Posts

Latest post on 2012/01/16 at 22:05:19
Apologies for those who have seen this before but it still makes me laugh out loud!


How To Know Whether Or Not You Are Ready To Be A Mother

Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55 gallon drum of LEGOs (if LEGOs are not available, you may (substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus (they turn bright red when they are unhappy). Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove ten of the beans.

Final Assignment

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
8057
Posts

Latest post on 2012/01/20 at 20:02:12
Had me in stitches thanks
1601
Posts

Latest post on 2012/02/03 at 22:39:50
Oh the night time and physical test are brilliant, still giggling at it and nodding my head.

    Pages: 1





 

On ExpatWoman Today

How to Get Your Alcohol Licence in Dubai

How to Get Your Alcohol Licence in Dubai

WIN 2 Tickets To This Year

WIN 2 Tickets To This Year's du Mini Mudder For Your Kids To Enjoy

Review: Forever Young BBL & Intracel Treatment at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom

Review: Forever Young BBL & Intracel Treatment at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom

Camping at Al Qudra Lake has Been Banned

Camping At Al Qudra Lake Has Been Banned ...

UAE New Year Holidays Announced for the Private and Public Sector

UAE New Year Holidays Announced For The Private And Public Sector...

Achievement: How to Parent and Teach Without the Pressure

Achievement: How To Parent And Teach Without The Pressure...

7 Ways to Make Sure Your Teeth Survive Cold & Flu Season

7 Ways To Make Sure Your Teeth Survive Cold & Flu Season...

In Pics: One Room, Two Styles Workshop at IDdesign

In Pics: One Room, Two Styles Workshop At Iddesign...

Healthy Gum Tissue is The Key to Good Oral Health

Healthy Gum Tissue Is The Key To Good Oral Health...

5 Ways to Slowdown the Depreciation of a Used Car

5 Ways To Slowdown The Depreciation Of A Used Car...

The Vital Role Vitamin D Plays in Preserving Our Health

The Vital Role Vitamin D Plays In Preserving Our Health...

Duran Duran is Headlining at the 2018 Dubai Jazz Festival

Duran Duran Is Headlining At The 2018 Dubai Jazz Festival...

In Pics: Festive Decor Workshop at Interiors

In Pics: Festive Decor Workshop At Interiors ...

In Pics: Beauty and Rejuvenation at Dr. Kayle Aesthetic Clinic

In Pics: Beauty And Rejuvenation At Dr. Kayle Aesthetic Clinic...

How to Increase Female Participation in Global Mobility Programme

How To Increase Female Participation In Global Mobility Programme...

Top 8 Holiday Foods that Increase Fertility

Top 8 Holiday Foods That Increase Fertility ...

Review: Laser Hair Removal Results at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom in Dubai

Review: Laser Hair Removal Results at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom in Duba...

Review: Forever Young BBL & Intracel Treatment at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom

Review: Forever Young BBL & Intracel Treatment at Dr. Kamil Al Ru...

Understanding Gender-specific Symptoms and Risks of Heart Disease

Understanding Gender-Specific Symptoms And Risks Of Heart Disease...

Welcome to Mr. Odd Job: Reliable Home Repair & Maintenance in Dubai

Welcome to Mr. Odd Job: Reliable Home Repair & Maintenance in Dub...

Nationwide Discount on Traffic Fines Announced in the UAE

Nationwide Discount On Traffic Fines Announced In The UAE...

Enjoy a Classic Christmas and Meet Santa at WAFI this December

Enjoy A Classic Christmas And Meet Santa At WAFI This December...

Offers: 20% OFF on Botox and Fillers at Dr. Kamil Al Rustom

Offers: 20% OFF On Botox And Fillers At Dr. Kamil Al Rustom...

Offers: December Beauty Deals at Royal Retreat Spa

Offers: December Beauty Deals At Royal Retreat Spa...

Can Regular Use of Mouthwash Replace Tooth Brushing?

Can Regular Use Of Mouthwash Replace Tooth Brushing?...

Your Ultimate Checklist When Moving Abroad

Your Ultimate Checklist When Moving Abroad...

RelationshipTalk Event: How To Choose The Right Partner

Relationshiptalk Event: How To Choose The Right Partner...

How Massage Therapy Can Help Boost Your Fertility

How Massage Therapy Can Help Boost Your Fertility...

Surviving Infertility Trauma and the Healing Power of Love

Surviving Infertility Trauma And The Healing Power Of Love...

Facts About Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) that You Need to Know

Facts About Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) That You Need To Know...

New Traffic Fines Expected to Make UAE Roads Safer

New Traffic Fines Expected To Make UAE Roads Safer...

Not All Universities Will Be Spared from VAT in the UAE

Not All Universities Will Be Spared From VAT In The UAE...

Zaya Early Learning Centre in Dubai is Now Enrolling for January 2018

Zaya Early Learning Centre in Dubai is Now Enrolling for January ...

Review: Lip Fillers at Elite Plastic & Cosmetic Surgery Group

Review: Lip Fillers At Elite Plastic & Cosmetic Surgery Group...

Male Infertility in Dubai; Busting Common Myths and Uncovering Facts

Male Infertility in Dubai; Busting Common Myths and Uncovering Fa...

The UAE is Getting Its First Outdoor Dog Park in February

The UAE Is Getting Its First Outdoor Dog Park In February...

Policy Allows Kids with Disabilities Admission to Mainstream Schools

Policy Allows Kids with Disabilities Admission to Mainstream Scho...

5 Tips on Preparing for the du Tough Mudder

5 Tips On Preparing For The Du Tough Mudder's Obstacle Course...

There

There's Still Time To Register For This Year's Du Tough Mudder...

13 Ways to Celebrate the Festive Season at The Meydan Hotel

13 Ways To Celebrate The Festive Season At The Meydan Hotel...

UAE Residents

UAE Residents' Phone Carrier Name Changed Again...

Diabetes in Dubai: How it Affects Cardiovascular Diseases

Diabetes In Dubai: How It Affects Cardiovascular Diseases...

The Swiss Baccalaureate Curriculum Will Soon Be Available in Dubai

The Swiss Baccalaureate Curriculum Will Soon Be Available in Duba...

Main Menu   Sites
DubaiDubai
Sign in to your account
Username:
Password:
Remember me?
Forgot Password? Join
Sign in to your account Close window Username: Password: Users Currently Online