Love is a feeling and all feelings either grow or leave. With everything he failed to do as your partner, husband, friend, companion, latching to that thought of love is what will not let you go. Think about it, do you really love him or are you attached to him. A lot confuse the two. In both cases, it is not impossible to get through it.
Since your children are not toddlers, then they would understand better the circumstances.
Pick yourself up and start moving for your sake. You do not need a person like him to make you happy. Who knows, maybe one day you will find someone who will make you even happier! You shouldn't have to ask for mere kind word or the minimal of care when you are sick or not at your best.
He might feel too comfortable in his own shoes right now hence doesnt value what he has. He never will, even if he loses it and swears to change. Its a character that will not change.
Deep down you know what is best for you and your children and keep that as a priority.
Love is not love when it actually destroys you.
You deserve to be happy, but this happiness wont be supported by him.
Thank you for taking the time to give me lots of great advice. It's much appreciated x
Yes, you have answered one of the questions, you have to see out the year for your son's sake, then go.
The other question, how to survive is that YOU WILL.
From everything you say, your husband has fallen into the Dubai dream trap, he has a fantasy that he can recover his youth and become a carefree young man about town and if he can drive you away he will suddenly become 25 again.
It happens a lot, over the years many ladies have posted on here about similar situations, when the Dubai dream has been turned into a nightmare by a male mid life crisis.
I am no longer in Dubai but I doubt very much if things have changed, the city still sells itself on glitz, glamour and youth which can be very unsettling for some people.
Deep down he probably knows he can never turn back time and his way of coping from what you say is to consider you the root of his problems because your presence is the reminder that he is no longer the young buck about town,
I'd guess that he is transferring his anger and sense of loss on to you, hence the undeniable mental cruelty.
To use a very overworked phrase, it's not you, it's him.
He has battered down your self esteem to reinforce his own brittle self of self.
So what can you do?
For starters, seek help from others who have gone through the same horrible situation, there is a Face book group, I think it's called Leaving Dubai which many ladies on here have recommended (as I said, yours is not an unusual situation).
If nothing else you may find some moral support there, and hopefully some good advice re a game plan.
You have already made the decision to hang in there for a year for the sake of your son, so use that time to work out an exit strategy, you say you have no money, but he must have some?
Can you squirrel away your housekeeping, or try to find a job yourself?
The latter might not be easy but it would not only give you money but a lifeline back into the outside world.
You might even find that he behaves in a less obnoxious manner if you reinstated yourself as a person in your own right instead of being merely the trailing spouse.
(Which I suspect he may resent, unfair as it seems, the fact that you gave up so much for him will make him feel guilty, but that guilt is the driver for his apparent disdain for you.)
Stop expecting him to become the romantic spouse (was he ever so?) and try to stand on your own feet.
Or at least look as though you were, the sadder and more needy you appear the more he will push you away.
Your children are school age, you can go out during the day, go to Expat coffee mornings, go to the gym, just get out and try to make a life outside of your husband.
Give it a year, save what you can, keep the passports safe, start checking out what benefits you are entitled to,reach out to any friends in UK and test the water as to where you could move back to, your home town would seem a good start.
Look for jobs, housing there, at least UK will give you basic support, in that sense you are in a much stronger position than many others who have come onto this forum with similar problems.
One of two things will happen, either after a year, he will realise you are not just a tear sodden drag on him but a woman in your own right (the woman he married) or you will have found the strength to make the break and go and make a new life.
All the very best to you and your children, it is a horrible situation but you can break out!.
Thank you. That's just what I needed to hear. I deleted my original post as I felt bingo's response was very cruel. It is hard feeling like this - feeling like maybe it would be best if I didn't exist. I will try and become the woman I should be for the sake of my children. Thank you. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll give it my best shot.
Sorry but it seems to me that actually yes you are a bit of a princess (though you say you are not)- wanting constant attention, praise and adoration from what is probably a very hard working man who just want a quiet life. It seems you have been married for at least 18 years but still expect to be treated like a young bride. You say on the one hand you'' love him so much'' but you cannot stand the way he treats you. We used to get wind ups like this.
No, I just wanted my existence acknowledged. But thank you for your helpful advice. I'll be sure to make sure that when my daughter is older, she knows it's ok for her husband to treat her like cr@p
