Zaza1965 | ExpatWoman.com
 

Zaza1965

Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 27 August 2013 - 18:38
We went to a marriage counsellor here after the first main affair (one highly recommended on EW site) and at the time it helped but obviously not enough. In hindsight after this I felt that the counsellor blamed me for how I felt because I didn't trust my husband (and in most cases with due cause), however she kept telling me not to pry or look for things. However, to me, this just means that if he did misbehave then by me not snooping around I would be oblivious to these goings on. It's true though that if I didn't pry or snoop then I would be none the wiser to any of these flings and would be playing my part as the happy wife and mother. Instead I'm going through so much turmoil and upset because of what I know and even worse for what I don't know but can only imagine is going on. It's a sad state to be in but I'll try to bide my time as much as I can and gauge my husbands attitude rather than make too much trouble for myself by jumping in two feet first on the divorce train. I still think its my primary option as I don't and can't trust him at all but I guess I've gone on this long that there's no real urgency, although, I want to sleep peacefully at night and not have this looking over me for too long. Thanks again all
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 26 August 2013 - 01:13
I'm feeling more positive thanks to all your input and advice, I feel that I at least have some more knowledge and experience from all your replies. I can't just sit by and bite my lip but my thought is to sit him down and confront him about this Kate's affair...not mention divorce though and gauge his reaction. To be honest I think he is one of these men who wants and needs attention and thinks he can have his bit on the side and also the wife/happy family. I'm not prepared to be that and that's probably why divorce will be the outcome as I don't see him changing his habits after all these years. I know he won't want the shame of his family or our friends all finding out what a s**t he is and based on this I'm hoping for an amicable and reasonable settlement. If we can talk calmly and rationally the next step would be a lawyer; either one that's been mentioned in Dubai or one in the UK. That's how I'm feeling now but who knows what the next few days hold in store. Thanks again ladies n g'night x
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 26 August 2013 - 01:05
I will put my money where my mouth is here for a second, I don't know of any jobs, but would help you draft up a great cover letter/CV if you need something polished. edited by AmyAus82 on 25/08/2013 Much appreciated, thank u
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 12:21
Just to add that his past affair lasted over one year...in Dubai with someone 14 years younger. I suspected it was happening and confronted him numerous , finding evidence, snooping around and it wasn't until I actually confronted the other woman that he came clean (ish). For the children's sake I've tried to make a go of things for the last couple if years but obviously its one side when he's stilling fooling around and expecting the dutiful wife to be around for him. I agree completely with the person who posted that he'd never marry the type he's having an affair with but he needs to know he can't have the best of both worlds anymore. I need to stand up for myself but at the same time protect myself, my kids and our future. At the same time they love him as their father and I can't destroy that for them no matter how hurt and angry I'm feeling.
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 11:54
Wow....so many varying opinions and advice on this...getting more confused now :-0 However, tbh my husband (as bad a husband as he is), he is a decent father and really loves our kids; I know he'd want to be with them and they'd also want to see him. I don't want to take them away from him, also his family are v close to me and I know he'd not want to upset them by doing anything cruel to me like trying to take the kids for himself. I can't stay with him as I cannot trust him and most the the love I have for him is turning to hate. Although he has affairs, how many or to what extent I'm unsure, I think he basically wants to 'have his cake and eat it'! I can't do it anymore and I think he'll want to sort things out amicably between us and avoid too much embarrassment or upset especially for his family. I feel fairly certain that he'd support me and the kids financially if we stayed in dubai or in the UK. However, after spending the summer here I feel that dubai has better prospects for me and my kids and would rather try to stay there than come back to the UK....of course my feelings might change drastically once I'm back in Dubai. I'm heading back to Dubai this week and unsure how controlled I'll be when face to face with my husband, in the meantime I'll try to get some basic legal advice as to where's best to divorce especially as all his money and earnings are in Dubai, nothing's in the UK. Thanks again x
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 01:22
I'm thinking to keep my cards close to my chest, seek impartial legal advice in Dubai and UK then move step by step with this. I do appreciate all your replies, thank you all...goodnight
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 21:46
UO is UK I thought so, thanks :-)
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 21:45
Thank you all so much, even though I don't know any of you (or maybe we do :-), I'm happy to have some support and advice; its helpful to be able to discuss this as so far no-one else knows about my situation. I'll try my best to be calm and contact one of the solicitors which have been mentioned, I'm hoping things wil go well.....I'm really hoping for the sake of my kids and my own sanity :-0
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 21:42
You mention the Uk - were you married there and how? Yes married in UK which is where we're both from in a civil ceremony .
Zaza1965
10
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 19:17
Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all your points of view and advice. I feel that I have to return to Dubai next week as planned; its home for our children, their schools are starting back and their friends are there. My husband knows I'm suspicious just now and I'm very distant with him but he doesn't know how much I actually know and I'm not sure how long I can 'bite my lip' before I confront him or scream at him. I'm am honest person and find it difficult not to show my feelings or blurt out how much I know...how much I hate him etc.. From my understanding you can only divorce in the country where you're living which for us would be Dubai...is this true...? My initial thought was to be open and up front with him when I get back to Dubai and try to be amicable about things with a view to arrange a divorce agreement /settlement in the UK when we go back in winter...,does anyone know if this is possible or any legal person in Dubai or the UK that I could contact about this...? Financially we have a good amount of savings and investments in the UAE and I probably could afford not to work for the immediate future; if I'm given a proper and fair settlement. I'm not sure if I can independently open a bank account in Dubai or do I need an NOC or permission from my husband to do this...? Appreciate your continued support, thank you
 
 
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