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EWmums

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ewmoda

Saying Goodbye to Christmas....

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 14 October 2014 - 15:19

I think my situation is known around here so I won't rehash that, but it's such a sad day for me. I had a big box of Christmas stuff and since they're starting to put that out in shops now, I went to get it out to see what I would want to buy for this year. The whole box was gone. I asked the sob and he said he threw it out, "we don't need it". Well maybe I needed it. I obviously don't take anybody to church but I played Christmas music and gave my kids gifts. Sooo many years I've participated in ramadans and Eids, silently hating it, cause I never get treated fair, and now this gets taken from me too? I don't even know what to do.

Let me rephrase so I don't offend anybody. I don't dislike anybody or any holiday. But I thought that if I respected them it would be fair to respect my personal right to Lent, Christmas, etc.
<em>edited by Cherpie on 14/10/2014</em>

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351

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 20:02

Dear cherpie I'm a Muslim and both my parents are Muslims too My dad is not a strict Muslim but has hardly missed a prayer and has been to haj twice I've always loved Christmas, the beautiful trees, decorations and carols r my fav! my dad knew how much I loved Christmas so he volunteered to get a Christmas tree for my class (Tht was bk home) he bought a huge beautiful tree Tht I'm sure cost him a lot. I never forgot Tht and I love him for it. Both my parents lived in beirut for some time and I always made sure to visit during Christmas, it's like magic :) I now live in dxb with my husband and DD in Dubai and make sure every Christmas I take loads of pics next to each and every Christmas tree in most of the malls. And becos I leave near a famous open air pub (not sure wht is is exactly), on Christmas Day they have a little show where a small group sings Christmas carols. I take my daughter in the balcony and sing along as I know most of the songs. Hope u find a way to enjoy Christmas and let ur children enjoy it too. Ps I'm sorry if my English was not good enough (for some posters) but I had to change schools becos of the gulf war and Tht has affected my language greatly. Merry Xmas cherpie in advance :)

394

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 19:00

Xmas is so commercialized now and some of the symbols like tree and mistletoe are pagan anyway! It's not always that great and can actually be a total nightmare!!

318

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 18:56

Agree with mumcurious. Cherpi, in practical terms I seriously suggest consulting a lawyer. Even if you go no further at least you know where you stand legally. [b'>I also suggest telling a family member what's going on if you haven't already.[/b'> You've nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes having someone in "real life" know what's going on can be a huge weight off your shoulders, not to mention that you will probably get valuable support from them. I think this is a VERY good idea Cherpie. If your husband took steps to isolate you from family/friends it would be important for someone (who has some idea of what's going on) to be keeping in regular contact with you just to make sure everything is okay.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 17:04

Haha no I only noticed it today too... When I get old I swear I will be the "crazy Christmas lady" all decked out 365 days lol!

Londiamond93030

495

Posts

EW EXPLORER

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 12:33

This is NOT a laughing matter, I know. However, to give you a giggle, I only now noticed the ACE ad on the right sidebar of EW. Was it there before and I did not notice? Or is it very targeted marketing? Hope today is a good one, Cherpie!

GirlAnachronism35688

1039

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 09:15

Agree with mumcurious. Cherpi, in practical terms I seriously suggest consulting a lawyer. Even if you go no further at least you know where you stand legally. I also suggest telling a family member what's going on if you haven't already. You've nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes having someone in "real life" know what's going on can be a huge weight off your shoulders, not to mention that you will probably get valuable support from them.

180

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 16 October 2014 - 08:46

All she wanted was to vent - and at a place where she is anonymous - haven't we all have had that need at some point or the other? And instead what she gets is - being called a troll, bored housewife with nothing better to do, having to justify each post and have judgmental comments on her right to basically LIVE!!! I can only imagine the pain she is bearing day in and day out, so much so that this has now become a way of life for her - until and unless you have been in a similar situation, you don't have any right to judge her. As for posters saying she should get out if its that bad - I think from her various posts it is quite clear that she has exhausted all options and resigned to this life for the sake of her children. Though Cherpie, I would strongly suggest you get in touch privately, with the poster who says she's gone through something similar (minus the kids) and is in the process of getting out. Not only will you get valuable information but also a shoulder in difficult times from someone who's been where you are.

IzzyOnTheSeat82823

5334

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:57

Cherpi - with all due respect, you are not happy. Why not try and get an exit strategy? There are women on this board who have helped women in your situation, there is also teh women's association which may be able to help. e If you are not able or willing to make an exit strategy, and if you want a bearable life you need to start finding a way to look at things differently.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:54

With due respect to everyone and the OP, I would really urge that discussion about religion of any sort is avoided on this thread. It always ends in tears. I really don't think I'll be starting any more posts unless it's where to find some cornflakes!

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:53

So for thirtten years it's fine, but the fourteenth year it's religiously unacceptable... Is there some significance in that number? Couldn't I at least get a warning? But wait, I know for a fact his family had a tree in Canada as I have seen old Polaroid photos of him standing by it. I've tried to convince him to get out of this and get a nice Muslim lady before his years are too few to enjoy. If he made a mistake so many years ago by picking me, not too late to fix it. Best suggestion I have at the moment.

2738

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EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:47

With due respect to everyone and the OP, I would really urge that discussion about religion of any sort is avoided on this thread. It always ends in tears.

IzzyOnTheSeat82823

5334

Posts

EW MASTER

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:43

I know you are saying it's only some decorations but this is a symbol of another religions celebrations and if someone is very religious then they see this as being like disbelieve in their own religion. There is a huge difference with being tolerant to others and then having it in your home.

588

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:43

I think Marroush makes a very thoughtful statement when she says that in her opinion people should state their wishes up front (i.e. before getting married), but of course peoples wishes, beliefs and sometimes religion can change with circumstances and age. This is life! Absolutely, people change all the time. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the better. I think this might have happened, a lot of men go through a phase where they really ask themselves if this is what they want from life. A guy who didn't practice his faith before can now do a 180 and become more religious. Which can be difficult if he is married to a woman that has not accepted his faith and doesn't know how to deal with it. well , he should have laid his cards on the table ! he cannot expect his wife to dance to his tune ! she has the right to practise her own religion, it is clearly stated in the Quran that the people of the book ( bible being one of them ) do not need to convert or practise islam to marry a muslim. Its pretty sad in a country like Dubai, which allows the sale of p0rk, has Halloween merchandise on sale everywhere, and the biggest x-mas tree set up in Dubai mall every year, where temples and churches flourish, and which obviously allows, encourages and makes it a point to show that other faiths are welcome, that this poor lady has such a hard time holding on to a few baubles and trinkets, which may have some special meaning to her. Sad really. I agree with whoever else surmised that this probably is more to do with control, and the systematic cutting off of all sources of comfort and happiness, than anything to do with religion. Edited post to make it relevant and remove superfluous religious talk. <em>edited by Redrec Tangle on 15/10/2014</em>

164

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:43

So now I wonder where can I find the passage stating its blasphemous for me to participate in eid... And by that I mean stuffing myself with lamb and giving kids cash. My only solution is to invent my own holiday. Gift giving day yay! So is Halloween out too? Thanksgiving? St. pats? What else? Obvs Easter should be out but I distinctly remember my kids decorating eggs last year. Heinous criminals! oh cherpie , i celebrate christmas , halloween, thanksgiving and st patricks day with my husband ! who else was he gonna celebrate with ? as a muslim - i knew what i was getting into when i married him ! its all about tolerance and accepting <em>edited by stylex1 on 15/10/2014</em>

164

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:41

I am really starting to feel like people are fishing and I'm not taking the bait... But.. My religious events?? What the..?? I stated from the very first post that it was only decorations. There was no religious event...not like im running thru jumeirah with a ribbon and a blow horn shouting happy birthday Jesus man . exactly !! it is only some decorations and maybe a christmas tree - i am guessing !! seriously , aint a big deal ! i dont believe people are so close minded !! where is the tolerance ??

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:39

I'm beginning to wonder if the OP's husband's motives are less to do with religion and more part of a wider pattern of bullying. Either because he is a control freak who feels now more culturally empowered to behave thus, or because it is part of a calculated attempt to make her life so impossible that she leaves on his terms. Either way, not a pleasant situation. Hope you can find a way to improve things for you and your children, Cherpie. Ding ding ding! Right answers! Exactly. When he was in my country I'm sure he didn't behave like this not because of his own morals but probably out of fear and not wanting to perpetuate a stereotype. And every day I know he's trying to do whatever he can to push me to the breaking point, but without my kids... Not playing that game and that's mostly for their sake, not only mine.

164

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:38

But isn't this all part of the great thing about living here? Being able to say "I don't practise your religion. I don't even fully understand it, or what you are celebrating. But I'm going to learn a little bit about it, let our children tell us what they have learned at school about it, eat a little bit of the food eaten at this time, get involved in what's going on around town and be generally open, understanding and respectful towards what you believe". A visitor we had last week was most impressed when he learned that the land for St Mary's church and the Hindu temple in Bur Dubai had been donated by the Government. As much as I respect people and their faith, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, and I will listen if someone wants to tell me about it (as I am happy to talk about my faith if someone asks) I will not participate in something that my faith forbids. Whether it's a religious holiday or anything else. I can show respect in many other ways. But would you prevent someone of another faith observing their own traditions? That, I thought, was the point at issue here. Of course I won't. It's not my right to do so and I wouldn't think of doing so, unless it's in my own home of course. In the case of a man not allowing his wife celebrating her religious events at home when that's against his belief, that's a different story. Then in my opinion, yes he can, but on the other side maybe he better had not marry someone from a different faith. I think when people are in love they think they can manage it and overcome the obstacles, but often it doesn't work. edited by Marroosh on 15/10/2014 he knew what he was signing up for when he married her. She was a christan , is a christian and will remain a christian ! He CANNOT prevent her from celebrating her own belief - s SHE DID NOT CONVERT !!! of course she was planning on celebrating christmas at home , where else should she do it ? at the pub ? its her home too as much as it is his ! i

2738

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:34

I am really starting to feel like people are fishing and I'm not taking the bait... But.. My religious events?? What the..?? I stated from the very first post that it was only decorations. There was no religious event...not like im running thru jumeirah with a ribbon and a blow horn shouting happy birthday Jesus man . Don't bother biting, it's not worth it.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:34

So now I wonder where can I find the passage stating its blasphemous for me to participate in eid... And by that I mean stuffing myself with lamb and giving kids cash. My only solution is to invent my own holiday. Gift giving day yay! So is Halloween out too? Thanksgiving? St. pats? What else? Obvs Easter should be out but I distinctly remember my kids decorating eggs last year. Heinous criminals!

164

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:32

I think Marroush makes a very thoughtful statement when she says that in her opinion people should state their wishes up front (i.e. before getting married), but of course peoples wishes, beliefs and sometimes religion can change with circumstances and age. This is life! Absolutely, people change all the time. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the better. I think this might have happened, a lot of men go through a phase where they really ask themselves if this is what they want from life. A guy who didn't practice his faith before can now do a 180 and become more religious. Which can be difficult if he is married to a woman that has not accepted his faith and doesn't know how to deal with it. well , he should have laid his cards on the table ! he cannot expect his wife to dance to his tune ! she has the right to practise her own religion, it is clearly stated in the Quran that the people of the book ( bible being one of them ) do not need to convert or practise islam to marry a muslim.

674

Posts

EW GURU

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:29

I am really starting to feel like people are fishing and I'm not taking the bait... But.. My religious events?? What the..?? I stated from the very first post that it was only decorations. There was no religious event...not like im running thru jumeirah with a ribbon and a blow horn shouting happy birthday Jesus man .

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:12

stunned at some of the comments here... Marroosh and Wickedangel,, i'm embarrassed for you... Feel free to do so. Better now? <em>edited by Marroosh on 15/10/2014</em>

Doubting Thomas

2298

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:06

stunned at some of the comments here... Marroosh and Wickedangel,, i'm embarrassed for you...

2738

Posts

EW EXPERT

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 21:03

It’s not a unique story and my heart really goes out to Cherpie and ladies in such situations, especially where children are involved. I do hope there is an answer somewhere for Cherpie and the board can support a woman who is obviously going through a very difficult time. <em>edited by Lolacat on 15/10/2014</em>

1340

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:56

I'm beginning to wonder if the OP's husband's motives are less to do with religion and more part of a wider pattern of bullying. Either because he is a control freak who feels now more culturally empowered to behave thus, or because it is part of a calculated attempt to make her life so impossible that she leaves on his terms. Either way, not a pleasant situation. Hope you can find a way to improve things for you and your children, Cherpie.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:40

I think Marroush makes a very thoughtful statement when she says that in her opinion people should state their wishes up front (i.e. before getting married), but of course peoples wishes, beliefs and sometimes religion can change with circumstances and age. This is life! Absolutely, people change all the time. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the better. I think this might have happened, a lot of men go through a phase where they really ask themselves if this is what they want from life. A guy who didn't practice his faith before can now do a 180 and become more religious. Which can be difficult if he is married to a woman that has not accepted his faith and doesn't know how to deal with it.

199

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:31

I think Marroush makes a very thoughtful statement when she says that in her opinion people should state their wishes up front (i.e. before getting married), but of course peoples wishes, beliefs and sometimes religion can change with circumstances and age. This is life!

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:29

. As much as I respect people and their faith, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, and I will listen if someone wants to tell me about it (as I am happy to talk about my faith if someone asks) I will not participate in something that my faith forbids. Whether it's a religious holiday or anything else. I can show respect in many other ways. I'm glad then that we live in a tolerant country, where Local people say Merry Christmas to you at the petrol station on Christmas Day :) and that we have a government who respects that there are different religions and helps us to celebrate them. It would be much harder for a lot of us to live somewhere like KSA where everything would have to go on behind closed doors. Cherpie - your DH seems to have changed materially since last year then? Has something happened or do you think he has some sort of depression? Of course it's a good thing everyone is free to practice. The fact that this country doesn't force anyone into a religious direction makes people more open to learn. And I think this is one of the reasons I found Islam here.

Anonymous (not verified)

0

Posts

EW NEWBIE

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:25

But isn't this all part of the great thing about living here? Being able to say "I don't practise your religion. I don't even fully understand it, or what you are celebrating. But I'm going to learn a little bit about it, let our children tell us what they have learned at school about it, eat a little bit of the food eaten at this time, get involved in what's going on around town and be generally open, understanding and respectful towards what you believe". A visitor we had last week was most impressed when he learned that the land for St Mary's church and the Hindu temple in Bur Dubai had been donated by the Government. As much as I respect people and their faith, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, and I will listen if someone wants to tell me about it (as I am happy to talk about my faith if someone asks) I will not participate in something that my faith forbids. Whether it's a religious holiday or anything else. I can show respect in many other ways. But would you prevent someone of another faith observing their own traditions? That, I thought, was the point at issue here. Of course I won't. It's not my right to do so and I wouldn't think of doing so, unless it's in my own home of course. In the case of a man not allowing his wife celebrating her religious events at home when that's against his belief, that's a different story. Then in my opinion, yes he can, but on the other side maybe he better had not marry someone from a different faith. I think when people are in love they think they can manage it and overcome the obstacles, but often it doesn't work. <em>edited by Marroosh on 15/10/2014</em>

1340

Posts

EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 October 2014 - 20:21

But isn't this all part of the great thing about living here? Being able to say "I don't practise your religion. I don't even fully understand it, or what you are celebrating. But I'm going to learn a little bit about it, let our children tell us what they have learned at school about it, eat a little bit of the food eaten at this time, get involved in what's going on around town and be generally open, understanding and respectful towards what you believe". A visitor we had last week was most impressed when he learned that the land for St Mary's church and the Hindu temple in Bur Dubai had been donated by the Government. As much as I respect people and their faith, regardless of whether I agree with it or not, and I will listen if someone wants to tell me about it (as I am happy to talk about my faith if someone asks) I will not participate in something that my faith forbids. Whether it's a religious holiday or anything else. I can show respect in many other ways. But would you prevent someone of another faith observing their own traditions? That, I thought, was the point at issue here.

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