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Latest post on 03 March 2012 - 23:50

Hi OP I I want to reassure you as a social worker and educational welfare specialist with a lot of experience of teenagers that what your son is displaying is typical of a lot of teenagers. Boys imparticular are very slow to express what they are really feeling or thinking. It's a really awkward time for them. The best thing you can do from experience is set boundaries and stick to them. Believe it or not most teenagers I have worked with , their biggest complaint was that their parents don't care either ways what they think or do. When teenagers feel listened to and respected within a structured environment they fare best. I worked with one teenage boy who used to tell me that the only time he felt he could speak to his mother about what was going on in his life was when they used to go for a drive in the car. This for him was a space that was non confrontational, relaxed and what was said in the car was not mentioned outside of the car. Perhaps creating a space that your son could feel is safe and without repercussion could be a good place to find out what is going on with him. 17 is a really difficult time where boys feel they should be treated like an adult but are also overwhelmed by this. Between exams and future planning for college and careers it is a huge stress. Just letting him know that whatever happens you are there for him and he can come to you with any problem will be a huge relief to him. I'm sure you have already told him this. So you have to trust that he will come to you. Sometimes having someone outside his immediate support network can be of help. So if you feel things are to the point of breakdown it might be an idea to suggest this. In my experience this needs to be someone not associated with school. Perhaps an uncle or friend. Someone he looks up to. Someone who he can speak to confidentially who will not disclose the conversation. I hope things settle down for you but I have to say that compared to some children I have worked with he is extremely fortunate to have such a caring and concerned mom. So don't beat yourself up!

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