Expat Spouse? My 3 Steps to Ensure your Greater Happiness

Posted on

15 March 2015

| Last updated on 31 March 2015

Expat Spouse? My 3 Steps to Ensure Your Greater Happiness

Meet intercultural specialist Sundae Schneider-Bean and read her blogs on culture, the differences between us and how to make your cultural differences work for you in your life as an expatriate.

You might be fairly new to life as an expat spouse, or you have several assignments abroad behind you. You have a fairly good understanding of the challenges inherent in expat life and as a trailing spouse (crazy moving logistics, the initial stress of setting up in a new location, the ups and downs of meeting new people, saying good bye to loved ones). You are now well versed in all the fancy and formidable labels for the new role you have assumed: accompanying partner, expat partner, expat wife (what if you are a man?), trailing spouse, and even STARS (Spouses Travelling and Relocating Successfully). Some seem to rest well with you, others may feel like a slap in the face. Nevertheless, you are on an adventure and have clarity on why you have said “yes” to this life.

Trailblazing Spouse

All you have done so far to understand what to expect and manage your challenges has been well-invested time. This information helps you settle in successfully. However, it will not make you happy. While I am interested in the challenges of trailing spouses, I am far more passionate about their transformation into a Trailblazing Spouse®. Based on my definition, you are on your way to Trailblazing when you aim to live in better alignment with your future goals, passions and talents – while still meeting the needs of your partner or family. Trailblazing Spouses are happy – and when they are not, they can recognize it and have solid strategies to make things better. They are committed to making the best of their life abroad. Today I am going to share with you three tried-and-true steps you can take to catapult your happiness and start your transformation into a Trailblazing Spouse®.

Three steps to greater happiness and fulfilment

1. Choose Hero Over Victim

In the story of your life abroad, do you see yourself as the victim of circumstances, or rather as the heroine (or hero) on a noble quest?

Which one feels better? Which one gives you more power? More options? Choose that one.

As an expat spouse, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are active agents in our own lives. We agree to circumstances. We allow ourselves to be treated in specific ways. We are co-creators of the direction of our life. When we ignore these facts, we can easily slide into victim mode and unhappiness. When we keep this powerful reality at the forefront of our mind, we get up in the morning with clarity on our highest priorities that day.

You might also be interested in Sundae's other pieces, here:

When you are the heroine of your own story, you experience adversity but are active in finding solutions. You engage with others to find solutions to tough challenges. You fall down. You get back up.

Heroes have a sense of purpose and this drives their direction.

Sundae

2. Get Serious About What You Really Really Want

One of the most common things I hear from trailing spouses is “I don´t know what I want.” How can you live a life in alignment with your sense of purpose and future goals if you don´t know what these are? No wonder so many expat partners find themselves in a slump. If this sounds like you, you need to get serious about discovering what you want. And I mean what you really really want.

Go on a quest to discover what really lights you up. What are your passions? What purpose do you feel drawn by? What are your goals? This is NOT the time to start asking yourself whether they are “realistic” or “how” you will get there. Just seek clarity.

If you feel stuck, start slowly.

Sundae Schneider Bean

As soon as you have some initial answers to these important questions, you are ready for the next step.

3. Take Action EVERY Day

I know that expat life throws surprises. I know that when you are the trailing spouse your life can feel like it is centred on the children´s school commitments, when the plumber should arrive and whether your partner is out of the country that week. I get it.

However, happiness is not always a state of being; it is also a way of living. You get what you want by making wise choices every day. You take action NOW. You support your happiness TODAY.

Sundae Schneider Bean

Then take that step.

Before you tell me you don´t have time, remember it could be as simple as spending ten minutes on what you enjoy. You might even carve out an hour. You are worth it. You are part of a system – so it is also an investment in the whole family.

There you have it: three critical steps to starting the transformation from trailing spouse to Trailblazing Spouse®.

Can you do me a favour? Try them out consistently for one week and then report back how it went the comments section of my blog? I want to hear about your journey to more fulfilment, more happiness and more trailblazing.

About Sundae

Sundae Schneider-Bean is an intercultural specialist, coach and trainer based in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso (West Africa). Sundae helps individuals and organizations meet their toughest intercultural challenges with clarity, strength and wisdom. Sundae is the founder of Trailblazing Spouse®, a program designed to help trailing spouses live in closer alignment with their passions and skills. Sign up for free expert insight and you´ll receive a gift – the Expat Trump Cards – a unique set of digital cards aimed at helping you tackle the toughest aspects of global life.

Contact her directly if you´d like support in your adventure of doing less trailing and more trailblazing.