Expat and life coach, Vanessa Vallejo, tells her story of how trying something new has changed, and improved her life
14 September 2017
| Last updated on 18 October 2017
Ah, the good old comfort zone. Most of us prefer living in it, others stretch it every now and again, but the truth is without exception: we all know how it feels being in it.
The term “comfort zone” is so well-known that it seems it has been used all over the world by companies that want to motivate their employees to go one step further, and by self-help gurus who want to engage their followers into taking risks. But, added to the good intentions behind the endless comfort zone cliché-ish conversations, I was glad to learn it actually has some psychological back-up.
After some research, I learnt that the comfort zone is a psychological state where everything feels familiar. It is a “place” where we feel in control and therefore, there’s low (or none) stress and anxiety and high “mental security”.
I’m sure you knew this already. But, I’m also sure that if you are living abroad and you’ve just landed in a new life, this familiar mental place will sound a bit unfamiliar. The good news is you don’t have to be a victim - this is actually a great advantage.
People living abroad have the fortune of being easily exposed to out-of-the-comfort-zone situations, which unfortunately, leads to the mistaken idea that these situations will keep coming indefinitely. Big news for you: they won’t.
SEE ALSO: Top 10 Tips On Making The Move To Expat Land
As human beings, with enough time we will adapt even to the most culturally different environments. The secret is thus to proactively keep looking for those things that make you feel uncomfortable. Easier said than done, right?
That’s why I want to share with you one of the most tangible experiences I’ve had that made me stretch my comfort zone. Stretching your comfort zone will help you build self-confidence and can be done by making simple decisions, like riding a second-hand bicycle:
As soon as I landed in my new life in Amsterdam, I knew with complete certainty that I was going to have to buy a bicycle. I vividly remember the feeling of uneasiness produced by my lack of practice, because even if I knew the basic drill, I never used a bicycle as a means of daily transportation in my country. Actually, truth to be told, I hadn’t touched a bicycle for more than a decade!
But as the saying goes, “you never forget how to ride a bike”, right? Or at least that’s what I thought until I saw how the Dutch did their thing…
Picture thousands of very tall and agile bikers going at what seemed like hundreds of km/h, avoiding the cars, buses, trams and most importantly tram tracks with which they shared the same lane. (Oh the tracks!! Where most of the non-Dutch get stuck, fall and create huge traffic jams.) Now, picture all this with the tall agile people riding while eating, holding an umbrella or even reading! Yes, they can read while they cycle.
Despite all this, I knew cycling in Amsterdam was not only the most effective means of transportation but, also the most calorie-burning one. I had recently also consciously implemented what I now consider one of the greatest mindsets my life abroad has given me: something I call the “whatever mentality”. I just thought to myself (and I still I do every time I feel scared or in risk of embarrassment): Whatever, I’m doing it! Nobody knows me here anyway! So, I decided to give it a try.
You might also be interested in:
- Guide to Living in The Netherlands
- 15 Lessons Learnt as Expats
- Breathtaking Places That You Didn’t Know Existed
My office was located out of the city and this meant I would have to use Google maps for navigation. This was an additional challenge, given that I could barely take my hands of the handlebars, let alone, manage my phone as well!
I remember leaving my house really early that day - just in case I got lost, or hit by a tram… I studied the route on Google maps and took a few big breaths before unlocking my bicycle lock (which based on Dutch advice, had cost me more than my bicycle). I jumped on my bicycle and convinced myself that I was doing this and that it wasn’t a big deal. Of course, it was a pretty big deal, and of course I ended up getting lost. The good news, however, is that I didn’t get hit by a tram or a Dutch cyclist! With my mission accomplished successfully, I decided that I was going to do it again.
I was so proud of myself that I took a picture of my bicycle parked in front of the company building. I sent the picture to my husband and to my Dutch boss who had forecasted this day to come a lot later than it actually did.
It was EPIC and from that day on, I used my bicycle to go everywhere. I felt more connected to the local culture and loved the feeling of the wind in my face. I was improving my technique and agility and started reaching my destinations faster but the thing that meant the most to me was the realization that I had been able to do it. I wasn’t (and still ain’t) the most agile or glamorous cyclist, but I’m not scared anymore.
Today, almost 2 years, 2 countries and hundreds of kilometers after that first day, I still ride a bicycle to get around. I don’t have a car, but a bicycle! And because I became so comfortable with cycling, I started doing mountain biking as well. I still have a lot to learn. I’ve fallen (really hard) a couple of times, but I know I will get better at it. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying everything the process brings, and most importantly, I’m strengthening my self-confidence by showing myself that I can do it.
My point is, apart from the fact that the Dutch are seriously, unbelievable, pro-level cyclists, we are capable of so many things but we don’t realize it because we don’t even try them in the first place.
That’s my advice to all of you who feel stuck, are in autopilot mode or just looking to gain some self-confidence: let yourself be surprised with yourself.
How?
- Stretch your comfort zone: don’t go out of it completely to avoid frustrations and unnecessary risks but start with small steps and keep pushing yourself further. Expand your skills and knowledge, especially regarding things that you are curious about.
- Do it, even if it feels scary. Say “yes!” (or “Whatever, I’m doing it!” if you prefer) to new situations and challenges. You will feel scared. But do it anyway! Because as Jack Canfield said, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”.
- Start NOW to proactively look for those “stretchers”. Doing new things or even doing the usual things in a different way will boost your productivity and creativity. It will also help you deal more effectively with change and challenges and this is just the tip of the iceberg!
I leave you with the words of Norman Vincent Peal that greatly inspired me: “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause of fear.”
About the Author
Vanessa Vallejo is an ICF accredited Coach and an expat, passionate about human behavior and personal growth. She helps expats around the world to live more purpose-full lives and to embrace the opportunities that change brings. Check out her blog VV Coaching for more tips on how to become a fearless citizen of the world!
