bunnykins | ExpatWoman.com
 

bunnykins

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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:28
Bunnykins, is it possible for you to go back and say 'wow, love your ideas, I had also thought about x, y, z, what do you think about this and do you think the stuff would be easy to source for the day etc', putting the helping-out ball back in her court but letting her know that you are still very much involved in the decision making process? Thanks Museli Bar (love the name BTW). The reason I posted was to get others' opinions. It is definitely making me have a look at myself and yes I think I may have been wrong in the way I handled a few things, but it goes both ways. I am a woman who has a great deal of respect for herself and won't be trodden on, but at the same time it is the way I do things that could be altered. Thanks for the advice, but it is in the past now. It is just something that has been on my mind since it happened and I wanted others' opinions. I see now that there are a lot of pathways, not just my own. don't mean to be rude but maybe you could start by looking at your attitude towards your step-children..... BTW how do you know how I behave around my stepchildren. Just coz I don't like them, doesn't mean I am not nice when I have to be with them. They are teenagers after all and generally they all have bad moments (as I am sure you did).
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:26
I would have accepted it graciously and then I would have arrangd for it to meet with a serious "accident" involving a bottle of nail polish or some such tragedy. Then I would have returned it to her full or remorse saying "you better not lend me anything else..I am just sooooo clumsy" :D NIP @ surely can use that one ....being an indian we have entirely a different species of in-laws :p ...i dint say that out loud did i >>> I have a lot of Indian friends. I do understand and no you didn't say that out loud.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:26
Bunnykins, is it possible for you to go back and say 'wow, love your ideas, I had also thought about x, y, z, what do you think about this and do you think the stuff would be easy to source for the day etc', putting the helping-out ball back in her court but letting her know that you are still very much involved in the decision making process? Thanks Museli Bar (love the name BTW). The reason I posted was to get others' opinions. It is definitely making me have a look at myself and yes I think I may have been wrong in the way I handled a few things, but it goes both ways. I am a woman who has a great deal of respect for herself and won't be trodden on, but at the same time it is the way I do things that could be altered. Thanks for the advice, but it is in the past now. It is just something that has been on my mind since it happened and I wanted others' opinions. I see now that there are a lot of pathways, not just my own. don't mean to be rude but maybe you could start by looking at your attitude towards your step-children..... Or their attitude towards me????
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:25
[i'>"Hubby has two teenagers and they are awful. I am just grateful that they live with their mother and hubby has no custody rights. Phew."[/i'> [i'>"Hubby goes home for vacation time with his kids on his own now coz I can't stand being around them."[/i'> Maybe his side of the family senses you don't like them? Actually find both of those statements utterly shocking Do you have stepchildren or any of your own?
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:23
Don't get too used to it. :-P Sorry, hadn't read whole thread, I see now it is in the past. No worries. I am kinda over it now. This forum is good to get things off your chest and having others' tell you off. I kinda enjoy it sometimes.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:22
[i'>"Hubby has two teenagers and they are awful. I am just grateful that they live with their mother and hubby has no custody rights. Phew."[/i'> [i'>"Hubby goes home for vacation time with his kids on his own now coz I can't stand being around them."[/i'> Maybe his side of the family senses you don't like them? You think?? :)
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 15:20
Bunnykins, is it possible for you to go back and say 'wow, love your ideas, I had also thought about x, y, z, what do you think about this and do you think the stuff would be easy to source for the day etc', putting the helping-out ball back in her court but letting her know that you are still very much involved in the decision making process? Thanks Museli Bar (love the name BTW). The reason I posted was to get others' opinions. It is definitely making me have a look at myself and yes I think I may have been wrong in the way I handled a few things, but it goes both ways. I am a woman who has a great deal of respect for herself and won't be trodden on, but at the same time it is the way I do things that could be altered. Thanks for the advice, but it is in the past now. It is just something that has been on my mind since it happened and I wanted others' opinions. I see now that there are a lot of pathways, not just my own.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 14:36
Honestly, I think it is a no-win situation in some ways. If you put your foot down, and let them know you are unhappy, you leave your husband not only open to fire but you are also disprespecting how important they are to him. As long as he at least makes an effort to keep them off your back, it may be best to keep your mouth shut. Because these people are clearly important to him. And how important are his relationships to you? Still, having gone down that road recently with my own wedding, and trying to keep the balance for him, because they mattered to him, I was burned pretty badly. I had a sick husband, a very unjovial wedding party, and a friend who I was there for when she needed me, and I thought I wouldn't lose, tell me that neither myself or my husband were good enough for her, or welcome in her home. I sat on my couch and just sobbed. I put up with his friends and lost mine in the process. The alternate option here is to let them know what you think. It gives you peace of mind. And then at least they will know you are a force to be reckoned with, and then perhaps you may have the positive side effect of them not wanting to poke you with a stick. I say courage, because not standing up for yourself burns. If I had been braver, i would have told our guests what I really thought, and found out what my friend really thought. And at least then you don't burn with resentment over it, or look back on it and think the only good thing about it was the part where you actually got married. HTH, but I would go for courage. Provided my view isn't a bit slanted of course :) hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm There are so many comments for me to write to this one, but I will just leave let sleeping dogs lie. <em>edited by bunnykins on 29/02/2012</em>
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 13:45
Put your foot down Bunnykins...they are lucky that you are still speaking to them!!! We'd have had another right old battle royal if my DD had been a boy I can tell you! My DH didn;t invite his parents or his other children to her Christening though, to avoid that particular aggro. I don't really speak to them unless I have to. I would seriously not be upset if I didn't have to see them again. Hubby goes home for vacation time with his kids on his own now coz I can't stand being around them. It sounds like a right nightmare - horrible inlaws, horrible step children. It must be hard being the nice one in amongst all of that. ;) They probably don't like me any more than I like them and I am fine with that.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 13:29
Put your foot down Bunnykins...they are lucky that you are still speaking to them!!! We'd have had another right old battle royal if my DD had been a boy I can tell you! My DH didn;t invite his parents or his other children to her Christening though, to avoid that particular aggro. I don't really speak to them unless I have to. I would seriously not be upset if I didn't have to see them again. Hubby goes home for vacation time with his kids on his own now coz I can't stand being around them.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 13:07
We had a similar issue when we married as my husband's religious affiliation meant that there were some pretty strict traditions / expectationseven though we were having a civil wedding as I'm not from that backround (it was the first time in his family that anyone had ever MARRIED OUt which was a huge scandal for them). MY MIL was horrified that we were marrying on a Sat, not drinking a toast to the Queen at the reception and the final straw came when I refused to extend a day time invitation to her sister / brother in law (we only had 26 people, who were our parents and our friends during the day with a big party in the evening). It got to the point where she said that her and my FIL weren't coming although they relented the day before. I think it's your marriage and your celebration and you should celebrate it as you wish to. My advice would be to go back to the SIL and say thanks but no thanks, you have your own plans and as soon as these are fianlised then you'd appreciate her help (allowing her a bit of face saving). PS Your MIL sounds a nightmare....thought mine was bad!!! Thank you so much for the advice and also for sharing your story. Yes my MIL is a nightmare. We had a beautiful wedding planned (on our actual day) and she ruined it (it was cancelled). It hasn't stopped since.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:59
Frosting recipe: Easy to make and it freezes too. 200g softened unsalted butter 1/2 cup milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 8 cups icing sugar Cream the butter for 1-2 minutes. Add the milk, vanilla extract and half of the sifted icing sugar, and beat for at least 3 minutes or until the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the remaining icing sugar and beat for a further 3 minutes or until the mixture is light and fluffy and of a spreadable consistency. Add extra milk if the mixture is too dry, or extra icing sugar if the mixture is too wet. If you wish to color and/or flavor the buttercream then this is the time to do it. Add a drop at a time and beat until you reach the required color and/or flavor. P.S. These recipes are not for the diet conscious!!! :):)
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:53
Sounds like your husbands family have huge issues with boundaries and are used to being mega-involved in people's lives - I think you need to establish some boundaries now otherwise you will never stop them if you create a precedent that they can run your lives! With the wedding - plan the ceremony you want - just tell them that your ceremony is going to be based on your country's traditions - a beauty of an international relationship ;) - however perhaps you could ask the bossy SIL to do an event such as a dinner or brunch etc the day before or after the ceremony Stick to what you want and as far as possible try not to alienate SIL although it's a hard one if she pressumes to tell you what to where - treat her as a well meaning but deranged person. But make sure you and DH set those boundaries - imagine what will happen to you when you have kids if you don't!! Puffinlunde you have it in a nutshell!! We are not having children so there won't be a problem there. Hubby has two teenagers and they are awful. I am just grateful that they live with their mother and hubby has no custody rights. Phew.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:52
I would have accepted it graciously and then I would have arrangd for it to meet with a serious "accident" involving a bottle of nail polish or some such tragedy. Then I would have returned it to her full or remorse saying "you better not lend me anything else..I am just sooooo clumsy" :D nobody-in-particular. If only I had known you before. What a wonderful idea!!!! I will keep that in the memory bank for next time.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:45
:D eeww.. she gave you her used item? lol is it branded? hahah.. turn it the other way round then. tell her, ok in that case, why don't you bring her to 'here pick the most ridiculous expensive shop you can find' and let her choose a bag for you . she's paying so take that advantage. hahahah Yes it was very used and definitely not my type of thing. I couldn't stand having her here to visit so she has never had an invite (neither has MIL even though she kept hinting).
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:35
My MIL and her are both manipulative and quite controlling. Funny story. Same sister didn't like the purse I had so gave me another one. When I said I was happy with my own (5 times) she gave it to my husband and told him to ask me to use it. As you can imagine I wasn't happy. Wow! I would stay as far away from them as possible! Well I have been able to so far (we live here in Dubai and they live in the USA), but we are moving back to Texas so they will be closer. I tell you it is not a move I am looking forward to.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:34
sorry bout that. don't mean it in a bad way. :D Please pleas shjbelle don't apologise. I truly do appreciate it!!!! It is really good advice and sometimes I do need a kick in the pants. hehehe Certainly no offense taken.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:33
I would not have been happy to allow someone else to take over my wedding, even at the risk of alienating them. If she really wanted to help she would have offered her expertise but not have taken over. She sounds manipulative to me. My MIL and her are both manipulative and quite controlling. Funny story. Same sister didn't like the purse I had so gave me another one. When I said I was happy with my own (5 times) she gave it to my husband and told him to ask me to use it. As you can imagine I wasn't happy. OMG. it is funny in one way. tell us, was it an expensive one that she bought to replace yours? No it was one of her old ones and she wanted it returned when I had "finished using" it. It was a horrible brown thing. Wouldn't be seen dead with it. If it was a Gucci or a Prada then maybe I would have considered it. :) (just figured out smilies) She just didn't like that mine was big and red. She likes things a little more understated and smaller than I do. I couldn't have fit a lipstick in this thing.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:29
I would not have been happy to allow someone else to take over my wedding, even at the risk of alienating them. If she really wanted to help she would have offered her expertise but not have taken over. She sounds manipulative to me. My MIL and her are both manipulative and quite controlling. Funny story. Same sister didn't like the purse I had so gave me another one. When I said I was happy with my own (5 times) she gave it to my husband and told him to ask me to use it. As you can imagine I wasn't happy.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:28
I'm in two minds... On one hand I totally understand that you didn't want to be railroaded and it was your wedding. On the other hand you may have cut your nose off to spite your face and have ended up with no party where you would have been centre of attention, no matter who organised it. That is true. I could have cut my nose off to spite my face, but am no so worried about the "wedding" itself any more (Hubby and I are planning a renewal ceremony in a year where we will have the wedding we had organized in the first place), but more about the continual interference from this sister. There is nothing that she can't keep her nose out of. Marriage, finances, my choice of clothing and purses. eek right.. so either ignore her interference or get your DH to talk to her to back off. Excellent advice. Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear (even though it isn't what I wanted to hear). Sometimes I need a kick in the pants and to be told to get over myself. Believe it or not, this has helped me!!! THANK YOU!! P.S. This isn't an invite for everyone to bash me now. hehehehehehehe (I don't know how to do the smiley face thingies).
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:24
I'm in two minds... On one hand I totally understand that you didn't want to be railroaded and it was your wedding. On the other hand you may have cut your nose off to spite your face and have ended up with no party where you would have been centre of attention, no matter who organised it. That is true. I could have cut my nose off to spite my face, but am no so worried about the "wedding" itself any more (Hubby and I are planning a renewal ceremony in a year where we will have the wedding we had organized in the first place), but more about the continual interference from this sister. There is nothing that she can't keep her nose out of. Marriage, finances, my choice of clothing and purses. eek
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 12:12
Hubby and his sister had already planned it. Unfortunately I said no so there isn't going to be a ceremony. Time has passed now to make it kind of obsolete anyway. I just asked the question because it is something I am still very annoyed about and I am trying to forge a relationship with this particular sister in law (I have 5), but she is so domineering in all aspects that I am at the point where I don't want to try to be friends with her any more. I was asking more to see what other people would have done in this situation and also to give me a few other thought processes to think about rather than being tunnel visioned on my own idea. This forum is very very good for that sort of thing. You get honest opinions from people regardless of whether it is what you want to hear or not. I really do value the input.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 11:56
Part of the problem is that I don't want to have it in the USA. I wanted it in my home country considering my hubby has already been married and had the whole thing before.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 11:51
A bit more info. We had originally planned on getting married in the chapel of a cruise ship (we were on a cruise at the time). Mother in law wanted to be involved and even though we asked her not to, she contacted the cruise line, made a fuss and the cruise cancelled our plans (the night before we were to be married). We ended up getting married on the beach with someone that found off the internet.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 11:47
MonkeyFace, Hubby is American. So is it significant that you are from different countries? I am not American. Hubby has been married before and had the whole "wedding" thing with first wife. I wanted a day where I could have a "wedding" type experience as for other reasons what we had planned fell through at the last minute so we ended up just getting married rather than doing what we really wanted.
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 11:45
Just want to clarify that we are already married. We were going to have a "ceremony" for the families as they were not present when we married (spur of the moment thing).
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Latest post on 29 February 2012 - 11:43
MonkeyFace, Hubby is American.
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Latest post on 21 February 2012 - 13:44
BTW I have a brilliant agent that found me our house in one week after moving here! We got a great price (compared to others in our area) and have a fabulous landlord. Maintenance is taken care of in a timely manner, he is a wonderful man who lives in the UK but has a UK person here that looks after things for him. Have never had a problem.
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Latest post on 21 February 2012 - 13:38
Hi, Without knowing your budget it is hard to tell you where to look, but we are moving in a month or so. I am happy for you to send me a personal email and you can have a look at our villa, but it will depend on what you have to spend.
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Latest post on 21 February 2012 - 13:36
Hi there, My hubby (and his workmates) say that I make the best cupcakes EVER!!! I am happy to post the recipe if you would like it.
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Latest post on 21 February 2012 - 13:36
Hi there, My hubby (and his workmates) say that I make the best cupcakes EVER!!! I am happy to post the recipe if you would like it.
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Latest post on 21 February 2012 - 13:35
Hi there Barmy Army, Spinneys have a wonderful selection of ready made Pancake Mix. They even have some gluten free ones if you have that health problem. I have tried them a few times and always enjoy the treat. Happy shopping!!
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Latest post on 12 February 2012 - 11:01
Hi there, I wouldn't normally post re: someones' relationship, but I have decided to try in this instance. Not all divorcees have too much baggage to handle. I am married to a wonderful man who is a divorcee (married to his first wife for many many years). Yes there was baggage in our relationship, but we make it work by talking about things together and we were friends for years before we formed a physical relationship and then married. Don't chase him (other posters are right, he will feel threatened and run for the hills). If he says he isn't ready for a relationship at the moment other than a friendship, then take him at his word and make sure the physical side of your "relationship" doesn't manifest until he is emotionally ready to handle it (and not that he just tells you that, look for the signs yourself). If you are friends first and then grow to trust each other, things are much better in a relationship and the relationship is stronger. If you want a physical relationship with this person then you need to cultivate it, even if that means being just friends first. If you are too impatient for that, then he isn't the person for you. I hope this helps.
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Latest post on 30 January 2012 - 17:42
bump (sorry people)
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Latest post on 30 January 2012 - 17:19
Hi there, You did my makeup for a wedding recently and I was wondering if you could get in touch with me to give me a list of the products you used and also your contact number and email address. If you are online, pls let me know and I will give you my email and then delete this post immediately after. Cheers
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Latest post on 11 January 2012 - 10:13
Typical service in the Middle East I am afraid. Don't count on getting cash back, maybe just right it off to bad luck. We have had to do that on many occasions. They take it for granted that when you cancel your service you will be leaving the country so then you can't follow up on getting your money back.
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Latest post on 11 January 2012 - 10:11
Happy Birthday. I am sorry that your hubby hasn't met expectations. I too think that men are really "thick" sometimes, but that is no excuse. Could it be that he is surprising you with something on the weekend and hasn't told you yet? My hubby does that sometimes. Anyways, I wish you a very happy birthday and many more to come. At least you know that people on here have thought of you on your b'day. Have a great day and try to keep your chin up.
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Latest post on 05 January 2012 - 16:02
Just Sain, That is a wonderful suggestion. Thank you so much. We already have a property name in the USA (for our real estate (rental houses)) so we could use that one. Cheers and thanks for the suggestion.
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Latest post on 05 January 2012 - 15:55
Hi all, I have a few persian carpets on my floors and was wondering if anybody could recommend a good place to get them cleaned?? Thanks
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Latest post on 05 January 2012 - 13:11
Amelia, If something does happen, is everything subject to probate or is it immediate? In USA probate can take up to 9 months if it is contested by relatives. Thanks Also, was the lawyer a UAE National or were your Wills done at the embassy?? <em>edited by bunnykins on 05/01/2012</em>
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Latest post on 11 December 2011 - 21:07
Hi there, My hubby and I have this book. My language is "acts of service" and his is "gift giving" and we clash horribly sometimes. It is a good indicator of how communication may be going wrong in your relationship, but it doesn't work unless both of you read it, understand it and then work on it. Happy reading.
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Latest post on 05 December 2011 - 11:49
Thanks for the responses. :) I like the ebook idea and also the choc. I have come up with a few of my own too. I thought I could put a baseball cap in there or a new gadget for his car, iPad or computer (that is if I can find a gadget he doesn't already have). Cheers
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Latest post on 05 December 2011 - 10:57
Hi all, I was wondering if you guys have any suggestions for good stocking stuffers for my hubby. I am struggling with what to get him (he buys everything he likes himself so it is difficult to buy for him). Any help would be appreciated. Cheers
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Latest post on 01 December 2011 - 16:53
Oh Sorry, Didn't mean to make you feel bad. How is your day at work??? Hopefully quiet!
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Latest post on 01 December 2011 - 16:36
Nop! Not National Day related. Just have had a brilliant day. I have got everything done (chore wise) that I wanted to get done, read part of a book, watched a movie and talked to family. Great day!!!!
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Latest post on 01 December 2011 - 16:07
Just wanted to tell all the lovely ladies on EW that I am having the most wonderful day today!