Custard Apple | ExpatWoman.com
 

Custard Apple

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 16:20
CA, as a parent, I want to give my child the best of what I can. I want to make sure I give her the best start in life. There is nothing wrong if I don't want her to pick up a certain way of talking. I didn't intend any attack, tahm563. I was just interested in the way some posters were pussy-footing around why certain ways of talking are less acceptable than others, which of course has a strong race and/or class component that seemed to be hovering in the background without being stated. (Especially interested in what Pomegranate said about having been surprised and clearly a bit appalled by Coleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole's accents which for her don't 'match' their appearances, given that she's not UK and thus didn't recognise the way they spoke as marked with class and region, but still disliked what she heard...) I think your situation is one that faces anyone bringing up a child in a country not their own country of origin - my French sister-in-law and her Irish husband (who live in England) both get family in Ireland and France pulling faces at their sons' Lincolnshire accents. My Paris-living American friend (married to a Frenchman) is bringing up two children whose French is much better than hers, and who often have difficulty understanding the strong regional American accents of their US grandparents. If either family moved back to the country of origin of one of the parents, there would be a period of adjustment, and maybe teasing in the playground, but I don't see how it's possible to enforce a parental accent on a child unless they are literally hearing nothing else. Good luck!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 15:26
Interesting discussion, that accents make the person. I had seen Cheryl Cole & Colleen Rooney in magazines for a long time, finally hearing them speak on television really surprised me and for some reason IMO, their voices don't fit their image and my perception of both has changed! Why is that - because they both have working-class regional accents?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 14:44
I don't think people are saying their own accent is better than another, its just they don't want to hear certain accents coming from their child's mouth and that's a reasonable enough view. The only accent I would like my child to speak is my own or my husbands. With respect, I think any Dubai inhabitant who has strong feelings about their child only speaking with its parents' accent of origin has probably chosen a bad spot to live! And I do think some people are saying 'some accents are better than others' - there have certainly been joky threads in the past by, say, Austrialians, jokingly complaining about their child picking up an English accent at school, but none of them seemed to be considering it a disaster, or wondering if some kind of intervention were necessary...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 January 2011 - 14:25
I love the way some people are claiming not to have any accent - [i'>everyone[/i'> has an accent! It's just that people who speak in a way that approximates the 'standard' for their language and country hear themselves as the 'norm' and other people - like the OP's child's teacher - as 'deviating' from that norm, and therefore wrong. The implicit question no one is actually making explicit is that some accents (within English for the sake of clarity) are comparatively 'prestigious' and some are not (and presumably the OP considers the teacher in question has one of the latter, given that it doesn't seem to be a question of lack of fluency). I suppose it comes down to whether the OP's child picking up a non-prestige accent is more important to the OP than her general happiness with the class. Incidentally 'haitch' is standard in some dialects of English, in Hiberno-English for one. It was also a trad way of distinguishing between Protestants (traditionally taught to say 'aitch') and Catholics ('haitch') in Northern Ireland.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 20:30
My mistake, sorry. But for my defence I'll specify that English is my 3rd language, so I'm bound to make mistakes. On this note, I can even offer to swap sewing lessons for free French lessons if anyone interested.... I think HAK is just pointing it out so you can alter if (if altering thread titles is possible), as people who know about sewing looking at the title may assume you're asking gardening questions and not click through. <em>edited by Custard Apple on 29/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 29 January 2011 - 17:23
Most are living in rooms in satwa or dorm type accom where they pay a huge amount for a mattress in a shared room of 5,10,16 etc. Really it's so unacceptable. I wasn't sure whether Satwa wouldn't in fact be too 'upmarket' for maids' accommodation - I know they often live in very overcrowded circumstances.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 28 January 2011 - 19:07
dorter . Dorter means dormitory....... lol... everytime I see dorter for DD I cringe. I thought it was a joke mis-spelling...?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 27 January 2011 - 00:10
In reply to the original question - no, I wouldn't keep the book from the 12-year-old. It's so clunkily plotted and poorly written (or possibly badly-translated?), as well as [i'>endlessly[/i'> long, that it's very unlikely she'll make it through to any of the scenes that involve s*xual violence towards women. It's not a book calculated to appeal to the average 12-year-old. I think the only involvement parents should have in their children's reading is to continue to challenge them by exposing them to new books, so they don't lodge in Harry Potter eternally, or think all good books have to involve sparkly vampires, or become one of those adults who think [i'>The Da Vinci Code[/i'> is a novel. Having said that, in the OP's shoes I might have a word with the sister and ask why she's giving my 12-year-old novels about international prostitution rings.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 January 2011 - 18:46
Amused by the self-confessed 'convenience Muslims' converting because there's a perception halal prison food is better, and you get out of the cells for Frday prayer! I don't care for the arrogance of the label 'revert' - it's not exclusive to Islam, by any means, though. Catholics who became Protestants used to be referred to as 'perverts', because they were seen as deviating from the only true path. It just strikes me as an unhelpful position today, though, at a time when it seems more than ever important for Muslims and people of other faiths to respect one another's beliefs. But that means being non-defensive and open to debate and criticism on both sides.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 22 January 2011 - 20:42
Reading this, I was wondering whether the availability of cheap domestic help had had an impact on expat family sizes - would people have had fewer children, and/or spaced them differently if they hadn't been living somewhere where employing domestic help was common and inexpensive...?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 22 January 2011 - 12:38
What I don't understand is all the charities that feed laborers. Laborers aren't charity cases - they are employees. The companies should be feeding them adequately and providing them with the things they need to live here. Charities are subsidizing the companies they work for. In that BBC news clip, the labourers being interviewed had stopped working for the company after six months of not being paid, and were living rough, and no longer, presumably, technically employees but 'absconded'. Their passports were still held by the company and they couldn't afford a ticket home - but they had clearly decided they weren't going to continue working in fairly brutal conditions for no salary. That, I assume, is why that Indian doctor had organised a feeding rota.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 22:01
My boys at work (yes they read EW) have come to the conclusion that it is the ghosts of the workers killed during the construction of our buildings and villas :\: I know more men than women who read EW... What a horrible thought, the numbers of labourer deaths. I have to say, though, that, now that I've discounted the kids playing marbles at 3 am explanation, the waterpipes/aircon explanation strikes me as more likely. (Though someone did recently send me a link to a Youtube video called 'Ghost in Dubai airport', which did actually give me a bit of a fright!)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 21:30
I certainly intended no slur, either - I've never met any of them and know little or nothing about them, and was just pointing to what looks to be a well-researched story in a reputable newspaper!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 21:21
No royal slurs on EW, I get that, mods. But the information is in the public domain, and available in publications on sale freely in the UAE. I haven't read the book mentioned, so I can't vouch for its veracity, but [i'>The Guardian[/i'> doesn't print stuff without doing its investigation and researches, and I had it delivered to my door every day I lived in Dubai. Anyone can find the stories in its archives. ETA: Anea, your new post will just vanish again! <em>edited by Custard Apple on 19/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 21:11
That was a quick deletion!:)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 20:30
I was going to suggest looking for a Mothers and Babies screening, if they exist in Dubai. I know some of the UK ones are well thought out - age ranges, buggy parking areas, turning down the sound of a loud movie - and obviously lots of babies are potentially making noise, so no one minds.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 January 2011 - 20:21
The first time I ever remember seeing a custard apple was in the Carrefour at MOE in my first week in Dubai.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 22:06
I Personally had to re-read your first line to make sense of it. It should have read: "The note written below, sent by an English Teacher has annoyed me ... " The note I think reads fine...its a light and jovial approach announcing an event...IMHO. That's a little bit harsh on the OP. I could pull her up on her punctuation maybe, 'it's' rather than 'its', but other than that and lack of capital letters at the start of a sentence.... come on man. I think it's more that, if you're posting to complain about someone else's poorly-written note, you'd probably double-check your own English was irreproachable! ETA, I appreciate it isn't your first language - and while I think the December 15/ 15th December varies between different varieties of English, I agree about the placement of the time, which reads oddly. <em>edited by Custard Apple on 18/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 22:02
I'm cracking up laughing that half of Dubai has clearly been grinding its teeth for years about imaginary marble-dropping!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 22:01
It's grammatically correct, though not elegant, I agree. I wouldn't capitalise 'parents' and 'staff', and it would read better if it said 'serious and not-so-serious' and 'much-appreciated support'. But I've seen way worse from English teachers, I have to say...
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 21:39
We had this, too! And we were always lying in bed swearing about the blameless upstairs neighbours! Fortunately we never did actually storm upstairs at 3 am!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 18 January 2011 - 13:35
I was interested that the school that that poor little girl attended is reported as having refused to hold a parents' meeting about safety - I think certainly in the UK, however much they didn't want to hold a meeting, they would have felt they had to, as the refusal makes them look so indifferent and high-handed, and public opinion would have slaughtered the school. But in the UK, I can think exactly of the next steps outraged parents would take against a school perceived to be negligent, but in Dubai, I honestly don't know what the next step is...? Is the difference it's harder to translate strong feeling into meaningful action? <em>edited by Custard Apple on 18/01/2011</em>
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:32
Ive told eldest daughter, she has now delete MIL off facebook, my eldest DD isnt her biological GD, My DH treats both the girls and spoils them equally. Eldest DD is hurt. Very hurt. I think its the icing on the cake all she got to xmas was 2 pairs of socks, did have MIL here in Dec for 18days and she said she has money for her, and was planning on giving it to eldest DD when she came to pick up the freebee cigarettes I got her, MIL gave her nothing. Its a very long story that stems over 23 years. edited by salsB on 15/01/2011 That's vile. Poor you and your poor daughter - what a deeply unpleasant distinction to make. Then again, some people's ideas about blood and bloodlines never fail to make my jaw drop.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 15 January 2011 - 00:01
Only 8 pm where I am, and I'm procrastinating going to the gym...:)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 January 2011 - 23:09
So If the little boy went missing yesterday at 16.30pm, what time was he found!!!!! A couple of hours later, I think?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 January 2011 - 16:50
Not criticising the OP, who was entirely open about how few facts she had, but I tend to agree that a lot of fuss and worry (understandable, but out of proportion to the situation) was kicked up on this thread long after the child had been found. There were offers of impromptu search parties, psychics and radio broadcasts being discussed when the little boy was at home in his bed. I'm not even sure how much use it will be to people with children of their own, as I can't imagine people are lax about keeping an eye on them in any case, and a child unfastening a gate, like a child going missing in a mall, can happen anywhere, and under the best supervision. I think Mrs Mean has a point.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 14 January 2011 - 14:20
This is a horrible situation, and my heart goes out to the family - but come on, are people really suggesting a psychic can help?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 13 January 2011 - 21:49
I think living in Moscow would be a million times more interesting than living in Dubai, but that's not really the point, it seems to me. I'm more worried by you saying that it's a 'serious' but also a 'new' relationship, and that your SO is taking it for granted you'll move halfway across the world for the sake of his job! Everything you are saying is about him and his career and his needs - not you and what you want and need. Even in answer to the question about whether you would consider a long-distance relationship while you sort things out, you say that it wouldn't work because HE'S 'super-sensitive' and would think you were rejecting him! A super-sensitive man wouldn't take for granted that you would be happy to make a huge sacrifice for the sake of a new relationship - this man doesn't sound sensitive at all! With respect to the other people who commented, I definitely don't think it's the moment to think about marriage if you weren't anyway, but people are right to point out that you can't just up and move to Russia without a prearranged job or as an accompanying spouse to someone with a job! I think you should think very carefully about why you're so anxious to please someone who seems to take your 'easygoingness' or your love for granted. I moved to Dubai for my partner's job, but only temporarily - I hated the place, couldn't find a job, so we left again after giving it a fair try - but those kinds of moves which are only for one person's benefit undeniably put a strain on relationships. Do think before you act, and don't be rail-roaded inot this move.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 12 January 2011 - 21:37
I know I have gained a lot of weight after having 2 babies nearly back to back. I am definitely not physically the same woman he married. So are all of you saying it is wrong for a husband/partner to say something like this? I am not being sarcastic but I am curious as seeing a new angle here. Damn right I think it's inappropiate for your husband to say you need to 'fix yourself', as if you were a leaky tap! The reason your body has changed is that it's done an enormously complicated job that nature designed it to do, and it's done it twice, back to back - something men's bodies never go through - it's not that your body's now 'wrong'. If you want to change your body for your own sake, tell your husband exactly the kind of thing he should say and do to help you along. In my experience, 'You look beautiful' and 'I'm proud of what you're doing' work a lot better than nagging about 'fixing yourself'. Good luck!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 12 January 2011 - 21:31
That sounds rather old to me! Are you sure she isn't already au fait with with the whole affair from other sources? (I certainly was at that age, despite a fairly sheltered upbringing.) And haven't you already had the periods talk? Yes, had period talk over a year ago but surely *** is a topic that should be discussed a little while after that? Maybe I'm old fashioned? I guess I'm worried my daughter will this me and hubby are gross! Lol! But doesn't it lead on logically enough to why we have periods, baby-making etc? I'd have seen it as all of a piece. Honestly, I'd talk to her as soon as possible. I had that conversation with my godson when he was six - was highly amused he thought I was the person to ask! I think she's far more likely to pick up misinformation and 'ew, that's gross' attitudes from her peers, whereas if you talk to her, you get to choose how she's introduced to the idea of s&x. (That is, if she's genuinely not been discussing it for years with her friends!)
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 12 January 2011 - 21:25
For a sheer feeling of private satisfaction, I recommend buying yourself some beautiful underwear. I had a particularly grim day in December in London, and marched straight into Rigby and Peller. And however you feel about your body, splendid, well-fitting underwear makes you look and feel better, plus there's something weirdly satisfying about it.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 12 January 2011 - 21:19
That sounds rather old to me! Are you sure she isn't already au fait with with the whole affair from other sources? (I certainly was at that age, despite a fairly sheltered upbringing.) And haven't you already had the periods talk?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 12 January 2011 - 18:58
I have to go to a work function with DH next week, so will HAVE to go shopping before that (how many pairs of Spanx can I layer on top of each other?). He is embarrassed of me though...can't really do much about that (he said he didn't want me to attend) Wait, the man to whom you are married doesn't want you to attend a work function with him because you are a size sixteen? His attitude seems to me to be the problem here, not the size of your thighs! Frankly, I'd give him a whack of my hockey stick.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 20:51
Men are different than women when it comes to $ex. I'm not saying it's a foregone conclusion, I'm saying that it's logical for a man to be tempted by a woman who lives under his roof, who takes care of him and is cheerful about doing it. I suppose I'm a bit confused by the logic of the idea of the DH/maid scenario. I can see the temptation (for either men or women) to be unfaithful with someone, say, met at work - who is good-looking, fun and unfamiliar - and where the possibility arises through work functions or work travel. But I don't get quite so easily the irresistible temptation of someone who is in your house everyday mopping the floor and taking out the rubbish in a pyjama-like maid's uniform, so not unfamiliar, glamorous and exciting. And surely the risks are huge, in your own home? Plus it's hardly no-strings-attached s%x, if the cliche that maids are looking to 'marry up' is true...? It sounds more likely to end in disaster than a workplace affair, and with fewer short-term rewards...?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 20:14
To be fair it was in the heat of a row, but he said basically that she's more fun, nicer etc. He said it in anger but it's made me lose any shred of security I had! It wasn't about her particularly, think he's just had enough of me moping around and being insecure all the time. LOL at the pampas grass - I'm not quite there yet!! :) I just do genuinely wonder how people maintain figures like that though...maybe I need to be resigned to spending half my life in the gym. *Sigh* And is your husband a perfect-bodied, glossy-haired Adonis who is perennially cheerful, positive and secure??? Is he 24/7 the nicest, most fun, most rugged person in the entire world ever? If not, sounds as if there's something of a double standard! Don't beat yourself up.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 19:42
It happened to my friends neighbour, and the DH divorced his wife and married the maid. wonder if the maid continued to please sir as much after the wedding? Isn't that interesting as regards the other thread by the poster who felt frumpy compared to all the elegant, well-put-together women she saw in Dubai? Given that this man - and presumably others like him - married a woman he would usually have seen clothed very simply or wearing a maid's uniform (which, as seen in Dubai, are hardly the most seductive of garments...?) and mopping the floor? What does that say about the anxieties felt by so many women about their appearance, grooming, dress etc etc? That it doesn't much matter? That it doesn't much matter when there's the offer of s$x? Or are we to assume that this woman was so drop-dead gorgeous she made her uniform look wonderful...?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 11 January 2011 - 19:11
But how many people on here have actually witnessed an actual maid/SO relationship with their own eyes, whether in their own household or a friend's? I know you hear about it all the time, like the 'headache money' thing, but I discounted a lot of that as Dubai urban myth and rumour-mongering, and women's discomfort with having a female employee living under their own roof...? When I heard about incidents, it was always a 'friend of a friend of a friend' etc.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 22:54
How awful, BB. My total sympathy. As regards ME patterns of thought, I have no experience in the relationship arena, but one thing I noticed with my SO's business colleagues and contacts was the importance of not 'losing face' or being seen to cause someone else to lose face. I'd read about this before moving to Dubai, but was interested to see it in practice - often, it seemed to come down to a deliberate lack of directness. People stopped answering phonecalls or emails rather than say a direct 'no' to a request or proposal. Might this be a large part of what's going on here? Your husband feels he can't ask you directly to take him back because if you say no, it's a huge loss of face...? Not that this makes it any more pleasant for you.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 10 January 2011 - 19:44
I'm a little perplexed, Abbyboot, that you come on to ask a question and get a range of responses, the majority of which suggest you should pay for your boyfriend at least some of the time, but you don't seem to accept that point of view as valid...? You say you're entirely happy with the situation, but something clearly made you come on a forum and ask the question, which suggests you have some uneasiness about a relationship that's so economically one-sided. How can we know whether he'thinks you're cheap' for not paying without knowing either of you or the cultural expectations of wherever you both come from? Personally, I'm with those who are astonished someone is asking this question in 2011. Obviously, I can only speak as someone formed in my own culture, but I can't believe other women are so blind to the potential issues of power imbalances etc in a relationship where only one person is paying, and has been paying for an entire year? I don't get any sense of your boyfriend as a human being, Abbyboot - would you still be in the relationship if he stopped paying for everything? It's not clear from what you say whether he's more than a human ATM, or whether he's someone who matters enormously to you!
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Latest post on 06 January 2011 - 00:40
We would still stay here, simply because the lifestyle here is better than what we had in the London. We would be crammed in a tiny 2 bed apartment with cold, gloomy,dam weather and ill, miserable children (who are locked home coz it's raining almost everyday) for most of the year. Apologies to the brits out here, DH is british but London is just not my cuppa tea... But BUT if DH ever agreed to go back to Sydney, I would go right now..even though money will be much less there, lifestyle is amazing compared to Dubai. I never know what exactly people mean by 'lifestyle' in this context - maybe it's too personal to each individual for it to make much general sense. I'm not British by nationality, but I left a luxurious Dubai apartment in the Marina last summer to come back to one of those tiny 2-bed London flats for a spectacularly chilly winter during which we both got flu. We are struggling financially, but I've not regretted leaving Dubai for one second. We were saving money in Dubai, but money or living space mean absolutely nothing to either of us compared to the benefits of living in London, in terms of the wealth of music and art and theatre on offer. I've been to two (free) classical concerts and two RSC plays in the past week, and spent Sunday afternoon walking on Hampstead Heath with friends, which was exactly the kind of thing we missed in Dubai. In practice, we both discovered money doesn't make up for the absence of everything we enjoy about life. Yes, it would be nice to have more money and space, but our mounting bank balance in Dubai turned out not to mean a great deal when it came down to it....
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Latest post on 03 January 2011 - 21:10
Gosh, there's absolutely no requirement on earth for you to see someone you don't want to, and to whom you have no obligations! If you'd rather not see this man - and it's clear that you would rather not now, even if you did originally give him your number - then I see no reason why you should! This person brings up bad memories to the point where you don't want to see him so I don't see any reason at all why you should be providing him with a social life via your husband and your family! Do whatever makes you feel better - either keep dodging or politely tell him you don't want to be friends. Unless of course it would make your heartbroken self from 20 years ago snigger to see he's got bald and fat...?