derien | ExpatWoman.com
 

derien

1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 24 October 2012 - 10:06
I just love the thought of no school driving for 10 days. Like, Like Like!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 24 October 2012 - 09:56
Just to let you know after a long Discussion with my child and dig deep down to know the real reasons why he is doing all this ! it's simply because he think it FUNNY!! and that for him being the trouble maker and the clown of the class he will be getting everyone smiles and attention! we are working to fix this however we still struggling with the school to give him a chance ... That's really not funny at all then, is it? Maybe you need to discipline your son. He now does sound utterly spoilt and hyper
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 12:39
This was my son in his first year of school. We discovered his hearing problems and he had grommets put in. His behaviour changed immediately after the operation ( as he could hear!!!!) and we never looked back. :-) Have his ears checked.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 12:11
Have you had his ears checked?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 11:33
Sorry Daza, I always like your posts but I disagree. It can be done and I have friends that did it. No warning, nothing. The problem with women is that they always think it will get better. It rarely does. :-( <em>edited by derien on 23/10/2012</em>
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 11:24
So the OP has a child with this man. Argh, makes things more difficult. If I was in her shoes and based on what she has written in both posts, I would take child and go. A leopard never changes his spots :-( he is not a leopard and this is not constructive. What the OP needs is for her DH to admit that he has issues and to submit to counselling. If he knew that he is at risk of losing his family, he may well work with her on this. I think it's common knowledge that this isn't a literal phrase (or common sense?). There is a reason why that is a well known and often used phrase. Sometimes people need someone to point out to them that they don't have to accept shoddy treatment. Unless you've been in an abusive relationship that can be hard to comprehend, but it's very common to rationalise things away. In my personal experience with a man like this (and the experience of several other posters on the thread), grown men do not just stop being emotionally abusive. Relate in the UK (a very popular counselling service) actually recommends that abusive men do NOT attend counselling, as it gives them more ammunition with which to manipulate their partner. What makes you think he will use positive behaviour (counselling, positive changes etc.) to stop his family leaving? Surely the examples of his current behaviour would suggest that he would use negative actions to stop them leaving (manipulation, rage, control etc.). No amount of treatment, counselling or threats will change the DNA of an abusive husband. In fact, emotional abuse is more often than not, worse than physical abuse and it is deep-seated rage combined with a lack of self esteem that stems from a individual's upbringing. He will not change and the OP must accept that she stays and develops strategies to cope or she leaves. If it were me, I would leave.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 10:46
So the OP has a child with this man. Argh, makes things more difficult. If I was in her shoes and based on what she has written in both posts, I would take child and go. A leopard never changes his spots :-(
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 12:13
Yikes, Romania !!!! There are NO job opportunities in Romania, is she 200% certain her 'family' member has work for her! Does she know that Romania is the global center for human trafficking "Romania is a source, transit, and destination country for men, women, and children subjected to trafficking in persons, specifically conditions of forced labor and women and children in forced prostitution" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_trafficking_in_Romania, plenty more on the web about human trafficking in Romania. :\: Maybe the OP should get that letter translated LOL
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 12:07
MAy pursue the passport ting actually - then I feel like I'm in control. The fact that you dont have it already puts you at a huge disadvantage.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 11:47
Hope you get your things back:( <em>edited by derien on 22/10/2012</em>
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 11:35
The salaries in Romania are very low and they have also been hit hard by the recession and work is hard to come by. She may be stepping into a baaaad situation. Even engineers get paid not much more in provincial and rural areas. Yep. That's why all the Romanians are trying to emigrate to the rest of Europe and have been for years. LOL!!! She is in for one big shock
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 11:14
My maid signs and salary sheet each month. Also, if she takes a loan from us, she signs the sheet as well so that it reflects the subsequent deductions. I recently lent her 5000 AED so she could bring a member of her family over to look for work. She wanted me to space out the repayments over 18 months. Told her that she needed to amortise before the end of her contract. She wasnt happy but that it too much of a risk for me.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:51
Sorry but maids dont get gratuity and if they leave without completing a year, they are not entitled to vacation either. So there is nothing left to negotiate with other than witholding salary. OP - what exactly did the maid tell you? Where is this job and who found it for her? edited by derien on 22/10/2012 The OP stated she renewed the maids contract, for all we know the maid could have worked for this family for several years not taken holiday and flights or been paid yet for, to which she is very much entitled to pay for the years worked. You are making assumptions.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:50
Lolacat - Maids are NOT subject to the UAE Labour laws and Immigration will tell you to hold their passports. This does not mean that they are mistreated by their employers. You should stop misleading people on issues that you clearly don't understand. FYI - if you are not happy about it, complain to the Head of Immigration to have the laws changed. until then, I intend to hold my maids passport for safe keeping
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:45
But she hasn't has she, so one has to deal with the issue in hand not about honour and morals. Should everyone be held to contract whatever the circumstances due to honour? Why fight a losing battle, if she stays she will run and be miserable and the employer will also be miserable for another 9 months. Why not just negotiate a settlement and all parties walk away somewhat satisfied? This is the logial grown up way IMHO to resolve what is already an issue. Sure. 5'500 AED is roughly 3 months salary. So the maid works the next 3 months without salary and then she leaves? Is that what you are advocating? Normally when an employee leaves there is gratutity, holiday pay, flights etc to be paid deduct those and then negotiate the rest, as she has already worked 3 months of her sponsorship that must be calulated (deducted) and I thought the renewal fee was Dh.5100. It's a pain for the OP but personally i would never hold anyone in employment if they wished to leave, even more so in a house. Sorry but maids dont get gratuity and if they leave without completing a year, they are not entitled to vacation either. So there is nothing left to negotiate with other than witholding salary. OP - what exactly did the maid tell you? Where is this job and who found it for her? <em>edited by derien on 22/10/2012</em>
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:36
My thoughts as you ask is to let your maid go, she obviously wants to and in my book you have no right to hold another against their whishes. The sponsorship issue is one you need to speak to her about and negotiate a settlement between both parties, ie no gratutity or holiday pay. It's frustrating from your side to say the least but keeping an employee who does not want to stay will be even more frustrating long term for you. Make sure you document everything and get her to sign an agreement regarding settlement that you put in place post negotiation. I disagree; iif you sign a contract; you honour that contract. But she hasn't has she, so one has to deal with the issue in hand not about honour and morals. Should everyone be held to contract whatever the circumstances due to honour? Why fight a losing battle, if she stays she will run and be miserable and the employer will also be miserable for another 9 months. Why not just negotiate a settlement and all parties walk away somewhat satisfied? This is the logial grown up way IMHO to resolve what is already an issue. Sure. 5'500 AED is roughly 3 months salary. So the maid works the next 3 months without salary and then she leaves? Is that what you are advocating?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:32
My thoughts as you ask is to let your maid go, she obviously wants to and in my book you have no right to hold another against their whishes. The sponsorship issue is one you need to speak to her about and negotiate a settlement between both parties, ie no gratutity or holiday pay. It's frustrating from your side to say the least but keeping an employee who does not want to stay will be even more frustrating long term for you. Make sure you document everything and get her to sign an agreement regarding settlement that you put in place post negotiation. I disagree; iif you sign a contract; you honour that contract. Agreed 100% and I would even go as far as to say that under UAE law, if I signed a 1 year comtract with an employer and decided to "break it" after 2 months, there are punitive charges imposed on me. It is only fair
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:28
[b'>[/b'>No she cannot leave until her contract is over. She has just signed another contract in August she has to stay till the end. Then your job is to end the visa and fly her to her home country. The end. These maids have no thought or care about money. Correct. You hold all the cards. she must work out her contract or reimburse you for the costs. As she wont have the money, then she will have stay until next August. Be prepared for a sulky maid! I feel sorry for you. [b'>Oh - make sure you have her passport[/b'> Does your employer hold your passport? No but I am subject to Labout Law, the Maid is not. She has renewed her contract with the family for one year on the basis that she would fulfil her obligations while in the meantime she was canvassing other jobs abroad. This is dishonest towards the employer as she has spent alot of money to keep her. Either the maid pays up to break the contract and then leaves ( with passport in hand) or she works her contract ( without passport in hand) as she is likely to do a runner.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:23
No she cannot leave until her contract is over. She has just signed another contract in August she has to stay till the end. Then your job is to end the visa and fly her to her home country. The end. These maids have no thought or care about money. Correct. You hold all the cards. she must work out her contract or reimburse you for the costs. As she wont have the money, then she will have stay until next August. Be prepared for a sulky maid! I feel sorry for you. Oh - make sure you have her passport
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 20:33
When my DD was one month old my MIL came to stay. The first time she saw me breastfeeding she decided to 'help' me by holding my breast for the entire feed and lightly caressing it. I had already been bfeeding my daughter for a month so knew what I was doing by then. I was so uncomfortable and she just didn't get it. Ahhh, makes my skin crawl just thinking about it again! That is just awful! I would have slapped my MIL if she had done that to me. There are just lines that can't be crossed. I started hating my mother in law the day she said to the OBGYN in the delivery room that " she felt that I wasn't trying hard enough and that I should have a natural birth" right after the doctor had said.. "if we don't do a C-Section right away, Mum and baby could be in danger" I just hate mine so much and it all started when I had kids
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 20:15
OMG she sounds just like my MIL. Mine is paranoid that my children are sick, not getting the right foods, not pooing enough, not drinking enough. She never worked, doesn't have a degree but she is a self declared guru in everything. When I asked her to babysit once as my DS was sick, she kindly accepted. Before leaving for work, I explained the medication, dosage etc that the doctor in Switz had prescribed. She said, yes yes. Got home that night and found out that she had "consulted her friend" during the day and decided that this was not the right medication etc etc. I went ballistic. I never asked her to babysit again when the kids were sick as I couldnt trust her. Th poop thing is absolutely something she would do, probably to see what was in it then accuse me of not feeding the kids properly. This is just the icing on the cake
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:54
Are those the same lines that run behind Meadows 9? Yes, they are. My husband says, though. that most of Meadows 9 would be out of range. But much of Jum Triangle (or whatever they call those villas behind Meadows 9) are within range. Thanks.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:45
Are those the same lines that run behind Meadows 9?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:44
Don't you have some maids or the like to do it? How hard can it be? Sorry, not pre-judging, but there must be some 'heavies' in the hood that wouldn't mind Dh20. LMFAO... some heavies in the hood? LOL
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:38
Hi ladies, I would very much appreciate your input as to putting together a nice package for our new helper/nanny to be, what have you offered, what extra benefits can we put to make it an interesting package for her? Grateful for suggestions! LOL. You might want to read some of the posts on EW before you start thinking about extra benefits.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 13:16
Lady Di!
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:21
People don't have kids to please their parents, they do it because they love each other and want to extend the family. I have lived away from my Mum for 20 years but it didn't stop me from having children
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 12:12
Beebers if he insists he has paid, ask him for proof of the payment / receipt. Do you have rent cheques as leverage? Can you stop your next payment or have you paid in one go? Harass him constantly (daily) as Emaar are clearly taking these matters seriously now and you don't want to suffer because he is lying. Nope, we paid in one check last Feb. Already have sent the first emails out complete with picture attached of the notice on the board. If I am not mistaken, he owns 2 other units here. Makes sense, because 2 other units "owe" exactly the same amount. I don't really want to knock on someone's door "Hi, I think we have the same LL. Have you gotten anywhere with this joker?" But maybe if there are other tenants of his, and we all applied pressure, maybe it would help more. I don't know. I'll see if anything comes back today. Maybe if you all went to the rent committee together it might help?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 10:36
Thank you for all the input. One of them says she has a job offer in Canada (?!) in December and the other is being very evasive which is unlike her. Both want to stay on my visa yet not live here for 30 days. I offered to transfer the visa if they had the sponser as I want to make sure I do everything legal. seems I will cancel the visas the day the contract ends and send them home. I guess from there they can sort out new opportunities. You make sure they actually get on the plane once you have cancelled the visa. You need to go to the airport with them. <em>edited by derien on 21/10/2012</em>
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 19 October 2012 - 20:32
I left my camera in a cab once. I called the taxi company and a couple of days later, got a call and the camera was returned to me.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 October 2012 - 15:49
what field are you in?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 October 2012 - 15:31
AUH is not the best place to be looking for a job. The market is completely saturated, government contracts have all but dried up, the cost of living is expensive and yes, you can stay in Abu Dhabi as a tourist for 30 days but you certainly cannot work unless you are sponsored Good luck
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 18 October 2012 - 12:04
last week I was ill and basically I sat on the couch for 5 days straight. Our helper was on a mission, the house has NEVER been so clean, all the ironing done daily and in the closets, kitchen cupboards organised and expired stuff in the bin, kids playroom organised, windows cleaned and on top of that she took on extra duties of cooking for the kids, making their lunch in the morning, kindly providing me with cups of tea during the day and bathing the kids in the evening. She still had her rest during the day and worked a little bit later in the evening to help with the kids. This week I am back to normal and off and doing my daily routine ..... it's Thursday and the ironing basket is back to it's normal overflowing, the fridge is one massive mess, there is gunk on one of the cupboard doors (which I purposely left there to see how many days it will take her to clean). What the heck !! I think because you were actually there for 5 days, she had to work. As soon as you are out of the house....... well
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 15:51
It teaches them how to control the pen and take notes quickly!
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 12:15
LL gives MFRE authority to rent on his behalf, sign contract and collect cheques. This is for a year at a time though they are bound by same rules as tenancy contracts i.e. they have to renew for the 2nd year at the same rate etc MFRE then rents to tenant. Though the contract has the LL's name it also states that it is managed by MFRE, has MFRE stamp and signature of MFRE. In my case, my tenancy agreement period exceeds the period of the LL & MFRE agreement but as LL and MFRE both 'intended' to renew this doesn't matter. They are now using this 'expired' agreement to evict me. Oh ok, I see
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 11:48
The only toothpaste mine like is Colgate cool mint which is a blue gel with little sparkles in it. You can get it at Spinneys. It's an adult toothpaste so has a higher fluoride level which is really important over here, but has a milder flavour than most. thanks. I'll give it a go.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 11:42
Sorry to sound a little ignorant on the issue but I haven't really been following these scams that much. Have the rental contracts under dispute been signed by the Landlords or were they contracts between the tenant and Mark Falcon?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 10:56
My 5.5 year old refuses to brush her teeth with anything other than the "pink" toothpaste we have been using from overseas ( which I hear is not particularly good for her when she gets her permanent teeth through). I have tried all sorts of brands and flavors off the shelf here and she doesn't like any of them. Can anybody recommend a tasteless toothpaste that is actually good for children's teeth? TIA
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 17 October 2012 - 08:32
The rental market in some areas has gone up slightly. This is due to many factors, including but not limited to end users taking advantage of the low prices over the past 2-3 years to buy homes to live in hence less stock available for rent and the Arab Spring and the instability in the region which has pushed people to invest money outside their borders. This is not true of all areas but some of the more established ones have seen rents increase. However, this certainly should not be taken as a sign that the Dubai Economy is growing or even doing well. I was at an event last night and had a very interesting chat with a friend of mine who works in a (huge) International Law firm based in Abu Dhabi. She told me that they were closing down the operation in Abu Dhabi and only keeping a skeleton team in Dubai. The rest were being redeployed. When I asked why, she said that their were no deals at all to underwrite and that things were VERY, VERY quiet in the region despite what the papers say. All government contracts have dried up, not just in the UAE but in the region. Many of the Financial services companies are also laying off staff at the end of this year and I have that on good authority. I think people should be very very cautious about the bubble bursting again. Europe is seriously about to implode, there is in all likelyhood a chance that the Republicans will take office in the USA which may not bode well for the ME and apart from tourism, there is very little happening in the UAE. Please be realistic!
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 October 2012 - 12:51
'Whistle Baby' v 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' of my childhood. OMG, it is totally disturbing listening to my 4yo 'baby' sing the lyrics to WhistleBaby, I know she doesn't get the innuendo, but still, ahhhhh !! It is my 5 year old's favorite song along with Pound the Alarm. Luckily she actually thinks that song is about someone blowing an actual whistle :-)
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 16 October 2012 - 11:41
I saw some this weekend at the Time Square Mall market place. I think I also saw them at Ibn Battuta at the Kas shop.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 16:04
what? as if:\:
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 14:26
I called Ethiopian Embassy yesterday for maid visa question, and as it stands, UAE has been banned from employing maids from there, so they won't be able to come out here anyways. I, too, had someone I was keen on from there but can do nothing about it. Are you sure it is not the other way around? Many countries are making it hard for their people to move abroad to countries such as Saudi, UAE because of the abuse and lack of rights
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 14:21
We had huge problems with Damas roots infiltrating our downstairs bathroom where we used to live. One day, I open the cupboard under the sink to get some new toothbrushes out for the kids and found a lovely tree inside. The roots were also growing under the bath and had completely cracked the tub. The new owners had them removed asap when they bought the house.
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 12:34
It's a particularly animated animation, Derien :) Don't know what to say, maybe try in another browser? Got IT onto it! It's because I don't have the updated Java... Phew I was beginning to think I was being singled out by Google!
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 12:13
Derien, do you usually see animations on Google logos? This is strange, as the rest of us see animation when we click today's logo, then an arrow on the bottom right hand side of the panel, which when clicked produces another animation and then so on and so on to Winsor McCay.. I defintitely don't see any animation. Just the logo. Is something supposed to move?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 11:59
[url=https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww '>link[/url'> What do you get if you click on that link? edited by simpleasabc on 15/10/2012 I get Little Nemo in Slumberland Thats the one.. click on it, let it do its thing then when an arrow appears at the bottom then click and so on... I feel silly but I don't see an arrow. I clicked on the logo, it took me to Wiki and the bio of Widsor McCay. OKay? But is anything else supposed to happen?
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 11:47
[url=https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?hl=en&tab=ww '>link[/url'> What do you get if you click on that link? edited by simpleasabc on 15/10/2012 I get Little Nemo in Slumberland
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 11:38
All I see is the Google logo for Windor McKay. Or is someone pulling my leg? LOL
1575
Posts
EW EXPERT
Latest post on 15 October 2012 - 11:31
Sorry but where exactly does it appear on the Google homepage?