DesertRose1958

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 08 January 2013 - 09:07

I dont think it does all come down to salary. You can pay people very well but if outside forces are at work on their mind and telling them oh you'll get more if you run away and do this that or the other, or if they're convincing themselves of it, nothing will stop them going.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 January 2013 - 23:47

I also check my Maid's room regularly for cleanliness and signs of other things. However, that didn't stop her - I took her passport out of the safe yesterday morning and put it in my personal cupboard with all her other paper work to go to immigration this afternoon to renew her visa (upon her request). Woke up this morning to no maid!!! She had gone through my personal cupboard yesterday while I was at work and found her passport and bolted durning the night last night. We had NO indications that she w even unhappy with us!!!!!! What to do!!??!! Have made a case against her with the police but it costs 1500aed to black list her - on top of the small things, including small 24ct gold stud earrings, she stole from my room and loosing the 5070aed security I paid. and, worst of all, in the interim of finding a new maid, who will look after my 8 year DD in the afternoons till I arrive home from work????? Arghhhhhhhhh!!!! Pleae dont put it down to her being unhappy with you. These ladies come from the land of dog eat dog and for the most part they have no thoughts whatsover about moving on till pastures new if there is the slightest chance of an improvement in their life - even if its a very much a case of the grass is always greener on the other side ;) if you live in a dog eat dog society its kind of ingrained in you from an early age that honesty isnt the way forward - that deceit and expecting the worst of others is. Please dont be too upset, and I really hope you can get someone to look after your little one after school

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 January 2013 - 15:12

I check my maids room and have always done. I told her that I will be making regular checks and she accepts that. Ive had maids who have stored food under the bed and forgotten about it and the room was so smelly and the air around it that the maid got sick. it was a plate of half eaten rice with soup. Ive had a maid who thought it was perfectly acceptable to ' take ' my half used toilettries and cosmetics ' because madam can buy new ones. I think people can very easily be mislead into assuming that just because a maid may keep an employers house to the standard required - it also means they carry on the practice in their own rooms. My lot have rooms outside of the house but they know that once a week I expect to see their rooms being turned upside down by way of getting a good clean. It means furniture out in the garden if it can be moved, wardrobes and chest of drawers cleaned behind, ac's cleaned, fans cleaned, their bathrooms cleaned from top to bottom including the tiles right up to the ceiling. Its usually done the afternoon/early evening prior to their day off, when they start to wind down a bit anyway. My kids have all had to do it as well, even the one who just got married last week. She was doing it till the week she left home. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 08/01/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 January 2013 - 21:21

No way !!! Would you like your employer to snoop round your bedroom? I'd look upon it as the employers right to see whats what in any bedroom in their home that's being used by an employee. If a person lives with me - they live to my standards regardless of who they are. As for looking in drawers and the likes - no, I wouldnt unless I had a very very very good reason to.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 January 2013 - 21:21

No way !!! Would you like your employer to snoop round your bedroom? I'd look upon it as the employers right to see whats what in any bedroom in their home that's being used by an employee. If a person lives with me - they live to my standards regardless of who they are. As for looking in drawers and the likes - no, I wouldnt unless I had a very very very good reason to.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 January 2013 - 20:46

You're really more upset about a hand gesture rather than the bad driving? Living in Chicago I just got used to it...told myself they're just telling me that I'm #1 :D Lol yes!...I can't see why people get so wound up about a middle finger. Yeah it's against the law blah blah blah, there are much bigger fish to fry! You dont see why people get wound when they're given the middle finger? So you think there's nothing wrong with someone signalling to you that they'd like to insert their finger into a certain part of your anatomy? I dont believe you for a minute. I think what you posted was the kind of answer that can be expected of you at times just for the sake of it. No, it's the kind of answer and opinion that many others have shared. I don't let petty things like bad drivers' hand gestures keep me up at night. Believe me now? No. I will say it again. I think its the kind of answer that can be expected from you times just for the sake of it.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 January 2013 - 20:07

You're really more upset about a hand gesture rather than the bad driving? Living in Chicago I just got used to it...told myself they're just telling me that I'm #1 :D Lol yes!...I can't see why people get so wound up about a middle finger. Yeah it's against the law blah blah blah, there are much bigger fish to fry! You dont see why people get wound when they're given the middle finger? So you think there's nothing wrong with someone signalling to you that they'd like to insert their finger into a certain part of your anatomy? I dont believe you for a minute. I think what you posted was the kind of answer that can be expected of you at times just for the sake of it.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 January 2013 - 22:58

Thanks for your replies I do hope it is anxiety he does worry a lot about fitting in and what his peers think about him etc so that does fit in. I will see how it goes but speak to my GP in the mean time. I'll second what Hairy Mclairy has said about anxiety causing symptoms that can be confused with OCD. I have a child who is severely autistic and he lives with rituals to quite an extent, but then they seemed to gain feet and legs and I though he'd developed OCD. He hadnt and he was diagnosed with anxiety instead. It had us fooled for quite some time tho. There are ways you can tell if its an OCD ritual or a habit thats gotten out of hand so to speak, its something to do with how much pleasure or distress the ritual causes, how long they take up in a day, what happens if the ritual is disturbed, do they interrupt the events of a normal day. One other thing - keep a detailed log of the behaviours to take to the docs with you. I copied this info from something I saved last year, it might help you think about what to take to the docs with you. As soon as you begin to see a pattern of OCD behaviors in your child, begin a symptom log, noting behaviors, with days and times, and situations, these are also called triggers, that set them off. Include length of event, and your child's anxiety or fear level, also called a fear thermometer, at the time of her symptoms. A symptom log will help you and your mental healthcare provider better evaluate whether your child has OCD and the degree of its severity. hth :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 05/01/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 January 2013 - 22:55

Unfortunately, here, like everywhere, some parents are too busy working and/or socialising to worry about where their kids are during vacations. They leave their kids in the charges of nannies and maids who are too scared to control them in case the kids complain about them and the maids/nannies loose their jobs. This is a problem of all affluent societies. Kids need their parents and need discipline and many don't see enough of either in my opinion. And even when children have their parents and discipline they can still be the ones who are doing the naughty things. Its the very nature of some of the wee beasties. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 02/01/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 December 2012 - 17:25

Thanks for telling us about it Desert Rose, it sounds wonderful, so glad it went off perfectly in the end :) "The Dress" got sorted in the end? ;) Hi there, the dress kind of got sorted but on the inside, so that when she bent down her bits weren't on display. A local tailor fashioned a drawstring to the lining and when she put the dress on - we pulled. It was very basic but it worked. The top layer of the dress though was still too big. However, and in her own words - I really couldn't care less mum. :D :D No-one noticed but no thanks to The Wedding Shop Dubai who's tailor is useless, She didnt know the dress couldnt be taken in a bit despite her saying it could - it would have meant the dress being dismantled and not just a nip and tuck. Couldnt see what it was that had gone wrong when she attempted something she shouldn't have. Just basically didnt have a clue whatsoever because she really is nothing more than someone who maybe on a good day could machine stitch a straight line. Apart from that - thanks for the good wishes ladies. My daughter is very happy and seemingly my son in laws grumpy old granny :) who never has a good word to say about anyone marrying into the family adores her - so all is well in loved up land.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 December 2012 - 08:01

Hilsbils, what a dreadful thing to be going through. I have two sets of friends in the UK who've recently gone through the UK adoption process. Its gruelling, absolutely gruelling, and at any stage it can just come to an end. There's no certainty about the outcome till it gets to the all important panel, and if they decide no, then thats it. Even if others have said 'yes' this should go ahead. One of the couples have taken to parenthood like ducks to water, they love their children, they feel connected to them, they are a family. The other couple are struggling and the husband is being treated for PTSD. They say things are slowly getting better and they are determined they are keeping the children - but they admit to looking at the children and not feeling that they're theirs. I think it will all come ok in the end, Christmas has been a good one, and its started to feel right at times throughout the day - but its been a very difficult road for them to walk.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 December 2012 - 07:27

I got an appointment with my gynae tonight and she said to come off it straight away. Didn't realise exactly how bad it was affecting me until I sat there in tears in her office going through all the symptoms. Only contraception option is the copper coil or condoms due to the blood clotting issue. Nomad- if you don't mind me asking, are these your only options too? Would the Mirena Coil be a possibilty for you?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 December 2012 - 07:09

Normally a maid is supposed to get 30 days annual leave. I don't think it's fair to send her home for a week after 2 years of working for you. after her 2 years, she will be going for 60 days (starting November 2013). I cant decide to send her for a week now to see her mother. There is no way on this earth that she will go for a week then come back, or be allowed to come back by her family. Also, the bit about her getting cash for a part of her ticket if she choses to leave you - why? You think i am being naive? And the cash part if she decides to leave, well, Im not sure about it, i just thought it sounded right (not in the contract). If she leaves then that's it. You only pay for her to go home.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 December 2012 - 06:51

Hi :) It was absolutely fabulous. We did the Malkha night with an Arabian Night theme in a local hotel. My girl was wearing traditional Omani dress from her dads region and it seemed the right way to go decor wise. She looked beautiful, just stunning. I had a dvd of the Mosque ceremony sent to the hotel and it was played so that when it finished the doors to the hall opened and in she came. Only she got cold feet and half way through the 10 minute tape word came she wanted her mum and sister. :D Anyway the dvd finished and her music started and her legs wouldnt work so we had to take her in. She just would not go alone so we went with her. :D She was still a bit wobbly but half way down she said I can go alone now and off she went. I'm told that her being brought in by her mum and sister caused quite a few tears in the place :) We then had dinner and an hour after she arrived - her husband did. It was magnificent. He came with his cousins and best friends and the place went wild. There followed 2 hours of hooting and hollering and dancing and for the last 45 mins close male relatives were in the hall with us, even my lot who'd come from the Uk. We didnt have western music because it didnt go with the theme but someone told the dj to put on the Gangam song and the next thing my daughter and her husband jumped down from the stage and danced to it. It wasnt planned it just happened and so exciting it was - that just before the end his very devout dad got in the middle of the circle and copied what was going on. It really was something to see, and I'll never forget it. :D At the end we had to put the lights out to get people to go home. We started early, I was determined she'd be in by 9 and him by 10 and I know it didn't go down well in certain quarters but if I hadnt done that and been a real pain about it - the fun stuff would not have happened because people would have left. Anyway, a few of his aunties said afterwards we wish we were as strong as you when our daughters got married, so I think I've been forgiven for insisting on sticking to 'time'. We didnt wait for anyone and as it happens out of a crowd of about 350 people only 6 or 7 got there after her. I think world spread - that you had better get here now cos they really mean it, they will close the doors when they said. :DF Thursday night was at my house and it was nearly rained off in the afternoon when we were hit by a sudden storm and a wind so strong we were out on the road chasing decorations, and fishing chairs out of the pool. I wanted to shoot myself. We had a bride and an 8 foot veil and I thought to myself thank god her name isnt Dorothy. Anyway my son got us a detailed weather report and 2 hours before kick off we knew we could go ahead with things, so there we were all running around setting up the garden again for 150 people. We did it. And praise be, the electricity that had been going off all afternoon because of the weather - stayed on. So just half an hour late she came down the stairs and she looked stunning. I'd organised a piper as a surprise and she was piped from her bedroom down through the house and round the garden and pool to her husband who was waiting on the dance floor for her. She was told to just follow the piper because of course her arrival had changed and she did, she did look a bit surprised though when the piper started up outside her bedroom door. :D So she got to the dance floor, he lifted her veil, they cut the cake, had photos taken and then the piper piped us to he Buffet with this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFv-RZ3mSD. Its relevent to where I'm from in the UK, we had Dundonians at the wedding and it just seemed right. There folllowed much hilarity and I believe they left the garden at about 2pm in his FJCruiser that had been decorated to the hilt local style. She was determined she was leaving in it and I'm glad she did. I think the garden lights were switched off at about 3am but I'm not really sure cos by 11.30 I was in bed fast asleep. :D Once the grooms mum left - so did I. My grandchildren danced both nights away, they were little stars. My brother caused quite a stir in his full highland dress. The bride and groom were beautiful and very very happy. It was all just perfect :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 December 2012 - 23:27

Normally a maid is supposed to get 30 days annual leave. I don't think it's fair to send her home for a week after 2 years of working for you. after her 2 years, she will be going for 60 days (starting November 2013). I cant decide to send her for a week now to see her mother. There is no way on this earth that she will go for a week then come back, or be allowed to come back by her family. Also, the bit about her getting cash for a part of her ticket if she choses to leave you - why?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 December 2012 - 23:22

I would take her to the clinic even if its only to be told 'yes it is mumps and she should not travel because of the risk she could post to people from under developed countries who may not have had the advantage of vaccines'.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 December 2012 - 23:13

TDB, this has disaster waiting to happen written all over it and if your husband cant or wont put a stop to it - then you have to. Its all well and good being understanding etc, and I more than understand how brothers can want to give their sisters a bit of a life, my sons have done the same thing with their sisters - but this is going too far. Way too far!!!!! When the time comes for the proverbial to hit the fan, and it will, the resulting mess is going to be way more than you could have ever imagined - and not just because your SIL is in no way mature (or grateful) enough to handle what your husband are trying to give her. She is taking total and complete advantage of you and him. It matter not a jot that what she is doing isn't acceptable in this part of the world - what she is doing isnt desirable in any part of the world. Not coming home all night!!!!!! Yes it may be acceptable - but is it really something a person wants their daughter to do, or is it something a person would rather the girl next door was doing? She's there to help with the baby? I'm surprised you fell for that :D eta - and trust me on this next bit. You're husband will so not be held repsonsible for anything that happens next. You are a scapegoat just waiting in the wings!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 28/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 22 December 2012 - 23:47

What's the problem? When camel beauty contests are being judged, wider clefts between the camels' toes *do* count for more. It's only a "bad taste discussion" if you've got a filthy mind to start with. My mother wouldn't have the faintest idea that the expression "camel toe" applied to anything other than the toe of a camel. Thanks for that inciteful contribution Madge. But what she has said in spot on. It would only be a discussion in bad taste if you knew what a camel toe was. Lots of people probably listened to it and found it interesting.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 22 December 2012 - 21:22

Nippy, I think there must be many women here who have found this story absolutely harrowing and who read your post in tears. But my oh my oh my to have been a fly on the wall when you told him where you were :D Good luck in your new life and many many best wishes to you and your children. You really are quite something :) :) xxxxx <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 22 December 2012 - 06:40

Wouldn't it be easier to get two smaller ones? Just thinking of the cooking time for such a large bird and that it might become very difficult to keep it moist. Thats what I did. 2 of about 5kg each. It means more leg meat because in my house thats what people prefer.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 21 December 2012 - 20:40

Sorry a bit of a drift here......how are you doing DR ? Have been thinking of you and the upcoming wedding. Oh thank you my lovely internet friend who I think I would get on with very well in real life :) How am I? Well currently laid up with a horrible virus and a chest infection. Its very much a case of **** mend me to be honest because I ignored things way too long and now I wish I hadnt. The wedding plans are done and dusted now, as are the preparations for Christmas and a couple of households worth of visitors. I had a mini meltdown today because I got in a panic but just half an hour ago I said to my eldest on the phone - I'm starting to feel excited. My lovely boy has also been not well at all and as a result he's found his day very hard. He makes us laugh. If he's just a bit under the weather he has a panadol. If he's a bit 'under the weather plus' he asks for socks and slipper. If he's really not well he asks for a bowl of hot water to soak his feet in and a towel over his head - a la cartoon style. This time we got to defcom 2 with him :D Bless him, he can hardly communicate but my goodness he lets us know whats going on with him in other ways. He's all excited about day two of the wedding, the mr and mrs at home, and he wants a suit. Chance will be a fine thing given he is built like lurch :D

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 21 December 2012 - 20:26

Nippy has been on my mind as well, especially yesterday. I hope she's as ok as can be expected under these most awful of circumstances.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 21 December 2012 - 17:19

I worked in this field in the UK and one of the strategies we used to employ was to suggest the youngsters used for eg ice cubes instead of cutting or putting a rubber band on their wrist and pulling it. Both options could inflict pain but without the risk of infection or scarring. Obviously doesn't solve the underlying issues but it's worth considering. We also used to suggest to parents that they left antiseptics, cotton pads and band aids in the bathroom. Sadly, it was very much on the increase in youngsters in UK and in the school I worked most form groups had at least a couple of students who were self-harming. Good luck. I'm not a pyschologist but if you want to pm me then it's my username at hotmail.com. My friend in the Uk has a daughter who is now a 'looked after child' because of the decline in her mental health and general well being over the last year. She's now 16. She was telling me just yesterday that her girl has been taught to use the ice cube method when she's struggling with things. She said it has been quite effective.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 December 2012 - 16:29

A few drops of citronella added to the tea tree oil works really well also. I can recall standing in front of the mirror one day and there climbing up my fringe was a big fat juicy lice. I was so shocked I closed the curtains in case the neighbours saw it!!!!!!!! We didnt even have neighbours.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 December 2012 - 11:19

Also for the women called him selfish and a child etc, HOW on earth do you know this?? There's nothing in OP's post that suggests this. Don't transpose. Telling a person to fight for your love can be, and often is, a persons way of controlling and bullying the other person in a relationship. It can be their way of making sure everything in their life is as they want it, they take and take and take and give nothing in return because thats they way they've managed to get the cookie to crumble. They can become bottomless pits on the receiving end of a loved ones efforts . To tell someone they have to fight for a loved ones love is cruel. To say lets fight for our marriage together is a very different thing. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 December 2012 - 23:10

We have been out and talked things through, and alot appears to be my fault apparently, not being affectionate or intimate. Well come on I am working fulltime and bringing up 3 children and making a career for myself. He states he came out here in the hope it would benefit our marriage yet I was completely unaware of this. As a family we have been here for nearly 3 years now and only the last year has our marriage felt the strain. When we first discussed the issues I was optimistic about working things through and greatful that we had communicated our issues, but as time has gone by I find myself devastated, insecure, paranoid and now angry. Lisa, your husband has been unsettled for about 6 years so he perhaps thought to himself that rather than say this to my wife, or perhaps he couldnt because he didnt really know himself what he was unsettled about, he decided a move would do the family good. He then had 9 months here on his own and its just possible he preferred living apart, but he wanted to see how things would be once you got here and he gave things a go. Now he knows for sure what he probably knew 6 years ago, only this time he has said it. Dont let him pin all the blame on you in this, he hasnt behaved very well at all. Perhaps you could just say to him you're not fighting singlehandedly for your life together and you want to know what he'll be doing from his corner. It really does take two to tango.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 December 2012 - 22:41

There cant be many people who'd react kindly to being told they have to fight for their spouses love. I totally get how you feel and I dont think I could get past it, or want to get past it. Your husband says you didn listen to him when he was saying the spark was gone - well perhaps he wasnt speaking loudly enough because you'd have to be very deaf, or very dense to have not heard or noticed something in the six years. Does he feel as if he has any part in the stage things have got to. Did the start of the 6 years of unhappiness coincide with your husband being here alone for 9 months. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 December 2012 - 07:08

You would have to track Wayne Smith down as I dont know which clinics he works from anymore, he has extensive experience working with children and is trained in some of the best hospitals world wide.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 December 2012 - 07:05

TGB, when the wee one drops off to sleep during her feeds just massage her cheek to start her feeding again. And that's a beautiful name you've chosen for your darling girl. ;)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 December 2012 - 16:48

45. I buy my shoes from zappos.com.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 December 2012 - 16:45

My friend has 4 kids and over the years shes put on an unwanted 35 kilos which she has always struggled to lose. Her schedule is very busy and shes a working mum and when shes home she dedicates all her time to her very energetic children. After trying to shed the weight with no luck for years now she's thinking of having gastric band surgery to help her lose the weight. Can anybody recommend a good doctor or for or share their experiences please. Thanks! I had the band done but not in Dubai. I've never regretted it. As far as I'm aware its not so much as to how overweight you are but what your BMI is. Also, a gastric band isnt just something you can say you'll have, it also very much depends on what kind of an over-eater you are and this is why a person is asked very detailed questions regarding what they eat, how much, and when. They will even be asked, if the person they are talking to is good , whether they chew their food or just gulp it down without it touching the sides so to speak. So a person could want the band but get told they'd be better off with a gastric sleeve procedure or a bypass. This is a topic that is liable to bring people out the worst in people because it seems so many know someone who knew someone who knew someone etc etc etc who had a bad experience. Its not my experience, or that of the people I know who've also had the band. Suffice to say if this topic does not go pear shaped :D I'll be pleasantly surprised :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 December 2012 - 08:10

Hello Nippy, a lot of ladies here have been left shaken by what you're going through and are thinking of you often throughout the day. xxx

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 16:12

She had her baby girl yesterday and is doing well! :) Lovely :)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 14:14

Nippy 35, if he uses a computer at home, take this one with you, as there are programs you can download - do some search online based on the operating system you have - that retrieve your usernames and passwords and internet history.... this will help you have an insight of what was happening when you are not arround.... .. edited by Gorobattie on 17/12/2012 Wow, you should be a private detective Gora :) :)I'll remember this bit of advice if anyone I know is ever in a similair situation to Nippy. DR... I did this with my situation....I was surprised of what I did see on that woman's computer!! until I have an ending to what is going on...I can't say much.... PS.. I am not a tech savvy person...just a a house wife. edited by Gorobattie on 17/12/2012 Oh dear GB, that really doesnt sound good at all. :( I'm not tech savvy either, and like you 'just' ;) a housewife, but I would never in a million years have thought of comandeering the computer. :D

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 14:02

Nippy 35, if he uses a computer at home, take this one with you, as there are programs you can download - do some search online based on the operating system you have - that retrieve your usernames and passwords and internet history.... this will help you have an insight of what was happening when you are not arround.... .. edited by Gorobattie on 17/12/2012 Wow, you should be a private detective Gora :) :)I'll remember this bit of advice if anyone I know is ever in a similair situation to Nippy.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 December 2012 - 09:03

Oh, thats is so not good to hear DR. Will she be moving far from you? Big hugs, the wedding will be fine and beautiful. Rescue Remedy maybe? I'm flying in a day and already swallowing gallons of the stuff! It does help. Yes, quite far, about 10 mins down the road. :D And rescue remedy it is. I have some, just forgot to use it. :) xxxx

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 23:11

Are there forums in UK/Europe for expats living there to complain about the most mundane trivial things? Do people really get upset about these things back home too? People don't do nasty things like this in the UK! Biting the heads off cucumbers - urrghhh! So not British! :-P Oh I am sure in the UK people do other types of nasty stuff lol. Yes they do. I'm sure I'm not the only person who bites the heads off all the babies in a packet of jelly babies before eating the remainder of them. There's just something about decapitated jelly babies that hits the right spot.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 22:54

Yes, I have a contact here and a contact in the UK... He stopped paying the CSA as soon as we left the country we live in a country were UK laws can't touch him with CSA payments.. However, the case will still be open in the UK, he can't ever live back in the UK for this reason and the debts he did in his previous marriage, and they too haven't been paid either! Nippy, do you actually hold out much hope of getting anything from him? Do you think he will treat you differently from how he treated his previous wife and children? Dont forget that the best measure of future behaviour is past behaviour. Do you have family you can go home to and would they help you over this nightmare?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 22:50

DesertRose; it's not surprising, in several countries the courts accept to dissolve a marriage that has been celebrated in a foreign country on the basis of the place of residence of the couple at the time of the request for divorce. Ah ok, I honestly didn't know this could happen. Or maybe I did but its the way that its being done that has shocked me, and made me think it all must be a mistake. What a horrible thing to do to someone.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 22:47

:D I think in 6 weeks or so they'll be about 4 months, so if it does work out that it's ok with the carer then they'll only be a month or so off being old enough to have their wee op. If they're still with me I'd be taking them in as a job lot...the vets lurve me;) All the best for the wedding, and a happy christmas desertrose. We'll see you in the new year. x I spoke with her and its OK. So see you soon and thanks for the good wishes re the wedding. I'm actually feeling quite ill about it all now :D I dont know whats happened to me. :D Wakening up with panic attacks, the lot. :D Seriously though, I dont know what we'll do without this little munchkin around and its more than likely to be this thats bothering me than the actual days of the wedding. Merry Christmas to you and yours, and a Happy New Year also.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 22:32

I'm with AnonDubai, can't see any reason for you to stay even until Thursday. If I was in your position I would be getting on a plane home tomorrow! What do you have to gain from attending court on Thursday? Nothing it seems to me, and I am certain that if he told you about this on Wednesday he can't 'force' you to attend Court one week later to sign for divorce. Do you want to stay here in the long run? Do you work here? Do you have access to any funds here? Will he pay school fees when next due? I can see absolutely no reason for you to stay. He is scared you will leave, why? Because it's in his interests for you to stay, not his. Can you go home, stay with family, get your children enrolled in a local school, and take it from there? You don't need to buy property you can rent. Seek advice back home, he will least be expecting this. I totally get what you and AnonDubai are saying. Its my worry that once she goes from here all chance of getting a penny from him goes as well. There's also something I dont understand - how can the courts here divorce a couple married in the UK. Can they really do that? If a couple were married in the registrars for eg in the UK can a court here really dissolve that marriage. I find that totally mind boggling.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 15:49

Ginnee, maybe because it was about collecting medication. I understand the intent behind it, you really are doing a very wonderful thing, but I would imagine there's safety issues to be taken into account with the likes of medication. I had a cousin shot dead in Beirut in the early 80's, she was taking her children to school. Anyway, its a long time ago now and her widower and children still live there, in fact she'd be a granny now - I'd like to hear about your charity.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 15:49

Ginnee, maybe because it was about collecting medication. I understand the intent behind it, you really are doing a very wonderful thing, but I would imagine there's safety issues to be taken into account with the likes of medication. I had a cousin shot dead in Beirut in the early 80's, she was taking her children to school. Anyway, its a long time ago now and her widower and children still live there, in fact she'd be a granny now - I'd like to hear about your charity.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 15:38

Can you say you're not going home next week as you've decided to seek legal representation? Do you have any friends nearby who could even just make you a cuppa? <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 15:34

at 2 women who were spraying the deodorants around testing them! Needless to say they didn't give a wotsit and the fact they'd 'only sprayed twice' made it OK! Did they buy one? Of course not! Do I feel better? Sadly no lol! It's been one of 'those' days - DD1 has bumped her car in a carpark, DD2 has come home sick and now I have to go and re-register the car :( Oh and what about when its decided the opened and tested spray is good enough to buy, gets put back on the shelf cos its not full anymore - and a completely new spray gets taken to the checkout. I hope your day gets better. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2012</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 December 2012 - 15:23

Many people have recommended Carol Alderton in the past, she seems to know what she's doing and until you have seen her please dont sign or agree to another thing. Your husband is bullying you and counting on your lack of knowledge to railroad you into an agreement. I would put money on this being because he knows if you go to the law you'll be told what your rights are - and that they're not what would suit him. The reality is that if you go back to the UK and he decides to not send you a penny - you are stuffed. What a horrible thing to be going through, and I hope you see some light at the end of the tunnel real soon.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 December 2012 - 20:28

There is a stall at Festival City, just under Ikea, selling baklava. It's nicely packaged in boxes so easy to transport I was just going to suggest this stall but only because the sweets very much look the part and I'm sorry I didnt buy some a few days ago but I was in a hurry and there was quite a queue.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 December 2012 - 18:40

I hope so too. He did tell me he offered her a higher salary and doesnt understand why she wont stay with them! Thanks so much desertrose for all your advise. Would you believe these are all things were doing. For example 1pm he had a great 120ml feed, play time and he started to rub his eyes so we swaddled him, got the white noise and rocked him but he just got so aggy! Hes still up fighting the sleep! Maybe its just a 4 month thing. I hear it get better after 6 months. :D

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 December 2012 - 18:40

I hope so too. He did tell me he offered her a higher salary and doesnt understand why she wont stay with them! Thanks so much desertrose for all your advise. Would you believe these are all things were doing. For example 1pm he had a great 120ml feed, play time and he started to rub his eyes so we swaddled him, got the white noise and rocked him but he just got so aggy! Hes still up fighting the sleep! Maybe its just a 4 month thing. I hear it get better after 6 months. :D

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 15 December 2012 - 18:35

Most of my friends in inter cultural marriages ( not sure of the proper term either just going by the movie title ) have daughters whom have had many proposals and even engagements but at the 11rh hour it never comes to fruition. That happens regardless of ethnicity - People can only say no thank you once they've started the process of maybe saying yes. I remember one proposal we had, I still cringe about it to this day as well as laugh. A neighbour came to the house and said someone he knew at work wanted to come and propose for our daughter, he was apologetic because he didnt think it was the right time for her but he'd had to come and go through the procedure anyway. So my husband sat the neighbour down and just towards the end of the proceedings the pizza man arrived and I was asked by the kids for the pizza money - and for some reason I thought I was being asked for something like the equivalent of 87dhms for our neighbour. I got the money together and went into the majlis and handed it to my husband who asked what it was for and I said - for Hassan. My husband sat there with the money in his hand and said what, and i said - its Hassans payment for coming tonight, its what you have to do seemingly. He gets 87dhms for coming here tonight. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 15/12/2012</em>

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