DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 11:33
I deleted my post because I didnt realise the ref was to the 2018 in the original till you and beebers mentioned counting. I felt I had gone off on a tangent - again :D Im not up on US politics but I'm feeling that the monochrome picture wouldnt be for me. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 10:40
I think thats a question for a Dr. but in the meantime you could google 'teenagers and sleep' to ensure that everything practical is beind done to ensure she at least has a chance of getting off to sleep unaided. I think one of the common problems associated with teenagers and sleep is that we can think of them as being a big boy or girl now and therefore supervision at bed time is seen not to be so important. We dont want to baby them but its something I was really strict about, and just last night we were talking about at how even in their last year of school my kids had to be in bed at 9 on a school night with lights out 9.30 and everying in the room switched off. Interestingly this conversation came about when my daughter who's a grade 4 teacher was talking about how tired some children are in the mornings, the bedtimes they have and no routine leading up to it. Honestly, if you havent got tough about the hours and routine leading up to your girls bedtime - now maybe be a good time to start. It wont be easy given how teenagers can be - so I wish you luck :) edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 10:21
Probably not; i live in between 4 masjids and i very rarely sleep through Fujr prayer. Personally, i find the athan beautiful and would never dream of asking them to turn it down. I actually find the thought of doing so disrespectful. I also find it beautiful and miss hearing it when not at home, but I dont for a minute think its disrespectful to ask for the volume to be lowered if its being broadcasted too loud. Neither do my husband/children/in-laws who are all Muslim. The latter dont report it to anyone 'official' because they dont have to - the speak to the Imam when they go to pray. But thats not an option available to everyone so if there's a number to call - then do so. All these things that are supposed to be 'disrespectful' - the list just goes on and on and on with much on the list not actually being considered disrespectful by Muslims.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 06:36
I just read some of the comments to this article and am feeling pretty stupid about the ketchup cups. Do they work the same in Dubai? Thats another stupid thing I dont know, isnt it? I have never seen those types of ketchup containers anywhere, and I wouldn't know that they fan out either, I've only ever seen the sachet ones. Ketchup cup - is that EW talk for a mooncup? They dont fan out and the come in a box but I havent seem them in Dubai. You can get them online but I wouldnt want to have to explain that one to a guy in the post office. It reminds me of the time we were in greece and my husband was trying to explain to a chemist half way up a mountain that I wanted tampons - the guy gave him pile suppositories instead. I was only thankful he didnt think he was trying to buy a mooncup - he would probably have tried to sell him one of the umberellas he had in a corner. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 November 2012 - 15:02
Thank you for the good wishes ladies. Im hoping the wee one will make a full recovery. Amelia, I'm happy your son is now fit and well and a ripe old age, thank you for taking the time to tell me about him. I'm really pleased with the treatment the wee one is gettting, he's in the university hospital here in Oman and the treatment is world class. I think the WHO? calls it the 'gold standard' treatment plan for those with this condition. Sadly its our 3rd time in oncology in two years, 3 of the ladies in our family have had breast cancer, but even their treatment was fantastic, world class in fact. We still dont understand how it turned the way it did so quickly tho. Saying it was a nightmare just doesnt cover it.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 November 2012 - 12:17
AXA do it.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 November 2012 - 09:16
I am getting married in 2 months but we would only like it to be simple but a memorable one for 20 to 40 people. Has anyone hired a wedding planner?, we are thinking of maybe we will do the reception from home hire a caterer and a decorator?, Or do a reception in the hotel?... any advice for a great budget wedding? Thanks in advance :) If you have the reception at a hotel you wont need a wedding planner because the hotel will do most of the things for you. You might just have to organise your favors yourself and thats easily done via the internet and shopn'ship - or companies who'll mail things directly to you. And if you have specific idea as to how you want your flowers to look - go to a florist of your choice. The whole thing isnt difficult at all. Re a home event. My daughter gets married in December and the first night is in a hotel, the second night is a reception at home for 150 people and for that I've got a planner in (mind you she's also doing some of the first night as well but thats only because we have about 350 people given the groom has a big family) . I hired the planner because I didnt want the hassle of finding things like a dance floor and the specific chairs we want on the night, so if you dont mind doing that kind of thing I think for 30-40 people you could manage things yourseld. But then again do you really want to be bothered on the day being the hostess as well as the bride, and you would have to host to quite an extent without someone like a planner to help you. I know what its like when we have family lunches in the garden for 30 or 40 of the family - I still have to look after things and I'm always up and about doing something. I think for ease - I would go with the planner unless you have family or friends who can each be given a job to do, to save you from doing it.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 November 2012 - 09:05
thanks for the good wishes Betty, its my right hand mans little boy. You know, the bloke who's been with us for almost 25 years now. The wee one is 3 and to be frank we're all still reeling at how fast this all happened. He'd been not well for a few week with a cough that was proving to be hard to clear up but he was well enough for me and his dad to take my son to the Uk on the Saturday. On the thursday I got a call from one of my children who'd been keeping an eye on the family and she said - mama, we are at the hospital and N's son is at deaths door. And he was. His blood count was down to 3 and he was 'in failure' - thats the term the Dr used when he spoke to me and said please send the father home asap. I had to tell N that his wee one was at deaths door and we didnt know what he was getting off the plane to. So he's having treatment and doing well, weekly chemotherapy and he's still having blood transfusions. And just today we've been told he has a TB like chest infection that will require specialised treatment - will get the Drs to explain to me later what it means as that is what N passed on to me. None of us can believe what happened over a course of a few hours after my daughter took them to the Dr's once again for the cough - and 6 hours later in the middle of the night he was almost dead. Its been a real shocker - just horrible horrible horrible. But thank god they are here with us cos he would have stood no chance at all in Bangladesh.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 November 2012 - 22:31
Just a friendly wee warning - ladies, please make sure you dont do what I did a couple of months ago and read the date on an insurance card the wrong way. You know how easy it is, is 9/11 the 9th of September of the 11th of November. Anyway I did it with another date and all of my staff ended up without insurance - it was only noticed when my right hand mans little boy went to hospital with a lingering cough and was diagnosed with lukeimia that afternoon. As it happens the insurance had lapsed by 2 weeks, and there's no one month grace period here - so we are now paying about 3 thousand rials weekly for the wee ones treatment and this is going to go on for the next two months - after that it will go down and hopefully the insurance will start picking the bill up as a pre-existing condition 8 months from now. So just a friendly wee warning ladies - this is not made up story, this is fact and it has happened to us. Go and check those policy dates and while you're at it make sure you have adequate cover for the likes of cancer. We had the cover - its has just expired cos I read the date wrong. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 04/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 November 2012 - 20:28
DH is making cream of chicken soup with lots of veggies!!! Daza your meal sounds v v v healthy - yum! I insisted on a veg-heavy dinner tonight since last night DH wanted a "kids meal" and made (no joke) fish fingers, chips and beans! For 2 grown adults!!:\: I have fish fingers chips and beans once a week. Its my guilty pleasure. Well that and the fishfinger butty I have as a change instead of the chips. Tonight tho we had a 'just see whats in the fridge from yesterday' dinner and it was nice , homemade dhal, sauteed lady fingers in garlic and ginger, brown chaphati, vegetable soup, and 3 home made chicken samoosa each. Its a very rare thing for my husband to eat leftover so for me it tasted twice as nice because I didnt have to cook.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 04 November 2012 - 05:27
Enigma, I can recommend the GNC time released melatonin. We've used it on my son for years and prior to him having it he exisited on 3 hours sleep a night for about 16 years and that was 3 hours of broken sleep with an hour wide awake in between. He does have special needs tho. He now has a normal sleep pattern with it but if we stop it for even one night he would be back to how he used to be. His brain just doesnt know how to do unaided sleep. At times various people in the house have also used it when visiting australia and new zealand, and those who did were up and enjoying their holiday whislt others were roaming the house wondering what day and time it was. It did give me quite vivid dreams tho but nothing unpleasant - I was the only one it affected this way and I can tell it doesnt bother my son in this way either. I also have shift workers here at home who've used it when really tired and trying to get back into some kind of routine. No-one can tell you to take the supplement but the only way you'll find out if it will be of benefit to you is by taking it. Strat with a low dose of about 1mg and if it works then great, if not try a bit more, but if you take it often and it stops working dont increase the dose immmediately - stop taking it for a few nights and then start at 1mg again. My son has been up to a dosage of 9mg a night but is now on 6mg because other medication he takes helps with his sleep - he's come to no harm at all on it. I think tho it would be highly unusual for most people to have to take that kind of a dose. hth
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 November 2012 - 13:13
Mmmmmm. I could have done it in my late 40's, could even have done it without a second thought a year ago. There's just something about getting to almost mid 50 that is different tho. :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 November 2012 - 10:45
I did have a chuckle when I walked into the kitchen this evening and saw a ruler on the countertop.... I had to ask him what it was for and his reply was.... I had to make sure all the vegetables were 2 inches according to the recipe! Aaaaaarrrgghhhh! I had to read this to my DH.Wasn't too surprised when his reply was " but that makes perfect sense " say no more...... Like you joyceB we have been married since the 70's but sadly after many attempts at cooking DH has been banned,his food tastes dreadful.Bless him he really did try.However he is an ace handyman;) To TDB as others have said I wouldn't be too worried about the cleaning up if the meal is halfway decent,once LO arrives any help is great. Another long time married person here and I have to admit my husband is a good cook in a throw it together and cross your fingers kind of way except for his Biryani which is wonderful and we have to say its wonderful, not lovely or really nice or the likes - or he gets a bit upset to say the least :D Anyway part of his secret is the steaming of the rice once its in the pot with the meat mixture and to acheive this he piles loads of kitchen implements on top of the pot to jam the lid down. He even once did it with a plastic sack of spuds which somehow caught fire on top of the saucepan. To this day he doesnt know how he did it and I dont think he'll ever find out cos so traumatised was he by the shenanigans that followed he hasnt made it since. That wee escapade took wrecking the kitchen when he cooked to a whole new level .
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 November 2012 - 10:08
I would choose the first lady as I generally feel more comfortable leaving my children my someone older/more experienced. It also sounds like she knows exactly what she is looking for, which is not unimportant in my book... And it's nice she has her family here, I am sure it makes her happy to be able to be around them! Regarding energy levels, I think it depends on the personality as well as physical capabilities - the best nanny we ever had was a 55 years old lady and she was brilliant. She took care of a 10 months old and a 2.5 years old when we had to leave for a weekend and we came back to two happy children and a tidy house! I think looking after two little ones and a house for a two day period (even longer) with all that it involves would be within the capabilites of most middle aged women. But sole care of two young children (and house) day in and day out over an exended period of time as a job would be a different story. And this is what the thread is about - extended child care over a long period of time by an older woman. But then perhaps she's in her 40's and not her 50's so us talking about women in their 50's isnt relevent.. I know that up until 6 months ago I still felt like a spring chicken but there really does come a day when you think - hang on a minute I really am feeling this last few months physically. My friends have said the same - yes it suddenly just seemed to hit them. Its like the spirit is willing but the flesh is weaker than you'd like it to be. :) As hands on with my grandchildren that I am, I see them daily, cook for them, take them to the beach and park, do school runs, have them all with me for weekends, all the things a granny does really - I really do believe that over an extended period of time being a middle aged woman does hinder a person physically when it comes to looking after the little ones. But then again age does have its advantages and being middle aged means that you know not to sweat the small stuff and that childhood really should be fun, fun, fun, all the way and not just for the children. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 03/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 November 2012 - 07:52
Im a very active 54 year old hands on granny to my 3 grandchildren aged 7, 5, and 23 months. I recently took the two eldest away on holiday, on my own, for a fortnight and we had a fantastic time. We went to my house in the Uk and I did everything with them, and in the house, myself. I loved it. That said, I know I dont have the stamina to look after my 23 month old grandaughter on my own for any prolonged period of time and not just because there's other things to get done as well. I couldnt have done it when she was younger either. Babies and toddlers require no end of looking after. I think there's a reason why we're grannies at this age, and we're not able to have babies/toddlers that we'd be in charge of day in and day out. Dont get me wrong, its the best thing ever having a wee one to look after but you do get to an age where it takes it out of you and whereas a granny can give the wee one back :) - a maid/nanny cant do that. eta - I know people say that childcare would be the priority but I've often found that people can start off saying that, but once they are back at work and going home to a house that hasnt really been touched in the day because the baby was being looked after - they can become a bit miffed about it. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 03/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 November 2012 - 10:32
DR, from your posts, sounds like you have an extensive experience dealing with "staff" so it's always nice to have you share it. I am clearly doing something wrong which is why I am asking for advice. Unfortunately, your input is too generic to help either me or the poor maid you are feeling sorry for. I am not sure what you are referring to and maybe you are good in reading between the lines but I am not - I am happy to receive constructive critics but what you wrote down here sounds just plain rude. The smiley at the end of my post was supposed to indicate that I wasnt being rude. Apart from that I really cant add anything further to help you except to once again say - go back and read your posts because they're really is a lot to be learnt from them. Look at how you are coming across in them and perhaps think about how many times you attribute attitude problems to others. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 November 2012 - 00:21
ha, we were made to learn 'wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie' off by heart and had to repeat it in each home :\: Thank goodness someone remembers the 'old' days so to speak. :D My and my wee pals used to practice our turn for weeks before the big night and if we'd got quite a good few practices in people would get a mini royal variety show on the doorstep. There was no stopping us and we would hear people shouting from the living room to whoever had answered the door - awa an come in now, or you'll bliddy freeze on that doorstep, an tell they bairns its time they got up the road tae their beds. It was all good fun but I can remember one night we got a bit brave and we sung 'hairy mary hud a canary up the leg oh her drahers' to one of our old neighbours. I can still here her yelling - yeh cheeky wee b u ggers yeah, em telling yer mithers on yeah, espeshully you desertrose1958., there wiz nae need fir yeh to dae the acshuns an ah. :D :D All innocent stuff :D and not a mass made costume in sight.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 October 2012 - 22:39
Sometimes you just cant help a child having an accident at the park, and it may just be that she couldnt have done anything to stop the accident and her ' what do you want me to do, jump under the swing' was just her way of expressing she just couldnt have avoided the accident. People get into such pickles with maids and I'm sorry but from reading your posts - no wonder. But that said I'm feeling kind of sorry for your maid and I have a feeling it wont be long before you're looking for maid number 3. I wouldnt be able to cope being on the receiving end of how your posts come across. I think I would have replied to you the way the maid did - at least. You sound like hard work :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 October 2012 - 10:49
Just came back to this to say we can get 3 of any kind of car seat across the back of the landcruiser apart from 3 greco boosters. The children are aged 7, 5 and 23 months so the car seats are still a fair size.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 October 2012 - 23:20
I think this question is a cultural one. When we have guests, we arrange and pay for most of the activities in our home / area. Usually, "things all come out in the wash" so to speak, and everything evens out eventually with family and friends. We visit them, they visit us. This is the Muslim way. Each culture has its own way. Other cultures are happy to "go dutch". Yep, and other cultures are also happy to pay everyones way. I think it also depends on your personal circumstances. We always host our visitors to the full extent and that includes tickets every year for those very special people in our life. However we dont make a habit of making people feel uncomfortable and if people want to pay for a meal or a trip out then we go along with it because their pride and self respect matters. As it is I could never at this stage of our life take a contribution for what a person eats in our home but there were times in our earlier years that to have had a visitor would have been difficult and we just couldnt have had them. Well that is except my mum and even then she used to fix things so that what we'd spent on her journey we got back by way of kids shoes and clothes and other things she'd pick up for us during the year. It was a hard life out here back in those days and we relied on parcels from home for some very basic things. At the end of the day I dont think there is a cut and dried answer to the OP's question - people do what they have to do and thats all that matters really. There's no right and wrong to this. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 October 2012 - 22:57
Range Rover and Toyota Land Cruiser.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 October 2012 - 23:17
I never thought I'd get so petty about another child until I saw how hurt my dd was! I'd be the same and just recently when my grandaughter wanted to buy one from Claires for a friend I refused to let her. I just couldnt let her do it to the other little girls she plays with and who may look upon her as their best friend. She understood when I explained why. I didnt let my grandson buy a necklace for his girlfriend either that day that said I love you, even though they're only 5. It was just way too much for his nana way too soon. :D But seriously tho - I hate to hear wee things that age talking about girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm a right fuddy duddy in that respect :) Eid Mubarak DR. Did you get sorted with your sons turkey? Oh thank you and Eid Mubarak to you also. We had a quiet one due to some virus sweeping town and by mid-day we'd only had 20 people in, thankfully, because I wasnt much in the mood for the 70 we usually get. I seem to be on a bit of a downer that I think is caused by 2 of my children getting married over the coming months and it all suddenly becoming a reality. Last week i was ok, and all excited, but this week - yikes :( Cant believe we'll now be down to one at home even though they'll be in and out like boomerangs - just like the two who've already left home. Where did the years go?? And yes I got the turkey but once it runs out that will be it because there is none here to be had for love nor money. Whats going on? Oh and I dont half sound like a grouch in my first post eh :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 26/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 October 2012 - 21:11
I never thought I'd get so petty about another child until I saw how hurt my dd was! I'd be the same and just recently when my grandaughter wanted to buy one from Claires for a friend I refused to let her. I just couldnt let her do it to the other little girls she plays with and who may look upon her as their best friend. She understood when I explained why. I didnt let my grandson buy a necklace for his girlfriend either that day that said I love you, even though they're only 5. It was just way too much for his nana way too soon. :D But seriously tho - I hate to hear wee things that age talking about girlfriends and boyfriends. I'm a right fuddy duddy in that respect :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 October 2012 - 15:14
Children will only know the neighbours are cohabiting (if indeed they are in that sense) if the adults around them tell them. So if people dont want their children to be aware of that aspect of things - then dont tell them and dont talk of it around them. In fact I bet kids wouldnt even notice a group living next door to them and think anything other than - there's people living next door to us. As for batchelors living in a 'family' area - so what, werent our husbands all batchelors once upon a time? Does being a batchelor equate with being dodgy? I'd be quite peed off if my sons were frowned upon by curtain twitching neighbours simply because they are batchelors living amongst families. But hey - maybe they should still be living at home like a good boy eh. So given that no one appears to know if this is 3 married couples living together or a group of pals trying to save on rent I would put a very nice note under the door saying that - having tried nicely to ask for consideration as a neighbour with regards to parking and noise you feel that very soon you'll be left with no alternative but to hand the problem over to the relevent authorities for solving if things dont improve sooner rather than later. Stress that this would be your last resort by way of solving the problem but its one you wont hesitate to action if need be. I would keep a copy of the note and I wouldnt enter into any conversation with the group about it apart from a general greeting once the problem is solved. I would also be taking pictures of the cars blocking the way. edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/10/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 19:33
Wuffles, I'm the first to admit that even without Chianti to wash it down a nicely bitten off head tastes just wonderful. :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 19:19
She just needs a wee bit of kind encouragement and support. :) It may be a shock to her, but she needs to snap out of it quickly and move on to the next hurdle. Of course it is blaringly obvious that he has a problem since he has a shadow teacher, I am just wondering what tests he had done and what results the school were shown before he was assigned a shadow? Did the school force this? She will only get support from other Moms and boards like this, for now she must know that there will be instant hurdles in Dubai. Snap out of it??? Have you any idea how exhausting and confronting it can be caring for a child with special needs? Sorry but comments like that really annoy me as the parent of a child with a severe-but hidden -disability I think, if Maskhara is who I think she is, that she knows first hand about having a child with additional needs and its her experiences here that has maybe made her adopt the 'snap out' of it approach. I think she's had a lot of barnying to do with schools and she knows what could be down the road for Nelly getting her son an education. I dont think the snap out of it was meant unkindly but even then I'm not so sure people can just snap out of it. I think there's stages we all have to go through and once we do - we move on.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 16:04
Morning Ladies, Looks like I opened a big can of worms yesterday by asking this question. Also good to know I am not alone as a lot of children do have some form of ADHD.. Just to let you know I spoke to the KDHA this morning regarding my sons situation and informing school,they are very supportive and under no circumstances can a child be discriminated against or suggested to leave...So shall tackle school after the half term holiday...Would also like to know if Concerta is available in Dubai? Good day to everyone ;););) Nelly,I am struggling to understand your concerns to be honest. You have stated that age 6 your child already has a full time shadow teacher with him in school. Yet you are concerend about going to the school and telling them a diagnosis, and that your son has to take medication at this time. Correct yes? Do you think the school are not already aware there is an issue with your son? The fact he has a full time shadow at 6 kinda shouts it out loud. Yet you are worried with confirming there is a diagnosis and your son (who already has a full time shadow) will be discriminated against? Discrimination is already in place but it sounds as if your school are commnuicating well with you about his behaviour as you state his behaviour has improved and he is being praised. There is no debate about telling a school if a child is on any form of medication or has an issue/diagnosis that needs some thought. TO not inform those who care for your son actually would and could work against your son and as Desert rose said be life threating should the medication not be on his records. A school can apply to remove a child for all sorts of reasons, poor behaviour being one of them. It's difficult but possible, and if a school does that or suggests it then it is not the right school in the first place. An honest and open relationship bewteen you and the school will benefit one person who is at the end of the day the most important in this situation, and that is your child. Trying to sweep an issue under a carpet and pretend it's not there and not discussing it with teachers who are instrumental in your childs daily life will be very detrimental to your son. What you need is to work out with the school an open and honest communication policy where all parties are working together on the same page for the benefit of your child. I would also suggest you join a support group to help you and give you alternatives etc. Lola, Nellys son is 6, he wouldnt have been at school very long, and I think Nelly is still trying to find her feet as the mum of a child with additional needs. She just needs a wee bit of kind encouragement and support. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 October 2012 - 15:59
wow, reading this thread is sending my bp through the roof!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have researched the living daylights out of ADHD, and have about a half dozen books on natural supplements. Have been to a massive symposium led by the leading ADHD experts in the US, have done acupuncture, supplements, diet changes, and naturpathic remedies. I am reminded, as I said before, that I really need to get back into behavior therapy & would like to try neurofeedback, but I often wonder if I'm doing us all a disservice by not putting my DS on meds. He's very thin, and knowing from others with ADHD kids, I'm paranoid that he'll be even thinner, which is almost inconceivable for him. I'm also paranoid that it will change his personality. BUT, this is our choice, now, and I won't be surprised if we don't end up on that path, regretting not having started sooner. It will be a last resort for us, but please do not insult our intelligence here about people simply throwing meds at our kids. I know that in the US this happens often, and it saddens me a great deal, as I do believe that some of the kids put on ritalin really could benefit from other behavior & dietary changes. It's part of the US culture, to throw drugs at something rather than get at the root cause. But with ADHD, it's a neurological thing, it's genetic, it's a legitimate disorder, for crying out loud, and I think that most parents only turn to medication when they've exhausted other avenues. Kids on ADHD have high suicide rates, and they aren't sure if it's because of the ADHD (ie brain chemistry) or because they've got low self esteem from being told off all of the time. We, as parents, want to make sure our kids lead happy lives, that they feel confident in their relationships with their peers. There was a study that one of the dr's mentioned that I loved. They filmed parents' interactions with 'normal' kids, and with ADHD kids, then they switched the kids and filmed that. The parents with both types kids were even-keeled, and kept their cool most of the time. When the kids were switched, the ADHD parents were the model of patience, and were far more calm than the other parents, while the parents of the 'normal' kids totally lost their rags with the ADHD kids. Please don't ask us to justify or validate what we KNOW is a problem for our children. We don't ask others to prove they have a mental illness, or some other sort of illness for which they require medications. Verd, If there was a behavioural, sensory, or bio-medical approach to helping my son - I did it. I think our last bill for the sesory people we were involved with was 2,000,000 dhms for approx 5 months of intensive therapies - they virtually lived with us for 2 months then I went to the Uk to live with my son near to the clinic for another 3. He had a wakening hours sensory diet, as well as other approaches going on and still his brain was virtually driving him off his head. One day I just woke up and said - no amount of sensory/behavioural/love/understading is ever going to be enough to keep my comforable and happy and I put him on the medication that had been advised for 18 months. As it is he's on Haliperidol and Lithium, far more 'dangerous' drugs that anything like Ritalin and it has been the making of him. Its what his brain needs, his brain thrives on what this medications does for him. He has profound autism, tourettes, and additional mental health problems that started to come to light a few years ago and I can honestly say that by fighting putting him on the medication I did him the biggest dis-service of his life. I wish I had done it sooner, I should have done it sooner. The reality is that for some children only medication will work, for others, medication and other approaches will work, and for others medication is not needed. I would say that we are just as busy with my son as we've always been even though we now have a couple of carers helping us. My son doesnt live life in haze, the medication helped him to the extent that he was able to start doing things again, his quality of life improved to what it had previously been and he smiles from his eyes again. Ok, he still needs round the clock care, and he has to have two people with him at all times, but he's back to running his own day and in a couple of weeks we hope to get him back to his apartment that he goes to on good days for a couple of hours at a time. He wanted an apartment like his brother so we got him one, he cleans it (after a fashion :D), cooks, does his laundry, does his jigsaws, and he does his daily workout there when he's there. Before the medication this part of his life had had to stop - now its possible again and all I can say is - thank god for his medication. I"ve never had to worry about the school aspect of things because he's never been to school but I do understand how it must be like walking in a minefield at time for parents. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 20:27
Oh My gooness DesertRose !!!! What on earth..... I know this wont help now but isnt there a government body that this matter can be taken up with?? One that deals with equality for disabled people. How unbelievable short sighted & ridiculous that a person has to be in a wheelchair to be considered disabled. ( I with a partial hearing loss would have no hope) Well done you even in those absurd conditions you put your sons thoughts & feelings first. Ive worked with adults & kids with Austism & I loved it. Yes it was very trying at times. But every day I watched in amazement at their abilities. I often want to offer help to anyone traveling with a disabled person. But am afraid I may be seen as patronising which I would hate. ( So if I ever see you I will be the one smiling & wanting to help) I do regularly offer help to parents with kids men or women. They always appreciate it. I came to the ME through Heathrow once & also said never again. ( I wouldnt mind I was born & grew up not a stones throw away from it) Hello there :) , yes I've contacted the relevent government body as well as the folks who run the airport. Oh and if you ever see a middle aged blonde trotting after a 6'4" hunky version of tigger in an airport - its me and I hope you wave :D
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 20:22
We will discuss our sons Dx with school and I only hope we have a good outcome but I will seek advice from KDHA first regarding our position with medication. Please note the decsion to give my son a very low dosage of medication has been a very hard one and not taken lightly.I have cried buckets over the last year and have been to many professionals for help and also to the OT.It has helped to some extent and he is monitored monthly .He is a bright child whom now can reach his full potential and has many cuddles and kisses. So sorry for the op with the bad experience please do not judge all circumstances are different ..... Thank you for all the positive feedback......l Nelly, you dont have to justify anything to anyone regarding your son and how is ADHD is treated. He needs the medication - end of. hth :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:48
I I think you may be told very shortly that what you've suggested is people trafficking. My advice to you is that you don a hard hat or hide under a table now :D Is that because of the Romania aspect? (I understood the prospective employer is a Romanian in Dubai, and thought I'd heard of transfer of sponsorship happening legitimately here, is all :D) No not the romania aspect - the re-imbursing of the previous employers costs associated with employing the maid in the first place. I was called a people trafficker a few months ago because I admitted I had reimbursed my maids previous employer in order to get her working for me. She'd finished her contract and didnt want to renew it, she'd been with them 4 years, so I reimbursed the money the bloke had paid in fees to bring her years ago. I was called a people trafficker for doing that. :) By whom? Someone on EW? What you did is simply a business transaction - like paying a recruitment agency a fee for their efforts in finding you an employer, for example yes, here at EW, on a thread not so long ago. :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:47
DesertRose1958, thanks for the explanation, my gob is suitably smacked. :D
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:46
Runnmies, I think you are taking offence where there is none to be taken. I have seen no criticisms or accusations levelled at the OP here, just people trying to answer the question, albeit in many different ways :)quote'> I really do have to disagree :) - one of the contributors really isnt helping the situation. Oh, ah, um, yes, see what you mean. Majority positive and helpful posts here, though. Yes, it's been a good thread and I hope Nelly is feeling all the better for it. :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:42
Runnmies, I think you are taking offence where there is none to be taken. I have seen no criticisms or accusations levelled at the OP here, just people trying to answer the question, albeit in many different ways :)quote'> I really do have to disagree :) - one of the contributors really isnt helping the situation with her views that are no help at all to the mother of a child who has a definite DX of ADHD. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:39
I know nothing about this, but just wonder why you don't tell her that you will release her from her contract with you early, after her prospective new employer has paid you your costs for her latest visa, pro-rated? Is there not such a thing as transferring sponsorship? I think you may be told very shortly that what you've suggested is people trafficking. My advice to you is that you don a hard hat or hide under a table now :D Is that because of the Romania aspect? (I understood the prospective employer is a Romanian in Dubai, and thought I'd heard of transfer of sponsorship happening legitimately here, is all :D) No not the romania aspect - the re-imbursing of the previous employers costs associated with employing the maid in the first place. I was called a people trafficker a few months ago because I admitted I had reimbursed my maids previous employer in order to get her working for me. She'd finished her contract and didnt want to renew it, she'd been with them 4 years, so I reimbursed the money the bloke had paid in fees to bring her years ago. I was called a people trafficker for doing that. :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:31
Nelly, I just came back to mention slow release Ritalin, but I see someone already has. And there are also other medications such as Concerta - are they available in Dubai. Re telling the school - your boy is on serious medication and its in his best interests that anyone looking after him for a large part of the day knows this - there are too many what ifs for people not to be told. One being that what if he fell at school one day and was taken to hospital and the Drs asked the staff - is he on any medication and they say no. That could be a catastrophe for him. Natural remedies - Eye Q is my natural supplement of choice and its been great for my boy. MY other kids have taken it as well and they tell me that after a few months of it they're thoughts definitely felt fuzzier. Oh and good luck with the kisses and cuddles - I hear they're a cure for everything. According to the New York Times this morning, they are, in fact. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/21/opinion/sunday/kristof-cuddle-your-kid.html?_r=0 Plus, more times than I can count, I've seen kids diagnosed with ADD when they were just coming out of an unsettling family situation. Just moved to Dubai? Had a grievance in the family in the last year or two? Perhaps a divorce? The kid acts out and bam! ADD for life. Much easier, though, to give your kid a pill - and call it a genetic problem - than to identify the real cause of your child's issue. edited by drownedinthenile on 22/10/2012 You really believe thats what the article said? That kisses and cuddles cure everything? But on second thoughts spare me an answer because I think on a thread like this you really are best ignored. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:22
I know nothing about this, but just wonder why you don't tell her that you will release her from her contract with you early, after her prospective new employer has paid you your costs for her latest visa, pro-rated? Is there not such a thing as transferring sponsorship? I think you may be told very shortly that what you've suggested is people trafficking. My advice to you is that you don a hard hat or hide under a table now :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 14:18
[quote'>Employers are not allowed to recoup visa costs it is illegal This is far too complicated - there has to be a protection level of some sort for employers - or else anyone could just walk away as and when they fancied! Think I need to call immigration!!!!! I dont actually think there is which is why I always say that being able to afford a maid doesnt just mean being able to get them here and pay a salary. To afford a maid in the real senseI really do think you have to be able to say - I can also afford to lose all costs associated with bringing her here/renewing visas if things dont go well. Also, I think people can see when money would factor in any decision regarding their future in a house - if they see you can afford to send them home if need be you'll generally find there will be no shenanigans. I've just realised the above sounds rude but its not meant to - I know what I mean just cant articulate it today. I'm not insinuating you cant afford a maid - honest :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:50
Well done Maroosh :) Judging by the new names on the forum there were casualties :D
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:45
Beebers, I've done the same when trying to edit something when I use the quote button to reply. Ends up looking nothing like what I expected! :) thanks for that. After Maroosh got BBQ'd over it the other night I have been trying to condense. ;) hahaha lol yes that goes down in the "shot down in flames" book:) I still brag about having my very own thread on EW :p Did you really :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:43
Mine don't get off at all.......ever....there. Like your attitude Maskhara, would you mind sharing where your maid is from? Also what general rules have you set up for her to avoid any potential trouble? No specific rules, this is her 8 th year with us, she knows what we like and how far we can be pushed. She also knows that we appreciate her but will not be walked over. She is here to work, not play. We are not holding her against her will, she is free to return home anytime. She travels with us and has seen the world. She has built property and saved money. My lot are the same and I often wonder just why others have so many problems with their staff. It really does beggar belief at times.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:11
Everyone is suggesting that you negotiate a settlement, which I think is wrong. Why should you negotiate anything with her? Just let her know that you are not happy and she is responsible. DR, I understand where you are coming from, many of us would just pack her off back home, myself included, in fact if she was my maid she would already be back home with a banned stamp in her pp, but some women are stuck as their husbands want their money back. TBH the salary they are paying this maid for a 5 day week is a lot , so this maid owes them big time. To delayinforming them is as good as a lie, so the maid should be aware that she did not play ball. I'm not for negotiating a settlement - far from it. And yes, I understand about the finances of things but the reality is that the loss of the admin fees would be covered in 2 and a half months salary that she wouldt be getting paid. I think it would be worth it. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:07
Dont be afraid of these women. They come from countries where its a dog eat dog mentality and in this case you treat like with like. A bit harsh? Surely it's not right to assume ALL are the same, makes me sad to think that :( Now who is correct here? One poster has stated you must not with hold salary and you are suggesting it here, so which is correct?? . You use the word suggesting. It's a posters opinion, doesn't make it 'right or wrong' Sushi as someone who keeps staff for years and years and years and years without any problems whatsoever, I feel quite happy giving the advice that I do because its based on being a fantastic employer who knows whats what. No not all of these women and men are the same and my 'these women' was a general these. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 13:00
Nelly, I just came back to mention slow release Ritalin, but I see someone already has. And there are also other medications such as Concerta - are they available in Dubai. Re telling the school - your boy is on serious medication and its in his best interests that anyone looking after him for a large part of the day knows this - there are too many what ifs for people not to be told. One being that what if he fell at school one day and was taken to hospital and the Drs asked the staff - is he on any medication and they say no. That could be a catastrophe for him. Natural remedies - Eye Q is my natural supplement of choice and its been great for my boy. MY other kids have taken it as well and they tell me that after a few months of it they're thoughts definitely felt less fuzzier. Oh and good luck with the kisses and cuddles - I hear they're a cure for everything. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:51
I dont believe her visa is already being processed in another country, but even if it was it would get to a stage in the visa procedure where formailties would mean the application couldnt go any further. What would I do in this instance? I'd kiss good bye to my money and send her back to where she came from and let her go to a new job form there. I think tho that you'll find if you say ok I'll go along with your new job but this is what is happening you'll find that she decides to stay. If she plays up because of it - I'd send her back to where she came from and I'd make it clear from the outset that its what will happen if there's any shenanigans. Dont be afraid of these women. They come from countries where its a dog eat dog mentality and in this case you treat like with like.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 10:00
Throw the mattress out, buy a steamer and steam clean everything in the room, then put what can be washed on a boil wash. Oh and you must dismantle the bed because once you life the mattress you'll find these little critters occupying the tiniest of sneakiest places imaginable. After you've done that you have to find you how he got them in the first place. You also have to check the rest of the house.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 09:16
As the mum of a child with profound special needs, as well as being the mum of a primary school teacher I could only ever say - you should inform the school and not just because the school really should know he's on medication. If he's being treated like an Alien then take it up with the school - but before you do please ask yourself if you're emotions are perhaps clouding your vision a wee bit. I'm sorry if that sounds horrible but there are things in your OP that make me think - this lady is feeling raw and confused. Its something we all go through, especially when our children are small. Medication - if your child had cancer you'd treat it and make sure he had enough of the medication and in my mind the drugs our children sometimes have to take are no different. My son is on medication that can kill him if it ever reached toxic levels, and thats not difficult to do hence his 3 monthly blood tests - but the life the meds give my son make the side effects of the medication worthwhile. He has a better quality of life with them. There is also the aspect of making sure you're son always has a steady level of the drug in his blood - up and down levels can be counter productive. I think if you want the school to help him then you have to be honest with them because if you keep this a secret you're only doing your boy a dis-service. Even though its one borne out of love and knowing the reality of how things can be for those with a DX of the likes of ADHD. xxxx
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2012 - 09:01
Heathrow airport doesnt even do anything to help people with special needs such as autism because its their belief that to be disabled and access disabled faclities such as easy access through a fast track queue that has about 150 in it due to security measures - you have to be in a wheelchair. I kid you not. It happened to us a fortnight ago when travelling with my son who's severly autistic. I was even offered a wheelchair for him - I was surprised they had any left to offer given the amount of grannies and grandads being pushed to the front of the queue because it would appear their adoring offspring thought - ah this will get their holiday off to a good start - a nice push through the airport in a wheel chair then a buggy JUST BECAUSE. And I do believe it was JUST BECAUSE in the majority of the cases. Anyway, after asking to use the special needs facilities I was told there was none except for those who are wheel chair bound. I wanted to ask does that mean 'bound' as in 'bound' up by your family and bunged in a chair JUST BECAUSE, or bound in the real sense as in really needing a chair. I refused the chair because I saw no reason why my son should be in one, he's autistic amongst other things and his legs work fine. He walks about 5kms a day, thats how fine they are. I also knew my son is aware enough to wonder about a wheelchair and I wasnt going to do it to him. Why should I make him more disabled than he actually is just to satisfy Heathrows lack of facilites for those with who have problems, but who's legs work. To make matters worse no-one around us said - on you go. Mind you that would have taken about 150 on you goes. So there was my son rocking back and forward and making his 'Im not very comfortable' noises and it was only when I said to the person manning the queue - I'm sure your discriminating against my son and his disability, that we were taken to the front of the queue. It worked in 10 seconds flat! I'm so appalled by what went on that I've contated the EHRC and asked them to investigate it. I've long since noticed the dearth of facilites in Heathrow for those who have special needs but it was the first time that all the steps we put in place when in the airport with our son failed on the day and we learned just exactly what it means to be disabled in Heathrow Airport. We're fortunte enough to be able to buy tickets that mean fast track but having experienced what we did I'm not surprised people who cant afford those tickets more often than not dont travel because of the problems they can face in the airport. It stinks. edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 October 2012 - 21:23
Billy Elliott was fantastic.....not just about boy doing ballet but about maggie thatcher and the miners strike it would be great for all ages I went to see this in the summer and left at the first interval. I thought it was rubbish, crude in parts, and the language was also a bit much. One song in paricular was rather ugly.
 
 
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