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Hello.Again.Kitty

Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 21:24
I feel that I'm "not doing enough" with my children and feel guilty whenever I see or hear of another mum who's just sat down and created a wonderful junk model or painting with their child, or those who have regular music time at home or anything like that. My poor DS (in my mind) is even worse off that DD because I never seemed to find the time or energy to read a bedtime story to him... I will be mortified if any of his teachers go on to say that he's "behind" in literacy... I'm already beating myself up at the fact his speech isn't up to that of his peers (or DD at his age)! Of course, my logical brain kicks in occasionally and reminds me that every child is different and will get their stimulation through whatever means at their disposal... and that even my two have wonderful experiences with me. Besides, it's not like they can take me back and get a refund!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 21:12
I had a simple harness set (a 4-point one over shoulders and round the chest) and found it useful at times - mainly when I was teaching the children how to cross the road when they were just walking - it was more of a distance limiting device to make sure they don't run into danger than anything else. Aside from that, I don't think they're hugely worthwhile and especially not as a walking aid.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 16:54
I was pregnant again 2 weeks after my mc, so I guess it counted as a period - it was spontaneous though with no further intervention. As for helping DH cope, it's great that you've already realised that he too will be affected. You know him better than any of us can, so again, be there to listen and understand - ask him how he feels but don't pester. He may just be the Man Cave type and will retreat, mull it through for a bit and emerge at peace. He may not. We certainly found that more than the shock of the event, it was the fact that all our hopes had been blown out of the water. We had got excited imagining our life as a family (it was my first pg) and well, that wasn't to be at that moment in time. Try to think about what he was actually excited about - maybe that will give you an insight into what he feels he's lost, and a way to work through it together. "Together" is the main thing...
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 03 January 2012 - 01:36
I'm the same - I really am uncomfortable with "pushing" any agenda, especially one that's so emotionally charged. The thing is, it's all well-intentioned, but when people feel passionate and often on the back foot, they resort to putting pressure where it hurts the most. I imagine our mothers and grandmothers felt the same kind of pressure to favour formula over breastmilk - someone actually tutted and told me that I should be giving my baby formula because it was "better" and "made by doctors"... and that's after 30 years of progressive thinking! What also gets me - and this actually spans wider than breastfeeding - is that for everything that actually is quite normal and people wouldn't generally have a problem with, we (collective) seem to feel the need for campaigns, analysis and statistics. We all need to feed our children, so just let's get on with it without complicating matters. Why on earth is there still the hoo-hah about it?! Oh, that'll be the social conditioning, where the female body is considered both taboo and a sexual object and people just can't stop themselves thinking that putting a baby to the breast should be rated 18. Funny how you see more cleavage on a Ladies Night that on a mum feeding her child in public, but one's "a bit of fun" and the other is apparently oh-so wrong. Am I digressing? Sorry! I noticed another post of mine got deleted from a thread. Oops! lol
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 23:00
I, er, didn't do it as BFC recommends Oh, Hello Again Kitty, I would never say a mum *should* or *shouldn't* do it any particular way, honest! Hope I didn't come across as too prescriptive - absolutely not my intention! I just wanted to point out what the current guidelines are - which is in fact what the OP had been doing until challenged. hehe - no, you didn't at all and you're always up-to-date with your facts, which is great to know! I was just saying that I did it contrary to the current guidelines (so not doing a milk feed before solid feed) and didn't want to seem to advocate that approach over what is recommended. Nothing went wrong, I have to say, but every baby is different and mine were both gannets so a 2 course solid meal never stopped them wanting full milk feeds!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 22:22
I, er, didn't do it as BFC recommends and I wouldn't suggest that you do it any other way, but remember that your child has no notion of overeating or undereating to serve some strange notion - they eat exactly what they need to, generally when they need to (hence why snack-time is also important). Both my two ate vast quantities without cutting down on their milk and me being me, I just ran with it.
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 18:55
The Raffles nurseries have a class group that caters for children up until the academic year they turn 5 (but not including it), so basically following the UK system more than most. FS1 is the last year of nursery and FS2 is what's called the Foundation year in the UK. Children here (in the UK) start school proper (ie do the Foundation year) in the academic year they turn 5.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 18:15
Please advice what should I do now, beta hcg looks fine but dr statement is different. There's nothing you should or shouldn't do - try and not worry. I really think hanging on too much science stresses people out far more than it's worth. We don't run all these hormone level tests in the UK because, to be blunt, if you have a healthy pregnancy, it will run its course and if you don't, then it won't. Science only tries to rationalise and guess what Nature has known and been doing perfectly well since time began.
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 16:07
hehe - well, you know that "everyone's different", so that's not very helpful. I don't know if you can trigger ovulation at all... just completely chancing a completely non-medical opinion, but maybe if you went of a progesterone-only pill for a couple of months and then stopped it would trick your body into ovulating, but I wouldn't do anything without a Dr's opinion. I conceived 28 days after DD self-weaned (which was a bit of a surprise) after having no periods at all whilst bf. A friend conceived while she was breastfeeding and carried on until she was several months pg. Hmmm... random really. Everyone's different! Have fun trying though - no harm in getting lots of practice in!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 16:02
I would rather gouge my eyes out than attempt a night flight with small children again. Neither of mine have slept more than 2 hours on the UK-Dubai flight, day or night, so I far prefer to ride the daytime wave and get them in their own beds as soon as possible in the evening, as if nothing had happened. With a 10 month old, I would still book the bassinette, even if bubs is strictly speaking too big - it's a very handy storage item when it comes to meal trays, toys, etc. I started booking my children their own seats from when they were about 15 months onwards and it's money well spent.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 02 January 2012 - 15:56
I had the same - discovered at 8 weeks that the pregnancy had stopped developing at 4 or 5. I'm with Abby'n'Christina on this one though - miscarriage is horrible, but happens for a reason. It's nothing to do with what you may have done or not done, thought, eaten or drank, but everything to do with the miracle that is life - think of all the hundreds of millions of things that have to link up and happen successfully to bring about a healthy baby... and healthy pregnancies still happen 4 out of 5 times. If you do miscarry, take your time to recover, both physically and mentally. Don't listen to anyone who isn't supportive, and remember that your husband will also be upset and will need support. ... and the "good" thing is that this doesn't blight your chances for having lots of children in the future. We conceived my DD 2 weeks after I miscarried.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 26 December 2011 - 22:19
Thanks alot! But will it do any harm if the icing is cold and the cake is room temperature and would it melt if I kept the cake out after putting the icing? no, no harm, but the icing will be hard to spread and may tear up your cake in the process. A lot depends on what's in your icing. If it has a cream cheese base, then keep it in the fridge, but if it's just buttercream, you can leave it out, but in a cool place.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 26 December 2011 - 20:04
Do not stay in Marina Diamond 2 in the Marina. We spent a week there in a serviced apartment just before we left and, well, the company is getting a big fat complaint letter. The balcony door locks were broken and the balcony balustrades were basically ladders and low to boot. That an a whole list of other issues, but for small kids, no.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 26 December 2011 - 20:00
I take it that you're using cream cheese frosting? If so, ice the cake when the frosting is at room temperature and pop it back in the fridge once you're done - unless you can store it at 18 degrees in a dark room/cupboard. The cake will be best taken out of the fridge about 20 minutes before you're due to eat it, so that it'll be cool, but not cold.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 24 December 2011 - 20:18
an orange if you were naughty?! Gosh, we had a satsuma if we were good! I think the traditional gift for naughty children is a lump of coal.
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Latest post on 24 December 2011 - 20:16
Just a thought here, but if LL still don't pay - would Nakheel stop residence in those apartments using say all common areas; such as parking, lifts or could they go one step further and actually stop access to the buildings. bearing in mind that those who "own" the apartments don't really own them outright as such.... they are basically Long leased...... Just a thought Therein lies a legal minefield - strictly speaking if you are in a leasehold (as pretty much all "freehold" owners are in Dubai), then would the landowner be able to repossess if the leaseholder were in breach of contract... and does non-payment of service charges constitute such a breach? As for tenants having to pay service fees directly, well, in a way, they already do through their rent - it's just that the LL hasn't quite got their head around such overheads like service charges and maintenance having to come out of their "profits". I had my ex-agent trying to give me some sob-story about how unfair it was for the LL to have to replace part of the fitted kitchen because rents had come down so he was making less profit than in 2008. Wow... my heart bled, I can tell you! Again, the only reason why tenants are putting up with this is because they find themselves between a rock and a hard place, having had to hand over a year's rent and not wanting to forfeit it. In a pay-monthly situation, the LL's would have got a polite letter of notice and a silent FU as soon as it all hit the fan.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 23 December 2011 - 22:08
true, extension belts are not brilliant. just didn't want anyone else to get the wrong impression (and you may find yourself with a crew who knows their stuff one of these trips!) Again, the crew on Emirates checked quite thoroughly last week. I have the Trunki Boostapaks for travelling and they aren't approved, as it turns out (which is surprising) so I was asked to remove them... and we were in a normal row of seats too.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 23 December 2011 - 22:04
I love the idea of DH "sharing the joy"... ahh, to be an expectant first-timer again! I kept the joy of feeding to myself and let DH share the joy of changing the nappies! Bottles - I got the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature ones, but, I know it sounds weird, but don't go off on one with them. I honestly think that even if you intend to breastfeed, if you buy all the kit for bottle feeding including maybe that tin of formula "just in case it doesn't work out", then you're mentally gearing up for it to fail. I have to say I was completely random in my buying, so got 3 bottles and nothing much else - my MiL provided me with an old ice-cream tub and some Milton tablets to sterilise them with! Some of those bottles still have their wrappers on, 4 years and 2 children later. Anyhow, for preparation, I think it's best to know that you will never really be prepared. If you buy everything in the shops, you'll find you don't need half of it... in fact, all your newborn needs is love, milk, comfort and safety - everything else is, well, details. As for sleeping arrangements, well it's whatever suits you. If you have a long baby, the moses basket may only last 3 months. I had an old cot, which I guess would be called a crib now, so I hung a blanket over the back bars to make it cosier and had it next to my bed
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 23 December 2011 - 21:47
Ohhhhhh. This is NOT the tenant's issue So you think that tenants should expect full maintenance and full access to the facilities even if their LL persistently fails to pay his service charges? You're saying that Nakheel should not be allowed any leverage at all, and should be completely at the mercy of the LLs, with no useful sanction against them if they continue to refuse to pay? Yes, they are entitled to it because they've paid for all those things by paying their rent (invariably in full and in advance). . Not really - if the LL is not entitled to use these services how can he then resell them on to someone else? Then in the contract it should clearly state that the otherwise common facilities are excluded from the property... along with as it would turn out, occasionally water, A/C or whatever else the developer fancies cutting. Hardly a great sales pitch. If indeed the LL has mis-sold the property by saying that the tenant would have access to the pool, etc whilst knowing full well that they wouldn't, then he was in breach of contract the moment he put his name to it, and the agent who helped would be equally guilty. What a fine pickle. Of course, you could say that the tenant should have done deep background checks, etc... which is all very well and good, but "due diligence" is also defined by what is considered "reasonable". If the contract states what is and isn't included then there is no reason why the tenant should have to doubt it. And that, people, is why all tenants should be adding in clauses and definitions to clarify the terms of their tenancy and thereby protect themselves.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 23 December 2011 - 21:29
Ohhhhhh. This is NOT the tenant's issue So you think that tenants should expect full maintenance and full access to the facilities even if their LL persistently fails to pay his service charges? You're saying that Nakheel should not be allowed any leverage at all, and should be completely at the mercy of the LLs, with no useful sanction against them if they continue to refuse to pay? Yes, they are entitled to it because they've paid for all those things by paying their rent (invariably in full and in advance). It would be like an employer denying an employee his salary because the employer hasn't been paid - yes, it's a bummer for the employer, but hey, it's the risk you take and it's up to the employer to manage their finances in a manner that leaves a contingency. Or, it's be like buying a new car - you go to the showroom, choose the model, hand over the cash, get the keys and it turns out they've taken the wheels off and stripped the interior. That's not the car you paid for. As for how to leverage - the developer should be able to repossess the apartment and try to sell on (lest they find themselves having to pay maintenance charges to themselves... wonder if they would?!)... but of course therein lies one of the many flaws in the Dubai property market - it is a Catch 22, but how do you flog something that nobody really wants any more?! With high service charges going unpaid and everyone being punished, it's essentially become a toxic investment.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 22 December 2011 - 22:12
yes thats true, it is clearly much safer than a lap belt (although I think for under 2's most airlines make you take the child out and put them on your lap for take-off and landing still, which negates the safety aspect somewhat) I haven't heard of an airline making you hold the baby during take-off and landing--but it wouldn't surprise me necessarily depending on the airline. I have flown mostly US carriers and they seemed to be more familiar with people taking a car seat on board. In the issue that I had with Etihad, they (the purser) did not believe that there was such a thing as a rear-facing seat, although she admitted that this was her first time dealing with a car seat on board (we were flying to Chicago!). Yes, Emirates are real sticklers for it and so if your child is classed as an infant, they do ask, unless they're approaching 2 and are of a size where they look a bit older.
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Latest post on 22 December 2011 - 22:08
I would decline to sign and if I felt strongly enough about the deceit I would call the service provider or head office. I applaud their ingenuity but expect if they put as much effort into their jobs as this ruse the positive feedback would come through honestly and because they deserved it. same... or if they had been really bad and then asked for feedback, I would have put "asked to sign a blank form" on the feedback form, crossed out all the questions and then signed it, keeping hold of it and saying "I will email this directly - thank you".
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 22 December 2011 - 22:03
to decorate top and sides, you'll need around 500-750g of fondant icing, which you can buy in most places in 250g blocks at about 14aed. Or you can make your own by mixing 900g icing sugar, 100g corn syrup and 2 egg whites (or 450g icing, 50g corn syrup, 1 egg white) and a few drops of vanilla essence... mix in a bowl as much as you can (it'll be really bitty and you'll wonder if you've done the right thing!). Then turn out onto a very clean worktop and knead it like you were pumping iron at the gym. I generally start by gathering the crumbs together and pressing them with my hands to start it gelling, then kneading, which will take about 5-10 minutes until you have a nice white ball. If it's really too crumbly and isn't gelling at all, add a small dollop of corn syrup. I mainly go for the snow effect royal icing (look for Delia's recipe) - add a pretty ribbon around it, decorate on top however you want and hey presto - done!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 22 December 2011 - 21:56
IMO, the designers got caught up in their "biggest" concept and forgot the practicalities of its end use - shopping. I hate the place and never go there because I want to spend as little time as possible traipsing round the shops - and I like walking! I don't however, like walking from one end to the other in order to go to the 2 places on my list...
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Latest post on 21 December 2011 - 00:05
Hi - mine didn't have reflux, but I just wanted to comment on something you put that no one else has picked up on... please don't give him fennel tea at such a young age - it has no nutritional quality and will just fill his tummy up with water, essentially replacing a milk feed for him, which is what he needs to grow. The others have given great advice - try getting a sling or baby bjorn so that you can strap him in and carry on with your life with him upright and comforted.
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 23:58
it depends entirely what works for you and what fits your needs.
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 23:31
I'm a tad jealous, H.A.K. I love mulled wine but it just tastes better in cold weather. Hope your trip home was uneventful! x Well, yes, the trip was a doddle, but the house is bloomin' cold (we have central heating, but the build quality is only marginally better than in Dubai, so we also have a fair few mystery draughts!) so we kind of need the stronger/ warmer stuff of an evening. Just sipping a glass of rose... port! :-D
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 21:12
oh gosh, yes... worth every penny, imo... I started booking separate seats for my two from when they were 18 months onwards! The only merit of bringing a car-seat is so that kiddo is raised high enough to see the screen properly (you may chuckle, but until you've been there...), although you'd have to get him off it for meal-times because he'll be too high for the table otherwise. I took a trunki boostapak on our last flight - couldn't use it for take-off though, but very handy. If you're going to the UK though and want to get one, weather the flight and get one while you're there/ here... they're £30 (hmm... 180aed?!) from Selfridges of all places... and 490aed in Dubai! I would actually [i'>not[/i'> book the bassinet seat, partly because there are probably people who actually need the bassinet, but also because you can't start the entertainment going until you are in the air - which sometimes means 30-45 minutes of a very bored child. DD used to scream at the end of the flight from the moment we had to stow the screen to the moment, generally when we were taxi-ing, when she fell asleep. Everyone was very pleased. <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 20/12/2011</em>
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 21:07
why bother with formula at all? There are no fixed rules and both my two moved straight from breast to cow's milk in a sippy cup... neither have ever had formula and are as happy and healthy as the next kid. Don't beat yourself up about it. Try the free-flowing sippy cup, or an open cup... or one with a straw (my two will drink *anything* if there's a straw involved!)... or one with a valve, but be aware that sometimes the valves are very stiff and require breastfed babies to suddenly learn a different sucking technique. Apparently, though, they find drinking from normal cups easier than bottle-fed babies, because the mechanisms involved are similar.
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 20:55
"all spice" is different to "mixed spice", but mixed spice is what we Brits use in all our festive baking. I don't actually use it in my mulled wine (most definitely tried and tested... lots!)... I use a bottle of red wine, 5-10 cloves stuck through a couple of peels of orange rind (use a peeler, not a grater), a half nutmeg, a stick of cinnamon and a couple of spoonfuls of brown sugar (to taste, really - depends on the wine!). I also had some juniper berries, so chucked a few of them in. Just wanted to add, if you can, decant the wine and have the spices and orange peel infusing for as long as possible - I'm guessing a slow cooker would bring them out wonderfully too. I've had the same batch infusing for the last 3 days (keep it in the saucepan and just top up! Hehe!) and it's just getting better and better! <em>edited by Hello.Again.Kitty on 20/12/2011</em>
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Latest post on 20 December 2011 - 20:49
I really think it's important that Nakheel don't win here... You really wouldn't want to let other property developers think this is a good way of collecting their unpaid service charges Service charges need to be paid, and developers can only send so many letters asking LLs to cough up. What are the alternatives here? Nakheel can't just swallow the service charges, because it needs the money, and it would set a dangerous precedent. The government can't cover the charges for the exact same reason. Like it or not, inconveniencing tenants is the only effective way to get the attention of LLs, many of whom have probably simply been ignoring the service charge demands because up till now there's been nothing Nakheel can do to make them listen. That sounds strangely like someone hauling an innocent passer-by off the street, putting a knife to their throat and demanding ransom. I'll leave that point right there. As for the contractual point of view, it is clearly a breach of contract on the part of the LL because through inaction, s/he is not providing the service promised in the contract in exchange for the rent. In a situation where rents would be paid monthly, the Shoreline would be pretty much empty by January... oh, maybe that's why LLs aren't keen to accept monthly payments?! The other problem is how loose rental contracts are here. Tenants don't know that they can actually get extra clauses written in (as can LLs), so please, please, start stating that in the event of facilities or services being cut due to non-payment of service charges, the contract will be considered terminated with all remaining rent to be reimbursed at the end of the 30 day notice period. Also, with lists clearly available, if you're looking for a new apartment and if the name's on the list, you get to pay monthly or you walk away. Everybody save the tenant seems to only perk up when there's money involved, so if you can't beat them, join them. Be mercenary because even though they'd like you to believe that they're still on top, they're not and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I have no sympathy for the developer's lack of debt collection. Our building's management (not on the Palm and not Nakheel) sent us tenants a letter "urging" us to talk to our LLs to get them to pay... mainly because often they'd only bothered taking an email address as contact details and wow - the LL wasn't responding. Like a LL is going to listen to a tenant "urging" them... but, again, if you start telling them that they are in breach of their tenancy contract and should therefore give you back your rent, they perk up. Ours did.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 21:55
I am really upset at the attitude I have experienced so far (two different doctors), paired with an actual inability to give me concrete answers to my objections, apart from saying "this is what they do in the UK". If they're leaning on "what they do in the UK", then "in the UK" a parent can simply choose not to vaccinate (at all, if they so wish). I have a friend who's chosen not to and she gets occasional prompting when the Dr notices, she says no, they say "it'd be a good idea", she says no again and they part company.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 14:58
Is it really a debate? I was always taught that genetics and environment are [b'>both[/b'> factors (genetics responsible for your "potential" to learn but the right environment (nurture) neccesary to actually fully reach that potential. As long as there are people out there making blanket statements like the one we've just read (and "breastfed babies are more intelligent" which is another one I like to chuckle at) without bringing into account the far more important and relevant factors of socio-economic climate and demographic, then there is a "debate", even if it's not exactly scientific.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 13:13
er... I actually have my Phil & Teds for sale (on the classifieds here) with loads of accessories including the Maxi-cosi car seat adaptor... and also a couple of Group 1,2,3 forward facing car seats (9 months - 11 years)... Do email me on hello.kittydxb 4t gmail dot com if you think you might be interested.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 11:19
most people have a 2 year gap woah... sweeeeeeeeeping statement of fact there, BB! Most people I know in the UK of my generation seem to have a 3 year gap, unless they have more... or less.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 09:25
New research suggests that it is better for the first child's intelligence if there are more than 2 years between them. http://nz.lifestyle.yahoo.com/practical-parenting/pregnancy-birth/article/-/12125752/is-this-proof-of-the-perfect-age-gap/ hmmm... they'd need to determine whether "intelligence" was down to nature or nurture first, which is an ongoing debate! I'm on the "nature" side of the fence on that point.
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Latest post on 08 December 2011 - 08:50
waow, very interesting technique... looking forward to try it!!! did u try it urself? I wonder if it will really work, will read more about it... thanks a lot for sharing :D That's what I always did - although I didn't know it was a "technique" or had a name - basically, pop bubs off when they've finished feeding, so sleepy, but not asleep.
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 22:11
Dad said the other night he thinks I'm over-compensating for DD being around, and I think he may have a point. I've been feeling sorry for him having to share me now, and almost grieving the time we used to have together with just us, so I think I've probably been letting him get away with too much and Dad thinks he's taking advantage. I'm sure he's right but I can't help but feel he's losing out on my time, even though he'll just have to get used to it and he's not alone in having to share attention! That may or may not be true, but it's also a fact of life - rare are the times when we can have someone's undivided attention and there it Life Lesson #1 right there. Don't feel sorry for him - he's loved and is in a caring family, well-provided for and nurtured. Trying to find the balance in your attitude towards both your children will be your life from now on - DH and I had a little chat a couple of nights ago about how we may (royal we there) be dealing with DS differently or more harshly than with DD during his more difficult behaviour and how we [cough'> have to remember that DD went through the same things and that we should be fair. It's not about compensating, it's about giving each one what they need, preferably when they need it, but if not, when you can. DD always played up, or rather decided she suddenly wanted cuddles/a book/ some milk/ to go out when I was feeding DS because that is the main crunch point when you have to give attention to #2 and can't do anything else. I got around it by latching DS on, getting DD next to me on the sofa and just talking to her or reading to her, whilst seemingly ignoring DS... so I was fulfilling both children's needs at once. Nifty! If you know that in certain situations your attempts to discipline will be ineffective, then just like a general, not only pick your battle, but engineer the battlefield - manipulate the situation so that it doesn't come to having to discipline... basically, give him something interactive and interesting to do for the duration of the crunch-point, rather than let him continue playing by himself. You dad sounds a bit like mine. Mine declared that DD was spoilt because I talk to her to find out why she's kicking off into a tantrum. He thinks I should completely ignore her, whilst I know that if I do, she will (and has proved it many a time) scream for up to an hour, whereas if I ask her why she's upset, she won't scream at all, because she doesn't need to... she still doesn't get her way, but she's got her message across and that's what matters to her. He also declared that she was manipulative when she was about 8 weeks old and yes, the term "taking advantage" and "getting away with it" also pops up quite a bit. I wish he wouldn't use those terms, and it really upset me to hear about what he thought of his granddaughter, since it was mainly unfounded, but hey, he's of the "don't do as I do, do as I tell you" school, which, well... yeah. No... ... and you know I'm no push-over mum with her prize Little Angels!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 21:34
Mine are 21 months apart and although they are lovely together, I wish I had stuck to my original plan (haha - plan... yeah, whatever!) and hat 3 years difference because it was properly hardcore. I really feel that I just haven't had any kind of break - just as DD was no longer a baby, I was pg and then had a newborn with a toddler entering her terrible twos... and now that she's 4 and finally come out of her tantrumming, DS is starting. I spent nearly 4 consecutive years either pg or breastfeeding and my pelvic floor and pelvis is shot... but they are truly lovely and I wouldn't swap them for the world (97% of the time)! I've got friends who've got 3 or 3.5 years between #1 and #2 and they just seem so much more relaxed and managed to have proper quality time with #1 becoming properly independent before launching into getting pg again. I'm slightly jealous really. I've also got friends who were so keen to have even less than a year between children and I honestly think they are mad. They'll have no time to really enjoy #1's milestones and you know, there really is no rush.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 17:14
most things are possible, but the question is whether you would really want to? There may be visa issues if you have never been married to the father, you'd probably need a maid/"nanny" full-time to look after your toddler while you go out and work the long hours that would be expected of you and you won't have family around to share the load, so to speak... those things alone would have me wondering if it would be worthwhile in terms of quality of life.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 13:09
Thanks Freckles, only problem is thats its easy to be objective when you are away from the situation but when you are tired and emotionally drained to does tend to go out the window somewhat, I stick notes to myself on the fridge to remind me of my plans sometimes and readily admit to not always following them. touching wood for you too! Also, most mums (who care about what their child is doing) will be absolutely mortified every time their own child is violent. It's really difficult to explain the deep embarrassment at such behaviour - I always used to think "oh yeah, excuses excuses" when I'd hear other mums going "but I just don't understand it - it's so unlike him/her"... until DD's teacher told me that DD had sunk her teeth into another child. I think that's also partially where the idea/ instinct comes to go and give the other child a cuddle and make a fuss of them... just because you are so shocked and sorry that the littler person you've been nurturing seems to have turned into such a horror. I tend to just make sure that the other child isn't badly hurt (hoping that their own mum will pop by) and concentrate on reinforcing the message to my own. I also agree with Kiwispiers - if the situation appears just way too difficult for LO to deal with, then you have to remove them to allow them to calm down and focus.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 12:53
I used one of those basic clocks from Ikea with the wide plastic border... and some wax crayons. It actually doesn't have numbers on it, so I wrote them on... and drew pictures, but you could just draw pictures. Hmm... the "I'm a baby" bit is a bit difficult - I have only had to deal with a little girl who declares resolutely that she's[b'> not[/b'> a [i'>little[/i'> girl, but a [i'>big[/i'> girl and being compared to a baby is just, well, gosh... the worst thing ever for her. She's 4, but is already talking about "when I'm 5" and "when I'm 6"... maybe that's also something to address (not wanting to put more on your plate!)
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 09:01
oh yes... reading Hiccough's post... saying sorry. Very important. Because of the fact DS wasn't talking very well, I taught him the sign for sorry, as well as the word, and so he pretty much always says sorry if he's done something wrong. I also make a point of saying sorry to him (or DD) if I have done something I should not have. Don't be too proud to not be able to apologise!
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 08:55
OK... firstly, apparently it's normal for the elder sibling to have a bit of a "phase" at 5 or 6 weeks after their younger sibling has arrived because it suddenly dawns on them that they're not going away, and the novelty has worn off. Secondly, your son is entering the frustrating age of having more complex emotions and needs but not being able to express them adequately in words, so reverts to the communication tools he has to hand - crying, screaming and getting physical. This isn't condoning it or forgiving it, so to speak, but it's just to say that although it's mortifying, it is "normal"... DS is going through a hitting phase at the moment too and DD did as well. DD got so bad, in fact, that I avoided playdates for a while because I couldn't be more than 50 cm away from her, lest she lay into another child... and being a big little girl, they had no chance (a bit like with DS now...) You just need to give them the tools to cope and get through it. ... and you're right. Smacking as punishment isn't helpful at all - it doesn't actually teach them anything apart from "yes, you can hit someone if you're angry or frustrated at them, as long as they are smaller than you"... er.... Also (and my Dad is very much of the smacking school too), it demonstrates that the adult who smacks is no better than the toddler at conflict resolution - how can we expect the child to resolve its issues through calm words if we can't? I was smacked as a child and it never stopped me... I just learnt to hide my digressions better. Anyhow, hitting is a constant issue with my two, whether it's just playing getting a bit out of hand or proper unprovoked swiping... I go in the hope that constant reinforcement will gradually sink in. Try to think what the message behind it is and give the alternative in words (or kind gestures) - for example, DS has taken to hitting quite hard to get someone's attention, so I say "No, there's no need to hit, you just need to touch my arm and say "mummy!"" or "If you want to play with DD, don't hit, just say "DD, play with me!"" For DD, who is older and can communicate well, her hitting is to do with impulse (she takes after me and I know myself too well on this matter), so I've had to go down the anger management route with her (at 4 years old?!), so with her, we've gone through "if you feel angry or sad, and want to hit, you have to STOP and think about what is the right thing to do" and after some role play and some heavy reinforcement, she does it more often than not... to the point where she's spreading the word when there's a dispute at nursery! And lastly, you know what, sometimes they just have "days"... got out of bed the wrong way, bit grumpy, wants to just lash out a bit. I have those days. One horrid day does not a Terror make. ;)
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Latest post on 07 December 2011 - 08:30
I also found that bribing with chocolate (for potty training) actually didn't work because promising something that they can then only have in what seems an eternity away doesn't really trigger the cause/consequence notion! We have a rule that if it's still dark outside, then it's night time and everyone should be in their own beds, sleeping... if one of the kids comes in to our room during the night, we just lead them back into theirs, give them a cuddle on their bed, say "it's dark, so time to sleep" and tuck them in. Sometimes you have to put in the legwork and repeat the process several times, but usually it sinks in. The only difficulty we have is if it's gone 5h, say and my son is up, because then he's hungry and there's no chance of him resettling. I also always big up how "big girls" and "mummies and daddies" behave - "Do big girls get up in the middle of the night and wake people up for no reason? Do mummies and daddies sleep in the night or do they get up and wake people up?" - basic logic will mean that she says "no, they sleep", at which point you pounce and go "Yes, you're right. Only babies wake up in the night. Are you a big girl or a baby?"... cue "I'm a big girl!"... nyarrrr, so act like one! Lots of repetition and reinforcement needed. We also have a clock in their room with big numbers and I've drawn a big sun by the number 7. This is when they should get up! lol! You can also get specific kids clocks where the eyes open or light up. Anyhow, this very morning, they both came in at 7h05 and DD (4 yrs) said "It's 7 and 1", cue me - surprisingly quick-witted, having just been woken up - saying "that's the best time to wake up! Thank you for waking us up at 7 and 1. How about every morning you wait until 7 and 1 before waking us up?" Anyhow, back to reward charts... the only one that really worked was one that I drew myself too. I drew pictures of DD (that she recognised as her because of the hair) doing the actions that I wanted to encourage or avoid and explained the picture to her. We'd then have a bit of a ceremony where we ticked off a box (or not) and talked about it so that she felt really engaged with the process. Stickers and stars (while potty training - I tried everything) just got too boring, to the extent that she'd say "oh, you stick it on" and walk away!
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Latest post on 06 December 2011 - 08:44
Bless you! I'll echo Green-ish... the breastfeeding isn't really the issue (my son still fed 2-3 times a night at 11 months), but the sleep and everything that surrounds it is. You need to try to step back and look at your whole day. - Is he napping sufficiently during the day? - Is he eating solid food in regular, balanced and health meals? - What is your bedtime routine? The bedtime routine is really, really important... they need sufficient time after dinner to allow them to digest and relax, as well as unwinding and having a certain number of constant "sleep cues", like bath, book, breast, bed. You may have to make some compromises in order to achieve this - for example, DH just had to accept that if he came home late, then he couldn't just start playing rough and tumble with the kids and I couldn't keep them up just so that he got to see them. It may well be that your timings are slightly off too. I used to feed my daughter at 18h for a 19h30 bedtime, but found that from about 16h30 she became as grumpy as anything and it would just get worse as the evening went on. I couldn't understand why, but one day we were at the in-laws and they eat at 17h, so we ate with them... lo and behold, DD was really content afterwards and happy to play until about 18h30, when she showed signs of being tired, so I put her to bed at 19h and she went down without a fuss. It was pretty obvious that on my previous schedule, she was hungry way before dinner time, and then by the time food was on the table, she was getting tired, but would keep awake to eat and then feel too tired and too full to go to sleep (late).... small adjustments! Only falling asleep on the breast, however, is also an issue you need to address. There are lots of methods to help babies learn how to self-soothe and you don't [i'>need[/i'> to go all hard-core and use the CIO method if you're not comfortable with it. He's currently soothing himself by getting comfort from being close to you, so maybe a first step is to close up shop when he's done feeding and just have a close cuddle. You can then transfer him into his cot still awake (very important) and then cuddle him in his cot. Even now, if my youngest (2yrs) is fretful - he usually doesn't have any problem self-soothing - then I lay him down and almost lie on top of him (sounds weird, but imagine being in an upright cuddle position and then just lying down) and breathe at sleep speed, which makes his breathing slow down too. My DD did like us to be present as she fell asleep, so we'd often just put a hand on her tummy or arm until she was nearly, but not quite asleep.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 06 December 2011 - 08:25
if he doesn't like the idea of using the loo (my daughter was trained using the toilet, rather than a potty), then back off and leave it for 6 months or so. Believe me, by 3.5, they're all pretty much trained, regardless of when you start - in fact, it would seem that the earlier you start, the longer it takes! That was certainly true for my daughter - I started disastrously at 25 months (having listened to my MiL say how all 4 of hers were trained by 21 months), had to back off and started again - prematurely, again - at 28 months and the process ended up taking 14 months... she knew exactly what to do and where, but was simply stubborn and too young... the more I pushed it, the more she'd dig in. You know your child best. From what of seen of my friends' experiences, the more passive and malleable your child, the more likely you are to succeed in early training (at 2 years old). If your child knows its own mind, then your best bet is to wait until the child actually asks (this does happen!). I've got a friend who basically didn't train her son - one day, when he was nearly 3, he came up to her and told her that he'd done a poo in the potty (she kept one in their living room) and from that day on, he did everything in the potty and only had one accident. MY haste, on the other hand, meant that I was mopping the floor 4-10 times a day and scraping poo out of pants for 10 months. Your choice!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 05 December 2011 - 16:07
I was thinking that next thread can be: those who feel involved but make disasters! :D That'd be me for most of the time, let alone DH!
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 05 December 2011 - 16:05
ok, step back. If you can't treat the symptoms, look at the cause and treat that. What do you think is causing it? Are you breastfeeding? I've known 2 different breastfeeding mums whose children had horrendous nappy rash and it turned out it was because one was eating an inordinate amount of oranges and the other of tomatoes - both very acidic, so when it went through bubs, it didn't help! Once they changed their diets, the nappy rash cleared up considerably. Is you baby teething? Has it got a different ailment like thrush that could be aggravating the rash? All things to think about. In the mean time, try to keep bub's bottom clean and dry and out in the open air. Sudocrem burns on broken skin, by the way... used it on some eczema I had and had to scrub it off within seconds with watering eyes it was so painful. Your Dr might be testing for Amoebic Dysentery too - apparently it is rife here (DD was diagnosed with it a year or so ago) but thankfully very easily treated.
Hello.Again.Kitty
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Latest post on 05 December 2011 - 15:45
OMG, lady! I'm just going to take a little moment to lift my jaw off the desk and salute you, because feeding 2 little humans for 10 months is more than huge, it's just simply amazing... you've gone longer (to date - not saying you're done yet!) than an awful lot of singleton mums. Anyhow, I found that when my supply dropped with DD, when she was around 11.5 months, I couldn't recover it. She was in the process of self-weaning, so the rules of supply and demand just did what they needed to do. However, when my son went on nursing strike at 7 months old, I was able to retrieve it by spending a day putting him to the breast every hour and even if he just nuzzled, it was still sending the cues. As for the pump, check all the parts for cracks and the seals for signs of wear - my pump cracked along the seam of the clear bit and was a bit less efficient after that (not that I was really using it much). Never forget that a pump is less efficient than your baby, so if your supply is decreasing or your breasts are just becoming a bit more efficient, then you'll notice the difference more when you pump. If your DD is drinking from your breast, you should see her jaw working as she gulps the milk down. If she's just faffing, all the action will be at the front of her mouth and you might notice the tip of her tongue twitching - if she's latched on, there wouldn't be any tongue movement to speak of. If the reddish veins are new, I would get them checked, just in case.
 
 
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