Lillybucket

You poor thing!! Been there too- long time ago. First things first- dont sleep deprive your kids too in order to try to regulate their pattern. Sleep actually makes MORE sleep- not less.(Tired babies are bad tempered and make your life harder anyway). If your toddler doesnt get a nap it doesnt mean she will sleep better at night at all. Let sleeping babies lie- and at least then they are not so cranky when they are awake. Trying to get an infant and a toddler to synch sleep habits is nearly impossible as their needs are so different. Maybe- if you stop expecting that to happen- you will relax a bit. The kids will pick up on your tension as fast as a dog would- and act out accordingly. I realize youre very tired and irritable from it and its easier said than done. Can you get someone- anyone- to spell you for a few hours a day so you can catch up on your own sleep? Preferably they would take your kids elsewhere so you cant see or hear them and leave you your own bed.... Dream scenario- sorry.Ok- failing that- heres what I did. Toddler- They dont need you at night. They arent going to die for lack of mothering and have no need for sustenance. Demand feeding a toddler is asking for trouble. Once you stimulate the digestion in the night- you get a need for a nappy change etc- or wind or tummy gripes and then they are even more AWAKE! Cut out the midnight snacking at once if youre giving in. If you have to- offer only water- and sips at that . Also- cut out the attention at night- dont be too nice and comforting.No cuddling or stories or rocking or anything- just a calm (very limited and brief) go to sleep now- remark and put them very firmly back in bed- preferably without swithching on any lights. Consider getting a gate for their bedroom doorway if they are wandering at night. Consider removing the nightlight if you have one. Consider denser blinds/thicker curtains if streetlights are bright. Also- if you have irrigation that comes on at night- change the timing- ours always wakes me. Rewarding sleeplessness by letting Toddlers and bigger babies into your bed is just making it tougher for you in the long run. Its not cold or unloving to expect your child to sleep in his or her own bed. Its all down to conditioning. They can be re-programmed. You will get tears and tantrums to begin with probably. Ride them out and remain consistent, kind but also boring and insistent. No milk, no food, no cuddle, no invitation to get in with you and no conversation or negotiation or compromise (no lights on, no nappy change if possible too). I suggest you get your partner to help with this as it will be tiring and frustrating in the short term. I know there is the added danger of the toddler waking the infant and vice versa but as one settles- so will the other. (consider sound proofing the kids rooms- haha- if youre still there in 12 years there may be drumsets!) It may take about 2 weeks to break your toddler from expecting attention at night. Do what you need to do to get your own sleep when you can- short of giving in- that is. I promise it will work and you will get to sleep a normal night through (I say normal- because sickness , teething and nightmares can spoil it all in an instant and kids all regress at least 6 months when they are ill. Men regress years....) You will need to be tough about the crying and just ignore it- even if it wakes the littler one. Try letting her cry (from her room- behind a gate preferably- if she is not in a cot anymore) for 5 minutes at first. Then the second time you bring her back and she calls for you-take 10 minutes to go to her and so on- trying to stretch it longer each time. She wont die of hysteria. Dont worry. I know its heartbreaking hearing them frantic- but its the only way to re-train her- and its not just for your sake but hers too. My Husband had to just about sit on me to stop me giving in...I know how hard it is but just keep telling yourself this is what its all about and youre doing what is needed- you can do it! She will eventually give up- and she wont bear a grudge either- I promise. For the Infant- Youre demand feeding? He is old enough to stop snacking and take a bigger (more long lasting) feed now so you should get a bit meaner here as well.(dont get me wrong- I adored my babies but enough is enough or you will collapse) Again- offer water sips to tide him over between acceptable feed times so he is hungrier and takes more food each mealtime. Start with timed stretches of 10 minutes beyond when he expects to be fed each time so you slowly get him lasting longer- no big shocks.At 5 months you have two things to consider- possibly someone ready for early solids and most likely teeth making themselves felt. Does he take a soother? They help with the need to chomp and the comforting and can stretch him longer between feeds. Dont let him use you as a soother- napping on the breast must be stopped. Use a cold wet flannel (applied to face and feet) to rouse him gently and get him to nurse for longer if you can. Another trick to stretch the stomach to take more is to express your foremilk before each feed(both breasts) and give him only hind milk- which is thicker and richer and more filling. A one minute express on each side should do it. A lot of babies snack and only get the foremilk- which isnt very sustaining. If you offer water bottles regularly during the day between feeds he wont be just thirsty and wasting your time and then using you for a dummy. Its unlikely- being on the breast- that he will get dehydrated at all anyway but if he is insistent at night- try giving him water (tepid and boring and no boobie to get a fix with- he will probably turn it down unless he is genuinely thirsty. Be prepared- he will probably be very disappointed. How long does he feed for on each side? Could you be swapping breasts too soon ?(sometimes a ploy we use to wake them up i know- but it can mean he is only getting watery foremilk) He should have 4-5 hourly feeds by day at least now and give you at least a 7 hour stretch at night.(best pattern is 6,10, 2, 6,10- aim for that and substitute the 2am feed with water while augmenting the 6pm feed with rice porridge). Start things off by trying to get him to eat more during the day (stuff him to the gills and slowly stretch his little tummy to take more at a sitting.) If he wakes at night try not to change him unless he is really dirty. Just a wet nappy wont hurt him but changing him will wake him up more when he should be sleeping. During the day- use the opposite tactic- change him after a feed if its not specifically nap time- with lots of cool water- and then play with him and keep him awake as long as you can bear the crankiness but before he gets hysterical(you will know the signs). Fresh air and daylight are great to stimulate and also tire babies out. Being indoors all the time - behind tinted windows- doesnt help them when it comes to regulating their day and night body patterns. Solids are a possibility at this age- a little rice porridge never hurt anyone and given at a regular time each day it will give his bowels a chance to start forming a habit so you can plan his longer sleep cycles around his motions- which tend to wake them.Dont give porridge last thing at night though- I would give it at 6 pm which would leave room for another milk feed and a bowel motion before bed at 10pm. It may take a week or so to set a pattern. Keep a little note book and write down his sleep/wake/feed/motions in it and see if you can whittle him down to a more reasonable pattern. Again- if he is waking at night between reasonable feeds and not hungry/sick or frightened by a noise- then you should do as suggested for your DD- limited contact/cuddling, firm insistence on him sleeping in his own bed and no food between meals- just a little water or a soother- if you have to. Its not too much to let him cry a bit for attention. He wont choke or die- even if he is passionate.He just needs some conditioning. Unfortunately youre probably not in any condition to condition him while so sleep deprived. If you can afford it- consider a night nurse for a few weeks- and purchase sound excluding earphones (I have a pair- they are brilliant! Dont need the night nurse these days- oh the irony- I would have given my eyeteeth- and my firstborn- for a nurse once) Can you import a good friend/parent or relative to help you get this sorted? I mean that you should get some sleep- regularly and to do this you need someone else to take your pair off your hands for a few hours.Husbands need to function at work I know (and be safe driving too lets not forget) so he should also be getting his shut eye- BUT- dont let anyone tell you YOU arent the primary caregiver and need to be able to think on your feet too!Please dont drive if youre exhausted- ring for grocery deliveries and take-out! Yay for Dubai- this isnt too pricy here yet. Good luck and be strong- and know that youre not the only one in this boat, it isnt your fault and it will get better! God bless you and your babies x

Try Jumeirah beach centre-( blue building on beach road just after the zoo)- there are two costume shops that are pretty good. Lucky you- have fun!

your Aircon unit needs to be checked for a leak. We had a similar problem- the coolant kept disappearing- and being replaced -but the leak was never found- until Jim w f i investigated. re- the constant bulb and switch changes- um well thats typical here. Low cost(badly made or fake) bits are often used when villas are constructed and these fail after a short while or never work at all. The only thing you can do is try to source your own parts that need replacing and preferably do it yourself- if you can. These contractors get deals on large consignments of cheaper rubbish so expect to be replacing again sooner if you use them.Basically- what you put in is what you get out. Its just more expensive. Im not sure its a scam really- just shoddy workmanship(unskilled labour) and trying to cut costs/make a profit. I dont think there are any standards checks on building materials or licenses here. I worry constantly about our wiring being safe- the earth leakage seems inconsistent. We have melted plug sockets that didnt trip switches and the facade of our house is crumbling off to reveal rusting girders. Its less than 5 years old! If you want maintenance you can trust you will have to pay for it

It seems as if you are all returning items on a regular basis? Why? Just think twice before you buy it. Saves you a lot of frustration, as well as having to drive back there (on these apparently dangerous Dubai roads) in the first place. I will admit that I am often in a hurry, cant bear the queues or cant face changing rooms.I will buy clothes that look like they will fit/look nice and run (to whatever scary social occasion warranted an outfit I dont already have- at the last minute) This doesnt always work. Sometimes things look better on the hanger- Im not hanger shaped but I keep hoping. Other times things are mis- packaged or labelled- or damaged and I dont find this out until too late. Also Im sadly intimidated by hovering salespeople who badger me into buying things or distract me while Im needing to concentrate on the purchase in hand. In Victorias secret I went in to try a bra and had a saleslady try to push her way into the change room with me(with measuring tape!) I had to challenge her and shut her insistent donkey out(not kidding) I mean, honestly... if I need help deciding on my personal dimensions -and I have been this shape for at least 25 years- I will ASK for it. Needless to say I was too upset to decide on anything and took off like a scalded cat and had to find underwear elsewhere- at a later date. I would hate to return something there- they probably would insist on seeing you in it to be sure it didnt fit!

please forgive me for saying this but Im not sure the dishwasher would get my vote for an old friend or something precious. It depends what the hat is made of. If there is any wool, leather or pure cotton in the lining or hat itself the heat alone in the dishwasher could shrink it- or set stains. Dishwashing powder is pretty harsh and can bleach if it clumps and sticks somewhere on the fabric. Straw hats dont like to get wet at all and will usually lose their shape even if you stuff the crown. Straw is often starched for strength in the shaping process and wetting it makes the hat go limp and floppy. You could try spot cleaning using hand disinfecting alcohol gel- applied with a piece of old white cotton fabric. Test a small concealed area first to be sure no paint, varnish or dyes are released first. For colourfast satin/fabric covered SHOES I use spray on dry cleaning fluid that powders and then rubs off. Im sure this would work to refresh hats too.

I also think the younger she is when you tell her the better. She will have more time to get used to the idea before she hits the angst years. She will probably use this info against you then anyway. Teens tend to turn everything into a tragedy starring themselves. Im not sure you can win this one but you can try. Whats most important is that she thinks you are cool with it now. If she senses anxiety from you about her reaction then she may feel anxious and insecure about the news or decide you expect her to be upset and act accordingly. If I had to impart something like this then I would do so when she is in a happy, confident mood. Take her aside and tell her you have decided that she is old enough and mature enough to hear something you having been saving for a time when she can better understand it. This should be flattering- they all want to be seen as grown up. It is unlikely that she doesnt know that mom+dad=baby but she doesn't need to know details yet(she probably knows more than you think) Ask her if she feels safe and happy at home with 2 parents then tell her she is doubly lucky because she has a special Dad who chose to be her daddy instead of just the usual family setup. Then let her ask questions about her birth father whom Im presuming doesn't feature in her life at all. What you tell her should be as boring as possible. Not scary, negative,romantic or sad- just dull. Kids this age are quite self absorbed and still have short attention spans. Most likely she will hear you- be a bit grossed out having to contemplate parent goings on- then want to do something else. Perhaps you could keep the talk short- ten minutes tops- so she isnt overwhelmed with too much info or emotion from you. Don't let her feel you are sorry for her or yourself or that it is or was a huge issue in your life. If you treat it as a normal thing- she will accept it as such. Don't make a fuss over her afterwards either or she will figure out its a topic she can use to her advantage (theyre so clever and dont always play fair) The likely scenario is that she will skip out and carry on as if she never knew different leaving you wondering what on Earth you were all wound up about. Of course she will think about it at times in the future- as and when something reminds her or if she has questions but then you can just field these as they happen to give her more clarity when the info is needed. She will manage. Dont worry too much. Kids are very hardy creatures and as long as youre fine she will be happy and balanced. How does your husband feel? Maybe he would like to be there too? I would tell my daughter first in private and then have Dad in the next room to come in and give her a hug afterwards- but thats our family.Dad isnt big on scenes. Im sure whatever you decide to tell her, she will be fine. Try not to worry.Easier said than done I know.x