Livelytrish

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 June 2013 - 17:55

Actually I think lively trish maybe did? Smacking isn't something I'd ever do, especially not a 14 month old but it's not something that riles me up, I think there are worse things parents do to their kids that are legal and often suggested on this forum. Out of curiosity where are you from that its still std practice? What exactly gave you that idea....................I suggested a tap on the hand...............perhaps my penultimate post (and if you would do me a favour and actually reread my posts on this thread) will straighten the record................I hadn't seen your comments before I posted my lengthier reply.. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 27/06/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 June 2013 - 17:51

And I'll dive into the debate again.............but with the warning that a bunfight on this thread will do nothing to help the OP, who is in real distress and floundering around without much support. But that apart here goes.................spanking, or hitting a child as punishment is barbaric and belongs in another age when children were seen as potential sinners to be cured. It sends out two very frightening messages, firstly that inflicting pain and humiliation is a valid response (not a good life lesson) and secondly it gives respectability to really vicious child abusers........... I doubt very much if there is a single abusive parent in prison for child brutality or murder who did not believe in part of their mind that they were exercising their right to chastise. A firm but gentle slap, or rather a tap, on the hand or leg of a child too young to understand language let alone cause and effect, is basic Pavlovian conditioning. It doesn't have to hurt, and it shouldn't......but it's effective and far better than the effects of a tipped over pan, an electric shock or the wheels of a car. To warn their children of dangerous or anti social behaviour, animals give a gentle nip with the teeth, or a restrained swipe of the paw......they do not pick up a branch and beat. We could learn a lot from the animal world..........warning, not punishment.. Once a child is old enough to beat (and I am assuming that ShannonB does not spank her babies) then they are old enough to be reasoned with, or to briefly lose privileges like TV or pudding. However, much as I disapprove of physical chastisement ......there is one parenting tactic which is to my mind far far worse than spanking....... and that is parental withdrawal, call it time out, the silent treatment, or the cold shoulder........ .and it seems to be a tactic advocated more and more by modern child "experts". To a child it is removal of love and that is probably as, if not more, damaging than a beating Children need to know they are loved regardless, to paraphrase a line in the update on a very old book........."love the sinner, hate the sin." "Spare the rod etc" is very Old Testament...........it belongs to an age of stoning and witch burning. I prefer the later rewrite. And just as a last comment............virtually everyone I have met who do physically punish their children claim that they were similarly treated........." and it never did me any harm".............. I would seriously question that, heard it too often from people who really did step over the line.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 June 2013 - 20:52

It really depends what you define as mainstream parenting. People get very hung up about features of attachment parenting like baby-wearing , extended breastfeeding or co sleeping but these are not requirements of attachment parenting, they are just things that many attachment parents do to make it easier to respond to their babies. It's the responsiveness that is important, you can formula feed, push a pram and sleep in a separate room from your baby and still be attachment parenting. Certainly things like breastfeeding or formula feeding on cue have been shown to be a safer approach and so are recomended by major health bodies. Dear me, I had no idea. And I co-slept (as people did for centuries) and breastfed (one child for nearly four years)..........and carried them round in a baby sling .............that's called normal parenting (well maybe not the prolonged breast feeding)but I followed my instincts, used a bit of common sense, along with advise from all schools of thought - adapting those aspects which fitted both me and my baby and went with the flow. ANY school of thought...and believe me as a grannie I have seen a few, from the horrors of the 50's through Spock, Penelope Leach, Gina ford,,and all the rest.............which tries to convince parents that there is actually one technique, method, regime .what ever you want to call it, is JUNK. And all too often just undermine a mother's natural confidence, and sets them up for failure.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 June 2013 - 19:38

And I'm still here, roll on the Golden Girls reunion x

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 June 2013 - 19:13

Just as an aside, I find most people who knock Attachment Parenting don't really understand what it is and often if you take the time to explain it they say "but that's what I do already". Attachment parenting is very much instinctive, natural parenting. It is certainly not "junk" advise and there is a wealth of research out there to support an AP approach. Actually, I do understand the theory ................in a long distant previous life I took my first degree in Psychology. And I do think any approach to child rearing which ignores basic developmental milestones is just junk. Not all children are the same, but there are a few basics common to all.............trying to appeal to a baby's conscience or sense of altruism is right up there with Rousseau's theory of original innocence. Like early potty training, it's all about conditioning the parent, not the child. And probably why there are so many impossible and disturbed brats with neurotic and desperate mummies floating around these days. But there you go, I'm just a Grumpy Old Granny.....but please don't tell me i don't "understand". It's not rocket science............about which I will happily admit to knowing nothing.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 June 2013 - 16:54

Thank you for such detailed insight. I mostly do what I feel is right but sometimes books take a better hold on me. You are right lolacat and livelytrish maybe he is catching onto my anxiety. I"ll try to rethink my options. But we do not have a violent environment or hit him, nor I have seen other kids hitting each other down In the play area. But he might have observed some place that.'s why he does it. He needs to be taught discipline but for now 1-2 minutes timeouts would be fine.he doesn't listen if I say something just carryon screaming. Reading back to my second post I cringe. That didn't came out the way I wanted to express. I think I have forgotten the art of articulation! sleep deprived mind and late hour maybe to blame. But thank you for all the suggestions and advice. I have to consume his energy more so that he doesn't get violent. angel joy...................he's being "violent" as you call it because he can't SPEAK...........he hasn't got another voice except to grab or lash out. He hasn't "learned " to act up from witnessing violence........... he is just a boisterous, frustrated little puppy.............please try not to read to much into things. He's obviously bright, so he needs outlets.............time with other children, space to run around and tire himself out..........and boundaries so he doesn't feel anxious. If he hits you (or anyone else) give him, as I said, a firm tap on the hand, and a firm NO.and a cross face. But make sure he gets lots of cuddles too............he is just a very little person, and I suspect, in so far as his little mind is capable of processing anything, a very anxious little boy, because his Mummy is so tense.........and perhaps expecting too much from him.. Just relax............he's not going to turn into an axe murderer, he's frustrated and insecure. Once he learns to communicate a lot of that frustration will go.............and if you could just stop panicking, he will become much more comfortable in his little world picture. Good luck..................just remember, children are far harder to screw up than you think. Humanity has been raising them for millions of years..............one of my garden cats had kittens eight weeks ago..........she's not much more than a baby herself, but her instincts told her how to do it, lots of cuddles and the odd swipe with a paw when they step out of line. Maybe I'll get her to write a parenting book..........I'll suggest she calls it "We Mummies know more than we think" x

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 June 2013 - 15:27

angel joy .... Lola cat has hit several nails on the head..........let me add this......... Most importantly - your little one is a BABY. His little brain is operating at less than that of a poodle's...............he doesn't even know where he ends and other people begin. He certainly can't make the connect on an intellectual basis between his behaviour and your response, he has no idea about consequence and even less about remorse....... but he is picking up on one thing, he feels puzzled and afraid.....because he knows that you are feeling the same............ he knows you haven't got a clue. And that may very well be why he is acting up (although it is impossible to tell whether he really is, or if you just have unrealistic expectations). Please throw away whatever book it is that you are reading, Attachment Parenting is an unproven concept developed in response to "Attachment Disorder". which is a condition sometimes observed in children who have had truly traumatic relationships with caregivers. Crazy as in mad or alcoholic, or uncaring as in Eastern Bloc orphanages. It doesn't happen in normal families. To base a child rearing technique on a set of adverse circumstances is junk parenting advise. It's on a par with taking Vitamins to prevent cancer. Stop reading up on how to "Be a parent" and listen to your own mother, or aunts, and your own memories. Use your own instincts, use a little common sense.................if he is doing something dangerous (like sticking his fingers in a socket etc) or destructive.......... use a tiny tap on the hand and a firm NO.......same if he pinches another child's toy, or whatever...........and please let him loose amongst other children, if he does kick up around them it is probably because a) he's totally puzzled at the fact there are other little people in the world, and b) he is picking up on your anxiety. What you are doing now is worse than useless, if you keep it up, ie the withdrawal of yourself.... .once he begins to understand that you are using that as a punishment, that if he is "bad" Mummy goes away......... you really might end up with a disturbed and angry little boy.....with real Attachment Disorder. (When he is a little older you can try the "time out" approach but in my opinion that is only really effective with tantrums from a child old enough to be self aware, gives them time to calm down without losing too much face.) Children really need above anything to feel SAFE, they need boundaries but most of all to know that Mummy is in charge and knows what she is doing, even a tiny baby will pick up on parents' lack of confidence.............and if it helps, in my experience children are a lot more resilient than we think. The most damaged human beings I know are those whose parents were scared of doing the wrong thing................just be consistently loving, and remember that a tiny smack on the hand and a firm no.......much as you would do with a puppy, will serve well enough until they are able to reason.....then it's a whole new ball game but then you just have to be smarter than they are, and a whole lot more patient!

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 24 June 2013 - 18:53

I wasn't aware that Leaky Gut Syndrome had been ever recognised as a bona fide medical condition. There is a great deal of junk science out there being peddled as fact by unscrupulous practitioners. Wasn't "Leaky Gut" one of the planks of Andrew Wakeley's falsified study on the Measles/Autism premise?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 24 June 2013 - 00:32

I really don't mean to sound alarmist , and there are many mothers who have successfully had several C sections, butnhaving even one does raise the risk of a ruptured womb in subsequent pregnancy........and that is not a possibility be taken lightly. I speak from painful and terrifying experience, Please give yourself time to heal...........and listen to your medical advisor.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 24 June 2013 - 00:07

it really does not matter what any of us think but it should matter that you hear your girl. seems she would be happy in anything that 'resembles' a bra so, go for it. Have a 'bra' decorating party, put ribbons, tiny sparkles whatever on it, celebrate it even if she does not need it, she wants to feel part of it all ;)....(you can have a white vest cut down, elastic put in, dye it, sparkle it, ribbon it, whatever and I bet all the other girls will be so jealous of her excellent 'bra'. Yes to all of the above........... and it really worries me that some people seem to be afraid of accepting that their little girls will grow up. The Boobie Fairy isn't the only predictor of puberty, and a kiddie bra isn't exactly a "P@rn star in Training" T shirt.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 June 2013 - 18:12

You are more than welcome, Irooni........... being a mummy is one h@ll of a task sometimes especially when the little darlings start to "Grow Up"..................you will have a few more years of tricky moments,I once compared the "tweenage" phase to watching a child driving a Ferrari...........and then there are the dreaded full blown "teens". But it's all worth it................ x

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 June 2013 - 17:37

Irooni...............you need to ask yourself, why does this worry you so much? Little girls do mature physically much faster than before, the age of menarche has been dropping for the last hundred years, There are many different opinions as to exactly why, but it isn't just peer pressure or fashion.... certainly better nutrition is a factor and possibly more oestrogen producing food in the diet .........there lots of theories out there, but whatever the cause it is a fact that yesterday's thirteen is today's nine or ten. So it's pointless to compare our daughters' or grand daughter's milestones to our own experiences. Maybe your little one hasn't started to "bud" but if most of her peers have, what is the real harm in letting her have a little bra top? She's not going to go out pole dancing, she will just feel more comfortable around her more developed friends. I think you are going to have to embrace her coming woman hood, not fear it.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 June 2013 - 14:40

My girls were born at very different times (one is 22 and the other is 10). I noticed with the second one, that the list of foods that were 'not allowed' had grown exponentially...seafood had been added, which I ignored, becasue I love it. I also (hide behind parapet to prepare for lynching), enjoyed the odd glass of vino while pregnant (in France it is not part of the recommendation that you give up completely...or it wasnt a few years ago). Several people thought I was insane to go on holiday to India at 22 weeks then again to a Greek Island at 29 weeks and a house hunting trip to Spain at 36 weeks! your friend has tried for a long time to have a baby so share her joy and help her enjoy life without judgement. Except if she is smoking, in which case let rip!! The latest from the medical world (in UK at least) is that a glass of wine per day is OK. The foetal alcoholism risk comes from alcohol abuse. The original findings from a study done on Inuit Indians involved seriously addicted women. Unfortunately like so many pieces of research it was taken out of context and used as another strand in the medicalisation of pregnancy.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 June 2013 - 14:23

LT, what about Larry, Curly and Moe. Collectively they are already called the three Stooges!!!!!

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 June 2013 - 14:22

My latest are one black and white...............liking Domino, Corky or Felix (looks a lot like the cat in the ads) another pure jet black..............Sooty or Kali.and the little girl (body every colour under the sun and each leg different) either Gypsy or Ziggy. Thanks ladies!!!!!!!!!

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 June 2013 - 13:29

We are wracking our brains for names for three new kittens.............since we already have Ruffie, Scraps, Teddie, Minnie, Smudger, Lucky, Harlequin, Smokey and Fat Ronnie, not to mention the dogs Dottie, Tommi and Lillie you can see the problem.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 June 2013 - 13:25

Ozfamily, with Australian passports you definitely do not require a visa for a visit to Cyprus for less than 90 days. Enjoy our beautiful island!!!

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 June 2013 - 13:25

If anyone still has any doubts about the fairness of her first trial.......try reading "The Monster of Florence " by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi. The two writers were at various points treated as suspects, merely because they had written about the case, Same Chief Prosecutor,who incidentally believes in witchcraft. Very frightening, and I don't just mean the murders. That was quite an interesting book. Gives you something to think about, although I think probably with a grain of salt. Not sure why it is any less believable than some of the "evidence" against Knoxx. I certainly wouldn't want to be changed with any crime under that particular jurisdiction, if even a fraction of the book (and many other accounts of that particular investigation) is true.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 19 June 2013 - 13:17

If anyone still has any doubts about the fairness of her first trial.......try reading "The Monster of Florence " by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi. The two writers were at various points treated as suspects, merely because they had written about the case, Same Chief Prosecutor,who incidentally believes in witchcraft. Very frightening, and I don't just mean the murders.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 June 2013 - 21:48

While I don't believe that you were saying I was having a go at the father LT I feel I should clarify my post. There are 2 parents for every child. Each have responsibilities emotional, financial and parental. My post was only to underline while one has decided to bow out, that doesn't absolve him of his responsibility. I recognize both parents have a lot invested emotionally and we are only seeing one side here (not saying OP is exaggerating or misstating her circumstances) One can only post on the information provided - I am a firm believer whether a parent is present 24/7 or not, s/he is still a parent and the child is the priority. Right now, from what I understand OP is unemployed, starting a search for accommodation and one assumes sponsoring the maid. She needs his help too. edited by marycatherine on 18/06/2013 Wasn't aiming my comments at you or anyone else in particular, just trying to take the emphasis off the father as potential deadbeat and try to shed some possible light onto the situation the OP and her DH have been coping with. Of course it is a given that he has an equal responsibility.................no one in their right mind would argue otherwise. Whether or not he lives up to it is another matter, as another poster so rightly said, you can take a horse to water, but the point I was making was that his motives might well be a little more complex and understandable.....and possibly reversible given time. i don't think our telling his wife about his responsibilities is going to do much to help the situation. Stating the obvious is not very useful.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 June 2013 - 20:17

Not trying to give you false hope, but I hadn't realised until your last post that your DS has on going problems. I had a very premature baby girl who was extremely ill for some months, and when we finally got her home her condition caused her great discomfort and pain so she was very demanding and life was stressful to say the least. Not only that, but I found the adjustment from living minute by minute whilst she was in ICU to so called normality very hard, if you like there is a type of post traumatic stress associated with birth outcomes which are less than straightforward, and any external support seems to fall away once you have got your baby home. My daughter is now a happy healthy adult, thanks be, but I would not go through those early months and years again. Most importantly, it had a very damaging effect on my husband - in these situations fathers are even with the best will in the world a little sidelined, and most men do not have the emotional flexibilty to handle the range of emotions evoked. Some years after she was born I became heavily involved with a support group for the mums of preemies, and one common factor was the problems facing the daddies, we had not been alone. Men rarely have the support of friends and workmates, once the cigars have been handed round post delivery they are on their own, especially if things are less than perfect. They go through a range of emotions, sometimes feeling excluded by the process in hospital and at home, they often feel as though they have failed somehow and they frequently feel rage because they cannot express or share their fears and insecurities with their peers. They can become distant, or depressed or worse, sometimes drinking, having affairs or even leaving. I have no real idea if this is a factor in your problem (though I would add that even in the most perfect of baby situations some men find it hard to handle new and untested emotions) but perhaps you just might consider this scenario. It may be he simply needs time and space to sort out his head, or perhaps a professional can help you to understand him. That might not bring him back, but at least it would help you come to terms with his leaving if you knew a little more about the reasons for his withdrawal from the marriage. You notice I don't suggest that he get help, but only because I suspect he would feel even more threatened and run a mile. And before other posters leap in and rant about his need to step up to the plate, man up etc, please believe me when I say that not only women have post partum issues, especially when it's not all champagne and flowers. I truly hope for all you of that this is a temporary glitch, it is just possible, but if not then at least an explanation might leave you feeling a little less lost. All the best to you and your little family x

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 June 2013 - 13:13

And even after you go through the check process, sign in, read threads and post, two minutes later the pop up locks you out again. The check system is not only cumbersome but obviously faulty.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 June 2013 - 13:08

"Make your man happy...." is anyone else finding this a wee bit offensive given we are no longer in the 1950's? I am surprised that EW would accept such blatantly derogatory advertising. Have you ever watched the ads for washing powder, stock cubes etc on TV on certain channels? Or sometimes even some of the advice given on here? The 50's still exists in many many parts of the world.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 June 2013 - 11:59

Are you sure it was a spider? I trod on a hornet once, the pain was unbearable, dreadful swelling right up the leg for several days, felt extremely unwell for at least a week, it also left a stinger in the wound and I had difficulty walking for several weeks due to the pain in my foot. Usually they are very easy to spot (and avoid like the plague) but if they are on the ground it is all too easy to be bitten. They are quite common in the region, if you do see them indoors (usually on the window) fly spray does kill them, just make sure they truly are dead before disposing of the remains.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 June 2013 - 17:33

Marroosh, I don't think anyone was realistically suggesting that the OP go out and meet someone else "directly". More that her life is not over, and there will be light one day at the end of her present very dark tunnel. ETA...........some of those posters have actually experienced marriage, and its subsequent breakdown. Theory is all very well. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 17/06/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 June 2013 - 15:40

A very wise old lady once told me when I was younger and going through a hard time, "Nothing lasts for ever, not even the bad times". Now that I am an old lady, not necessarily very wise, but certainly much wiser than I was, I truly know how right she was. Please try to hold on to that thought, it helped me carry on through the darkest depths. Good luck to you, you will come through.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 June 2013 - 16:47

At the risk sounding alarmist, have you considered the impact of recent events in Syria, and the possible destabilisation of neighbouring countries, especially in the light of the announcement yesterday that the UK has sent troops to Jordan?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 June 2013 - 20:04

Lamaaz, you are pregnant, not ill or injured. 45 minutes is not very long in anyone's life, there are women in many parts of the world who have to wait hours if not days to see a doctor. if the Dr was short and or rude with you (which in truth is more accurate than "repulsive") it might just be that she thought you were being spoilt .........and precious. How do you know she had not been been running late due to another patient's serious complication? Did you really expect to be asked if that was OK? Perhaps it's hard to get an appointment with this doctor for a very good reason.........for her expertise, not her manners.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 09 June 2013 - 11:02

Very dear friends of mine made a mistake. an error of judgement, a moment's carelessness.......over thirty years ago when they lost their toddler in unimaginably tragic circumstances. They were leaving the house and packing the car for a short trip when the mother remembered she had forgotten the nappy bag behind the front door. She called to her husband to say she was going to get it, leaving her daughter in front of the step, the father misheard and started the car and reversed into their adored and long awaited only child. Each parent thought the child was safe with the other. They are both dead now at an early age, their lives were totally ruined and they knew nothing but remorse, regret and devastating grief from that day. People make mistakes every day, sometimes even with those things most precious to them.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 09 June 2013 - 10:35

I wonder how many generations must pass before it is acceptable to say outright that some behaviours are completely wrong. And how long before we can reclaim the word "respect" from the abusers and the bullies.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 June 2013 - 20:27

I agree with Amy, and I think her reason is not being understood. What I think she means is that her family would have to "suck up" a bit with the husband and family to win some trust, calm things down and "normalize" the relationship. This will allow her to be able to speak to her family alone and start planning an "escape strategy". I don't think you need to look at it as a way to humiliate her or her family, but as way for her to get out. As long as they feel "disrespected" and they have her locked in she can't do anything else, it will only put her at risk of violence. It's merely a strategy for her to get out. What a frightening world some women have to inhabit.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 June 2013 - 19:46

Why does he think they do not respect him? did something happen? i mean, i would hate to give advice then fond out he has grounds for feeling that way. if he has no grounds then Your parents may have to go in suck up overdrive, doing whatever he wants to make him happy. Your dad should speak to him and say "is there a problem? We respect you, we think you are wonderful, is there something we can do?" And your family need to be timid with him am try to get him to see they respect him. Once you have that bridge built you can plan your next move. But seeking a divorce here when your family is not here and he is financially stable here and has family who could care for your daughter is not the best way to go. I'm assuming you are Muslim. Take proactive steps to remind him of his religion. It is haram for you to not speak with your family. Begin to listen to the Quran in the house. I you have a mobile with radio, I believe I is 87.6FM. Or a CD would be better and play the CDs with relevant Syrah to remind him of his obligations to you and yours I your family. People like this are best not challenged angry as they can be irrational, it is better to do what you can to get him to neutral ground (if his belief that he is being disrespected is unfounded, that is. And make sure you looks t the whole situation too, that he isn't correct as maybe they are disrespecting him but as they are your family you do not see it). Maybe, just maybe AA you post sounds reasonable and sensible in another universe to mine, but from where I am standing, it makes my blood run cold. Her parents should be "timid" ,,,,,,and they may not have "respected" him? Dear me. Poor little girl if she is trapped in such a universe............not much hope if those who should know better give such advice. The whole situation send chills up my spine and annoy me. But what should she do? Go into fight with him? Go to court and demand he does something? She is vulnerable and in his lock, her family need to work out how to get her out and if they wage a war against him in the courts here she may lose her daughter. They need to lead him to believe he is the powerful one while strategically planning to get her putt and back with them, at least get his trust to the point where he would allow them to go to see them in Pakistan, where again I do not know that the laws would even grant her custody, but with her family supporting her there they may. Here she has no one but his family and him. She needs to get her family in on an action plan to help her. She has no money, no credit - she needs to get her family working to help her. And sometimes that means biting your hand until you calm the victimiser then dealing with them when you've disarmed them as eat you can. Then perhaps you might have prefaced your post with with just that...........................the way you wrote would only have served to make her feel more trapped. Sometimes, even on here, you need to spell out between the lines.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 June 2013 - 19:24

Why does he think they do not respect him? did something happen? i mean, i would hate to give advice then fond out he has grounds for feeling that way. if he has no grounds then Your parents may have to go in suck up overdrive, doing whatever he wants to make him happy. Your dad should speak to him and say "is there a problem? We respect you, we think you are wonderful, is there something we can do?" And your family need to be timid with him am try to get him to see they respect him. Once you have that bridge built you can plan your next move. But seeking a divorce here when your family is not here and he is financially stable here and has family who could care for your daughter is not the best way to go. I'm assuming you are Muslim. Take proactive steps to remind him of his religion. It is haram for you to not speak with your family. Begin to listen to the Quran in the house. I you have a mobile with radio, I believe I is 87.6FM. Or a CD would be better and play the CDs with relevant Syrah to remind him of his obligations to you and yours I your family. People like this are best not challenged angry as they can be irrational, it is better to do what you can to get him to neutral ground (if his belief that he is being disrespected is unfounded, that is. And make sure you looks t the whole situation too, that he isn't correct as maybe they are disrespecting him but as they are your family you do not see it). Maybe, just maybe AA you post sounds reasonable and sensible in another universe to mine, but from where I am standing, it makes my blood run cold. Her parents should be "timid" ,,,,,,and they may not have "respected" him? Dear me. Poor little girl if she is trapped in such a universe............not much hope if those who should know better give such advice.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 June 2013 - 18:59

But there are people like that in Dubai..................sad but true, and much more fun to write about than the people who quietly live and work like "regular folks". Call it the other "Dark side of Dubai" if you like, but there is a small section of the population who do behave in that fashion. Of course, most other cities in the world have their own version of the same, but Dubai does seem to attract posers!! Don't always shoot the messenger!! <em>edited by Livelytrish on 07/06/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 June 2013 - 17:23

I can see why you would say it FM, but I can't help being a bit disappointed that you're not even going to try to stay here...I know it's easy to say and something else to actually make happen, but for the sake of saving your girls more upheaval is there really no way you can at least try ? Don't want to upset people living happily in the UK but when compared to here it's pants...living on benefits, waiting to get housed, trying to get work that you can fit around your girls and not having any support will be tough on all of you...at least here you have friends and opportunities to get qualified...If you have to go on this holiday so be it but think very carefully about where you will end up at the end of it...and yes PL has good advice but I agree with TDB, at this late stage I doubt your husband will suddenly change the habits of a lifetime and step up...any arrangements that you don't make yourself just won't get made - I think you know that...he is living as a single man and still expects you to organise his life for him...well, you can organise one last thing for him - his future as a REAL single man... If you read OP's posts..........it's the visa issue which may make staying impossible.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 June 2013 - 16:01

No 10 have totally mishandled this, either totally deny and front it out or come clean with the names. This way has just spattered everyone with s@@@.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 20:32

Apparently holidays in Dubai are sold cheaper in the UK/Europe than trips to Portugal, Spain, etc. Personally if I were a celeb, I would go to Nevis or Necker Island or Seychelles for my sun n sand. What makes you think the "celebs" pay? It's all a PR stunt for Dubai..........just like Posh and Becks "buying" in the Palm.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 May 2013 - 11:50

The WHO have stated this week that MERS poses a threat to "world health", Unfortunately there not a lot any of us can do, given that it appears to be spread by airborne droplets. However, the very fact of its extremely high mortality rate, since it kills its own vectors, should be reassuring. SARS seems to have been similarly self limiting. All we can do is hope for the same, and stop waiting for the next shoe to drop. edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013 who cares what a bunch of aging musos say anyway ?? lol Who or what is a "muso"? edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013 musician Oh sorry, didn't pick up on the pun But I hate to disagree with you but SARS is person to person via droplets. I never said it wasn't My apologies, the quote line confused me, of course it was another poster. Sorry.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 May 2013 - 11:46

The WHO have stated this week that MERS poses a threat to "world health", Unfortunately there not a lot any of us can do, given that it appears to be spread by airborne droplets. However, the very fact of its extremely high mortality rate, since it kills its own vectors, should be reassuring. SARS seems to have been similarly self limiting. All we can do is hope for the same, and stop waiting for the next shoe to drop. edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013 who cares what a bunch of aging musos say anyway ?? lol Who or what is a "muso"? edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013 musician Oh sorry, didn't pick up on the pun But I hate to disagree with you but SARS is person to person via droplets.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 May 2013 - 11:43

The WHO have stated this week that MERS poses a threat to "world health", Unfortunately there not a lot any of us can do, given that it appears to be spread by airborne droplets. However, the very fact of its extremely high mortality rate, since it kills its own vectors, should be reassuring. SARS seems to have been similarly self limiting. All we can do is hope for the same, and stop waiting for the next shoe to drop. edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013 who cares what a bunch of aging musos say anyway ?? lol Who or what is a "muso"? <em>edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 May 2013 - 11:26

The WHO have stated this week that MERS poses a threat to "world health", Unfortunately there not a lot any of us can do, given that it appears to be spread by airborne droplets. However, the very fact of its extremely high mortality rate, since it kills its own vectors, should be reassuring. SARS seems to have been similarly self limiting. All we can do is hope for the same, and stop waiting for the next shoe to drop. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 30/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 20:36

Must reiterate that these are Saudi values...not Islamic values. Thank you. Yes, I'm glad you emphasised that nuance. I should have bolded it as that is what I wanted to convey. I specifically said "some regions". The nuance was there for those who choose to read between the lines. Tho..........Saudi interpretation has spread outwith its borders, particularly in some tribal regions.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 19:49

There is a warped view that women outside the home are "asking for it'. Actually they are seen as a threat to fragile masculinity, but it's safer and more comforting to blame the women. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 29/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 19:36

Fear driven misogyny. Sad but true and all too common in some regions.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 11:18

Not sure if this is allowed, so sorry in advance Admin if not, but just wanted to recommend "The Luxury Closet". For years my DD has longed for a Fendi "Spy" bag which is both costly and I believe now hard to find, I saw the ad on the forum and was casually surfing through the site when I found one for sale at a very good price A few days later a very very happy girl in New York is proudly carrying it. SO thanks Luxury Close for great service, and thanks EW for the information.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 20:25

AmyAus.........well said. And good luck OP, believe me, eventually your luck will turn and you will have the life you deserve..............but in the meantime take care of yourself, ignore your husband's nasty and sad habits and concentrate on your lovely little baby. And lean on friends, even if you are feeling isolated now, your baby will open may doors, as another poster suggested join groups, you will meet other mums out and about. Build your own little bubble for you and bub and let the rest take care of itself for now. <em>edited by Livelytrish on 26/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 May 2013 - 18:37

I have tried to keep my herbs on the balcony last year and even my rosemary died (rosemary is hard to kill)! Now I wanna give it try just one more time. Where do you keep your herbs?? It's the humidity which is the killer.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 May 2013 - 17:46

I can thoroughly recommend DASA, They were excellent.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 May 2013 - 11:37

The North IS lovely, both the mountains and the historical sites (spectacular castles and an old abbey) and it is much less commercialised than the South, and yes it is cheaper by far to shop and eat. However it is much harder to get to, unless you fly via Turkey. If you land in Larnaca there is a long and very expensive taxi drive to the North, you cannot take a rental car over the border. Just came back couple of weeks ago. 200 Turkish lira for a private taxi and the journey took around an hour. If you hire a car in the North the hire company will automatically send a taxi as part of the deal. We didn't do that this time as we were only there for a week, but have done it before. That would work.........a lot cheaper than the mafia taxis at Larnaca!

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 23 May 2013 - 11:08

The North IS lovely, both the mountains and the historical sites (spectacular castles and an old abbey) and it is much less commercialised than the South, and yes it is cheaper by far to shop and eat. However it is much harder to get to, unless you fly via Turkey. If you land in Larnaca there is a long and very expensive taxi drive to the North, you cannot take a rental car over the border.

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