snowflake | ExpatWoman.com
 

snowflake

snowflake
177
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Latest post on 07 May 2011 - 15:49
Great ideas, SA Babe and Adoz. Thanks for the suggestions. It will be their first trip to the Middle East, so I want them to have a good time and see the best the UAE has to offer. Hopefullly they will enjoy it. Thanks again to everyone!
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 May 2011 - 20:26
You could try the dermatologist at Poly Clinic on Al Wasl Road. Her name is Dr Reuter. One of my children goes to her and she is very nice and seems up to date with all the latest medicines (moved to Dubai from Germany about a year ago). When you first go to the clinic it seems as if it specialises in pediatric care (which it does), but it also has other doctors for adults, too.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 06 May 2011 - 20:23
Thanks, julieanneb......sounds delicious. I am definitely going to give it a go now. Great idea of sharing too. I know I have had an afternoon tea in Dubai before and felt awful when I just couldn't eat it all and had to waste it. Thanks for the input all of you.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 22:03
I know how truly awful these things are to deal with when you are a long way from home. So sorry that you can't go back (although I would have another word with your boss, if I were you....even if it meant taking time off without pay). Stay strong for her.......sending you a big hug and prayers.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 21:48
So so sorry to hear your news, Sandgirl3. You must be so upset and understandably so. Is there any way you can go back home. It might make you feel better to see her and focus on helping her to stay positive, rather than staying here and worrying without being able to do much.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 21:45
I agree with Chocs01. Eye contact is good.....remember to smile as you delilver your talk (it engages your audience ) and as soon as you find the one or two 'sympathetic' audience members who you see smiling back at you, use them as comfort props to go back to every now and again for passive support and reassurance. I used to be exactly the same, but in my early career, I too was forced to do lots of public speaking....and yes.....it does get easier. So don't put yourself down 'onthemoveagain' you can do this and each time you do it, it will get a bit better.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 21:25
Have to agree with you Chocs01.....I am more of a Miss Marple / Midsomer Murders type. Quaint, country cottage murders..with not a drop of blood in sight. Not realistic at all, but suits me. I have a friend back in UK who just loves scary movies....the scarier the better!!! Just don't understand it. Why make yourself frightened. How can you just expect to go to bed and have a good night's sleep after seeing some of these films.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 21:11
OK so this is not a phobia, but it is something I hate......scary movies. How many of you like them. I just can't understand why someone would put themselves through the experience as well as the nighmares afterwards. I could never watch a scary movie, especially spirit / ghost ones. I can barely cope with Harry Potter.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 17:42
Thanks so much sonomachic and nettie. Sounds like it might be a nice thing to do with visitors so I think we will make the effort to go, although coffee and desert would be more than enough for me, they might want to do the whole experience. Doubt if I will be passing by the gold ATM though ha ha. While I am on the subject. It has been years since I was last in Abu Dhabi, so are there any other major sites that you think we should visit while we are there. Thanks again.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 05 May 2011 - 15:27
Anything medical.....and bizarrely enough (don't know why) the sight of a man wearing leather gloves.....gives me the chills and really freaks me out! Go figure!
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2011 - 22:19
Just checked with hubby and yes, the funny airline is Southwest. I can highly recommend them....guaranteed to take your mind off your fears. Check this link out (plenty of more on you tube....obviously they are know for being the humourous airline and good luck to them. If they served this part of the world, I would use them just to give me a laugh and a giggle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkXLPs5Pg_Y&feature=related
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2011 - 21:06
I would love to know I wasn't the only wuss on the plane. Forget the inter seat trivia quiz, Emirates should create a 'wuss' forum page on their entertainment system so you could chat back and forth.....would keep me busy at least and might provide a giggle. I know there must be others like me, but everyone else seems so relaxed. My hubby being one of them. I feel like hitting him when he nods off as soon as the flight takes off. If I have to suffer, so should he! I also hate it when they warn you that they are expecting turbulence.....so you get all het up and tense.....and then nothing happens!!! Why do that? By the way....forget the Bay of Bengal, mountains, etc......I can predict very accurately when we will get turbulence on a flight......as it is guaranteed as soon as I get through the interminable queue for the loo. No sooner do I shut the door then it starts and I then panic, have to 'rush' (in case it is going to be a long stretch and I won't be able to use the facilities again)while at the same time trying to keep my balance through a ride reminiscent of the last fun fair scene in Grease. My husband even makes a joke of it now as soon as I get up to go. Happens every time. I feel like getting on the loudspeaker and warning everyone.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2011 - 20:49
Nice to know I am not the only one. So if I am not the only one.....how come when I am on a flight and I look around terrified as I grip onto the armrests....does everyone else seem totally oblivious to the turbulence? Have tried the vino route...but doesn't seem to have the required effect. Have had a few scary moments (haven't we all), but remember one moment which I can laugh about now.....when the air hostess (small plane island hopping scenario) actually hit the deck of the aisle when we hit turbulence and crawled back to her seat while at the same time uttering a few choice words. Don't think that was in the training manual. Must add that if you do hit turbulence you should be travelling with one of the American airlines. Can't remember if it was Southwest or not, but they seem to recruit hilarious crew that keep you in stitches throughout the flight with their little comments eg there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 4 ways to leave this plane........and.......in the event of an emergency, forget your friends and head for the exit door. (They had a lot more of the same ). I have flown with them twice and their humour always relaxes me. So whichever airline it is....thank you!
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2011 - 18:06
Please don't let her go to someone you don't feel totally comfortable with and certainly not someone who will only deal with you on the phone or by email. Just imagine how you will feel afterwards if you do let her go when you are ot sure in your heart that she has gone to a good home. It won't be worth the upset for you. Hope you do find that special owner for her soon and well done for being such a caring person.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 03 May 2011 - 18:04
Can someone tell me how these things work. Do you load your photos onto their site and if so, does the site store them and do the owners have a right to use your photos? I want to do some albums, but someone put me off when they said that security and privacy was an issue. Does anyone know the answer?
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 April 2011 - 17:53
Congratulations on your new job Cornish Pixie. Well done. I am sure you have a lot of valuable experience to bring to it.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 April 2011 - 17:47
Hi Clair152......so sorry to hear about your mother in law losing her husband. As for moving out here....I am in that age range although I am not single, but I do know of one or two ladies who are and who have settled in very well. I think the big difference is if she can live in a community that has ladies' groups, etc. A friend of mine lives in Arabian Ranches and she has a wonderful social life thanks to the ladies group there. There appear to be loads of activities that you can get involved in. I don't know if you have to live at the Ranches to join in, but they do have a website, so you could check. I went along to one once (with a friend) and there was a really nice mix of age groups so she should be able to find othes who share her interests, etc. Some of the older areas in Dubai don't have much going on (apart from isolated activities in places like the Arts Centre) and so it can be very lonely if you don't have kids of school age. If she went to one of the newer communities like the Ranches, I think she is far more likely to get involved with groups that would meet up on a regular basis and be able to create a good social group from there. I wish her all the best on her new life. Hope she settles in. If I can help with any more questions, just let me know.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 30 April 2011 - 16:29
Thanks for asking Miss Balamory. Still struggling if I am honest....but not much I can do about it. Doesn't help that it is someone's idea of a sick joke to time empty nest, menopause and mid life crisis all together. Ha Ha....don't think so! I appreciate the hugs, kid vs kat......hope you have an easier time of it when it is your turn. In the meantime, just enjoy your family. Thanks, Evenstar....so hope I end up with nice children in law who hopefully, like you, willl want me to be a part of their extended family. I think that is the problem. You can just about cope with them growing up and moving away, if you know thet you will continue to have a good relationship with them and that you can be a valued part of their lives. Unfortunately, it often doesn't work that way. I know some lovely people who have just been written off by their children as they have grown older (despite very good relationships when they were younge). Seems so sad Just thowing a few questions out there......do you think the extent that parents continue to be involved in their grown up children's lives depends greatly on the country / culture they are from and also on the *** of the child? As a multi racial forum I would be very interested to know how people are viewing this thread. Do people read it and think ......that's life, let them go and make your own life independently and don't expect to be involved? Or are people reading it and thinking........well, yes they will initally move away for their education, etc, but you can still expect to be a close part of their lives (even to point of living near). I appreciate everyone's concern. Hope I will get through this all smiling one day and hopefully be there to help someone else when it is their turn.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2011 - 17:49
Thanks, Spongemonkey. I appreciate the advice. I know wahat you and others have said makes total sense, but it is just difficult to put into practice. Feel like this has all crept up on me when I wasn't looking and least expected it. Think I will tape all the current noise of tv and playstation blaring, kids laughing, music playing just so I can play it back when the quiet descends. After a house full of teenagers and assorted friends, the silence will be awful.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2011 - 15:33
Forgot to add.....thanks for all the advice....it has actually helped a lot, and hopefully will help others too. I can't be the only one going through this. On a far lighter note.....check link to really nice reminder of how wonderful kids are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfvfD_-qvcM I have decided to try to find the laughter in each day while they are away. So the above link is a start.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 25 April 2011 - 14:53
Sorry that I didn't reply immediately to all the kind posts, but I was 'needed' as a mum again for the normal 'ferrying back and forth' etc and, of course, I relilshed still being needed and was only too keen to help, instead of moaning as I might have done in the past. In some cultures it is perfectly acceptable to stay close (physicallly and emotionally) to your family......is it too late to change my culture? I take my hat off to all you who have managed to cope with this, much better than I obviously am. Always been a bit of a cry baby at the best of times. As for going back to UK........that might be a better option at least for short stays to touch base......better that than driving my husband round the bend with my moping. That is hardly good for any relationship. Yes, I will keep busy and am seriously thinking of trying to connect with other people in same boat, but can't see it working....you still have to come home to empty nest. Don't know if I will manage to stop crying same day.....way I am going it might last a life time. Who knew I had so many tears in ne. Again, from responses, it seems to be easier if you live an hour or more away. They have their much needed independence, but you are near for emergencies and the psychological comfort of knowing that they aren't really far away and if you are really on meltdown....a quick drive and catch up over a coffee will do you the world of good (and possibly them, if they are feeling lonely). Yes, tahm563.....I think I will be one of those mother in laws......can't help it, and I will have to apologise in advance when my children get married, so their partners know and don't judge me too harshly. Yes, I know some of you must be frustrated with your mother in laws.....but, let's be honest....love isn't a tap that you can just turn on and off....if you love someone (husband, wife, son, daughter, dog or cat) of course you are going to want to spend time with them and miss them when they aren't there. Isn't that natural? Unfortunately, mothers in law get a bad rap for wanting to still be involved in their kids' lives, especially if it is MIL of a son. Why is that? Why is it ok for daughters to be close to their mums, but not for sons? I don't mean to keep harping on about my problems.....but maybe this thread will help others too. I don't mean to give people sleepless nights or any tears (sorry for that), but I am actuallly quite glad that this is at least making people stop, think and reassess their own relationships with their children / partner / extended families. Personally, I have always felt that a lot of the problems in the world are due to the breakdown of families and their support (assuming it is positive support ) and I guess I feel that now more than ever. Give your kids a big hug / warn your hubbies to go on a business trip when it is your turn / get some activities in place for yourself in anticipation (which I didn't do...far too busy being a mum ) and don't be harsh or judgemental with mothers who still fret / cry over their children even though their sons / daughters may be 50 years of age!!! Most of us are mums (or possibly even dads) and it is a lifetime job.....no matter what your culture says. LETS HEAR IT FOR MUMS IN THE WORLD.....THE BEST (AND RIGHT NOW THE WORST) JOB EVER!
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 April 2011 - 15:54
I have got cats, dizzydubai....I love them, but they are pretty selfish....maybe should think of a dog. Thanks so much for your prayers Barbie doll. Believe me I really need them right now. Just like you I knew my time was short, but somehow I just didn't think it would ever happen to me or that they would ever leave. Obviously I was in total deniall. As for your regrets at having your kids so young, I had my kids very late in life and I regret that so much more.....you will still be young for your grandchildren and possibly (although of course, I don't know your personal circumstances) you could still have more if you wanted. I suppose we all lve on regrets whichever way we do things. JoyceB, I think that is part of the problem. I know that living out here they won't be able to just pop back on the weekend as the children of some of my friends in the UK do. I know that I can't just pop up to meet them for lunch for a 'hug and a cuddle'. Which brings me to another point that I NEVER EVER thought I would contemplate......until now. I know that my children need their independence and I would never expect to be in their life every day while they are trying to grow up and find their own way....but.... WOULD ANY OF YOU EVER CONSIDER MOVING BACK TO YOUR HOME COUNTRY (LEAVING YOUR HUSBAND HERE) SO THAT YOU COULD BE AROUND FOR YOUR KIDS TO POP HOME TO ON THE ODD OCCASION.....OR SO THAT YOU COULD KEEP THE CONTACT GOING BY OCCASIONALLY GOING UP TO MEET THEM FOR LUNCH, ETC. I never ever thought I would consider this as an option, but suddenly it seems something I would conisder. Many of us live here with our families and hubbies often travel, work long hours, etc......but when the kids leave, the house is empty (not a home anymore) and like it or not, hubby is very busy and away a lot......makes you wonder why you should stay here anymore. Friends back home who have gone through this despair tell me that it makes their day when their kids pop down for the weekend, etc (even if it is just to wash their clothes and stock up on food, money, etc). Wouldn't that be better? Skype just doesn't make up for lack of hugs, etc Am I just frantically trying to grasp at straws of salvation here, or does this make sense to anyone else? I know I have my lovely hubby.....but with the best will in the world.....he is always very busy......and it would probably make more sense for him to travel back to see us. Suddenly contemplating this (despite hating UK weather).....what do you think? Bad idea?
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 24 April 2011 - 10:22
Thanks all. It helps to get advice from others as it is difficult to 'offload' onto to my kids and husband as I don't want to burden them with my emotional meltdown. I appreciate the email address, Quickchange and all the kind advice from everyone. I am really trying to see that although things will change they will still hopefully 'need' me, but if I am honest I am still going to find it very, very difficult to let go as I know it will never be the same. I should have been a man.....seems to be easier for the dads. I may not manage to 'let them go willingly' JoyceB, but I will try to manage an 'encouraging smile', although it probably won't not be particularly brave. How long before the tears stopped, JoyceB? Please don't say ten years, although being the mother hen that I have always been....I can imagine it taking 10 years and more. Poor Rubberduck. Welcome to Dubai, but I can't imagine going through this twice. The separation is bad enough, but it is the distance that makes things worse when we live so far away. Can't just look forward to them popping home for a weekend to do their washing. Why oh why did we become expats? We thought we were getting a better life for us all......but we should have just stayed home like many of our friends, let kids go to school (just down the road), meet their future partners (just down the road) and then live (just down the road). Seems to be a great idea now. Most of the people we used to know back home have kids who did just that and now I really envy them. Someone should have warned me that this was the downside to travelling. Thank you so much for the kind words Scarlett78. Simpleasabc, Pablo909 and Arayanwyn. Enjoy your kids. If nothing else at least this might remind you, amidst all the noise and mees, just how precious they are. Big hug to everyone for their help and to everyone who will be going through this.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2011 - 22:30
Thank you all so much for the advice and words of sympathy. Unfortunately, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do.....just wish I could turn back time. Where did it go? Amidst the homework, activities and school runs precious time just drifted away. Today at a mall.....wherever I went all I seemed to notice were families with young kids which instantly brought back so many memories. Joy tinged with huge sadness. Had to rush off to the ladies for a quick sob. Can't hold back the tears at the moment. Hubby has given in and gone to bed and teenagers being teenagers are totally oblivious playing playstation. Don't know how I am going to get through this, but like so many mothers before me, I guess I will just have to. I have already got some pets.....guess I will just have to get some more. Wish someone had warned me how painful this would be and to make the most of each day. Forget the tivial stuff and enjoy your kids. And for those of you who have younger kids, but hate your interfering mother in law..... just think how much you love your own children and how difficult it will be to let them go one day and teach your kids....sons and daughters....not to dismiss their future mother in laws for wanting to have a part in their lives (as long as it comes from love). As mums, no matter how old we are, we can't just turn our love and feelings off for our children....and whoever my children marry, I hope they will understand and leave a space for the mum who loves their husband / wife just as much as they do.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2011 - 19:04
Oops....just remembered I am not supposed to organise separate get togethers. Sorry, mods. My first thread and I may end up being banned. Has to be a record!!!
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2011 - 19:01
Thanks for the suggestions and feedback Maxindubai and jewelsmiddle. They are going to university. After a lifetime of noise, mess, laughs, tears and banter....the house willl seem very very empty. After spending a lifetime complaining about their mess and dirty washing, I would welcome the chance to carry on 'looking after' them. I wonder how many others there are out there anticipating the same dreaded silent house. The idea of a mothers' group is a good one. Maybe I should find out if there is any interest out there for us empty nesters. Chickens without any chicks!!! Appropriate for Easter. With so many travelling hubbies and most activities in the morning, an occasional afternoon get together might just help fill those empty days when we miss the school run / homework nagging session / etc. I can only hope that they will continue to 'need' me in other ways in the future. Looks like I will have a lot more time to add comments rather than just read all the threads on this site. I too, will be one of those up in the early hours of the morning asking if anyone is awake! To all those young mums out there......please try to remember the next time that your kids drive you mad in the supermarket, car, etc......that this time is precious and will go only too quickly. Enjoy your time and don't wish it away. If there are any other empty nesters out there who think they would like to get together and share laughs, an occasional tear, chocolate, coffee any proverbial grape juice.....just let me know and I will post an email. Thanks for the idea.
snowflake
177
Posts
EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 23 April 2011 - 15:42
Thanks, SueB. I did expect to feel a bit low about this, but this overwhelming dread and sadness has completely uverpowered me. Much as I love them, my kids are too excited about their new life and don't seem to understand my emotions. I know I should be excited for them too, but at the moment I am finding that a bit hard. Hubby thinks I should jut count my blessings and move on. I know that other women must have gone through this and come out the other side. I think it must be worse for all of us mums who live out here so far away from our kids' universities. Just so difficult to no longer have your world revolve around theirs and worse....not to feel needed anymore. How long does it take most women to 'accept' this new state? Wish I had been one of those women who kept on having kid after kid right now....so I would have a few spare to hang on to. Probably too late at my age to do an 'Angelina Jolie'. If all else fails.....it will be back to the chocs and vino.
 
 
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