DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 May 2013 - 13:46
The article is very badly written and im not sure I believe the statistic. Howevet I do believe a lot of marriages end in an early divorce because most of them were based on lust and fancying the pants off someone and not much else. Six months on and its mmmhhmmmm so that's what it's all about and now I know - I want out. There is no acceptable alternative to marriage, if people want to experience the joys of a marital bed, it really does have to be a marital bed they are in.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 19:45
Desert Rose, by costs I mean the costs of sponsorship/visa that we have paid. That would be a cost for us, but I have read on EW that maids are often liable to meet the costs of their sponsorship if they do not complete their contract. ah ok. I knew I wasn't understanding about the maid and her costs.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 19:41
In fact that's one of my pet hates...seeing women out on the street at 5.30am cleaning a car. In our home it's the women who clean the cars! Either our maid or me (although never at 5.30am, urg), I don't think my husband has ever cleaned a car in his life. I had to teach him how to mow a lawn when we bought our first house together too. I'm a Kiwi girl raised in the era of 'Girls can do Anything' ;) Daza, i'm a firm believer in Girls Can Do Anything, in fact when I nipped round to my daughters last week she was outside with her wee girl cleaning the car. I asked her why and she said because it needs done. :0 Its not something I think I will ever do and not just because I'm of the mind that just because its acceptable to do something like clean a car - it doesn't mean you have to. :D I wouldn't make a good Kiwi but I do make a good sister to three kiwis and I don't laugh at my birth dad when we go to the shops and he stands in chewing gum cos he didn't wear shoes. I leave that to my Kiwi stepmum :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 15:36
I didn't feel it here at home but I'm hoping it might explain why one of our dogs has been so clingy today, worryingly so. She just wont leave me alone and I've called my son, who's dog she really is, to come and see what he thinks because she's 13 now and she's scaring me with how she is acting today. She's not ill ...just not letting me out of her sight and wanting loads of love and attention. I hope she's just sensing the seismic activety.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 15:30
Good advice Daza. Will try and remember my long distant office days when I am talking to her. Purple, def agree not worth keeping her if she creates a bad atmosphere, which she isn't as yet. I am looking into ways to get out of this ( ie release her) if we decide to do that. She doesn't want to be released early due to the costs to her. Does anyone know anything about this or where I can find out what they are liable to pay, if anything? Not too bothered about hassle of finding a new maid. And at least I can try and get it right next time whereas it's harder once they've walked all over you once. But am concerned about costs. Victoria, I cant really say I've ever had a career apart from being a housewife since I married at 18. I'm 55 now. I think most people who run into trouble with maids have trouble with them because they are hung up on the fact someone is a maid, and that they have become a person who employs a maid. Then you have the wealth versus no wealth guilt and very soon the whole thing can just become one big mess - if you let it. If a person is a good and conscientious employer its very easy to take the approach of I am an employer and you are an employee. You are not Cinderella and I'm not the wicked step mother. And I don't know if this would help you but I never ask my female domestic help to do any job that I haven't done myself as a housewife over the years, or that my daughters haven't done either. I've never cleaned a car, so they aren't expected to. In fact that's one of my pet hates...seeing women out on the street at 5.30am cleaning a car. The other thing is emptying the rubbish - that's a mans job ;) Its an attitude that's worked for me for the years I've had help, which is way less than the years I've been married. People stay with me for years and I never have any kind of trouble with them - they don't have any trouble with me either ;). That's not to say that I haven't had a few experiences because I have. I can generally tell from the time people arrive if its going to work out or not and if I think its not I don't let things go on for any length of time - the person would be gone the same week. I really couldn't be doing with the hassle of anything else. As for the costs to the maid...what costs would that be? Surely there would only be costs if she had got here by some dodgy means and was perhaps in debt to one of her family or fellow countrymen and if that's the case its no concern of yours. But even if there are costs - she wouldn't be on her way to losing a job if she hadn't adopted an attitude and tried to walk all over you. I almost don't want to say this but I will - I think she is pulling a fast one regarding costs.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 08:34
I opened the link and saw a dog who could be the sister to one of mine, Suzie, except Roxy had more of the brown in her coat. What a beautiful little face she had.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 08:23
She only has one key. I will try all the other keys when she is gone at the weekend and see if we have another (which I assume we will). New villa, lots of keys. I will get her passport. Whenever I have been in her (old) room before it has been immaculate and pretty bare. She keeps a lot of her stuff in Satwa at the family's rooms. Yes Desert Rose it is indeed a lot to process! I appreciate she shouldn't be working on a visit visa either but I bet they all do. It is different to being under someone's sponsorship and putting the sponsor at risk too. She has always been adamant she hasn't/wouldn't do part time work whilst sponsored. She doesn't go out in the evenings at all. The family here definitely exists - her previous but one sponsor told me on the phone that he has met them all, and I met one of her sisters. Anyway, another talk later today and taking possession of that passport. As for keys and whatevers in that room, sorry ladies but you're just going to have to bear the suspense for a few days longer!! I can handle the wait. Honest. :) All I'm really interested in is you taking control of the situation and moving on one way or the other in charge.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 06:48
If she takes the key from the maid to make a copy - she will be alerted! She should get a locksmith round and get in covertly. And then report back to tell us what she has found! :D Yes there is that....but I would still go with oh , bring me your key please as I'm having a spare made. And if there is already a spare it would just be - bring me the spare key to your room please.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 May 2013 - 06:25
Victoria you should have your maids passport regardless of the rights and wrongs of it - so take it. That she offered it to you isn't really an indication of anything positive. Not doing part work when sponsored by someone - she did part time work whilst on a visit visa so working when sponsored by someone wont pose any problems to her. No TV because she reads her bible. I'm reminded of an old saying of my grannies that goes along the lines of, 'the biggest hypocrite carries the biggest .............. Her room - I just cant believe you don't have access to a room in your house but you're not a stupid lady for allowing this to happen, you're just kind and learning the ropes. At the very least you should be able to get into the room whenever you want in order to ensure its being kept as clean as you want your home to be. Its not a given that a maid who cleans to a high standard also keeps her room to the same standard, quite often the room can become a sty. However, you should also be able to access the room just to see if she is there when she should be and if so, that she is alone. I think you may just hang on to this lady a while longer because I have a feeling this has been a lot for you to process so what I would do is ..... take the passport first and foremost then the keys to the room in order to have a spare made then next you should sit the maid down and say this is how its going to be from now on in. You will be working to my interpretation of your contract, not yours, and this is my interpretation of your contract with regards to hours and what you didn't understand at interview. Days off - you will have your 1.5 days per week off and staying out overnight will not be allowed, you will be home by such and such a time and you will come into the house and tell us you are back. The same applies to when you leave - you will come and say 'I'm going now'. Working days - you will stay in your room when your shift is finished, there will be no going out to see a friend (or do babysitting for other families) If she talks of what other British families do, you say to her 'I'm not interested, you are working for me now and if you don't like it you are free to find another employer'. Just let her know she will be toeing the line from now on in...the same way you would have to toe the line in a job, especially right at the start when you'd be bending over backwards to make a good impression. That's the way it should be going with your maid and you really do have to get over the feelings that many people can have when they employ a maid - you are an employer, not the wicked stepmother, she is a maid, not Cinderella. When you talk with her look her straight in the eye and speak in a firm voice, don't be apologetic in your tone and watch your body language at the same time, make sure it says what your words are saying. You don't have to be aggressive....just confident. I hope some of this helps. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 May 2013 - 19:35
Hi nomad, thanks for asking after my boy. As it is he's not very well just now and quite a worry. He had a second surgery on his broken arm a few weeks ago and truth be told im dreading the next xray just in case he has once again managed to break it despite being encased in plaster. God only knows how he does it. He's plated again but this time a bone graft was done as well. Mentally and emotionally it really is all just a big mess for him and we cant get to the bottom of it, but we do have a few ideas and our thinking caps are well and truly on albeit just a bit skewiff cos we are tired. I hope all is well with you and yours. Xxx <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 May 2013 - 18:40
Victoria, you're maid is more than likely working part time at the weekend and wants a longer weekend to bump up her earnings. Also, I really do think you need access to her room unexpectedly, this is stinking to high heavens. However we can talk until we are blue in the face because until you are ready to hear what is being said you wont really take all of this on board seriously. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 May 2013 - 14:59
Victoria.....you dont negotiate anything and not just because by doing so you will reinforce her belief that she is boss. As for not wanting to be disturbed when in her room....who or what is she hiding? I think, if she has a stand alone room, there's a possibility someone's in their with her or she goes out. If its not that then its all just another story to tell her friends about how she puts you straight and takes no nonsense from you.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 May 2013 - 11:00
This is a genuine question. Do the people involved with running these camps have background checks done on them. Perhaps something like a UK type of enhanced CRB check? Or is it a case of just send the children and hope the people involved are what they should be?
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 May 2013 - 00:07
Victoria, for me the rule of thumb is that no one would be allowed to be a wet blanket in my house without very good cause...and even then it would only be allowed to go on for a certain length of time. I currently have an employee who's worked for me for 25 years, his 4 year old is very very very ill with lukemia and if anyone has a reason to come to work miserable and cause an atmosphere - he does. The fact is that he doesnt. He still manages to smile and say good morning and just generally be pleasant even tho his heart is breaking. But even before this happened to him and his son, and I saw how people can behave under the most awful of circumstances, I would have made very short work of someone just being a miserable b u gg e r for the sake of it. You dont need it in your life. So the maid isnt a nanny - it doesnt matter. My maids arent nannies but it doesnt stop them delighting in my grandchildren when they are in the house, and it doesnt stop my grandchildren having feelings for the maid. They enjoy a cuddle from each other. For me anything else would be strange and when it comes to children - how they react to an adult is usually an indication of the adult! <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 May 2013 - 22:09
I think you know what has to be done but I wouldnt have even let it get as far as it. The fact she isnt that great with your daughter and isnt that happy around the house would be enough for me. Ok. She isnt a nanny but children have the right to be able to live surrounded by people who are great to them regardless of who the person is. They also have the right to have happy smiley people in their life. Your daughters home is her haven. As for the rest of the shenanigans....if she worked for me she would spend every night under my roof and have to say cheerio and hello on her day off.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:55
Yes lakeland developed these themselves and are the only stockists. I brought one a few days back, but I must say I'm not impressed. It's quite tricky to release the bottom, I followed the instructions and pictures, but still sliced open my finger, getting blood all over the cake! :( I much prefer my spring fold pans. I'm glad you said this because I almost bought some recently and decided against them after reading online reviews. Teftee, tell me what sizes you need and I will look for them here in Oman for you. If available I can have them in DXb for you within the next few days but you would have to collect them from a friend.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:52
Yes ;) Unless interflora have new routes :D edited by Splinters on 15/05/2013 I did think along those lines :D I think I will go with your first suggestion and now that I know you write the words for the family it all seems so much clearer :D
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:47
Thinking of you at this time Thoughts and prayers are with you sending thoughts and prayers with love Thanks for that. So you write something for the family, not for the deceased?
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 May 2013 - 13:43
I'm stuck. My new sister in laws mum has passed away in Scotland. I only met the lady twice. I liked her rather a lot, she reminded me of my late aunties, the kind of woman they don't make anymore. No one else in my immediate family met her at all. I have ordered a wreath for tomorrow but cant think of what to say on the card that goes with the wreath. I don't want the sentiment to be lovely dovey because I didn't know her long enough or well enough to be lovely dovey. And I want to be able to say the flowers are from my family, who never met the lady, rather than just from me. Can someone please suggest something suitable. Thank you :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 12:10
Lamaaz, this is a link to an old thread from here regarding GPs www.expatwoman.com/forum/messages.aspx?TopicID=113434 I
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 10:49
Hope you get it sorted MISoMA, I do agree with the other ladies though, don't rush in to a quick fix, make sure you get it done properly. If you've got any sort of warranty repairs etc might have to be done with Audi directly to keep it valid. Don't panic, it could be worse, my husband had building material off the back of a small truck fall on to his Q7 whilst doing 120kmph on Sheikh Mohammed Bin Zayed Road this morning. The damage is more than a few scratches (but thankfully only to the car). A very good point about the warranty. And here's to a husband who's probably shaken up but OK. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 10:47
I like the following movies The Banger Sisters, French Kiss, Mama Mia, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Run Fatboy Run.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 10:37
A Rancher has it spot on I believe.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 10:22
Annabel karmel may be up your street. She gives details on how to freeze the suggested meal, and if they can or not. Really good idea, DesertRose. I'd forgotten her recipe books, but they were really useful if you had a child who ate a wide variety of food :) I found a link and there's loads that can be made and frozen. http://www.annabelkarmel.com/recipes
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 10:18
Misoma, accidents happen so just come clean and not just because he will notice work, however small, has been done on the car. This really isn't worth what you are going through right now.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 May 2013 - 09:24
Mmhhmmm, what a shame, the old oh I cant marry you cos my wife said no. I can come and visit you tho and no one needs to know.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 22:55
The best face lift is when you take your specs off and look in the mirror. It takes years off you.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 22:24
Annabel karmel may be up your street. She gives details on how to freeze the suggested meal, and if they can or not.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 22:18
Cereal and milk Pancakes with fruit Baked beans on toast Eggs Buttered toast Cheese and butter on flat bread Tuna sandwiches Lentils (only sometimes, wish they would have it everyday, pure protein plus lots of iron) They loveddddd sausages when I gave it to them, but we have been processed meat free for 10 months now. gosh that's a lot to get through every day....... Lolol Irooni also has children with feet the length of a lighthouse ;)
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 22:15
Redrec you can get fresh butcher sausages that I don't think would do anyone much harm. Would she eat those?
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 22:08
An omelette would only take minutes on a really busy day when you're all out of ideas and you can add bits to it. And another thing my grandchildren like is boiled egg and soldiers to eat at non breakfast times. Sometimes I even do them porridge to go with it. You can put s plate of veg sticks and fruit on the table as well. It goes down a treat.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 21:57
My grandchildren like home made soup and to bulk it out a bit I sometimes serve it over boiled rice for them. I usually do a vegetable one, leeks, ,celery, potatoes, carrot, ,broccoli, spinach. I sometimes add barley or orange lentils. Its flavoured with low sodium stock cubes. My other one is a chicken soup which is just the above veg soup but with chicken added instead of pulses. Homemade fish cakes are also nice. Macaroni cheese...you can serve it with a bit of chicken. As for pots...you could try ramekin dishes or just freeze in small plastic containers with lids. They come in small sizes.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 18:38
I do make 95% of our meals from scratch, but heck yes a ready meal is a good once in a while. Was it mashed potato, yup, was it good, yup, do I feel bad about it, nope - and am I ready to be hung drawn and EW quartered.....yup... :D A tub of Tesco fine dining mash, one of their root veg, a tin of baked beans, and a packet of proper thin sliced corned beef and the jobs a good un. Then there is their paella Then there is Markies this that and the other. I'm a home cook as well but part of the joy of going to the Uk on holiday are the ready meals available.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 17:32
Thanks for the feedback, as said I don't think she deserve but if this is the normal process than I guess she will be getting paid if she is still with us by that time. Look, if you think the woman isn't up to speed and doesn't deserve her salary then just let her go. No ifs, no buts, no maybes.....just let her go otherwise this will fester away and you'll end up all bitter and twisted. And so what if you lose the money you've spent to bring her here? I'm a firm believer in that a person can only afford to employ a maid if they can afford to lose fees should things not work out. Why keep someone in your house if they are not for you.....or you are not for them. It works both ways. This situation is only going to get worse.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 14:46
Daza. ..a mango that madam has peeled for her.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 14:42
Yes, a maid would be paid whilst the employer is on holiday. If you must then leave a list of jobs to be done. Ref her abilities. ...have you taught her how to work her day. Does she have a routine. Have you taught her the flow of what gets done in what order. There's a knack to housework, tricks of the trade so to speak. Does she know this. Personally I wont settle for anything less than what I'm capable of cleaning wise, and I dont ask people to do what I wouldn't do, but in order to get this standard of work done....a lot of teaching went into getting my help up to scratch. It just doesnt happen. Its like my daughters, they could clean, but when they got married they had to be taught how to clean and run their house. It can be a difficult thing to suss out and a person can easily make the job harder than it need be without even trying to then they get to the end of the day and there is still loads to do.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 14:42
Yes, a maid would be paid whilst the employer is on holiday. If you must then leave a list of jobs to be done. Ref her abilities. ...have you taught her how to work her day. Does she have a routine. Have you taught her the flow of what gets done in what order. There's a knack to housework, tricks of the trade so to speak. Does she know this. Personally I wont settle for anything less than what I'm capable of cleaning wise, and I dont ask people to do what I wouldn't do, but in order to get this standard of work done....a lot of teaching went into getting my help up to scratch. It just doesnt happen. Its like my daughters, they could clean, but when they got married they had to be taught how to clean and run their house. It can be a difficult thing to suss out and a person can easily make the job harder than it need be without even trying to then they get to the end of the day and there is still loads to do.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 08:24
I saw it in one of those little Indian grocer shops in al wasl, I'm sure I saw it at Easter.. Yes I did in fact was behind the counter along with those certain items that you generally just toss discreetly into the shopping trolley in spinneys!!! Ah so you hide all the chocolate biscuits in your trolley as well.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 07:21
Yes we did it that way for our visas, but it was a few years ago. When we did it last October we had to do it the French way because the first entry point was france. Its why I think the OP should contact the relevant authorities .....all she is getting here is conflicting advice. I can recall the shock of hearing about the work permit because it added to the waiting time and the consul official said to me its because your first entry point is France...any other country as the entry point and you wouldn't need the permit. Anyway, the answer surely is just at the other end of a phone call.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 07:11
Bblue, you would have loved my sons wedding a few months ago. He had his traditional Islamic ceremony and celebration, but a few days later he also had another reception. It was lovely. We had a piper and all the Scottish contingent were in kilts of various styles. My son looked magnificent. He wore my family tartan. I hadn't realised till then just how much he loves his Scottish side because he really is very much from here. When my daughter in law came in she had a kilted escort and was led in by the piper......and and and and, you can tell im still all excited eh lolol - they had a tying the knot ceremony. One of the Scottish lot did it for them as a surprise for me and they then toasted each other with a Quaich full of Iron Brew. It was a lovely night and quite a sight, one of my sons in his kilt and the other in full national dress. Hotel guests were coming and asking for their pictures to be taken and my eldest son ended up saying to them oh just stay and have something to eat. Some did. Lolol. Can you imagine doing that at a Loch Ness wedding.....you'd have Nessie at the table and all the worlds paparazzi as your guests. :D You're retirement sounds as if it will be lovely.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 May 2013 - 06:41
Why don't you just contact the French and German authorities and ask them. Just say you are trying to avoid the french process and see if there is a way. But just to add, the process is painless....just time consuming. Time that you really don't have right now - I know.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 10:22
Bblue, thank you :) Im laughing at saying I cook for my lot. The reality is there's only my boy with me at home now. The rest all have there own homes, however, they still seem to live here, and if they cant get here for their dinners because of their shifts - it gets sent to them. I wouldnt have it any other way even though I do chase them at times and say get back to your own bliddy houses. I love saying that to them - it makes me feel all Scottish and just like my granny. :D I'm told I even hoik my bosoms when I'm saying it but I dont know if thats true. I thought I was more of a hand on my hip kind of targer. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 09:46
Bblue - usually 7 full time employees but its wasnt always like this, just this last two years, but now Im a bit too past doing all day everyday with my boy and I have a team of 4 carers who help provide the care on a shift system. He needs two to one care at all times with a third person always being 'there or there aboot', as we say in scotland, just in case he is having a bad day and things get too much for him. Its like having a multinational mini army in the house and I wouldnt be without any of them. I have a British girl, 2 young local men with relevent backgrounds, and asians. In fact I have one coming home off leave today and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. Another one, one of the maids, is going home very unexpectedly next month, and I will really really miss her. I look at them all at times and have to remind myself that till I had 4 children I didn't have any help at all. Then things happen and ........:) I still look after my boy everyday and thats when someone would be in with me on support role, and I do all the night time care hence having 3 domestic staff, it means I can nip back to bed for a wee while in the day if I'm tired out and they free my up to enjoy my children and grandchildren. I still do a lot in the house as well, mostly the kitchen because I love cooking and my lot like me to make the meals. I know 7 staff sound like a lot but the truth is we all put in the hours and theres none of us ladies who lunch :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 08:11
Our water pipes started making banging noises here in Oman but it was nothing like the last one which was pretty alarming.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 07:41
But what happens once its over? Would it be like what was promised jobwise if London got the Olympics - nothing in reality afterwards.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 07:36
Nippy, Its lovely to hear how you're getting on. You're a very brave lady even though you may not think so at times. My mum was a single mum in a time when to be so was scandalous and I can remember her lonely nights in front of the TV after me and my sister had gone to bed, but of course I didn't realise it at the time because I was a young girl. She's long gone now but often when I think about her its her lonely nights in front of the TV that's in my mind, she did that to get us to a happier life and I just love her all the more for it. Eventually though she did meet someone else and at the time of her death she had just celebrated her silver wedding anniversary with her wonderful husband, the man who is my 'real dad' ;) and wonderful granddad to my children. As for the ex - don't concern yourself with him, let him get on with it wherever life takes him, he's not your problem anymore and is your ex for a reason ;) Don't mention things like the phone calls to him - they're just another indication of how he has landed on his backside instead of you. Of course they could have been deliberate phone calls just to make you jealous and if that's the case just take comfort from the fact he still feels the need to bother you - its because you're stronger and better than him. As for not hearing from your mum - that must be very hurtful and I hope this changes soon. You're description of what you see when out and about sounds lovely :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 May 2013 - 06:59
I don't pay a phone allowance or buy phone credit and if the maid has to call me when I'm out she can use the house phone. My right hand man has a phone he uses for house business and its used often so he has an allowance on his salary for the calls, any amount over the allowance he pays himself because he also uses the phone for personal calls. International calls to us are paid for on top of the allowance. He would never be out of pocket and this system has worked for us for a very very long time. In fact I don't think there were mobile phones the way there is nowadays when he started working for us. :D I don't provide specific soaps and things either - people either buy their own or just take what they want from the cupboard. I coudn't tell you who does what or how often its done and the system is never abused. Good quality ordinary soap and shampoo and deo and the likes but not special tooth whitening paste and fancy shampoo and hair treatments etc. In fact when employing new people last month (not maids, live in staff, but the same would have applied to maids) I had two final candidates to chose from and couldn't decide between them until one asked about specific toiletries being bought for her every month with the monthly shop. She wanted the things bought for her because a previous employer in Bahrain did and in a house where people have really good packages that are above and beyond anyway because of circumstances at times - it was just plain greed and she didn't get the job. If she wants to use those certain items she can get them herself but I'm not and I doubt she would either when faced with the choice. I wouldn't even have done it for my children when they had started earning a salary. If they wanted magical toiletries - they knew where the shops were. I personally prefer to go down the 'good, everything all in salary' because anything else just seems to foster this notion of employees being 'poor wee waifs'. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 May 2013 - 15:04
What's Air Fiji like? I have a vague feeling Fijians are generally small in stature, but maybe sweaty and with a tendency to overflow? I think that on the whole south pacific islanders are pretty hefty.... quite a few of these men mountains make it into the all blacks!!! I dont think Ive ever seen a small one. To be honest I'm usually attracted to their magnificence.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 May 2013 - 14:40
Anyone who has ever known anyone or the family of anyone destroyed by drugs will have no sympathy. It is not as if she was a timid young woman on holiday caught up with the wrong crowd. She was a serial offender who finally got caught. She must have made millions in the past and her spreading of drugs must have ruined countless lives. I won't be shedding a tear, nor will I be pro any appeal to spare her life. In fact the harsher the sentences, the more these crimes will be stamped out. Well I fit in to your category of someone who's the family of someone who's life has been destroyed by drugs - twice over actually as it concerns two different branches of my family. And I really do mean very serious consequences. I have sympathy for the woman because I think the death penalty is barbaric in any case, but the reality here is that no one forced the members of my family (or anyone else for that matter) to go out and start using drugs. Others could resist the temptation so why couldnt they? As for one less drug smuggler in the world because of her death penalty , as mentioned by someone else. I dont think for a moment that will be the case - there will always be someone else ready to do the smuggling because they think they wont be the one who gets caught. That they are too clever to be caught and it will always be someone else. Its why people continue to be executed for drug smuggling - the death penalty is not a detterent. I would like to see her sentence cut to life in prison. She's the one who did the crime and no child or mother or father or sister or brother or aunty etc etc etc should wake up one day knowing that their loved one will be put to death. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. edited by DesertRose1958 on 08/05/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 08/05/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 May 2013 - 13:06
Maybe she was just asking so that she could make plans. IMHO you have not "helped" her or "done her a favour." She was your employee, just as she was not "doing you a favour" by cleaning your house, you were her emloyer, how would you feel if at the end of your working contract after five years you got nothing at all. I say give her a month's extra pay. Let her leave in a good way because she was obviously a good employee, she is not getting fired for doing something wrong. edited by commentator2012 on 07/05/2013 I'm shocked at the vitriolic comments attacking me here but then hey, why should I be it's EW. I never said I'd done her any favours. She was my employee yes and if I had stuck to the letter of the labour law I could have let her finish her contract in August and put her on a plane back to her home country with nothing extra. I could have let her look for a job on her own in the middle of the summer. I wasn't obliged to find one for her, highly recommend her as I did etc. I was upset that she asked me for more after just having had a paid holiday. And so sorry I 'drip fed' the information, was just responding to comments. Just decide what you're going to do if you haven't already done so and font forget that whatever decision you come to is your business and doesnt need to be told here.
 
 
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