DesertRose1958

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 May 2013 - 10:38

Ria ive taken on board everything youve said but being promoted and asking for a payrise and asking for a gratuity are two very different things. I keep staff for years and when people do go they go in grand style because everyone in my immediate family gives....but if they were to ask it would be a very different matter for me personally. My kids could do what they liked regarding it but for me it would be still be no. Im well aware that im coming across as a very grumpy old woman here but I think if you have a very clear conscience as an employer its ok to say you have just crossed a line. Its never happened to me but I just know how I would react to it.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 May 2013 - 06:55

we eat the same here more or less as we do at home - lamb chops, salmon, beef or chicken casserole, tonight we just had beef stroganoff and rice, curry, breaded fish fillets and chips, sausage and mash, spag bol, mince, roast, bbq... Are you serious? edited by Irooni on 06/05/2013 yes, she has a growing boy and there is no filling them up at times - mind you his feet are now the length of a lighthouse. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 May 2013 - 06:52

I tried doing Mexican the other week but by the time I'd picked up all the tortillas, salsa, seasoning, meat etc it came to over 80aed which I may as well go and eat it in Maria Bonitas! Thanks ladies :) Not true, your homemade Mexican dinner would have been superior in every way to any version bought in a restaurant, and it would have filled you up for longer, and there probably would have been some left to pick at the next day. :)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 May 2013 - 06:40

Cushion I would give nothing by way of a golden handshake for the simple reason - people who ask don't get. I wouldn't even do a present because anything other than the golden handshake she wants will not be good enought. But not only that I'd be so peed off by her attempt to sucker punch me that the goodwill generated over the last 5 years would have flown straight out the window there and then. Not asking or assuming would generate a far different leaving day. I would thank the woman for everything and wish her well. You have done everything to ensure she is going from a months salary to another. She is not going to be out of pocket due to you not renewing her contract so there really is nothing to make up to her for. edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/05/2013 edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/05/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 May 2013 - 09:14

Annedxb. What a heartwrenching post. After reading it it got me to thinking - why do anything other than be with your sister and just love her. In the days to come you will have everything in your heart to remember her by, its where you will find your comfort. I think its relevant that its your friend who got you thinking alone the lines you are. Perhaps you know you don't need to do anything and that's why you cant think of something to do. xxxxx

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 May 2013 - 07:57

Pikachu, Why waste time with feeling inadequate, be the best that you can be I say - whether you choose to work or stay at home with the children. If you feel inadequate personally (or ladies who are SAHM in general) then you can always do something about that IMO. There are plenty of ladies out there struggling to have children so in either circumstance we should feel blessed that we have children at all. Love is all around *floats off* I don't feel inadequate personally but thanks, it's just the way some posters word things on here !! Bragging about how much you earn and what you achieve with it !! I don't get a monthly paycheck so i can't pay for holidays or school fees... Look, I really do believe this SAHM v WM has been done to death over the years and I honestly believe that a person will only feel even a tiny bit inadequate re their role if that's what they are feeling anyway. All this nonsense about having it all - but what do women actually have nowadays? They have their role and every other persons as well. I think sometimes we should be careful what we wish for.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 May 2013 - 07:48

Bless you thanks Kelly. I can honestly say that I am very proud to receive my paycheck at the end of every month - this month I managed to save a fortune, pay for 2 holidays, clear the credders and pay an entire terms' nursery fees. It may be a sacrifice being away from DD but when we leave Dubai we will be able to buy a house with at least 50 - 75% downpayment and that to me is a huge achievement and giving our DD future security. They also say that you should invest in your marriage as the bond with your child will never go away but a marriage can deteriorate unless tended to. Ember - that is so soppy but cute!! Defo digging out the nice china and laying the table tonight for dinner, got a nice bottle of Oyster Bay chilling too! :) I was the one who never went out unless it was to a Mess do and very much a case of 'ok, but just because we have to'. Now that I'm older I regret the chances I didn't take to get all dolled up and go out and just be a woman in a different sense to being the woman I thought I had to be because of becoming a mummy. I still think of a conversation I had with a good pal when after one of her nights out, her in laws lived downstairs and would have the children - it went along the lines of oh I know when I became pregnant, it was the night we went out then came home and made l o v e twice. Thirty years on I still envy her that night :D not the baby bit tho :) At the age I am now I can honestly say that I regret not making more of my womanhood in my heyday. I wish there had been more high heels and dolling up that led to other things ;) Its all about getting the balance right and packing enough in so that when you do get a wee bit older, Im not ancient by the way, you have lots of memories about lots of different things. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 06/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 17:22

The Polo office could tell her what her options are and if she was reluctant to contact them, assuming she is filipino, I would take what she says with a pinch of salt. Do you want to bring her back and work for you if they let her leave? If so, just please remember she could be talking about you to neighbours next. You dont know for sure whats going on and I have a feeling you could end up with badly burnt fingers even if its in the guise of serioudly peed off not really bad at all neighbours.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 13:59

Re the maid running away. Its a chance you take but be aware that should she ever be deported from the uk - you will be asked to provide the ticket even if its years down tbe line. Them running away is not the end of your involvement with them.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 13:56

Praia, all enquiries about the uk visa will only be addressed by the company tthat now handles uk visa processing. If you call the embassy you will be redirected to the visa office. These are the people. http://www.vfs-uk-ae.com/

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 11:04

Just to add - the uk is not a schengan state so entry cant be gained on a schengan visa.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 08:26

So there isn't actually a ban in place? Its just something you think may happen based on what the maid has told you. I would google her embassy website and find a number for her to call and ask advice. If she is Filipino it would be the POLO office. Beyond this there really is nothing you can or should be doing unless she is very obviously being mistreated and you would want to involve the authorities on her behalf.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 May 2013 - 08:17

For the Uk you would apply for a domestic servants visa and your maid will have to have worked with you for a year before you can apply. If you google applying for a uk visa you'll find the correct links but be aware the website does take some negotiating. You do the forms online and then make an apt to take the maid to the embassy, getting the appt can take weeks at this time of year, then you have the visa processing time on top of that - it can take weeks as well unless you pay for the 'special processing service' which cuts the waiting time down a great deal. Without this service you would be talking weeks and weeks at this time of year. Europe - that would be a schengan visa and again its done online with an appt being made for the relevant embassy. At this time of year it can and does take weeks and weeks. Be aware that if France is your entry point into Europe your maid will need a work permit even for a 24 hours stay at Eurodisney. Its part of the visa process and the French Embassy send off the paper work and you have to allow a couple of weeks in the process for this permit. The visa is done after this. Im not sure if the maid needs one if another country is the first entry point - it is something you would have to check. I would also see if any of the other countries you are going to have this additional requirement because these websites aren't always clear on things. They kind of assume you know the rules and what additional forms you have to look for and submit. Sometimes they confuse you even further by writing it in French for eg which is great if you understand French but a bit of a bummer if like me foreign languages are totally beyond learning. You would have to decide which visa you will apply for first because until you have the maids passport back with the first visa you cant hand it over for the second so you could be looking at getting all visas back in perhaps 10 - 12 weeks from now if you're lucky. It would be much less if you go down the British Embassy way of special processing times. hth <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 05/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 May 2013 - 11:47

Suzy I came back to this to apologise for being the vinegar that was missing from the gardeners bandage. I could have said things in a much better way but I didnt and there is no excuse and Im very sorry. I currently have my boy with a badly broken arm that has needed 2 surgeries, being re broken, grafted and plated -moving his fingers has never veen a problem - even in the recovery room.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 May 2013 - 09:56

Im not sure that you have to if the form of marriage is recognized as 'legal' in the Uk because it was a legal form of marriage in the country in which it took place. I think that is what I understood from family who recently went through this albeit a different European country.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 May 2013 - 09:49

Did he ask you for help? Does he know that you have addressed this to his boss? He didn't ask me for help.... I am the one pushing and asking questions because it is just not right. He is young, innocent, probaby does not know his rights. His gardener friends are all talking about it and saying that the big boss man doesn't care, but this one I am waiting for might. I gave my number to give to 'small' boss man and the gardener was quite OK about it. In that case, unless you are prepared to take on the costs yourself, I think you should stay out of it. Wouldn't you be furious if someone went above you with the intention of helping and instead caused your dismissal? This could totally backfire and you would be to blame. If you truly want to help, just give him the money or take on other poster's offer to help...getting his manager involved without him knowing is really unfair. This is exactly my biggest fear.... the other gardeners are quite happy for me to speak with the boss, and he himself seemed quite ok with it - he was going to give me the number yesterday when I asked. I am prepared to pay..... He has arrived..... Good. Its good of you to say you will fund this if you have to, and if you do have to, it really only will be the upfront payment. edited by DesertRose1958 on 02/05/2013

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 02 May 2013 - 09:30

Hi Ladies - wow thank you to those ladies who have offered to help. 1. My friend advised against me taking him personally for liability reasons. You know sometimes you try and help someone and it could back fire....I tend to agree with her. Does he has visa, should have heatlh card (but doesn't) etc...could create problems. Do they think I sponsor him then... 2. Her gardener works for the same company as mine, and we have now organised for the boss man to come to my villa to speak to me. He is on his way now.... 3. I am very concerned about his losing his job if I raise too much of a fuss. Their English is not fab, so not so easy. I am continuing however, to try and get some results. If Rashid is indeed free, and the Bossman will not take him there, then I will give him the money for the taxi. Apparently he did go to a clinic, and they already paid dhs200 - so they did not want to put out the money to pay for the rest.... anyway, I am waiting for him to come to my viila now. It is my birthday today, and this is something I really want to see fixed today....would be a great gift! Good on you for acting on this. You could also drive him to the ER and drop him there? No need for you to go in? Yes, or it could just be seen through from beginning to end. Then perhaps the gardener would think it was his birthday. He may even go as far as to think all his birthdays have come at once - having another human being care for him and get him the help he needs without any thought of what may happen to me if ......... edited by DesertRose1958 on 02/05/2013 Suzy I came back to this to apologise for being the vinegar that was missing from the gardeners bandage. I could have said things in a much better way but I didnt and there is no excuse and Im very sorry. I currently have my boy with a badly broken arm that has needed 2 surgeries, being re broken, grafted and plated -moving his fingers has never veen a problem - even in the recovery room. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 02/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 May 2013 - 21:07

Good Grief. What has it been like? I think I can safely say that I cant recall anything to this extent in all the years I've been here.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 May 2013 - 08:15

DR, that's just awful, whatever could have happened? (Don't say) I got rather excited and looked your man up as it seemed a fabulous opportunity and one we for one would have leapt at if we could have made his expertise fit our issues...but it didn't matter how I shaped it, it didn't quite fit. What a shame when you have so kindly put yourself out there in an effort to help others. Its ok :) Though I would have liked you to have benefitted from seeing him if things had fit. I think the secret to this, which is what we've done in the past, is to only make a service available to people you actually know. Its sad but .............. Anyway enough of this, its time to get off my bahookie and get on with the day. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 May 2013 - 08:07

It's so very easy to make your own chicken stock. Use the bones from a previously roasted/cooked chicken (or buy a pack of chicken wings), place in a pan with half an onion, a bay leaf, half a chopped carrot, perhaps a brocolli stalk and/or cauliflower stalk and a couple of black pepper corns, cover with water, bring to the boil and simmer for about 20 minutes. Cool, remove the vegetables, pepper corns etc and strip remaining meat from the bones. Use the stripped meat in a stir fry and rapidly boil the remainder of the stock until reduced by 50%. Freeze in ice cube trays and add to baby's food as required. No salt at all and all the goodness of the chicken and vegetables. You need to simmer chickenstock for at least 6 hrs to get any real flavour into it. Then beat it into submission with a rolling pin when the six hours of simmering has failed as they usually do in this house. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 May 2013 - 07:48

Good Morning ladies, just a quick update on the gentleman I mentioned below. Unfortunately he will no longer be coming to Oman and seeing people from wherever they wanted to come from to see him. I seriously underestimated human nature and mean spirited people when I spoke of his visit and for this reason we have decided we will be going to see Ian in the UK as was our original plan. Its no skin off our nose whatsoever but it is very unfortunate for the children who could have seen him either as the child of someone who was happy to contribute to the very minimal cost which didnt reflect the actual share of the cost in real terms, and which would have been way way less than the price of one economy class ticket the UK - or as a child who would have been seen for no cost due to family circumstances. The latter is what the small contribition to the air fare would have gone towards supporting. Im sorry about this but the unfortunate and sad reality is - there are some horrible people out there and my stomach just cant take them. edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/05/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/05/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 April 2013 - 21:05

I would keep her for the simple reason that if I had my time again I'd never be on my own with the children if I my husband travelled with his job. Been there got the t-shirt and never again. I wouldnt want it for any of mine either. Its not about the housework, thats the easy bit. Its just the fact theres no back up. You cant even be ill. Then theres the what to do with one or two or three etc other children if one needs a middle of the night or even middle of the day trip to the docs. And theres absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to work outside the home because its what you want to do for yourself. But I wouldnt want any of my lot to be living the life of a circus act either..... .juggling everything and not knowing at times if they are coming or going. Would some kind of voluntary work bridge a gap whilst letting you keep your maid till you get back to work. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 16:16

Personally if I need my maid to work on her day off she'll be offered either the day before off or the day after. Yes. But sometimes it doesnt work out that another day in the week is available as a day off. It wouldnt be in my house. So if they work their day off it really is working their day off.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 15:34

I know the woman is maid and the labour law doesn't apply to her as such but for me its a question of conscience and a sense of fair play. If you work On your day off its overtime and you get paid.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 08:44

Thank you ladies for your reply. You know how a mother is desperate to help her struggling child at school of course, mine is 11 and has been struggling ever since he entered school. Things are getting better as he matures. I went to this center hoping to find a helpful solution, theirs will cost 4000AED!!!! I would do it if the outcome is guaranteed, but if it's not? I would have wasted money that I can spend on him elsewhere in more productive areas. If your son has struggled all of these years I would want to get to the bottom of why its happening - and all the more so because secondary school is just around the corner. Only then can you decide how to help him. We recently saw the people at KIDS FIRST in Jumeirah with my granddaugher and as someone who lives very much in the world of special needs I have no hesitation in endorsing them. They were fab and my granddaughters reports are amongst the best I have come across.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 07:41

Lola Ive had a quick look at the link and it looks really interesing, will sit and watch it later. :) thanks :) ps - am I going to cry? <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 07:40

Pikachu, thank you. :) Oh and just for you - Q - How do you get Pikachu on a bus? A - You Pokemon I love that joke as daft as it is. :)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 April 2013 - 07:37

I deleted my last nights post instead of editing it so will have another go at it. \:) Yes, we have used listening therapy. Yes, I think its worth a go. We used it with my son who is 22 years old and severely autistic with tourettes. He also has additional mental health problems. We used it with him late in life and it was mostly down to his ever increasing sensory issues. We couldnt have done it when he was little because we just didnt have the money. I think listening therapy helped him but we were doing so many other things at the same time to get to the bottom of a terrible decline in mental health that I cant quantify so to speak one therapy over an other. We used The listening Programme because it was advised to us by sensory integrationists from the uk who were working on him in their clinic. I also have a son who is 30, he is dyslexic and has central auditory processing disorder. He didnt really stick to the programme but just recently he said he wants to start using it again because he felt better auditory wise when he did. He also tells me that if he takes his EYE Q omegas he really does feel the benefit of them. Maybe thats something else the OP could consider trying. My 22 year old also uses them and has done for years and if we were ever on a ship and we had to abandon it - these are what I'd grab (apart from his heavy duty medication) before jumping over the side. Just yesterday we were told my granddaughter is dyslexic, she also has central auditory processing disorder and sensory issues - a listening therapy is one of the things we are going to be doing with her. We're doing it because we believe you really do have to have an all encompassing approach to therapies and that there really is no use just treating one part of a child. In a couple of months we will be bring this gentleman to Oman http://www.jordanseyes.com/. Its easier for us to do it this way as it invovles only him travelling and no time off work or school for any of my lot. I first met Ian on an autism forum years ago and I believe in his work which doesnt just apply to those who are autistic. If anyone would like to read up on him and based on their reading decide they would like to see him then you are more than welcome to an appt. The appts wont be free and in total they wouldnt even be anything like the cost of one economy ticket to the uk. This is not a profit making excercise just a thing we've done a few times over the years so people who would find it difficult to go abroad for therapies - can access them here at a minimal cost. Basically his daily fee will be divided by the amount of people he sees and him and his wife see up to 8 clients a day. There will also be a small contribution included towards his air fare and this will be used to fund a few children who woudnt otherwise be able to see him. He will be coming regardless of others wanting to see him or not - just to clear up any possible chance of confusion regarding our motives. ;) All I ask is that if anyone does decide to give this approach a go, please dont be looking for a cure for whatever quirky bits your little prince :) or princess :) has because in the world of learning difficulties and additional needs - there is no cure. Just the chance for things to get a bit better. I'm sorry if that sounds grumpy - Im just way to old and way to jaded to be getting into bun fights about 'therapies' and whether they work or not :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 April 2013 - 22:35

If this is something you want to do then I would work out her hourly rate over the month then I would pay her one and a half times the hourly rate, per hour, and no more.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 April 2013 - 22:32

For my lovely girl :)

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Latest post on 28 April 2013 - 22:31

Thank you for all replies and recommendations. I am still hping that it is just that she is still young and I was very concerned to read about possible recommendations to a psychologist, I don't that is quite necessary just yet for trouble reading and writing. thanks again. Lynn, dont be scared about the mention of a psychologist. It would be an educational psychologist you would see with your daughter purely to asses her learning strengths and weaknesses. Its nothing sinister. Honestly. :)

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 April 2013 - 22:29

Thought you may be interested in this. I had the privilege of meeting this guy and his passion for bringing awareness re mental health. You may have heard of him. https://www.facebook.com/Ibnifilm edited by Lolacat on 27/04/2013 Lola, thank you so much for this kindness - but I cant get the link to work. Can you try it for me again pls.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 27 April 2013 - 12:42

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/britishcitizenship/ Poppy have a read through this link.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 April 2013 - 21:29

I don't understand the mocking of "guyliner" here. I thought for Western women who've been here a while in the UAE/gulf region that they would know it's common practice for men to wear kohl. It's unisex in Islam especially that it was used by Prophet Mohammed but for medicinal purposes, not aesthetics. Eyeliner ≠ kohl/kajal. In 38 years I think I can count on one hand the amount of blokes here that Ive seen wearing Khol for any reason.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 26 April 2013 - 17:41

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/saudiarabia/10019755/Is-this-man-too-sexy-for-Saudi-Arabia.html ....about the man too sexy for Saudi, thinking someone's bound to have said something here.....But no! So I'm going to start one.....Had to laugh at the comment about him wearing guy liner in many of the photos, takes the edge off somewhat!! :D See now there is something about the mention of a guy liner that has me wanting to know what one is but at the same time being way toooooooooooooooooo afraid to ask. Its instinctively putting me off any other thought about him that my 'old enough to know better head' is having. Well that and the fact he looks as if he wouldnt know how to have a proper strip down wash at the kitchen sink and fill the house with the smell of hot water and loads of lather from a bar of Palmolive soap. Its only real men who can do that, the real men of my working class childhood. Now they were worth getting in a lather about and I cant remember guy liners ever being on my shopping list at the co-op when my mum and gran sent me for the messages on a Saturday. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 26/04/2013</em>

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Latest post on 25 April 2013 - 21:09

http://www.expatwoman.com/dubai/monthly_faqs_Philippine_consulate_8751.aspx They should contact the Polo office and once you've passed the information on you really should just let them get on with it. Your maid is 6 weeks into her contract and its great things are going so well but there is a lot to be said for the old saying......familiarity breeds contempt.

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Latest post on 25 April 2013 - 16:06

TDB....people will behave how you allow them to. I dare you to send her an email saying but not grown up enough to have a car etc, cos that really was the perfect answer and way to deal with her. As for other who abuse your generosity, just start to say No. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 April 2013 - 07:13

It could very well be that they would like some of their employment expenses clawed back and if you were to offer a greasy palm she would be transferred to your employment. The above isnt an endorsement of the practice just an explanation of what might be the case. Either that or they are just plain peed off that she wants to move on. Was this leaving sprung on them late in the day with regards to her not wanting to stay or has she given fair notice. Again not excusing their behaviour just wondering why they are do peed off.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 April 2013 - 07:02

Yes its possible. My husband has been doing saturday to Tuesday for the best part of 10 years now. He decides each time whether he will fly or drive. One thing tho.....for some reason the very early morning flights both ways are very often delayed. Eta....oman is our home base. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 April 2013 - 06:43

Buttercup im truly sorry that you're going through such a heartbreaking time. One thing that struck me was how quickly your husband brought up the subject of separations. To me it indicates something he's been giving thought to. Either that or he is a bully, an abuser, who said it to scare you into shutting up and get you toeing the line. Yes he has agreed to marriage counselling but many a man does and then fails to follow through with it for various reasons. I dont think he'll go but if he does it will be to say look we even tried marriage counselling and it didnt work. This probably isnt what you wanted to wake up to but this needs to be tucked away in the back of your mind. Xxxx <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/04/2013</em>

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Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 14:49

In fact I think I'd defy anyone not to have a fiddle with bits of themself whilst doing other things. Nominating this for post of the year 2013 I surpassed my usual self with that one eh :D :D

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 14:44

I'm not surprised she wanted to leave. OP regarding her day off you say 'When I finally gave it to her' - so how long did she have to wait for a day off????? Friday is the usual day to give as a day off - they get to meet up with their friends/family and go to church together. As others have said - she would feel lonely and isolated if she had a day off different to her friends. If we had something on and needed our housemaid on a Friday I would give her plenty of notice and often her cousin would come to our villa so they could still spend time together. If she worked part of a Friday (very rare) I would either pay her extra or give her extra time off. As it was a rare occurance she often chose the more money route. In my house/family there's only two people who have Fridays off and thats my daughters who work in a school. Everyone else because of the nature of their job works a Friday if the have to, and they have to. That includes sons, sons in law, daughter in law, who are all in the airline industry, my medical student son in law, carers, maids, and my right hand man. Its part of their job and whilst efforts are made to ensure anyone who works in my house has one definite Friday off per month ....if it cant be done then it doesnt happen and they have another day instead. No one seems isolated and its quite simply life and the job they are doing. However I really do believe its something that should be made up for in other ways even if its just by way of appreciating the person and the job they are doing - at the very least. Times change and we're long past the days of life coming to a halt just because its a certain day of the week. edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/04/2013 I assume tho that their friendship groups would also have the same erratic scheduling. Whereas most maids do get Fridays off - creating a potentially isolating scenario if she gets a different day off. Also, we have to remember that maids here are not surrounded by family which is different to your situation. That in itself can cause isolation. Yes they do have the same erratic scheduling and its why the hardly ever see each other. As a family we see a each other but we hardly ever see each other 'altogether' unless its planned well in advance and specific days off work are requested or taken as leave. Maids and other employees in my house (including the european expats and adult locals) - they are all well looked after, appreciated and considered. They arent isolated but even if they were it would very much be a case of ....Im sorry but you cant have Fridays off just because its a Friday and all your friends are off. I would try and find ways to help them because loneliness is awful but I wouldnt change anything. They would then have to decide if the job was for them or not. There aren't any Cinderellas in this house and I think thats what helps when it comes to being able to say No.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 14:09

Times change and we're long past the days of life coming to a halt just because its a certain day of the week. edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/04/2013 Not related to your situation but I find it really sad that in my home country the traditional 'quiet' day (Sunday) is just another day of the week with shops open etc. My brother lives in Switzerland where Sundays truly are a day off, shops shut etc. You aren't even allowed to do noisy things like mow the lawn etc. It's fabulous, everyone gets to spend time relaxing with their families an/or friends. Obv certain professions still need to work, medical etc but only if it's a necessity. I was thinking about the grass cutting ban on a sunday - Swiss men must be the happiest on earth :D Personally I do wish things would stand still for a while at times but really its just not the world we live in today.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 08:05

You are not a nag. He is an ***hole. He sounds very selfish and used to getting his own way, you will never be happy with someone like this. Dump. Yep and you cant stick flowers in an ***hole and call it a vase.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 08:01

I also want to mention that I pay her overtime in addition to her salary for whenever she has keep an eye on the little one at night when we are out. And at night she no real work but just keep an eye on him incase he wakes up. I was just calculating I have paid her overtime equals to a months salary in the past one year. I know most people don't pay their nannies/maid overtime when they are out socially. So I think I have compensated her very generously overall. in addition to that to again give her an extra months salary ?? You cant give with one hand and take away with the other. Give the salary then adjust how you do things from now on in re the 'extras' if its bothing you so much.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 07:55

Some things were minor but others not. Her hair was long and I'd find it in our food or my youngest sons purees. That aggravated me to no end since I tie my hair when entering the kitchen, so I'd expect her to do the same, she kept avoiding the hair net. On the phone she asked if she'd have a day off, I said yes but not weekend because that's the only time I have to see my family. Upon arrival even before I had her residency she kept asking for her day off. When I finally gave it to her I said she can pick a weekday and leave early morning and be back by afternoon. She insisted she wants weekend. I bent over backwards to give her the Saturday from 8 am till 6 pm. She said she wants more, so I said 8 pm she said no, she wants 24 hrs, and if not then she wants to leave! I said that she's to allowed to spend the night out and that it's also for here safety. After that things just net bad, she'd lock her bedroom door when going out ( the iron is in her room) she had said that we don't give her enough food! Anyway, i think she thought I'm desperate and won't dare cancel herr visa, SOS when I did she was apologizing and regretting it. Sometimes they don't understand what we say and I don't units and her when she speaks and that can cause major issues! Good luck with yours, what's happening there? That's disgusting about the hair... I have told ours to wash her hands with soap before handling food. She doesn't. Last week, she was ripping the stems off of the spinach for our salad (I never told her to do this- I actually hate her handling every single piece of spinach!!), and touching her mouth and face. I told her to please wash her hands because she's touching our food. She rinsed with water, so I said to do it with soap! She looked lost. It's really so much to mention and alot of people like to jump in and judge on this forum without knowing the full details... Good luck to you though! :-) Based on this post you'd never eat in my house - and I do the cooking. In fact I think I'd defy anyone not to have a fiddle with bits of themself whilst doing other things. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 April 2013 - 07:49

I'm not surprised she wanted to leave. OP regarding her day off you say 'When I finally gave it to her' - so how long did she have to wait for a day off????? Friday is the usual day to give as a day off - they get to meet up with their friends/family and go to church together. As others have said - she would feel lonely and isolated if she had a day off different to her friends. If we had something on and needed our housemaid on a Friday I would give her plenty of notice and often her cousin would come to our villa so they could still spend time together. If she worked part of a Friday (very rare) I would either pay her extra or give her extra time off. As it was a rare occurance she often chose the more money route. In my house/family there's only two people who have Fridays off and thats my daughters who work in a school. Everyone else because of the nature of their job works a Friday if the have to, and they have to. That includes sons, sons in law, daughter in law, who are all in the airline industry, my medical student son in law, carers, maids, and my right hand man. Its part of their job and whilst efforts are made to ensure anyone who works in my house has one definite Friday off per month ....if it cant be done then it doesnt happen and they have another day instead. No one seems isolated and its quite simply life and the job they are doing. However I really do believe its something that should be made up for in other ways even if its just by way of appreciating the person and the job they are doing - at the very least. Times change and we're long past the days of life coming to a halt just because its a certain day of the week. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 April 2013 - 11:00

What shocked me about yesterday was how scared a person could be in a very short time span. What I felt here at home whilst sitting on my bed was very alarming yet nothing in the grand scheme of earth tremors tho even my glasses were shaking on the end of my nose. We build to earthquake standard here, even wee houses, and I'm glad because I'm no longer convinced we live too far away from the fault line to be concerned about earthquakes. Im from Dundee and we dont scare easy by the way :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/04/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 April 2013 - 10:11

I think you may well find that most people who come from a rural rather than city backgrounds (at least my generation and before) have been driving around their local areas since they could reach the peddles and see over the steering wheel - illegal yes, dangerous maybe, but usual, absolutely. I do think more accidents occur involving licensed drivers in cities. it would be interesting to see some statistics on this. The problem arises when unlicensed drivers are driving in city traffic. You are trying to justify something that is simply inexcusable. It's not working. She's not trying to justify it. She is trying to explain the reality that it doesnt just happen here. And just to clarify - I hate these youngsters with a passion. Our family dog was killed by a 14 year old joy rider in front of our son. They were going for a walk and wham - our dog was thrown 30 yards down the street. He was on a lead and an arms length away from my son who then spent ten minutes at the side of the road with him trying to wake the dog up with water. It happened about 12 years ago and to this day he wont have another dog because he just couldnt go through the pain of losing one again.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 April 2013 - 09:47

Yeah, I did too. I just wondered if it's true that if your child broke the law the parent/sponsor would get a fine/jail time/deported or just urban legend. It's not really something you want to find out through experience :D Ive never heard of people being deported or losing their job because something their headache of a teen did. However as someone speaking from the local side of things I think people really do overestimate the amount of local teens getting off with things. Of course there will always, very sadly be things like Wasta, but even so there is a great deal of misconception around. Someone said earlier about a letter having to be signed by parents to say they accept responsibilty for their child. Thats standard practice even amongst locals and its based on (the majority) of people feeling shame when their children get up to nonsense and not wanting it to happen again - so you say you will try and prevent it from happening, that you will keep more tabs on them. As for people getting locked up because of something their child did...havent heard of this either. However there is a system in place where if a person is considered to have run away or jumped bail or something then a family member can be held in order to encourage the naughty persons return. Sometimes families will even send another member of the family to the cells for a wee while in order to show the police they are co-operating with them and doing everything they can to get things sorted out. Also, its our personal experience that if kids have been naughty the police encourage the person to accept responsibility for what they have done by saying look, if you admit it, it will work in your favour but you will still be punished but to a lesser degree. Ive always found the police and legal system to be less than draconian when it comes to daft youngsters making a cock up of things.

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