DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 November 2012 - 05:43
My daughter gets married on the 26th and 27 but we're still going to have a go at having a good Christmas Day, albeit with loads more people than usual because of family and friends who are here for the wedding. If the wedding wasn't emotional enough as it is, it will also be my first ever Christmas with my brother. When we paddled at the beach together earlier this year we were a bit teary eyed so Christmas Day will probably mean more teary eyes and everyone looking in their stocking for an inflatable canoe or something. One of the things I love about my husband is how marrying him never meant I had to stop having a Christmas Day. I even manage a trip to a carol concert in the local church and he doesnt bat an eyellid. Its one of the days of the year when I wander so far down memory lane that its a wonder I find my way back before bedtime
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 16:54
Beebers - where do you get ginger garlic paste from? We use a lot of ginger and garlic paste so we make up a large quantity of it weekly. We just bung garlic and ginger in a blender and blend till smooth. You could do it with small quantities very easily.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 16:39
Thank very much for your opinions about this friend hints....you just derailed from the real thing, which is the lies this maid said to her male friend, or what he is making up. I did discover that the maid and this male friends do live in the same place back in philippines, did the same studies and went to the same schools together, from his original documents and her's, and his C.V is in her documents. I do travel a lot with DH in his business trips, sure I do need someone to be with my children, either I was right or wrong it did happen, as I do not have any family members I could leave my children with, including my mother, so yes: I was out there alone, and needed to trust someone with my children, the same time my DH needed me to go with him in his business trips, as I am the one who can open conversations. Maybe you are so lucky to have your family and friends around you, that you can trust your children with, I do not have this, we are totally alone here, and if I am emotionally unstable, this because I have been in h*ll and come back from it, for entire 8 years I was the one to count on, DH himself keeps counting on me, and do throw so many responsibilities over me, including the responsibility of his children when they arrive her for their vacation, I am the one who have to entertain them and he goes to his work, and become the punching bag for his ex-wife. Believe it or not, I needed to trust someone with my children, as no body wanted to lend me a hand when I needed the hand, I did asked every relative to help me on some stage with my children, specially when things go wrong in the maids life, that make her need to travel to her country, that I found myself hiring another agency maid to step in, and in the same time paying for the original maid to fly to her country that she did fly 2 times this year, so eventually in that time, I have to fly myself to pick up or drop off DH children from continent to another, so DH can go to his work. Yes I am guilty for being too nice with my maid, as she was the one who really cared about my children, and can step in to make my children's life go smoothly, and not interrupted by a business trip, or their step brothers arrival or departure.... I did my life revolve around DH, so when he can take any moment from work, I can at least be with him.... either right or wrong choice, it did happen. And not everybody wants to come to dubai to babysits someone, everybody wants to come to dubai to go out and do some shopping, including my family, once they step a photo in, I do not see any of them, unless they want me to drive them to that place or this place....as for my mum, she did only once a visit claiming she wants to help me with my new baby, that was my first born, and she stayed exactly 6 days, after she promised to stay a month with me... and she never done this visit again..... I was busy today doing my home chores, then went to sleep after my younger one did sleep, and now been preparing dinner, as DH is now abroad, so yes I did moved on. Shame on you who made fun of my life, I hope that you have a fracture of what I did endure in my life, then every body else can judge you the same way you do.... I did got my advices and noted to myself. DR thank you very much. This is my last post on this topic, as someone did advise me. And this is my last post on EW.... farewell. Come on Gorobattie, dont go, stay here with us. No one was judging you, or questioning you having a maid, just passing comment on what they could see was glaringly obvious. This woman has clearly hurt you very much but I think you laid yourself wide open to it - you were so glad to have someone around that you threw caution to the wind and gave her too big a place in your heart and your home. The women on this forum are like you, alone and far away from their mums and sisters and support, they have husbands who travel and work long hours, you dont have the monopoly on this as a wife and mother. Its what being an expat is all about. No-one was making fun of your life but I think the place you are in right now is so dark and so emotional, and not just because of the maid, that no-one will be able to convince you of this. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 14:32
I'm sorry, I cant find the article.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 14:19
How many of you would have maids or careers in your own home back in country of origin? Have said it before and I will say it again..... These guys are programmed. Even on EW we have threads and threads regarding these parasites! There are good ones and bad ones but to ensure you don't have bad experiences just don't employ any! Lets see how the timeline works Employ them All is well 3 or 4 months and a sick relative needs help for hospital bills Or Sick family and must return but can you help with travel expenses and maybe an advance! If you pay then 2 more months and they ask for more If you didn't pay then they run away. I could go on! Not worth the hassle Another load of tripe of a generalisation.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 14:16
this g a y friend - as she herself described him - in the first call I made last night after she run away, he is the one who started making fun of me and my believes, and kept telling me: you really don't know what happen? ask your husband, he knows what he did! Am I the only one thinking there is something going on here with the Husband and the g a y friend? edited by Grumpy on 19/11/2012 edited by Grumpy on 19/11/2012 I I find Gorobatties posts very difficult to follow such is the emotion in them. I think she's a wear her heart on her sleeve kind of woman and this has felled her. I thought the husband may be caving in about letting immigration deal with things because in the melee of the other night the maid may have been hit or scratched, and he was afraid about how it could be explained. But as I said I find the posts difficult to follow and I'm still not sure I understand the ins and outs of what happened the other night. There's way more detail in subsequent posts than the first. But no, I never for a minute thought there was something between the husband and the friend. I still dont. I do think however that these kind of insinuations are about par for the course. I'm not sure that Goro moving on, or taking her emotions out of this, is going to be something she'll be able to do anytime soon.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 14:00
Hi I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, Gorobattie. It sounds awful. Unfortunately I can't advise you as I have zero exp of employing maids. But I'd like to thank you for posting this as yet another reminder *not* to enter that minefield. Super Reds is right - they're simply not worth it. Good luck x What a complete and utter load of tripe of a generalisation.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 09:45
Its common in this part of the world for women to be bound very tightly around the tummy with a large piece of material after delivery, and when I had my first child my granny who was of Irish origin wanted to bind me in order to help with my 'posture'. I think its all one and the same thing, I think 'posture' was a kind of ladylike way of saying things, and I believe there is merit to the practice.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 09:42
True. The amount of people out there that don't wash their hands.. Ewww! Yes, I was waiting in queue for a cubicle in Ibn Battuta mall and a girl came out and walked straight off without washing her hands, as she left I noticed her T shirt logo had the brand name on a well know coffee shop printed on her back! Needless to say I do not frequent that particular outlet anymore, really makes me worry about eating out anywhere with people like that serving food. My experience is that many of those from one particular background who are most likely to not wash their hands, always blow their own trumpet about being "clean" the counter argument, which doesnt make sense to me, is that doors are dirty as well, so no point in washing hands and then opening doors I'm a bit funny about door handles and the flush handle in loos so make it a point never to touch the with my bare hands. And my grandaughter really is my grandaughter in many ways - she used to scare the pants off me and many others on escalators by shouting at the top of her voice - nana dont touch the rail it has Kaka on it.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 00:37
I know what your name is Gorabattie, I was shortening it, thats all. I replied to you without emotion because I know English isn't your first language and that due to your upset things were best kept as brief as possible. I wasnt trolling you, I was giving you sound advice. And you know, when a person says things like a g a y friend, it can make the person appear not very well intentioned even if they meant no malice when saying it. Its not important the friend is gay. If you have to repeat the story to anyone - just say 'the friend'. The woman may say the person is her 'g a y friend' but its a description of someone these people bandy about with not much thought. She labels him as that - you dont need to. Im sorry I made you cry, it was a genuine mistake, and I just really wanted to make sure there was no way the hospital report could be anything but bogus. You really do have to get over the emotion of what has happened and not let this little minx get away with another single shenanigan. Stop crying and move on to another day because that is exactly what she is doing eta - I see you posted the thread, and that you were indeed a little girl. I had missed that first time round, and that it was someone else who said they would normally trip a child up. My apologies once again. edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/11/2012
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 November 2012 - 00:01
As for trolling you. If you think being given good advice is trolling you then good luck to you when dealing with what you're dealing with.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 22:55
In a nut shell You do not drop the absconding charges and not just because it will look as if her attempts at blackmailing you re bogus hospital reports have worked. Neither do you drop them because you would be putting some other employer at risk of her antics. Does another woman really deserve this on her doorstep? She is a liar and a lousy employee. As for her g a y friend. His sexuality is none of your business, nor ours, we didnt need to know he was g a y so if you do report him for helping her I'd leave that part out. Its not important in this instance. Stop calling her, and hers, do not stoop to their level, the most I would do now is send a text message saying you do not wish for anymore contact with her and that the case is now with immigration. If this scares you then just remember you've seen her facebook page and she's most certainly not married to the man she just married in August - but she is more then likely living as his wife. She doesnt know you know this and you can hang onto it for dutch courage. As for feeling anything like loyalty to her because she's supposed to have loved your children - look where its got you to now. If you continue to be a doormat this woman and her pals will continue to walk all over you. Call their bluff. It really is as simple as that, honestly. :) edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/11/2012
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 19:13
OK I've seen holes in the ground in particular shisha cafes in Abu Dhabi, service stations and parts of Karama. I've even done a wii in Ravis. But I work in a shiny office building in media city! And can't they lift up the seat and stand on the actual rim rather than on the toilet seat???? Surely if there is a hole in the ground then by all means squat, but if there is a proper toilet why not use it properly? Seems pretty savage to me... Perhaps people would rather squat on something other kind of savages may just have sat on. It takes all sorts to make a world. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 19:08
My son is on Lithium, Haliperidol, and a venaflaxine type thing. We are back and forward to the UAE a lot. We have never had a problem entering with the drugs. Not so long ago a very senior government official/policeman was interviewed in the paper regarding these kind of meds for personal use and the jist was - people should not worry. I will try to find the article.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 19:08
My son is on Lithium, Haliperidol, and a venaflaxine type thing. We are back and forward to the UAE a lot. We have never had a problem entering with the drugs. Not so long ago a very senior government official/policeman was interviewed in the paper regarding these kind of meds for personal use and the jist was - people should not worry. I will try to find the article.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 07:32
As another option can Santa write back with a bag of candy floss and say that he's out of stock on toy dogs and candy floss machines and ask if there's anything else she would like?! Smart suggestion......but also agree that I would break down and buy the Fur Real Dog. I am a bit of a pushover at Christmas lol. DR your Christmas day family celeberation sounds wonderful, a bit like our caotic day.;) Yep, what would Christmas Day be like without at least one fight. :D
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 07:30
As the daughter of a dentist my house would never have a candy floss machine. No matter how much I screamed when I was a kid I couldn't even get candy floss at a village fayre or guy fawkes night! I grew up with five dogs but still enjoyed playing with an interactive toy dog as well. Real dogs are great but they can't do backflips when you clap your hands! Dogs are not toys and can become bored with playing with kids. But a toy dog will always be there to play with and may well be a healthy distraction from the real dog once the dog is tired and if your DD still wants to play. As another option can Santa write back with a bag of candy floss and say that he's out of stock on toy dogs and candy floss machines and ask if there's anything else she would like?! edited by RuthM on 18/11/2012 No, please, noooooooooooooooooooo! No letter from Santa saying he's run out of stuff. But I do love what you say about the dog because its all true. My youngest grand-daughter took hers out with her when we went for our tea yesterday and it doesn't even do tricks anymore she's had that much use out of it.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 00:20
Will she get anything thats on her Christmas list or will it all have to be sensible stuff. I mean a bike is great - but does she hanker after one? No is the answer to that. We got her a cheap bike last year for Christmas that's what she asked for. I just think that AED 499 is alot to spend on "rubbish" which will last all of 24 hours if that. We will get her small things to make up her christmas stocking. I'm just starting to feel guilty that the only two things she has asked for Santa I don't particularly want to buy. DesertRose1958, I'm smiling whilst typing this. You are seriously the voice of reason and have put things into perspective. It is Christmas and she will get what Santa has asked her for on Christmas day. I don't really struggle with decisions like this. I hope you and your family have a very very merry one as I know now my DD will. xxx Babyrat, you gave in too easily. I didn't get to play my violin. I was still getting it out from under the stairs when you posted! What are you like??? Your post just reminded my of something one of my boys said to me a couple of weeks ago. I have a daughter getting married on boxing day, her wedding will be held over two days, one of them at home, and I have loads of people arriving for it from the UK. I was thinking to just pack a giant picnic on Christmas day and go to the beach to save time on cooking and washing up until my 29 year old said to me - mama what about S, (thats our special boy), how will he manage etc etc. I told him it will be ok son, S will enjoy the beach. No mum he says, you know how he likes to pinch the legs off the turkey when no one is looking. That;s his Christmas, he doesn't care what he gets. And its true, that's my youngest ones Christmas, all he wants is both legs of the turkey and he likes to pinch them. If we gave them to him he'd not be happy, he has to be able to pinch them then he kills himself laughing when we all say things like - oh my god, where the legs off the turkey. Then we blame it on the dogs and the fairy on the tree and he is in hysterics. I don't know how I forgot about that for this year, I really don't, but thankfully my other son reminded me. So its mass hysteria on the menu here this Christmas Day and not just because of the turkey legs. :D I wish the same for you and yours :D
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 November 2012 - 00:20
Will she get anything thats on her Christmas list or will it all have to be sensible stuff. I mean a bike is great - but does she hanker after one? No is the answer to that. We got her a cheap bike last year for Christmas that's what she asked for. I just think that AED 499 is alot to spend on "rubbish" which will last all of 24 hours if that. We will get her small things to make up her christmas stocking. I'm just starting to feel guilty that the only two things she has asked for Santa I don't particularly want to buy. DesertRose1958, I'm smiling whilst typing this. You are seriously the voice of reason and have put things into perspective. It is Christmas and she will get what Santa has asked her for on Christmas day. I don't really struggle with decisions like this. I hope you and your family have a very very merry one as I know now my DD will. xxx Babyrat, you gave in too easily. I didn't get to play my violin. I was still getting it out from under the stairs when you posted! What are you like??? Your post just reminded my of something one of my boys said to me a couple of weeks ago. I have a daughter getting married on boxing day, her wedding will be held over two days, one of them at home, and I have loads of people arriving for it from the UK. I was thinking to just pack a giant picnic on Christmas day and go to the beach to save time on cooking and washing up until my 29 year old said to me - mama what about S, (thats our special boy), how will he manage etc etc? I told him it will be ok son, S will enjoy the beach. No mum he says, you know how he likes to pinch the legs off the turkey when no one is looking. That's his Christmas, he doesn't care what he gets. And its true, that's my youngest ones Christmas, all he wants is both legs of the turkey and he likes to pinch them. If we gave them to him he'd not be happy, he has to be able to pinch them then he kills himself laughing when we all say things like - oh my god, where are the legs of the turkey. Then we blame it on the dogs and the fairy on the tree and he is in hysterics. I don't know how I forgot about that for this year, I really don't, but thankfully my other son reminded me. So its mass hysteria on the menu here this Christmas Day and not just because of the turkey legs. :D I wish the same for you and yours :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 November 2012 - 23:42
Will she get anything thats on her Christmas list or will it all have to be sensible stuff. I mean a bike is great - but does she hanker after one? No is the answer to that. We got her a cheap bike last year for Christmas that's what she asked for. I just think that AED 499 is alot to spend on "rubbish" which will last all of 24 hours if that. We will get her small things to make up her christmas stocking. I'm just starting to feel guilty that the only two things she has asked for Santa I don't particularly want to buy. See I'm all for being sensible. I had to be with 5 children. But I really do believe that come Christmas Day there is room for leeway, that the joy on the wee persons face on Christmas Morning makes not being sensible for a change worthwhile. Could you compromise and get the candy floss machine because I think its something that you could control the use of further down the line. I still remember my grandaughters face last year when she didnt get the guitar she's asked for because it didnt get delivered in time. Oh it was awful, just awful. I'm batting for your wee girl to get one of the things on her list. I'll away and get my violin out!!!! <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 November 2012 - 23:16
Will she get anything thats on her Christmas list or will it all have to be sensible stuff. I mean a bike is great - but does she hanker after one?
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 November 2012 - 23:07
There is no difference between a maid and a house helper except in the mind of someone who doesn't want to believe they have employed a maid. And the situation you've found yourself in is what happens when you salve your conscience regarding having a maid by treating her as a friend. Dont waste another minutes thought on this woman who's already shown what she's made of by getting 'married' again when she already has a husband in the Phillipines. Oh, and they do go through a kind of phoney marriage ceremony officiated at by some con man who manages to convince them its all above board. Its like a temporary thing for when they are abroad. I would put money on her now being pregnant and this is the reason for the emotional shenanigans. I suspect she's running scared. That said I wouldnt waste another minute of my time thinking about her, the only person she's at risk from - is herself. There's much to be said for the old - oh what a web we weave when first we set out to deceive. You said she loves your children - just try and console yourself with the fact that many of these women can walk away without a backward glance at the people they were thought to love. Its just the way they are. The maid will be OK, she is not lying in a ditch somewhere - just the bed she made for herself. edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/11/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 November 2012 - 10:01
Hello all, Does anyone know where I can get cake flour from? Many thanks You can buy plain flour here and add a raising agent to it if you want your cake not to resemble a pancake when its ready. Or you can buy whats called self raising flour that contains the raising and makes you cakes look the way they should - not like a pancake. hth :)
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 14 November 2012 - 09:25
Has OP been friends with husband before the wife? One of my best friends in the whole world is a guy I went to college with, but he's like a brother to me. There are no issues with our friendship (either with his wife or my husband), but we all get along really well. But maybe that's the difference - I'm not seeing him as a "girlfriend", but as a brother, so there's no gray area. . I tried to say something very similair but my brain isnt working very well today. I have a 'brother' here who is my husbands friend and when I was out with him for coffee a few months ago quite by chance, my husband didnt bat an eyelid when he was told by someone later that day - oh yes I was talking to DR1958 and A today. His wife wouldn't have batted an eyelid either and not just because we are now sisters to each other. It wasnt even something we would have had to go home and report - it would have come up tho but something along the lines of - oh yeah, I saw him or her the other day. We were all quite lonely souls when we came to this part of the world a lifetime ago and we were all missing our loved ones. We all needed each other but only in a very innocent way - there's nothing you know what about it. In fact I cant even go there in my head for this thread. And yes, people have commented in the past about our friendship but thats because they have dirty minds - our spouses have never felt the need to because they know whats what.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 20:28
She is the only one that can resolve her insecurity issues in her relationship. Step 1 is talking to her husband to get clarity on questions she has.She doesnt want to upset him and avoids talking to him which clearly indicates they have communication issues too. I find it strange that she would first ask you if there is something going on before even asking her husband. I think if the woman was ready to ask her husband she would. I think she might be afraid of the answer she'd get from him, or his reaction to the question if he's having an affair with someone not known to the wife. Her friend has said no, so she'll probably be re-assured for a while because I dont think she's ready for what could be the truth.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 20:08
Is your friend feeling out of sorts just now with the result she's feeling insecure. Is her marriage in trouble and does she think her husband is having an affair - and she's mistakenly thought its with you. Is there anything innocent going on between you and the husband that could be misconstrued by your friend. What would I say if a friend asked me this - I'd be horrified but I think I would ask her why she felt the need to ask, and if everything was ok at home. I think you have to be pretty unhappy to risk a friendship with this thought and accusation.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 18:29
I can not find my thread that i posted last night about "Nannies Dubai", was it deleted? If so, why? perhaps it was thought to be advertising, and yes, it looks like its gone.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 18:28
It looks like we're all married to the same man - he doesn't half get around eh!
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 18:25
Mmmmmm, you wont regret buying the insurance. I had all of my lot insured to the hilt and a stupid mistake when reading the date of expiry on the cards meant some of them were left insured for a few weeks. During that time the wee ones illness became obvious. What scuppered us? Well it was the way the expiry date was written - 9/10/2012 can mean 2 things and me and my right hand man took it to mean the wrong one. Anyway ladies, thank you for your good wishes, the wee one didnt have his op today because there wasnt an paediatric ICU bed for him so we're hoping it will happen tomorrow.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 November 2012 - 17:08
Hi all, my helper is going back to the Philipines soon on vacation and I wanted to get a small gift for her children. (12yo DS/9YO DD). I know most of you will say $$, but I'd like to give something physical also.. any suggestions welcome.. TIA something that will not cost them money to keep it working. I think I would go for clothes or a nice school bag that will make their school friends think they are master and miss cool.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 November 2012 - 23:54
Insure, Insure, Insure. I cannot stress that enough. You just never know whats around the corner and if people think maids dont become ill with anything serious they are deluded. My daughters maid has just finished breast cancer treatment, she's 36. We chose not to send her home to have treatment for the simple reason it would have been handing her death sentence wrapped up in an airline ticket. One of my own maids has had to have treatment for kidney stones. And though this next example is not about a maid - its about my right hand mans son who is 3 years old and currently battling Lukemia. To date its costing us an average of 20.000 dirhams weekly because me and his dad made a stupid mistake with the dates of the insurance and we found some of the staff not covered for 3 weeks. The wee one was diagnosed during the time he wasnt covered and if our circumstances were different - we'd be in deep doodah financially by now. As it is we are starting to gulp when seeing the hospital bills that we receive daily. He's been in there 7 weeks now and only today was diagnosed with a brain abscess that means neurosurgery tomorrow, and ICU stay, and more scans. I think on average each dose of chemo plus all that goes with it is about 10,000 dirhams. He's on weekly chemo. Then there are the other things on top of the chemo. He's into week 7 of treatment that will more than likely last two years in one form or another. I've told you this just to illustrate what can happen, and believe me, when it does - having a persons life in your hands via your bank account is the worst thing ever. You are responsible for their life!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldnt wish it on anyone. I am dreading the day we may have to say - I'm sorry we cant continue to pay for this. If it goes to needing bone marrow transplants or he has a relapse further down the line and needs the treatment all over again I honestly dont think we can. I have my son to think about the rest of his life, and it really is as cruel as that. I have to chose my sons care and well being. Dont ever let yourself get into this situation with anyone because you wont like yourself very much if you do. So get your staff insured, it doesnt cost much, about 2000dhms a year. Your staffs well being is worth it - as is your emotional well being if things go wrong and you have to think of money before a persons life. edited by DesertRose1958 on 13/11/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 13/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 November 2012 - 09:23
Wise words DR. Very valid questions too. the questions you raised in the last post, THESE I would definitely want answers for, if it were me. Puresouls family are definitely not run-of-the-mill. The fact that she is 34 and hasnt been literally pushed out but is being chided and has herself said that they are patient is a giant kudos to them. In this culture, anyone over 27 is considered quite past her prime. So I dont think she is being offered as a sacrificial lamb at all. The fact is, she IS lucky, if she wants to get married in the traditional way, by arrangement, to find any takers at all. You see, no matter how old the guy is, he will always find a young bride, so if she wants to catch that bus I'd say she better step on it. This of course does NOT mean to marry the first one that comes along irrespective of anything else. But if he's a reasonable, decent man, and everything else checks out, I would tell her to go for it. I too am curious, why would the family chose to make a proposal to OPs parents. Plus the MIL hasnt even seen her, this is not the norm, they seem quite keen for him to be married, how old is he? I would consider other reasons why they seem to be in a hurry as well, and not just the age factor. Also, What makes a man a mummys boy anyway? Has she said something that is amiss? I dont have sons but have seen too many tales of heartbroken mums whose sons dont call or visit enough. If we can afford it, I'd have no problem whatsoever if my DH regularly sent a portion of his salary to his mum, till the day she needs it. Does everyone not think so naturally? Why not? To me controlling MILs are those who nitpick, interfere greatly in a sons personal relationship with his wife, crticise the way a DIL lives or raises her children, or purposefully adds mental stress other ways by controlling the son. A mum who wants to visit or financial support is not a problem. But of course everything depends on the guys age, perhaps he is someone who didnt find the right time and now that he has, is sensibly looking for someone his own age, instead of the usual scenario where the groom wants a 21 year old no matter how ancient HE is. DM - I have to go out very soon so will make this a quickie and try and get back to you later on. I didnt mean that Puresouls family are offering 'her' up as a sacrificial lamb. It was a general comment based on how a 'softly softly' appoach can result in someone becoming a sacrificial lamb. In fact I wasnt even thinking of her family - I was thinking of a young woman being so keen to make a good marriage that she goes too far in the softly softly aspect of things and it becomes somthing else. I understand what you're saying about Puresouls age but when does 'going for it' become 'settling'. I've nothing against people 'going for it' in the way that you mean, I know how good these marriages can turn out if everything is above board at the outset - but settling is something else. Re a 'mummys boy' - once again that was in general. I wasnt saying the boy was. I read the bits about the visits and the money after I had said I wouldnt want a mummys boy marrying any of mine. I wouldnt even want my sons to be a mummys boy. What makes a mummys boy? Well, having a parent to stay and be cared for does not a mummys boy make. Nor does supporting a parent. For me its a foregone conclusion that people are looked after and supported by family. Its just part and parcel of life. You do as you would be done by. I think I could have written things better originally. Not having the necessary bits a person needs to tell a mum she's overstepped the mark does. That also applies to a daughter who doesnt have the courage to say - mum, I love you, but you are now an interfering mother in law. My daughter is not a mummys girl, trust me, I know :D I only put the laughing smilie at the end of that last paragraph because I cant do a sheepish one. :D edited by DesertRose1958 on 12/11/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 12/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 November 2012 - 06:54
Everyone has been very helpful, and I just wanted to add my two bits. I know the talking stage is very important to set the ground rules but please take everything with a pinch of salt. A softly softly approach wouldnt hurt. Its imperative that you choose the right guy, but this is an arranged marriage so expect some surprises and take it in your stride, no one is perfect. I hope I dont come across wrong, if this guy is genuinely nice then I just dont want a hard approach to frighten him off. In this culture, sorry to say, a headstrong attitude is often misinterpreted. I know that others may jump on me but I know what I say is true. Dubai Mum :), I dont see why anyone would jump on you because you make valid points, but, and there is always a but, there's a big difference between adopting a softly softly approach in the lead up to an arranged marriage - and offering yourself up as a sacrificial lamb so to speak. We have here a 34 year old young woman who's being told by her family to be thankful she has a marriage proposal, and a future mother in law who is worried her son stops sending her money - because of course it would be the daughter in laws fault, wouldnt it? There is also the talk of not being stopped from going to visit 'her sons' house. Again, it would be the daughter in laws fault if that were to happen - wouldnt it? I have a vision in my head of an innocent young woman marrying this guy and being the 'daughter in law' in a sense I wouldnt want for anyone I loved, and should times become bad, being encouraged to stay in a marriage by her own family because at her age she should be grateful she's married at all. Pure soul is 34, I wonder how old the groom is and what he's being doing to now? If he's older than her I'd like to know why its taken him so long to get married and all the more-so because he seems to come from a traditional family who'd encourage marriage sooner. I think its also important to know if he is younger than her. Are there no woman known to his family in Pakistan that could have been considered for him? A relative even? Also, the business he's going to set up - where will the money come from to do that, and how are they going to live while he is setting up the business. If he gives up work to set up a business he'll have to have an income from somewhere? Does the guy currently work? Is he here on a visit visa? He has a Masters in HR - so do lots and lots of other people, it just seems to be one of those subjects. Puresouls age aside, which of the two would be considered to be 'marrying up' ? And people do think about this, there's always a 'lucky one' in the pair to be getting the person they got. My sister in law tells me that anyone who marrys one of my children, or hers, is the 'lucky one', that everyone has said so ;) . Seriously tho, we can joke about it - but I really would be wanting to know why this mans family made the approach in the first place. These are the first questions that me and mine, (including aunty z, who is a very wise wise woman :) ) would be looking for an answer to if this mans family approached me regarding one of my daughters. Its also the questions they'd be asking for themselves. Any other questions would come later - if there was a later. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 12/11/2012</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 November 2012 - 06:19
Please listen to DesertRose1958 - SHE DA WOMAN (honestly, no kidding, this lady knows what's what and her advice is golden). knock knock who there yo yo who yo mama :) It works best if you do it with the accent. :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 November 2012 - 21:54
The ikea one is fab.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 November 2012 - 21:53
Im a usa size 12ee and have to bring my shoes from Zappos in the usa. Its a big improvement on the transvestite shops I previously frequented. Oh and I'm currently waiting on a pair I've designed and had made myself from a company in australia called Shoes of Prey. They cost about 250 us dollars, which if they fit, will be worth the money. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 November 2012 - 21:34
Puresoul, I think I can comment on this thread given my families cultural background. I would want the finances of a marriage hashed out for my daughters and daughters in law and I would make sure that if they wanted to be stay at home mums they'd have a fair share in the family finances. I wouldnt want them to have to be grateful for the monthly spare change so many young woman nowadays are expected to put up with for the simple reason they are an educated woman who has chosen not to work. Without financial euality in its true sense I'd tell any young woman I know to head for the hills and not look back. I'd also want to ensure that the husband-to-be was not a mummys boy and that the young woman in my family would be a daughter of the house they were marrying into. eta - I just read you last post and I'd run a mile because his mother sounds like everything I'd want my girls to avoid. You've said it all seems to good to be true and in that I think you are correct. Not only that, if your family think you should be grateful this opportunity has come along - rest assured his does also. You sound like a really nice young woman - proceed with caution. edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/11/2012 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 November 2012 - 21:10
Gummy, I get what you are saying but I would still observe the day in honour of the soldiers who have gone to war, and who are still going to war, to fight a cause they dont believe in but who do it because they are soldiers. For the last few years the families of a group called 'Shot At Dawn' have marched on Remembrance Sunday, my respect is no less for them because they were shot at dawn for cowardness. Not that they were cowards but it those days they weren seen to be. So for me honouring anyone who dies in a war is what matters and not anything else really.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 November 2012 - 08:17
THE INQUISITIVE MIND OF A CHILD Why are they selling poppies Mummy? Selling poppies in town today? The poppies, child are the flowers of love For the men who marched away. But why have they chosen a poppy ,mummy Why not a beautiful rose? Because, my child, men fought and died. in the fields where the poppies grow. But why are the poppies so red Mummy? Why are the poppies so red? red is the colour of blood, my child The blood our soldiers shed The heart of the poppy is black, Mummy Why does it have to be black? Black my child, is the symbol of grief For the men who never came back. But why Mummy are you crying so Your tears are giving you pain My tears are my fears for you my child For the world is FORGETTING AGAIN
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 November 2012 - 08:58
I have the latisimma plus and am very happy with it. However I think my daughter gets a better foam on her cappuccinos and she has a model, the name escapes me for now, but she has to put her milk in a container and its foamed up with a little whisk. Also, we find both of us get a better foam if we use full fat milk, but even then some days its a better foam than the day before and I put it down to the time of day the cow may have been milked. I think there is a difference in morning and evening milk. I feel really daft saying that but ...............:) I never go to Costa or the likes anymore because I much prefer to get home for a coffee these days. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 November 2012 - 10:19
Kish was exactly where she was trying to go For nearly 2 decades I was based and contracted in different countries. I was never allowed to change the return tickets nor even my vacation tickets at the airport without notifying the company. If I wanted to go somewhere else I would change when I landed OR put in a request. I dont see why this is any different. I also never asked any of my bosses for extra money or told them about my family problems (another thread, yes). I do not see why it would be different. In my older thread she was asking me to illegally let her stay here while under my visa and she clearly knew it was wrong. If she wanted to work elsewhere I would have happily transferred the visa and wanted happiness and a better life for her. there was no point in lying You sound really peed off, and no wonder - but you really do just have to put this down to experience and move on. There is no point whatsoever in letting it pickle your insides. :) If she lived in your home I'd go and give her room a really good symbolic scrub by way of letting this go.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 22:20
See, I would have laughed at that and then phoned all the family and said guess whats in the garage. Then they would have laughed as well. I wouldnt have bothered phoning to have it taken away tho - I would have just moved it out of the garge onto the road and probably laughed about that as well. I like a good laugh :) in a perfect world yes, but no. suppose someone did steel it, done something or transported something in it, then you drive it, leaving your finger prints all over it? in my opinion she done the right thing. yes, you do have a point - but I'd still laugh about finding a golf buggy in th garage.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 22:14
See, I would have laughed at that and then phoned all the family and said guess whats in the garage. Then they would have laughed as well. I wouldnt have bothered phoning to have it taken away tho - I would have just moved it out of the garge onto the road and probably laughed about that as well. I like a good laugh :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 20:30
i usually give old stuff to my maid; she is usually very grateful What happened? I don't have a maid. We did not like it and after one year we had to let her go :( I don't know if this is a natural state of things here, but people were so rude. One lady called with boss tone to inform that she will come at so and so time and I should prepare it for her?! One man called me and just told me - hi, send me sms now! I always try to be very nice to everyone, even the ones that do not deserve it, but this was over the Moon. It is free, so how you demand anything from the person giving it to you?! For 2 hours I went crazy. My friends kids are big now, mine is the smallest, so all that is not in use has to just go somewhere else. My apparently stupid idea was to help someone that does not have the opportunity to purchase things like that for their kids. I don't think I'll repeat that. At the end I gave all the things to the cleaner. He is not married, but he will sell them and make some money. Better than nothing :( This is the first time I am really clearing the house, so there were lots of stuff. My mind still does not comprehend completely what happened :) Very disappointing. edited by mpp_jl on 07/11/2012 I get you :) Its horrible isnt it. You'd almost think the people who call were buying the stuff from you instead of being given it.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 20:24
just last night we were talking about at how even in their last year of school my kids had to be in bed at 9 on a school night with lights out 9.30 and everying in the room switched off. I always had to be in my bedroom by 8pm for years--quite challenging when my practices after school would be over at 6! I was still wound up from athletics. I mentioned it once to a classmate and was mortified, as apparently this wasn't the norm :( To this day I still like to go to bed really early, though, and I am happy for it. It's good preparation for the workforce, for certain. Edited to add--sorry OP, got off topic. I also cast my vote for a boring book. Pick up a copy of Homer's Odyssey, prose version. lol it works like a charm edited by Beebers on 07/11/2012 I was surprised last night at the laughs we had about their bedtime. They hated it at the time but are gald about it now they're older because 4 out of the 5 of them are still early to bedders
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 20:24
Harri - did you actually see the other replies you received from people who had taken the trouble to reply to you? Sorry, my reply was meant to be directed to everyone who replied. I should have created a new message. Apologies and thanks again for the advice. You're welcom Harri. :) and I've accidently deleted the post. I thought it had posted twice but it hadnt. See, thats the effect teenagers still have on me. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 15:28
I actually find the thought of doing so disrespectful. All these things that are supposed to be 'disrespectful' - the list just goes on and on and on with much on the list not actually being considered disrespectful by Muslims. and how many were included in the survey? What survey? I think this 'disrespect' business based on what people 'think' is fact has seriously damaged Islam over the last few years and I look at this way - once upon a time there was a big bogeyman called disrespect that haunted billions of people the world over. I know people are only trying to be nice when they put things down to disrespect but more often than not I feel it makes for nothing but derision and confusion. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 12:36
have a look at this: [url=http://sleepdisorders.about.com/od/commonsleepdisorders/a/Delayed-Sleep-Phase-Syndrome-In-Teenagers.htm'>link[/url'> we've had this issue with both our DDs. DD2 is now sleeping better (she's 15), but still struggles from time to time. We did resort to medication (GP prescribed) which helped get her back into a more normal sleep routine. Would melatonin help with this?
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 11:48
Congratulations Bella and Mr Bella. :) ps - that farm looks lovely :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 07 November 2012 - 11:39
Excellent victory speech. Yes :) I also like the human element when he spoke of his love for Michelle. I get the impression they are couple who know how to have a right set too or screaming match and then make up. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 07/11/2012</em>
 
 
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