DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 December 2013 - 13:27
My new DIL is pregnant and has already lost he job as she became pregnant within two years of being employed. She's in the airline industry. As for the maid - I would have to send her home, for various reasons, but even if I did decide to keep her on it would only be if I was absolutely sure she was married and that I'd at one stage had an attested copy of her marriage certificate in my hand. We have recently gone through this as a family and had a very narrow escape from what could have been a big mess. We had a couple with 4 children approach us for jobs as domestic staff and we said yes only to discover they have never been married, they are to all intents and purposes though husband and wife in the Phillipines..
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 December 2013 - 09:43
See, Im feeling really daft because I still don't understand it. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 December 2013 - 09:32
Lolacat you're obviously quite aghast at the fact Celeste posted here regarding her problem so why keep coming back to thread? Or is the answer obvious - that you keep on coming back to the thread because you just cant resist the temptation of kicking a woman when she's down? edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/12/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 December 2013 - 07:34
I think it means that deciding what to do is giving mrsbiju a migrane. Personally I would do neither - a caffeine blast of a huge bar of chocolate and a filter coffee is usually what I use for pain relief if I get it at the right time.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 December 2013 - 07:07
I don't understand if she is a live in maid or not and I only have experience of a live in and they eat what we do for the simple reason that anything else, to me, would be a form of discrimination. I just couldn't do it and not just because food is life. I just couldn't live by - we deserve nice thick kingfish steaks but you can have canned tuna. But saying that, I don't pander to special requirements, (even with my children and grandchildren). Meals are prepared and its a case of this is what we are having and if you don't like it you can organize something else for yourself - but not when you should be working and only when the kitchen is free. I'm a kind of no nonsense person when it comes to meals and I certainly don't do fussy eaters, and again, not even my children would get away with it. There's no way I could have ever cooked each meal around 9 different palates. A few tinned /packaged Filipino products go in my shopping trolley ever month but not many because we don't really have processed foods, its usually cooked from scratch at every meal. I think it helps me with the attitudes I have to 'this is what we're having'. However, people do get their favourite about once a week - yesterday for example lunch was chicken adobo because the Filipino staff were on duty and they were the only ones having lunch at home. I generally find it all works out quite well. That said, if any of my children had dropped in for something to eat they would have happily eaten it with them. As for steak - they all had steak sandwiches with salad and French Fries last night, it was an international bunch, a European, a local, and 2 Filipinos and was by far the easiest thing to give them. I had the last of the home-made soup because I fancied it. As for toiletetries - no, I don't provide them and someone recently lost a very good job at interview because she asked for them on top of a really good wage and great working conditions. It was just plain greed and the interview stopped there and then. However, if people want to they can take the bog standard stuff we use from the store cupboard, and they do, because it would seem the branded stuff so many of the domestic help say they use really is only what they use when someone else is paying for it. I wholeheartedly agree with Anondubai that having a maid is expensive, but I would go further and add that if the cost of feeding a maid is an issue, or sending them home without having to worry about the cost if they cause upset in your home, is an issue - then a person cant really afford a maid. Its not just about paying the up front fees. edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/12/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 23/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 December 2013 - 19:37
Celeste I think that right now you should be doing what you want to do and not really thinking about all the what ifs involved in this kind of scenario, for the simple fact that no matter what you do there will always be hindsight. As for the other woman its perfectly normal to feel as you do regarding her but its your husband who's needing dealt with on a practical level. Someone further down mentioned how viscious these women can be and I think they got it spot on - dont bother with her if only to spare yourself further interaction with her at the lowest of low levels. You need to rise above her and think dignity. As for your husband - you have all the trump cards in your hand, including the phone. Do what you think is for the best for you right now. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 December 2013 - 11:09
Read into this happening. Ask why? Jobs are harder to get worldwide, so the ones who are getting them are the men. That is what this news tells us. That women are not the first choice candidate, so to get a job they are movingg towards technical, guaranteed job careers, or venturing on their own. Either tough work, or risky work. The secure work, the everyday jobs that get women an income, are not being given to them. This reiterates that women are still second. I dont believe this either. My two girls finish their current jobs in June and are branching out on their own. Its a deliberate move and connected to what they both do now, they saw a need and are going for it. Little one will be doing her masters and gaining a broader understanding of special neds through voluntary work, and big one will be doing the setting up so that come 2015 they are up and running. They're not doing this because of men, they're doing it from a sense of oh to **** with a certain malarky, lets do what has to be done. And at almost 56 and after a lifetime at home as a housewife I open the doors to my new venture in January. Its my first ever job really and I'm doing it because I had an idea. And to be honest the liberation movement kind of passed me by when I was up to my elbows in nappies but I find your comments about safe jobs for women quite sexist and derogatory. Im sitting here thinking of my neices, ones an SAS trained bodyguard, there's a bank manager, a few are high ranking government officials in their chosen field, ones an oil industry high flier with a world wide reputation, one is a geologist and another one is studying to be one, theres a chemistry lecturer,we've got Dr's, and a university lecturer who is one of 5 women in the family with a Ph.d.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 19 December 2013 - 09:17
If you go ahead with the therapy you are accepting there's a problem. I would only ever tell the school for the simple reason - how can they educate her appropriately if they dont know there's a problem? Also, you've mentioned behavioural - just keep in mind that should these ever pose a problem you really will be up a gum tree with regards to saying ah but she has such and such. And whatever it is thats going on with your girl - it may not be causing problems now but that could change as she goes through school with grade 3 and 4 quite often being the years things start to fall apart for children who've managed for a few years with their quirky bits. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 19/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 16:40
The husband flies off the handle and it could be the OP has lived a life of keeping quiet for fear of him flying off the handle hence her needing to consider other means of finding out But surely she has found out? The teacher told her which means it's not simply speculating. ETA: What should she do, wait until she actually catches him with his pants down? Or find out what is going wrong before something happens that the relationship can't survive? edited by Daza on 18/12/2013 Daza, we know she's found out but she's not at that stage of reality yet and all other means of dealing with things will be considered before what has to be dealt with will be.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 15:41
I think that it is very clear and simple. DH was caught and 100 percent to blame; why play games? I think that if the OP is frightened to confront him then there are some serious issues with the relationship. He should be scared of her in this instance, not the other way round. I would only be wondering if this was just a mid-life-crisis type of thing, or if it indicated a long term problem. Personally, I don't think that I could handle the doubt. I completely agree Chewit. I don't understand at all in this situation why you would play games or make light of it. Surely doing so will result in an even bigger mess, why not just confront it head on. I feel a lot of people would struggle with confrontation. I went through a similar thing with my ex BH. I eventually plucked up the courage to confront him and he told me the truth. Once I had got over the initial shock of actually confronting him I knew exactly what to do Good luck The husband flies off the handle and it could be the OP has lived a life of keeping quiet for fear of him flying off the handle hence her needing to consider other means of finding out
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 13:56
Celesti - if your husband is prone to to flying off the handle just how high do you think he could go if you involved a private investigator - not that its possible here. Just tell him straight out what you have been made aware of and if you can't then this coffee invitation isnt your only problem regardlesd of how good a provider he is. edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 12:13
We need an EW flying squad that can go and deliver a good talking to and a sharp slap to some of these men. This is by no means a laughing matter, but the image that's popped into my head of this flying squad has given me the giggles. Yep, especially since it could be said not many of us would have to search far for a broomstick.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 12:08
Tazmin, I think amazon have a book list for relevant ages so just do a search on books for 10 year olds. Ok, so I just googled and its a book list for ages 9-11 and is very comprehensive. You wouldn't have to buy from them just use it as a guide. I have been fancying the David Walliams ones for a few weeks now. edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2013 I used the amazon search option before posting on here, I just got slightly overwhelmed by the 75 pages of options :-) Lol. Ok. I would narrow it down by just choosing one of the first books that isnt part of a series, an independent author so to speak, just to be different and encourage independence.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 11:52
See, I would be tempted to say Oh Miss XYZ said you mentioned having a coffee - remind me pls where it is we're meeting.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 11:43
Tazmin, I think amazon have a book list for relevant ages so just do a search on books for 10 year olds. Ok, so I just googled and its a book list for ages 9-11 and is very comprehensive. You wouldn't have to buy from them just use it as a guide. I have been fancying the David Walliams ones for a few weeks now. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 18 December 2013 - 09:52
Kenza, good luck with the interviews. But who mentioned a cheating in their replies to you? I certainly didnt and thought I had made it quite clear just what I was referring to - others understood and were able to expand on it even on another thread where one lady got my meaning in a nutshell. But then she has been around the middle east for years and has also seen a lot. I hope this is clear to you now. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 December 2013 - 19:55
My daughter in law just did it. She didn't even go to classes, just prepared herself for it by reading up on it and meditating and doing yoga. I was with her from start to finish and it was unbelievable, but it was to some extent also quite creepy - not a bad creepy though. There was no pain relief and no noise, just serene calmness, and I did notice during the last stage that she would put her chin on her chest and say some kind of affirmation under breath before pushing. I don't know what she was saying and neither does my son, she is keeping it to herself. I did laugh at my son though when he would say to me - she's in the zone mama. I was tempted to stick to fingers in the air and say something like peace man. We did have some laughs. I also witnessed it with my daughter but it was all over and done with in 90 minutes, DIL went on for 13 hours and in between contractions was on the phone to her mum and sister, laughing with us, and to be honest I just cant explain what it was like. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 December 2013 - 19:43
Thanks very much for all your replies. To be honest, it's not just the handwriting but an ensemble of things that are not right this year with my son. He is having trouble keeping up, is very inconsistent with his work ( some days he's fine). The teacher really doesn't have anything positive to say about his abilities and she has now involved Learning Support. I can't understand how this was not flagged before considering he has been at the same school since KG2. Why only now are we hearing all these negative things? I am quite angry at the school as they surely would have seen a downward trend over the years. We are starting Brain and Learning for a Semester in January which I hope will have a positive impact on him. But the teacher keeps going on and on about cursive writing as well so I thought I would help him in that area as well. :-( Sometimes a child can get through quite a few years of school before difficulties become obvious.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 December 2013 - 12:51
I would involve an OT to rule out any cause associated with motor skills etc. A good one would even check if your sons desk and chair at school is the correct dize for him. Sorry, plums reply wasn't there when I pressed send. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 17 December 2013 - 10:46
Something I wanted to say but couldn't get my thoughts straight, but even now its still all a bit hazy. Sometimes people can be in a situation and see no way out because they have a prisoner mentality. Its like when people have been kidnapped and they know the kidnapper is no longer around but they are still scared to break out of their predicament and run. I think Im saying people get stuck in a mindset and it dictates how they view a situation, it prevents them from looking at other options. I know what I mean if no one else does. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 17/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 23:09
Kenza hasn't posted since yesterday afternoon and I don't think there's been anything helpful on this thread since well before then.. By now she must realise what she has to do and I wish her and her family the very best...She is a real person and this situation is actually happening - it's not a novel up for discussion at the book club or the latest plot twist in your favourite soap..sometimes I feel the comments on here just make posters feel even more desolate and throw up new anxieties they hadn't even considered before... I was in bed but felt I had to come back to reply to your post. You're right, and I for one am sorry for the way I said what I felt needed to be said in my second post. I'm not sorry for what I said but for sure I could have said it in a better manner. Its interesting Pink Lily feels people have chosen their words carefully, I know I did, but not in the in the sense required. I stand by my thoughts on the very sad goings on but wish I had replied in a different manner.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 21:56
We're not doing presents for any of the adults except me this year and I'm only getting because the children have insisted - I'm getting a steering wheel cover for my land cruiser because I'm fed up of the current masking tape sticking me to the wheel. I have another car as well but I love my 4WD even though its getting on now. How we came to the decision re presents was easy - we couldn't think of anything for each other, and we're not even materialistic people, so I just said how about we just have our usual day with family, friends and food, and only buy for the wee ones. It was that easy and the feeling of the pressure being off has been the best present ever. And its funny because we don't even do Christmas on that grand a scale present wise, though the little ones get nice things, its really only my day for going down memory lane and my family enjoy the trip with me, but jeez the pressure even doing it to that extent just had to stop. I have 35 coming on the day including my 3 week old grandsons other grandparents all the way from Romania, they don't have a word of English between them so there's no chance of a chocolate induced fight before the Queens speech and that can only be a good thing. :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 20:27
I think the these last questions could be a separate thread as it would only further stress Kenza to have people wondering and guessing about her dh's state of mind and motivations. The family is actually living this. Let's keep this thread for offering her support and help. Spot on A Rancher....... Yes. Spot on. And not something I would expand on even on another thread. Those who have been around and seen those who try to never go home for many reasons including *** headedness and pride will understand and those who haven't well .... And yes, it was Kenza who said her that for her husband it had to be Dubai to the end. As for anything else - I hope Kenza is close to calling her parents.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 12:25
Ok, its Ali and his number is and its good to hear you wont be living in Seeb, yes its a nice place but living there is a different thing completely. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 11:54
A UK Christmas sounds fab. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 08:26
No none is telling the OP to break up her marriage, they're just trying to get her to understand the wolf is about to come bounding through the front door and eat her and her children alive so, its time to get down the fire escape. That its coming through the very same door the hubby left wide open for it when he sneaked away/misappropriated/nicked all of the family money and did he what he wanted with it. The same hubby who is determined to stay in Dubai because for him it has to be Dubai - well, the older ladies here, the ones who've been around the block with regards to the Middle East and all that goes with it, could probably expand on that little gem of an outlook quite accurately as to why for the hubby it has to be Dubai to the end. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 07:52
I will get you the name and number of the instructor who's just got my European daughter in law through her test, and almost got my daughters maid through hers - she should get there next week. But just one more thing, re where you are going to live - Seeb? Have you been to Seeb, and just where in Seeb do you mean? Al Hail - there are two parts of Al Hail, South and North, there's desirable and non-desirable areas/streets in both so please be careful. Another area to consider is Mawaleh - it stretches behind City Centre and is next to Al Hail South, Al Hail North is on the beach side of the highway. And keep in mind that to get to the schools downtown in the morning you would be talking about a 6.10 am departure from the house, even from The Wave, in order to avoid traffic. Nursery - if your little boy is on nursery there really is only one to chose from in the area, its owned by a Welsh lady and is situated outside The Wave. Truth be told you really are making life quite difficult for yourself by living beyond The Wave. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 01:35
My husband finally laid the cards on the table. Great! Not only are we broke, his investor is pulling the plugs on the company so from from 1st of January he doesn't even have an office and staff to go to. End of january we are up for rent, not even talking about our son's school. I think I send about 100 CV's a day now, I really don't know what to do anymore. I have started working on my husbands CV so I can send his CV out as well. What else can I do? I am actually writing this with shaking hands coz I feel like there is absolutely no more solutions… how will I be able to relocate the kids if we don't even have money for air tickets. Where will we live, what will we eat.. I am so upset. I have never been in this kind of situation and am passed angry, I can't keep telling him off as it has no use, he knows it himself + it isn't getting us nowhere. Kenza, you're working on you're husbands CV and sending it out? I think that says a lot about the reality of what got you into this mess in the first place. Its time to phone your mum and dad and say - its me, I'm in trouble, I need to come home. Your husband doesn't have to be included in the going home - having to face things here, alone, or in his own country, will either be the making of him, or you'll see that your life was always going to be about lurching from one crisis to another. Some people are just not cut out to be in business, they think they are, but they're not, they're just day dreamers who will never get it right. Only you will know if your husband is a person with the skills to be an entrepreneur, or if he's a daydreamer, or maybe even a daydreamer who uses being an entrepreneur as a front for not really doing much else. You've said that for him its Dubai all the way - its a really selfish frame of mind to have when there is a wife and children involved. My wishes for you are that you make the call to mum and dad very soon, and not just because having you and two little ones around them might just be a tonic for them and not the hardship you think. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 16 December 2013 - 00:58
Victoria, you maid is supposed to make your life easier, not harder, and if this lady worked for me I'd be sending her home pretty pronto for the reason WT's suggests - instant closure. I just wouldn't put up with these shenanigans but you are also to blame here - why are you googling things about Israel? By doing this cant you see you are making more of it than need be? You need to be able to get up in the morning and deal with your own stuff and not your maids trivialities, and that's what this is - a triviality. I currently have my right hand mans son going through treatment for leukemia, he's 4, and its being going on for 15 months now - that's is worth my time but what you are getting up to in the morning never would be. If I had someone who wanted to leave a few months into the job my only answer would be 'when'. How do you prevent it happening again? I honestly don't know because we never have any problems and keep staff for years and years, as does my daughter and my very close in-laws. But please don't read into that that we're pushovers because we're not, we just manage to work it so that everyone is happy with the situation. But I think a big part of it is that we have absolutely no hangups or guilt regarding employing domestic help therefore, we never really give off an air of being sorry for it and in return no one has ever felt they could prey on a weakness because none exists. But that said - I could never put into words what my lot means to me and my family, they are quite simply wonderful and I count my blessing every day of my life that they work and live under my roof. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 December 2013 - 16:43
MrsB, Redrec, thank you. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 December 2013 - 16:41
Maroosh I nip in occasionaly. I had a bit of a real life experience stemming from my posts here and ..........enough said. Enough said? you haven't said anything was it bad or good? It sounds a bit worrying. It was nothing sinister. Just a personal experience with someone that has made me very wary.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 December 2013 - 15:02
Would do so if it weren't for the cat problem that will create. She has a stray living in her room, which will become our problem if she leaves. I think right now thats all I would be worried about - the cat and rehoming it. If you know you are a good employer, that you pay a fair wage, sort the cat out and let her go for a whole host of reasons but the number one readon being if you know you are a good employer why would someone need a pay rise or other incentive to stay? I would just be saying lets get the cat sorted and when do you want to leave..
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 December 2013 - 09:34
Just wish the woman well and let her go to her new job - what will be will be..
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 12 December 2013 - 09:03
Maroosh I nip in occasionaly. I had a bit of a real life experience stemming from my posts here and ..........enough said. I hope you're well. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 12/12/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 21:35
Aroha, I will get onto this tomorrow as something hypothetical. And dont worry, it will go no further than the ears I tell it to, and no questions will be asked by them regarding the source etc. You have nothing to worry about, apart from your current very difficult situation.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 21:27
It sounds like a lovely night Nomad. :) Im off to see La Traviata at our ROH on Thursday night and hope to enjoy it as much as you enjoyed Sara.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 21:22
I am yet to figure out why she is famous! I think she is famous for being famous, or at least that's what I read when someone else said exactly what you said. Her and the whole lot of her awful family. They are awfully famous for being awfully famous.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 21:08
Aroha is not in Dxb, she is in Oman, so the hotline number is of no use in this instance. And I doubt very much the school will be of any use either for the simple reason things are handled differently here to how they are in the UK. Aroha has said she thinks that if this is the result of abuse its historical abuse, that there is a back story probably involving a previous childminder, so perhaps the parents just cant see how affected their daughter has been by what may have gone on because its such a terrifying thing. And please dont say you would know how you'd (all) handle this if it happened to one of your own because the reality is that you dont, you think you would know, but you dont. Yes some may be able to handle it appropriately, and to the letter, but those parents are few and far between - the majority would be being sick to their stomach and shaking from head to foot whilst awake, and in the hours of darkness every minute would be a nightmare. Im in the position to ask my daughters how this would be handled, they are in education, also my niece who's a a senior inspector for private and expat schools, I will also ask my daughters boss tomorrow what she would hypothetically be able to do as a head teacher, but the reality is that I think there is nothing they could do. I truly believe Aroha would be directed to the police and they would arrange for the child to be seen at the police hospital - not even another hospital or clinic could see a victim of abuse. This is fact. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 14:14
I'll teach you something so you'll never forget. Allah has 99 names. 18 + 81= 99 On the palm of everyone's hands is 81 (left hand) and 18 (right hand), in the Arabic numbers. ٨١ + ١٨ء= ٩٩ I dont understand this at all. Can you explain it a bit more pls. I just see fingers, and yes I do speak Arabic, so its not that giving me the problem. edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 October 2013 - 14:10
Aroha, based on experience I would say this wee girl has been, or is being, abused. I know you will do the right thing and talk to the parents, and If they stop talking to you its only because they cant handle the thought of things - its not personal and you can sleep easy at night with a clear conscience. Would I stop my daughter from seeing her friend? It depends on how the parents take what you say to them. If they are ok with you voicing your concerns I would allow the friendship to continue because to be ostracized is the last thing this little girl needs, she is probably very confused about herself right now, she may be feeling ashamed, bad, dirty, not nice etc etc etc , - everything her abuser and the abuse has led her to feel about herself. However, I would make sure, even for your husband and you and the open door policy you have at home that contact between your daughter and this girl is supervised in a park or beach or some other activety, and that its a joint supervision with you and the mum. For the time being being in each others homes should not happen unless you are totally sure the girls home is safe for the girls. The last thing your need right now is for anyone to be able to try and pass the buck, or point fingers and say - well she used to play in arohas house all the time. This is how bad abuse is - a stone is thrown into a pool and before you know it the ripples are cast miles, and in many forms. So yes, protect your family and do what you can for the little girl, but remember that she is the victim and how her situation is handled now, even by the next door neighbor, will make the woman she becomes. And just to add - the only hospital in Oman where she could perhaps be examined if it comes to that is the police hospital, no other facility is allowed to handle abuse cases, its how the authorities try and protect the abused and get someone into court. eta - I see birchy touched on others being blamed - it really is a very important point to take into consideration. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/10/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 23:45
Thank you Nomad :) AV, you should have mail. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 20:40
Aveda products, shampoo and conditioner to be precise, are they available in Dubai? Many thanks
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 13:14
Hedren - available in Boots. and don't feel shy about your wee one having nits - its what happens. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 13:03
Ok AV, will be in touch later today - you can take your email address off the page now. Ive been thinking of you and I know there were times when I seriously underestimated how a slow a learner my son was because he was so smart in so many ways, or perhaps it was that I didn't know how long something could take to start happening if it was going to happen. Anyway, whatever it was, once I realized that things could take an age to start producing results a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I stopped thinking in terms of a few months and I used to base things on about 10 months. I would decide over the summer what we were going to try and achieve and come September when we were back from holidays Id start putting strategies into place, I would then continue them until we were going on holiday again the next year. It helped me to do it this way. As an example - toilet training was a must because how my son would go about mother nature was not anything anyone could live with, him or us, - we had daily art exhibitions on the wall. I knew the reasons why but it had to be worked on and taken to some kind of level that he could live with, as well as us. So we turned a bathroom into the most desirable residence in town for us given we were going to spend so much time in it, it was so awesome we could have rented it out and we practically moved into it for the duration which was toileting every 15 mins for a very long time before it became toileting every hour etc etc etc. Eventually my son was clean and dry and by the time he was about 15 he was totally independent to the extent of not needing any help at all with anything - we don't even think about his toileting and haven't done for years. He even leaves the lid down and cleans up splashes with his Clorox wipes. :D It took years but it all worked. He went through the same stages all children go through but he had to do it at his pace which was way way way slower than other children, autistic or not. I know its not a very nice subject but its a reality and shouldn't be something people don't talk about, granted some of our loved ones never get to this stage of toileting but for us it worked and in my mind it would have been progress even if we'd just got one stage along from the art exhibitions. I think how we measure progress is also important. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/10/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 10:18
CenterParcs is great fun for all of the family and there will be loads of things for your kids to do but it is not cheap. A new craze apparently is 'Glamping' and sites are in the UK and Europe, this is more a back to nature holiday but with comfort. yes, Glamping, Im told its what we do - its fantastic. :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 10:12
Thank you Nashwa :)
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 10:06
OK AV - let me know how to contact you and I'll get out my broomstick.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 09:34
Ladies, we are planing a family vacation for next year and have been considering camping in either France or the UK - now when i say 'camping' what i actually mean is renting a chalet, etc with amenities such as hot water, kitchen facilities, comfy beds available! What we are looking for is a stress-free holiday where the kids have other children to play with and things to do other than Ipad/Wii or over-priced arcades/play-areas! My boys will be 8 and 2.5 years old next year inshalla. We are favouring holidaying in the UK rather than France as we then get a chance to catch up with family as well- can anyone recommend a place where they have been to? We want it to be close to nature but preferably with facilities like a children's playground or pool nearby.. Appreciate any advice you can give. TIA Google - YELLOH We have been with them twice now in their premium chalets, once in Britanny, and this year in Lacanau Ocean just outside Bordeaux. We had a fab time, me, my daughter, grandchildren, and various relatives who dropped in for the odd couple of days.
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 09:00
Dear AV Do you get some support from groups like SFS? You have my utmost respect. Caring from one child with autism must be so challenging but to have to try to meet the needs of two very different boys must be impossible. His challenging behaviours are obviously an attempt to communicate something but what??? Does he have any functional means of communication (signs or pictures)? I think 7 years is very young to give up on an educational programme but maybe the programme needs a change of focus. Are they using the right motivators to get him to participate in the programme? I always think of that quote that says something like " if a child appears unable to learn we should assume that we have not, as yet, found the right way to teach them". Hoping you find another way to reach Ishaan. Av, Plum has said everything I was going to say. Re the therapies - my son is 22 and has never had any apart from a listening therapy about 3 years ago and sensory therapy about 3 years ago also and even those were just done when his mental health went wrong for other reasons. What did my son have? Well a life at home being a big baby till he was ready to be a big toddler, then a big boy when he was actually a hairy teenager. He was still doing a very basic nursery style education when he was about 9 and beyond. He really was just taught how to live a day, how to clean teeth, go to the loo, shower, make a drink, that kind of thing. My son didn't even know what a person did when they woke up, he would wake up in the morning and just stand in his room so we had to teach him what a day was, we had to teach him how to be a person living a day. I had online friends who's children couldn't even do the most basic of personal care, who weren't toilet trained, but they all went to school and did things that I felt were totally irrelevant if they'd had to have there pants put on for them that day, then rushed through being dressed by mum because the school bus would be there at a certain time. Its just seemed to me that by sending my son to school a huge chunk of his development would be missed because that's what development is - a pile of bricks that become a wall when laid on top of each other properly. As it is my son can read, better than one of his siblings who's dyslexic and in a professional job as it happens :D, he can work with numbers, add, subtract, multiply, divide, tell the time, find his way round google like a bloodhound, he can also cook and makes his lunch every day, make his bed, tidy his room, his bathroom, clean his 'office', do his shopping when he's taken to the supermarket with his wee list, write his list for the shops and that's quite a big thing to do because he has to see what he has already then judge if its enough to the next trip, he does his laundry, sometimes even his ironing :D, folds his socks and pants, tells us where he wants to go, excercises 3 times a week with a personal trainer at home but he will soon start going out to do that, he washes his dishes and its also his job to check before bed if there's anything needing washed in the upstairs pantry - maybe a cup Ive used and deliberately left for him to wash. He makes sure the water coolers in the house always have water - he carries those huge bottles around better than any of us can. He helps unload the cars when there's things to be unloaded - he's our muscle truth be told :) He bathes the dogs and keeps them in clean water. There's more but the point Im really trying to make is that for our very low functioning children, even the very smart ones like my son :), this is their life and it can be achieved without 'therapies'. Would you still like me to come and see you? What is a good day for you, a weekday or a weekend?
DesertRose1958
1337
Posts
EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 20 October 2013 - 09:00
Dear AV Do you get some support from groups like SFS? You have my utmost respect. Caring from one child with autism must be so challenging but to have to try to meet the needs of two very different boys must be impossible. His challenging behaviours are obviously an attempt to communicate something but what??? Does he have any functional means of communication (signs or pictures)? I think 7 years is very young to give up on an educational programme but maybe the programme needs a change of focus. Are they using the right motivators to get him to participate in the programme? I always think of that quote that says something like " if a child appears unable to learn we should assume that we have not, as yet, found the right way to teach them". Hoping you find another way to reach Ishaan. Av, Plum has said everything I was going to say. Re the therapies - my son is 22 and has never had any apart from a listening therapy about 3 years ago and very intensive professional sensory therapy about 3 years ago, the therapists actually moved in with us, but even those were just done when his mental health went wrong for other reasons and we were doing a process of elimination in order to get the right diagnosis for the additional mental health problems he'd developed. So what did my son have? Well a life at home being a big baby till he was ready to be a big toddler, then a big boy when he was actually a hairy teenager. He was still doing a very basic nursery style education when he was about 9 and beyond. He really was just taught how to live a day, how to clean teeth, go to the loo, shower, make a drink, that kind of thing. My son didn't even know what a person did when they woke up, he would wake up in the morning and just stand in his room so we had to teach him what a day was, we had to teach him how to be a person living a day. I had online friends who's children couldn't even do the most basic of personal care, who weren't toilet trained, but they all went to school and did things that I felt were totally irrelevant if they'd had to have there pants put on for them that day, then rushed through being dressed by mum because the school bus would be there at a certain time. Its just seemed to me that by sending my son to school a huge chunk of his development would be missed because that's what development is - a pile of bricks that become a wall when laid on top of each other properly. As it is my son can read fluently at a high level, better than one of his siblings who's dyslexic and in a professional job as it happens :D, he can work with numbers, add, subtract, multiply, divide, tell the time, find his way round google like a bloodhound, he can also cook and makes his lunch every day, make his bed, tidy his room, his bathroom, clean his 'office', do his shopping when he's taken to the supermarket with his wee list, write his list for the shops and that's quite a big thing to do because he has to see what he has already then judge if its enough to the next trip, he does his laundry, sometimes even his ironing :D, folds his socks and pants, tells us where he wants to go, excercises 3 times a week with a personal trainer at home but he will soon start going out to do that, he washes his dishes and its also his job to check before bed if there's anything needing washed in the upstairs pantry - maybe a cup Ive used and deliberately left for him to wash. He makes sure the water coolers in the house always have water - he carries those huge bottles around better than any of us can. He helps unload the cars when there's things to be unloaded - he's our muscle truth be told :) He bathes the dogs and keeps them in clean water. and last but not least - he has interests, steam trains and old forms of transport, but mostly steam trains. He loves to travel and currently wants to go on the Orient Express in Europe, then he wants to travel across Russia to Japan I think it is on a train, it wont happen because we have sadly we have had to decide his travelling days are over due of his mental health. There's more but the point Im really trying to make is that for our very low functioning children, even the very smart ones like my son :), ( low functioning and being smart can and do go hand in hand) , this is their life and it can be achieved without 'therapies' as we know them because believe it or not - anything you do with your child is a therapy. Love and patience are a therapy, but for me 'therapy' was learning about autism inside out and applying it to me son by looking at him and thinking - what does that mean, what is it saying, which of the triad of impairments could it apply to, how can it be dealt with, what is it doing to other parts of him, what knock on effect is it having on him? Even to this day I have flow chart of the triad that runs through my head when Im trying to work my son out because something new is occurring, and if you knew what goes on in my head when Im running through the flowchart you'd think I was bonkers - its like a superhighway of fireworks, I actually see fireworks and neon arrows pointing to a different train of thought. :D :D :D And of course there is his scheduling, even tho its not set in stone because the fact there is scheduling means my son now feels safe enough in a day to sometimes change his schedule just because he wants to - he is entitled to that freedom but he needed the schedules to feel safe enough to do it. A day in the world can be really bewildering for our people. For me therapies were just common sense parenting in a lot of instances and I think the average parent would be surprised at how many therapies they carry out in a day without actually knowing they are doing it. Would you still like me to come and see you? What is a good day for you, a weekday or a weekend? edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/10/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/10/2013</em>
 
 
Top 5 UK curriculum online schools for expat families and kids abroad

Top 5 Online Schools For Expat Families in the Middle East

How expats in Germany can get German pension refund

Bye Bye Germany - Hello German Pension Refund?

UAE Emirati Lawyer Awatif Khouri in Dubai and Abu Dhabi

Meet the Emirati Woman Breaking Grounds in UAE Law: Awatif Khouri

Mashreq NEO NXT Account | Why Kids and Teens Need Financial Education

Why Teens Need Real-World Financial Education?

International university transition tips

How to Make the Transition to University Life Easier

How to apply for Germany VBL Pension Refund as an expatriate | Germany Pension Refund

Bye Bye German Public Service Job - Hello VBL Pension Refund

Tourist SIM cards in Dubai guide

Tourist SIM Cards in Dubai: Where to Get One and Package Prices

World's most expensive cities to live in 2024

These Are the World's Most Expensive Cities To Live in 2024

Dubai ranked as one of the best cities to work in 2024

Dubai Ranked Among Top 5 Cities in the World to Work In

What are the signs that your online date is a fraud

8 Warning Signs Your Online Date is a Scammer

10 Expat Experiences You Should Check Off Before Repatriation

10 Expat Experiences You Should Check Off Before Leaving For Good

Best and Worst Countries to Get Started Abroad for New Expats

Best and Worst Countries for New Expats to Get Started Abroad

Under the Mango Tree by Robyn Fok | Expat Books

Expat Author Robyn Fok's 'Under the Mango Tree' Deals With Pet Grief & Loss

Expat Wife, Happy Life: Interview With Expat Author Florence Reisch

(Images: Supplied)

Expat Interview: Meet Florence Reisch, Author of 'Expat Wife, Happy Life!'

Remembering Queen Elizabeth II: A Tribute by UAE Expats

Remembering an Extraordinary Woman: A Tribute to Queen Elizabeth II

10 reasons why expat women love the UAE

10 Reasons Why the UAE is a Popular Choice for Expat Women

6 Common Fears of Moving Abroad By Yourself and How to Overcome Them

Moving to the UAE Alone: 6 Common Fears and How to Overcome Them

Ultimate Babyshop Baby and Toddler Travel Packing List

These Baby Travel Essentials Are Must-Haves For Your Next Family Getaway

Requirements to apply for a UAE Golden Visa

How Do I Obtain a UAE Golden Visa? Requirements, Eligibility, and Process Explained

5 Tip for Expats to Survive Long-Distance Relationships

5 Tip for Expats to Survive Long-Distance Relationships

Opening a bank account in the UAE

A Newcomer to the UAE? What to Consider When Choosing a Bank for Opening an Account

Culture shock in the United Arab Emirates for expats

14 Ways You Will Experience Culture Shock in the UAE

Why you shouldn't upload your resume on your LinkedIn profile

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Upload a Resume to Your LinkedIn Profile

10 Secrets to Happiness as an Expat

10 Secrets to Finding Happiness as an Expat

4 Ways to Network as an Expat

4 Ways to Network as an Expat

8 Expat Problems That Are Just Too Real

8 Expat Problems That Are Just Too Real

How to Make New Friends in a Foreign Country

How to Make New Friends in a Foreign Country

Top 10 Countries with the Best Quality of Life

Top 10 Countries with the Best Quality of Life

The best European cities for new expats

Pictured: Prague

The Best Cities in Europe for Expat Arrivals

House in Husavik

10 Amazing Things To Do In Iceland

How to Make Your Own Life as an Expat and Why It’s Important

How to Make Your Own Life as an Expat and Why It’s Important

The Labriz eforea spa location

Why Seychelles is One of the Best Holiday Destinations

The Real Expat: Chasing Your Dreams to Find Your True Purpose

The Real Expat: Chasing Your Dreams to Find Your True Purpose