DesertRose1958

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 October 2013 - 09:52

DA, Not knowing what your husband does makes it very difficult to suggest a salary and Im not really up on what expats earn - my husband is local and we're in business. I can help think however that the prospective employer is playing a bit of a game here and knows what he wants to pay, but is hoping your husband undercuts him. There is also health insurance to be considered, a car, whether you will get an allowance, or you'll lease one, or you would have to buy it yourself. How long is the working day and whats expected re going over hours and how available would your husband have to be. I would also ask about a liquor licence - would the employer have any objections to authorizing the police issuing one. Flights - is it one per year? I hope some of this helps but in truth Im feeling kind of next to useless in the advice I can give.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 17 October 2013 - 17:03

Gosh, its difficult to suggest the cost of a months grocery shopping because I feed way more than an average amount of people everyday. However, to give you some idea I would suggest about 500 rials per month for 4 of you, and that's assuming you cook from scratch. Anything much less than that with 2 children and I think you're cupboards would rival old mother hubbards for the last week of the month. Re the schools, check out the british school muscat, and the ABA websites and you should get an idea of the fees. There are other less expensive schools but these two would be the ones you'd more than likely want the children to go to.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2013 - 21:19

Its very difficult to suggest a salary but to rent a decent two bedroom apartment with communal pool on a development like The Wave would cost about 800 Oman Rials per month plus central cooling, water and electricity. The actual figure would be nearer to 900. Otherwise it could be done for about 600 but it would be kind of making do and not just when you come out - not my words, but a reality nonetheless.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2013 - 19:23

Yes, the training course. The poor guy who recently came to me as a qualified carer had to do the domestic workers training/Arabic course before he could come to us. I felt so bad for him but he managed to laugh about it. Then there is the medical - we took on our maids cousin on a visit visa and she failed the medical once she got here, she had hepatitis B. Alaingirl - just make sure if the lady gets here and it goes wrong that your husband wont make you put up with her just because.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2013 - 17:45

Hi AlAinGirl. I just wanted to tell you, and maybe this is totally unnecessary because you have made other provisions. If you are planning to bring this woman over here without using an agency, you may well find that it may be very difficult, especially since she has never worked before... Yes, there is also that.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2013 - 17:20

I was thinking about this whilst out and in hindsight, and for a for a whole host of reasons, I would send something - but then make it clear it was the last time anything was being sent. I was thinking of the guy I took a chance on with the medical money, but at no time did I doubt him, and he trusted me. We pay way more than the agency/government suggested salary but the agency made him sign his contract for what they said the job is worth in case others tried to jump on a bandwagon - their words, not mine. Anyway he did and I was flabbergasted but he said he trusted my word as to the salary - just as I did his about the reason for needing the medical money. So yes, I would send her something, , but I'd then draw the line and send no more because her boarding house being destroyed seems rather a co-incidence. You'll soon find out if you made a mistake by doing so if she does get as far as coming to work for you. And maybe just keep in mind that a person can only afford a maid if the maid can be sent home without the sponsor having to worry about losing all the expenses associated with bringing her in the first place should things go wrong. Maybe the latter will help you make up your mind about whether to go ahead with this lady or not. Would you have to keep her because of finances if things go wrong or could you say to your husband - this isn't working, we shouldn't have employed her, and she has to go regardless of the finances? <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 16/10/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 16 October 2013 - 12:01

Alaingirl - Yes you are and it will only get worse if you get to the stage of bringing this lady. In all my years Ive never encountered a maid having to ask for money for a passport, its usually the first thing they get before starting to look for work outside of the Phillipines, however a few months ago I did provide medical money for someone just so I could get them here quickly - he was too good a prospect to miss. There were no holes in his story though and I don't regret sending the money, he's a lovely man, - but there is much about the situation your describing that is saying to me run a mile.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 13 October 2013 - 09:54

I wonder what caused that one to be gone too. Well done, whoever did it... Some people take so much pleasure in sabotaging... :rolleyes: I give up. :wave: There could be perfectly reasonable explanation for it being gone. Why not ask admin instead of assuming otherwise? Or is automatically assuming otherwise part of a them and us mentality?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 11 October 2013 - 20:59

What a day. No wonder you're struggling, anyone would. How to fix it? Well even with your husband driving you're still going to have a huge commute so I think I would look for another job, one nearer to home. Does it really matter that you are learning as lot and you like your job? I think not when you have a 10 month old baby who is also having to do an awful commute. Her wee body must be so sore with being in the car seat all that time and I think in this she really is the only one who's needs should be considered. I hope you find a solution soon.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 11 October 2013 - 18:44

Yes, Arancher you are right, and my DH is of the opinion that the real reason we hired her was so we had the flexibility to go out when we wanted to and yet we (me) don't take advantage of that. He thinks that her hours need to fit our schedule, he compares it to him having to attend meetings in Europe on a Friday, travel home on a Saturday to be back into work on a Sunday. Both my kids are at school, I am not working, so I don't need a fulltime house cleaner and she doesn't have work that consumes 8 hours per day, so she has a lot of downtime during the day. Basically, he sees it that we are spending all this money on something that is not quite fitting the bill and he just doesn't want to hear that "we don't have a babysitter". When we hired her a few years ago, I did tell her that we would be requiring 2 nights babysitting as part of her job, but I have set precedents now with her so it's hard to go back. Your husband is spot on, and now is the time to say to the maid - this is how its going to be from now on. You don't have to ask her permission, justify the changes, or be apologetic - just do it. You can say you will be paid for it, or you can say on the days we are going out you can start later in the day and do your ironing or quiet housework when we are out - but that should be it and I think if you are confident when you tell your maid she'll agree. If you are wishy washy and apologetic about the changes then you'll find they don't happen because the maid will know who rules the roost and let you know accordingly. I went out last night and my maid sat in with one of the carers and my son and no mention of extra for 'babysitting' was mentioned because like A Rancher things generally work out in this house in other ways, but if I was going out every week I would pay a bonus at the end of the month just so no-one felt taken for granted. I wouldn't be organizing different working hours though, and when people come to work for us they know from the start its one day per week off and only one Friday per month is guaranteed so everyone can get one Friday a month. This week the maid is out on Sunday. We spent a lifetime in a job that meant always being available for work at the sound of the phone, we don't really 'do' weekends as a result, its more like what day off do we have this week and do any of us have the same day off or will we have to catch up another day. Its the same for anyone who works for us, even the European expat carer and our local carer. There's no difference made for nationality or the nature of your job.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 11 October 2013 - 08:33

Hi there, there's also the British School which is bang slap in the middle of MQ. Anyhow, I shall check out the one called Our Planet for you with my girls who are both in education and get back. Also, does it have to be in MQ for any specific reason - transportation problems for example? <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/10/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 October 2013 - 21:18

Basmati for us. Wash and add to a pan of salted boiling water, really boiling up a storm kind of boiling, and make sure that once the rice is in the pan the water is only about three quarters of an inch above the rice. Boil the rice till the water can just barely been seen, cover the pot with a well fitting lid, then turn the heat down to the lowest it can go and steam the rice till all the water has gone and the rice is elongated as well as still in individual grains. Fluff it up with a fork and serve.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 October 2013 - 20:01

What kind of school? And MQ - its close enough to ABA for it to be a consideration for people living in MQ?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 October 2013 - 19:56

Singarosa, Im gald your baby is well and you are on the road to recovery, but perhaps you could rethink your next move regarding your complaint because it could be said that you and your husband were more of a danger to your baby than the Dr you're determined to hang out to dry. Thank goodness you didn't name her. Yes, you shouldnt have been left needing a D&C months after your delivery, but you should be thanking your lucky starts that your Dr was as straight to the point with you as she was, and that what she said prompted you into having your baby by C-Section. She must have been feeling pretty exasperated with things based on her experience to have thrown your file across her desk. We think of ourselves as so well informed nowadays but sometimes the little bit of information we do actually have in reality can be a very dangerous thing indeed. Its really obvious you're still very upset and Im sorry about that, and I hope things settle for you soon - but even the language you use to describe your D&C is very emotional because unless you were awake during the D&C how do you know the Dr was freaking out? And if she was freaking out - what does it say about her freaking out in a situation when she is supposed to be calm, in control, and in charge? The surgeon is supposed to re-assure the patient even when the most awful things are going wrong - not be freaking out. As I said Im really sorry you are feeling so bad about things, I'd hate for one of my girls to have gone through this, but please try and read your posts again because they really do say more about your emotions and ill informed judgements regarding your pregnancy and baby than anything else. And by all means complain about the placenta being left behind but please please please be aware of how you come across when doing it. I would be really concerned about you right now if you were one of my girls. edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/10/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/10/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 09 October 2013 - 16:07

12 day 6 night Would that require heating? Yes. My UK based friends and family all have it on but not every day, however I had it on in july to warm the house up a bit before we got up, as well as about 8 at night. My house isnt drafty but this year the weather was all over the place. I also had it on in north and south wales and central london with my son from mid august through to the 9th Sept. Im not a person who generally feels the cold but this year it didn't seem to warm up long enough at a time to make a difference. I think the general rule of thumb is that once the temp falls to 14 degrees a holiday apartment or the likes is obliged to have the heating on - we were offered it un north Wales at the end of august it was that cold.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 08 October 2013 - 15:40

Yikes - think of the rest of us as well as your wee one. Those shoes are enough to drive people bonkers.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 07 October 2013 - 04:36

You can cut it into chunks and roast it in the oven with other Mediterranean type veg, or add it to a casserole.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 04 October 2013 - 19:43

I well understand how the OP must feel but I have to admit that at 55 I really do wish the inconsiderate neighbour all the high heels and middle of the night antics she can get. You get to an age where you spend most of the night summoning up the energy to do what you previously spent all night doing. Those were the days. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 04/10/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 October 2013 - 12:02

Asthma with stridor can manifest irself as a croup or barking type kind of cough.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 01 October 2013 - 11:52

With best wishes for a speedy recovery to all of our lovely ladies. EW was a great support to me when my beloved sister in law was diagnosed at the age of 63. Three years later she is a picture of health and really happy. edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/10/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/10/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 September 2013 - 22:28

Rose, Ive just read back and you started off by saying they were a couple whose marriage was not very happy but not very bad but as the topic has progressed they have become a couple who are good together. Is that actually the case or has some of whats written perhaps made your friend think of things shes not yet ready to think about so shes brushing over them for now? edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/09/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 September 2013 - 22:11

Does the husband perhaps know he cant have children and is hoping that in 5 years his wife wont want them either. She wouldn't be the first woman expected to just be grateful she has a husband let alone anything else after previously being a divorcee. I doubt very much the woman has very little room for manoeuvre here and her husband knows it. He has fired a well aimed warning shot over head. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 30 September 2013 - 21:42

You have a thief in your house. Its as simple as that.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 September 2013 - 07:40

To the OP. I think your child is at an age where if there is a diagnosis of anything to be had - now is a good time to start seeing someone. A few of the ladies here have made some very good points as to how children can be in general but as someone who lives with two feet in the world of special needs quite a few times over as a mum and granny there's a few things you've mentioned that would have me wanting them investigated if only to rule possibilities out. You sound as if you are going through the mill right now and I hope for good things for you and your daughter soon. edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/09/2013 edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/09/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 September 2013 - 07:34

Sophia thank you for the recommendation, I will give them a call. Iveranodxb - Thanks, will call Lifeworks too, it was recommended on this board before. I dont know how to ask about her learning style without making it seem as if the teachers skills are lacking? I do know she adored her previous teacher who was quite a laidback person and it seems to have suited my child better. The teacher keeps repeating that its all teachers and not just her thats having trouble with my child disrupting the class. She also says sometimes the other children complain about her. Its not aggressiveness, more being goofy, silly and disruptive, talking and making other kids lose their focus. Its not fair to the teacher, other kids or mine. Her face is getting smaller each day at pick up, as the teacher gives me the dreaded talk, and very soon I know if this continues she will hate to go. Arohadxb - She has moved up from FS where everything was more relaxed perhaps and now its probably more structured. This was a child that used to skip to school in the mornings all of last year apart from three occaisons that quickly self corrected. But maybe as she gets older the issues are rearing up more visibly. I do notice she needs more instruction and cant seem to remember what she's been told to do. She sometimes zones out even when you tell her something, especially if you talk for a longer while. She is very very distracted by external stimuli, just even sunlight coming in through a window, things like that. While the teacher is talking she is noticing her hair, clothes, mannersims, the other children! This doesnt seem to have afffected her learning ability. Her work is very good, meticulous, can slave over writing and numbers till she gets it right, reading above her level. There is something not quite right about the way she seems lost in her own little world though, her nursery teacher said she was 'away with the fairies' and thats the first inclination I had that what I suspected was true. I don't mean to rattle feathers here or jump into conclusions I would only like to share that I once worked with a child who displayed these symptoms and he was diagnosed with a very mild form of autism, his work was equally great but he was lost in his own little world too at times. Best to get a professional asess her instead of guessing, can't hurt and at least you'll be happier for having done something about it :-) I understand what you've said but there really is no such thing as a mild form of autism or being a little bit autistic just as there is no such thing as a mild form of pregnancy or being a little bit pregnant. You either are or you aren't and the unfortunate thing is very often those who are said to be mildly autistic are in a much more difficult position than people like my son who are severely autistic. He lives very much in the world of special needs whereas those with the likes of Aspergers Syndrome or HFA can find life a great struggle because they live with a foot in both worlds and are very often misunderstood and expected to be NT when they aren't. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 25 September 2013 - 07:25

@ Aroha, but parents don't seem to see a cold and call it pneumonia - which seems to be the case frequently with parents and mental illness. Mental illness? I think your a tad confused about the difference between a mental illness and learning disability.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 September 2013 - 17:47

Yes, last year and it was as the article states. I would never go again and last year was about our 6th visit so Im able to compare trips. Currently Im in Disney Orlando and the differences are absolutely amazing.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 September 2013 - 17:44

One of my girls was diagnosed at about 13 and after being on tegretol for about a year she was put on Epinutin. It controlled her seizures really well and she had no problems whilst on it. She has now been fit free for about 12 years and off medication for about 11.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 20 September 2013 - 17:40

Dont take it personally that some mums just do not want to be bothered by it all, that they can manage having a child at school without needing to be chivvied along by the class mom/pta rep etc and that when they run a mile in the opposite direction on seeing you - its not really you they're running away from, its the 'class mom'. :) <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 20/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 18:00

wouldnt there be lots of other signs at home whilst living with an alcoholic??? No. People with any kind of dependency issue can be very good at hiding it even from those living under the same roof as them. But of course family may have a nagging suspicion at the back of their mind that all is not well, but it can take a lot to let it come to the front of your mind so quite often its left as a nagging suspicion because dealing with it is too awful to contemplate.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 16:39

Hiccup, yes, its what I would I do and its based on many years ago having a friend who got into the 'habit' of having a few drinks at the club in the afternoon when we would go swimming and something she did one day that involved walking back up the main public road to her house with another lady doing the Lambeth Walk. If I had still been around her it wouldn't have happened but I'd backed off by then because I was way out of my depth and had no experience of such things, I was about 23. I saw them from my window and it was awful. Anyway it was reported and her husbands employers told her she had to leave the country immediately and her husbands contract was not renewed. It was humiliating and the first thing her husband said to me was - why didn't you tell me she was doing this? She would be over the drinks when he got home so there wasn't really anything for him to see till come the day it all came tumbling down on top of them both. Then there was the situation just last year when my daughter had to help a lady who was out wandering round their compound in the morning and who was very distressed, my daughter helped her home and settled her down but weeks laters had to do the same thing again. This time the husband came home and my daughter explained the situation and he said I wish you had come back and let me know because I could have nipped it in the bud - it was a mental health condition and my daughter had said to me I don't know if she had been drinking or if she wasn't well. So yes, if I saw someone who appeared tiddly, or unwell, I would help them but make sure family knew of the situation for a whole host of reasons. edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/09/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 18/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 18 September 2013 - 00:41

I would seek the husband out and ask if she was ok, and if I was asked why I was enquiring I would explain that she seemed unwell and leave them to get on with going over it all. Regardless of all the ins and outs of it, and all the what ifs, its the husband whose going to have to pick up the pieces of the lady getting into any kind of bother as a result of her maybe having a alcohol dependency problem, or an off day that she got through by getting tiddly.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 11 September 2013 - 00:41

Just linking you to a relevant section of the link because I know time is precious but pls go through the whole site when you can fit in the time. http://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/cbf-resources/information-sheets/understandingcb.html Then there is also this section for a quick read because the reality is - there are signs an episode of challenging behavior is likely before it actually becomes an episode of CB. I like the new traffic light kind of warning system they are now talking about http://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/cbf-resources/information-sheets/findingthecauses.html <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 11 September 2013 - 00:22

Av, the general rule of thumb is that behind every behavior there's a reason, if you find the reason you makes sense of the behavior and hopefully things can be put in place to improve on a situation. Following that you then have to work on how a person displays being totally overwhelmed by a situation and try to teach them positive ways to handle their feelings which for children at the more severe end of the spectrum can be extremely intense. And sad to say, along the way, our people can learn the benefit of violence. It doesn't make them bad, it just means that being violent can 'at times' serve a purpose whether its self injurious behavior or knocking spots of those around them. Other times I think the person is well and truly caught up in the moment and nothing they do is deliberate. Regardless of all of that the bottom line is that you have to put something in place to address the violence regardless of who its directed at - your son himself, or those around him. Is it easy? No!!!!!! The huge black eye I’m currently wearing is testimony to that. But, try you must! I think at times it can be easy to firefight and that false comfort can be gained from the fact an incident can be contained. Containing it again and again and again does nothing - you need to reduce the chance of it happening in the first place, you need to put a behavioral management plan in place and there has to be consequences for your son if he does hit someone or himself. By consequences I don't mean punishment, I mean you teach your son positive behavior, you reward the positive. You show him that if you do this then x y or z will follow. You however will have to pretty clued up on what causes the behaviours because it’s the answer to everything. It’s very much a case of look son, if you are feeling this that or the other here is how we will deal with it.......... It will not be easy and thisbring me to asking you - what to you is your childs education? What does this mean in real terms? Also, your nanny? Is she firefighting day in and day out or is she trying to make a real difference? Two children are a lot for anyone to handle. When your son has a meltdown or is self harming what does she do - does she take the path of least resistance (which can be very understandable) or does she say right, I’m grabbing this by the scruff of the neck and putting things in place to cut down on these incidents. As for respite care - I doubt it very much and I will admit in my heart of hearts to wishing you would give up work and not put so much faith in education and therapies. Armed with the right knowledge and a good 'right hand woman' you really are your childrens best teacher. Autism is big money, big big money, and many a parent shells out mega bucks when all it needs is someone to say stop the roundabout I want to get off and do this myself because I can. This is a link to The Challening Behaviour Foundation in the UK. Its what it says on the packet and I think you would benefit from a read of the site. There is a chart called the ABC chart, its self explanatory once you have a read. You can also phone them and they will talk to you or just listen to you crying, Ive done both, and all they really ask, or don't ask actually, is that you maybe buy a book or something from them. One day they even got in touch with their psychologist and had him suggest things for me. But that was before we knew we were then dealing with way more than autism. Once that's done, you could then maybe google books relevent to challenging behavior In children and put your on home based plan into place. You will need everyone in the house singing from the same hymn sheet though because this will very much be a family affair. http://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/ Most of the books I'm familiar with are kind of old now but one is 'Challenging Behavior, Making Sense Making Progress" by Phillip Whitaker. Failing all of this you could try and find a behavioral therapist to help put a home based plan in place but once again its back to mega bucks and you not being empowered by the reality that with the right information behind you, you are the best person for your son. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 September 2013 - 21:33

Mold on Cheese will not make people sick. Stilton, Gorgonzola, danish blue etc..... And who buys shredded cheese????? It takes all of 30 seconds to grate a block of cheese by hand. I do. My son makes pizza with it. He cant manage a grater.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 September 2013 - 16:05

Thread worms? never heard of that but will investigate. My little one is too small to share with him. He loves sitting on the computer which I've banned, he's only allowed it once he sleeps through the night. I tried rewarding him but he is still waking up. Going a bit crazy to be honest as it will effect his work at school. If he has threadworms he will be scratching his bottom a lot No. Not necessarily. Its just one of the symptoms a person can have. Not one that they must have.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 10 September 2013 - 14:57

Could your son have thread worms? They can be responsible for disturbed sleep and are common once a child start mixing en-masse with others at the likes of nursert

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 September 2013 - 15:51

Is there a reason for your daughter being behind. Could it be that she perhaps struggles through the school day and just can't face homework. I think I would look at the bigger picture here.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 September 2013 - 14:30

Google 'mooncups'

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 06 September 2013 - 02:19

I do not mind paying exhorbitant amounts to these trainers either however, I much prefer to giving my exhibortany amount to the children starving in this world through my volunteering services directly - as in bringing the equipment with me instead of worrying how dreadful I might believe I look!! edited by bblue on 02/09/2013 You dont seem very well. Are you ok?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 September 2013 - 20:31

So 2 days back when I wasnt feeling well at my work and came back home in after noon. I found my husband with some lady i dont know in our flat enjoying a movie time. I found all the answers to my questions Im sorry to hear this. It must have been the most awful of shocks. Take some time to look after yourself and get over what has happened, and just remember getting over it can take time for a whole host of reasons. There isnt a race to the finish line here, and whilst there is much to be thankful for that you now know - you are still allowed to be very upset and confused.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 05 September 2013 - 19:53

Ugh, maids and facebook. I checked up on a maid I had and found an open to the world facebook page. Plastered all over the front page was photographs taken inside my house. There were even pictures taken of her draped all over the christmas presents after we had gone to bed on Christmas Eve. And I mean draped over them. There was just something about the way she was lying there, she looked like a tramp, and she made the presents and my tree look like something in a bordello. There was also a picture of her lying over the bonnet of a random red car parked at the side of the road that also made her look like a tramp and I knew there and then that's what she was, that she was one of those quiet ones who are the worst. I got her into the house and made her remove all the photos and she was gone very soon after. I know it sounds daft but it was a porn star posing in the pictures and she made my presents look filthy. I can laugh about it now tho :D <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 05/09/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 31 August 2013 - 17:30

Im glad to have been of help AV. Hopefully we can meet in the not to distant future and perhaps sort some other things out. Dont forget that even on the days you feel useless, and you will have them, that you are doing great by your children and that Rome wasn't built in a day. Xxx <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/08/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 August 2013 - 14:51

I'm much looking forward to the day errant partners are diagnosed with b@#$%&d syndrome. Now that would be a real breakthrough in medical science.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 August 2013 - 13:50

I am going to sound mean, but the truth is the best medicine, so here is what I really think: This is your doing. You have enabled him to be this person. 'I do this...' 'I do that...' You chose to do these things, you chose to walk in the door and ignore it earheethab tell him to clean it then or there. I do feel for the mothers who come on here with no job, no funds in their name and children and are stuck in this spot. I do not feel sorry for you. It sounds like you don't even like the man. Rather than insulting him, leave him. One of the things in marriage is that you get an intimate insight to another person, foibles an all. I you do not like it, especially when you do not have things such as children complicating things, tell him to change or leave. I can't believe that someone is 100% the bad guy. It takes two to tango, and saying nothing as you get trod on does not make you a victim, it makes you foolish. Learn to love it, draw a line in the sand and tell him the game has changed or leave. That's my 2 cents. I dont feel sorry for Rose either because she has the power in her hands and salary to make a good life for herself. And yes, she is also to blame for a lot of this, but I think some men just really do have the knack of setting themselves up with someone who'll enable them. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/08/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 August 2013 - 12:44

Hello Ivy - that must make things very difficult for her, for all of you. How do you get around it?

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 29 August 2013 - 12:38

Get a cleaner in? Is that so Rose can go home to a tip that her husband has created after the cleaner has been and gone - the cleaner who is almost certainly going to be paid for by Rose? Or is the cleaner to go in and clean up the evidence of the husband being a slob just before Rose gets in from work so she just cant see any more evidence of him liking to create and live in a tip? If this thread had been started by a woman saying she was fed up of putting in the hours she does and having to tidy up after lazy brat kids the last thing she would be told is to get a maid to come in and tidy up after them for her. She'd be told to in no uncertain terms to kick their backsides and to take control, she'd also be blamed for letting things get to the stage they're at, but what do we have here - 'maybe he is depressed so get a cleaner'. Well, maybe he is, but I think there is more chance that he's not and that he is in fact just a slob on a gravy train - so perhaps a trip to a Dr to query depression is a good thing just to ensure that making lifestyle changes are feasible and wont kill him. And 'he may be feeling emasculated' - how does him asking his wife to fund another holiday help him to get over feeling emasculated, because surely if he does feel emasculated he'd be too proud to go on holidays she pays for? ETA - Your comments about your weight have me wondering if you should go to the Drs and get your thyroid or hormone levels checked just to rule out a medical reason for why you are down to living on fruit and raw veg in order to try and lose weight or not gain anymore. And as for your husbands nasty comments about your weight and your eating - he sounds awful, just awful, and not worthy of any concern from you regarding him and any mental health issue he probably doesn't have. edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/08/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 August 2013 - 22:27

Working from home is ok as long as the person does actually work from home and the term isnt just used as a convenient excuse for a whole host of things. I think I would be saying you have until the end of the year to get a job or prove to me that you are bringing in a salary from your working at home, - and if you don't then our whole situation is going to be reviewed. Dont even go down the route of asking for cleaning to be done, or a meal to be ready for you because you need to be able to say - liar liar your pants are on fire, of course you could go job hunting because I didnt even ask you to make the bed or make me a bit of toast and cup of tea. Make it really easy for him to look for a job and see what happens. Leave him money for taxis or whatever else he needs, basically set him up to find a job and see what happens. As for going home and finding him asleep on the couch - I think I would throw water on him but the reality is that you might just find you have to bite your tongue and carry on with things the way they are until the end of the year and you can deal whatever you have to deal with in one fell swoop. You already recognise the relationship is going no where so you're streets ahead in the mental preparation for moving on sooner rather than later if things dont change. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 28/08/2013</em>

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 August 2013 - 14:35

Just bringing this back up in the hope AV sees it.

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EW OLDHAND

Latest post on 28 August 2013 - 00:50

Olay do a tinted moisturiser as well as a BB cream which is a different product to a tinted moisturiser. And I think its true that Garnier did the first BB cream outside of the Asian market which is where these BB creams are supposed to have been in use long before we heard of them. I think s tinted moisturiser offers a two pronged aproach whereas a BB cream offers a 3 pronged approach. Im changing to the bobbi brown one because of the high factor sunblock but im also considering trying a CC cream to even out my skin tone due to hot flushes.

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