DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 August 2013 - 22:54
Av, I was thinking of you yesterday. I was on a steam train in the uk and there was a young lad of about 15 sitting across the aisle from me. He was well onto the spectrum and I think, nonverbal. Anyway, everytime he took a sip from his tin of coke he would put the tin down and cover his ears. I don't know what was going on in his mouth but it was quite obviously affecting his ears. Anyway I thought of you because it was such a fantastic example of one sensory issue affecting another one of the senses.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 20:48
Taking away the extreme circumstances of my childhood and just commenting in general - I dont see how a philanderer can be a good father. If a man is choosing to spend time away from his children with another woman instead of being at home with them doing the things fathers are supposed to do, whilst disrespecting there mother and putting their family in jeopardy - how can he be a good father? If a person is a good father he would do nothing to risk his childrens happiness. So I just dont get the 'he is a good father' aspect of things. I really dont.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 12:51
ZAza, pls dont think men have affairs with the kind of women they would never marry because they do. Quite often its the only way they can save face after a fed up wife pulls the rug from under their feet. Pls be prepared for this maybe being an eventual possibility.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 12:12
Staying in one of these marriages and turning a blind eye for whatever reason is dangerous for the simple reason that these men still expect their wife to be a wife in every sense of the word and if they cant be trusted not to cheat, then they cant be trusted to practice safe s e x with their other women. The situation then becomes the wife having to either put herself at risk, or go down the absolutely soul destroying and ridiculous road of needing to practice safe s e x with her husband - and as if the husband would given the selfishness of these creatures. Do these men agree to the seperate bedroom situation? No for the most part, because they are just not made that way - they are more than likely a sociopath or a narcissist and capable of the most awful things. This is the reality of people saying to the wife of a serial adulterer - live your life in the marriage and turn a blind eye. I currently have a friend going through this kind of thing and the things she's having to think about are awful. Who are we to say to a woman - oh get back in for some more of it and a dose of whatever takes your husbands fancy. eta - sorry zaza I didnt see your previous post before I wrote mine. Its great your husbands family are close to you but I think once you mention a divorce that could change and not just because many families are close to the wife because she helps them not have to face what their son is. The wife is there so there is still respectability. They might even try to blame you for what is going on. They might even be the ones to say to hubby you are not getting divorced - what would people say. . Would he listen to them? Anyway, once again, just be prepared for the worst and if things do go the way you hope - then great. I really do hope it works out for you and the children. edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 August 2013 - 04:24
I think as a nana I would do anything possible to part of my grand childrens life on a day to day basis so I would come and hope something turned up, even if something turning up meant being the family housekeeper or the likes. Is there any way you could just say to your daughter - I want to be with all of you, can we make it happen? I really do wish you well and hope your dream comes true.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 21:57
Thank you all so much, even though I don't know any of you (or maybe we do :-), I'm happy to have some support and advice; its helpful to be able to discuss this as so far no-one else knows about my situation. I'll try my best to be calm and contact one of the solicitors which have been mentioned, I'm hoping things wil go well.....I'm really hoping for the sake of my kids and my own sanity :-0 I hope so as well, but the reality is that these men have very warped views on their place in the grand scheme of things and to thwart them is seen very much as a challenge. These men who go in for serial adultery cannot be second guessed the way you would second guess joe bloggs getting up to no good. Over the last 3 years I've been contacted by 3 half siblings all born to different mothers when my parents were married. My father actually had a wife and 2 mistresses on the go at one time and there's only 3 months between 2 of my half siblings. He quite literally always had a child waiting to come into the world. I grew up thinking I was one of 2, truth is that even with my 2 half siblings from my dads second marriage - Im one of 11. God only knows where half of them are because I dont and nor does he. Thankfully though I'm really enjoying my new siblings and we love each other and meet up often - my brother is taking me to see mickey mouse in 3 weeks so we can do things we missed out on when we were young. My beloved late mother would be well ok with this, its the kind of woman she was. My father is not in my life, he horrifies me, but I dont miss out because I have a lovely step dad who's my real dad in every sense of the word. Anyway my mum thought that once she said enough is enough and called time on things that my father would be cock a hoop to get away and lead the life he enjoyed so much. In reality the opposite was true and there followed the most dreadful of divorces and even worst behaviour from a man who was incensed someone was walking away. There are certain things a person doesnt do to these men - and saying Im off is one of them. Even when he first agreed to the divorce it was only so he could aim a very contemptuous 'bring it on and the sooner the better' at her. After that he started to try and court her into changing her mind with promises of I wont do it again but he was only saying that so he could try and wrestle control back and turn the tables on her if she went back. I think the best you can do right now is to hope for the best but expect the worst. The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour and its not just the adultery thats important here, its the cruelty and lying and all the other things that go hand in hand with adultery that injures the person and shows the other person for what they are. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 21:10
Zaza, You can open a bank account. Try Emirates NBD, you def do not need anything from your husband. I think only you can know how reasonable your husband would be. Yes. Thats true. But many a woman has thought their husband would be reasonable and later found out to their cost that he was going to be anything but. Here's hoping it all goes well.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 19:22
You mention the Uk - were you married there and how?
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 18:46
Only you will know if you have any assets worth dividing or if its better to not come back because there really isnt that much to divide. However, is anything worth a custody battle for your children and perhaps being held to ransom by a man who will be absolutely livid that you've had the nerve to say to him - the end! Right now you are away and the ball is firmly in your court, but come back here and it will be a very different matter. Are you willing to take what will surely follow. Your husband will probably not take this lightly and not just because the women he's with are letting him think that what he is doing is acceptable. He'll think because they are settling that you will as well. He probably has no idea that this is not the way the world turns. Others are going along with things so why can't you. You will be the wrong one for not understanding how things work. It wont be him. On top of that I think anyone who's had the amount of affairs he has is seriously not a normal person. Thats not to excuse him, far from it, its my way of saying he will never change and you need to make a new life for yourself as you are planning, and when you do he will probably be enraged. There is also the aspect that so often seems to be not mentioned in these situations and that is your health. If you are still intimate with your husband it means you are just not being intimate with him, you are being 'intimate' with these women also, and anyone else they have perhaps slept with. You may have only ever had intercourse with your husband but the reality is if you count his sexual partners, and the partners of his partners - it all adds up to more than him. This is the reality of being married to a s l u t. You really are in danger of catching something horrible and coming back and taking the time to set yourself up in a new life within Dubai will only put you more at risk because you will have to pretend to be married till you get away. Wherever you are I hope you're surrounded by family who'll help you through this really horrible time. edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/08/2013 edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 August 2013 - 02:31
Hello Cleo, just nipping in to say I have absolutely everything, and I do mean everything ;), crossed for you making it to 37 weeks. And good luck to you all getting to the coffee morning, here's to no last minute mega filled nappies just as you're going out the door. :D
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 August 2013 - 11:35
I dont know of anyone but it shouldn't be difficult to find out. Just phone around a few of the well known salons that are staffed by people who come from a country where perming is the norm. And just to reassure you - the days of perms that lasted a year are very very long gone. Nowadays they are very gentle and can be something that needs done every 6 to 8 weeks.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 August 2013 - 19:33
Slimming world on line is great. Very easy to use. You can buy the books online, on the slimming world website, but apart from that I think you can only get them at meetings. There are loads of slimming world forums on Facebook
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 15 August 2013 - 14:16
Slimming world do an online version with different plans to chose from .
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 22:59
I read today in the paper that Crocs have seen their sales drop by 41 percent.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 22:57
Why would anyone do this? Why would anyone leave a baby with someone who has limited language skills?
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 22:45
Cleo I think she will be great once you are back and you remember to do with what you are told. This maid really is trouble.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 22:42
Not to worry -we can meet to suit you. And let me have a think about links for you.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 22:38
For me this study just once again highlights the possible role of oxytocin in autism. Its a theory that's been going the rounds for years. Is it cause for concern........who knows? Can autism be avoided? No, I dont think so - for the simple reason its way bigger than any of us. What will be, will be.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 10:59
Nasty worse than Crocs ;-) At least Birkenstocks are made from leather and not plastic! :) edited by Meagle on 12/08/2013 Not the vegan range that are even decorated with knitted lentil tassels.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 13 August 2013 - 10:23
Av, sorry it took so long to get back to you. I don't know where the days went. I would be happy to meet up with you but it would have to be late October because Im away with my son, then with my brother till the start of October. Dxb is not my home base but I spend a lot of time there. I could arrange a stay that involves seeing you over a weekend. Would that be ok for you?
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 August 2013 - 17:32
Nat, it sounds good. Really. :) I have a son who has autism but he never went to school, we did home ed. He's now 22 and about as bad as it can be autism wise and now that Im well into my middle age I have help at home with him. The British girl who's our team leader and my right hand woman, came to us after being the assistant manager of a care home for children with emotional and behavioural difficulties. She did her degree in health and social care, but her first qualifications were childcare up to the age of 16. She's one of 3 or 4 carers we need around our son to cover the shifts even with me being there or there aboot as well as we say in Scotland - Im still my sons mum and very much a big part of his day to day life. Our carer has a great life with us, good package, car, own apartment, insurance, medical, flights, good leave, overtime for when I think its her and her alone that I want handling something with me, foreign travel - its what you would aim for if you every came abroad except perhaps the overtime which our staff get due to what their job entails. For all we give her (and the others who are a mix of different nationalities including locals) , she gives us way more, she's absolutely fantastic, and that's what you should want from an employer - someone who thinks your fantastic and worth your weight in gold and appreciation. We're taking my son on his holidays this week - its quite and undertaking these days and quite daunting at times but thanks to her I'm feeling really excited about it all because she's sharing the load. Then when we get back Im going to America with my brother for a fortnight, whilst just a few weeks ago I went to France with my grandchildren and daughter. I'm living the life :D but its all thanks to this girl and what she has brought into my house. edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 August 2013 - 10:23
AV, just to say that Ive read your posts and I'll get back to you by the end of the day - but until then, yes my son lives a very structured life. His day is timetabled on a whiteboard into 15 minute segments. Its a very common way of keeping our youngsters on an even keel. Its not a hindrance to him or the family, the opposite is in fact true. Its liberating. Why did he start talking when he did? I have no idea. Did we use pecs etc....no we didnt, a lot of things were just coming into the arena when he was small and there was no Internet here at home till he was about 4. Families in those days just didnt have what there is available autism wise nowadays. I will even tell you a funny story about my reaction to info I received about PECS. Will be in later. :)
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 August 2013 - 10:11
I do not think that this forum helps you. I think you know what it means to be a single mother, after doing it for 5 years. If the money is above 12,000 + schooling, you could make it work. Good luck. Having lived here a year, I don't think 12,000 + schooling would be sufficient. We came on a "tight" package and made it work, but it also helped that I was able to find a job once we arrived and we're now a 2 income family. A 2 bedroom apartment in a descent neighborhood is going to cost you 80,000-100,000 per year. 70,000+ for a 1 bedroom, but would you really want to share a bedroom? Most financial experts recommend spending not more than 30% of your income on housing, so you'd probably need closer to 20,000 per month to really live a comfortable life here in Dubai. I agree about the 12, 000 but in my mind its even about things like a car seat if the OP cant finance a car either within weeks of getting here, or at all. We all know what public transport is like and how even once you get off a train or a bus you can still have quite a fair way to walk to your final destination. So that leaves a taxi which can work out really expensive and the wee one would need a car seat - if the OP was going to do her weekly shop, or take her daughter on a playdate, it would mean humping a car seat around everywhere they go. Where would you keep a car seat when you were going round the shops. Its 'little' practicalities like this that need as much thought as anything else.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 August 2013 - 07:02
I would do it with a base rate of perhaps 10dhms 'just because'. But I would then encourage her to earn more as suggested by Quizzme and the amount for each chore etc would be realistic enough to take her pocket money up to the amount you mentioned.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 11 August 2013 - 06:46
No one has been judgemental or unhelpful. You just haven't liked things you've read. You're a single parent . So what? Its no big deal nowadays in the grand scheme of things. But it is a big deal being a single parent coming to this part of the world to live on what we know will not be that great an expat salary to start with, even if you do have a nationality that is a passport to a better salary in the first place. Were you aware that your nationality would come into play? By the time Dentro posted the following reply to you, (However it is a good question why does not the kindergarten select someone else who is single and therefore cheaper for them... There are many qualified 25 year old teachers.) you were already peed off at things you had read . I saw the post you made in reply to her which you then deleted. You posted it whilst I was typing my reply that said you needed to get off your high horse a bit. Your reply to her wasn't very nice and you were obviously feeling very prickly. The truth is that you came here thinking you would be told it was a great idea, and yes come on over, but by quite early on in the thread you weren't hearing that and you didn't like it and you changed replies into people being judgemental and unhelpful. So as a nana who is the spare set of hands to a very capable working daughter - will you be able to employ a nanny or intelligent maid on your salary to take your wee one to playdates, and all the other things the children do nowadays when you are sick, or at work, or needing to go somewhere your wee one cant go? Im not even thinking about a social life - just things like, who would take her to school if you are down with something that means you really cant get up and do a school run, who would have her on parents day and school concert day when parents come to the kindergarten after normal hours and have a chat with the teacher? Where will she be on those days? Granted people may help you out - but they wont do it as a habit and even if they did there will be times they cant because of things going on in their own life. Who is going to be the spare set of hands you will need when living abroad with your daughter? Its something you need to think about a lot. We have a lady here, she lives the life you are thinking of but she earns way more than you would and she can pay for a good support system for her and the children. She's an example of what it takes to make your situation work. I was brought up by my mum way back in the day when people would be ostracized in their community for being a divorcee and single mum, I know what it is to see a lone mum trying to do it all even with the support of her parents. You will have no reliable support here whatsoever unless you can buy it in, and you will need it because going it alone in your home country and going it alone here are two very different things. edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013 edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013 edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 11/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 10 August 2013 - 11:38
AV199, I would go straight to a sensory integrationist but it could just be that whoever you chose to see has a procedure that means you have to see an occupational therapist. Before I went I would read up on the basic terminology and get an idea of what the senses are and what behaviours can be displayed when someone is self regulating because a lot of the things our children do is down to them sussing out what there body does and does not need and putting their own coping strategies in place. My son used to spend quite a bit of the day just doing a diagonal skip the length of our hall, he would be up and down, up and down, up and down for ages and he looked hyperactive. He's not, he has vestibular issues and it was his way of making sure he sorted himself out to quite an extent. He still has periods in the day when he does it but now his need for this particular movement is built into his day at regular intervals but he gets his 'fix' from going back and forward on his rowing machine, and his leaping across the hall is now scheduled in for when he is listening to his music and its now become his dancing. Its not oh S is doing his leaping around because he's hyper, its oh S is upstairs or in his office listening to his music and dancing. Sometimes what he is scheduled for is not enough for him so he adds little bits of extra time at odd hours, and sometimes he doesn't need what we've scheduled him for so he'll rub out a music session he's down for and put something else in place. He also walks miles a day because again its motion. However if we put him on an exercise bike he would be totally distressed by it. Its motion but the wrong kind for his needs. Going back to your sons 'ears' and this is just a co-incidence of an example - if I am watching tv the volume I need depends on whether I have my glasses on or not. I put my glasses on and the volume has to go down, no glasses and someone will come in and say oh my god, how loud do you need it. Your son biting his hand - a clear indication he is in distress. What can you do about it - this is a link to chewy bars you could perhaps teach him to substitute for his hand when upset. However it may just be that he really needs the feedback from the biting and its something he wont give up - you really do need to try and stop it though because a 10 year old biting himself (and others more than likely in the future) is far different from a 4 year old doing it. http://www.sensoryuniversity.com/ORAL-MOTOR-FEEDING_c6.htmhttp://www.sensoryuniversity.com/ORAL-MOTOR-FEEDING_c6.htm Your son removing his clothes - you are on the right track and I would really want to know why its would appear from what you've written that only is sound issues seem to be getting addressed. Remember, its always a whole person approach, it doesn't really do our children any good for people to be concentrating on one bit of them. His operation - if things escalated after the op then I would be trying to find out why. Can our children have more side effects than usual from an anaesthetic, (they can) and what are they? Did he have antibiotics that could have cause gut issues, would a probiotic maybe help if you could get one in him. Is he just traumatised in general from the op and everything surrounding it? Headphones - they can be terrifying to some of our our children (whilst others need them for they comfort they bring) and not just the big ones that usually go hand in hand with listening therapy. It must feel like us having a giant crash helmet on. The Ease program I would introduce slowly and I would find the smallest most effective ear phones I could, some of the children can be introduced to these therapies in one fell swoop, my son was one of them, but with others its slowly slowy, even if slowly slowly is just an initial game of trying the head phones on or seeing them sitting on the table for a few weeks. Once you've dealt with the headphones I'd then try the therapy, even 15 seconds at a time if need be. And knowing how vital and Ipad can be to your children I think I would even try a program that didn't involve one for fear of putting him off - could you maybe get something that uses an Ipod, though I do understand why an Ipad is being involved here. Or maybe a phone - anything that doesn't put him off his Ipad. My son was non-verbal till about the age of 8 so I do understand the difficulties you are trying to surmount for the sake of your precious boys. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 10/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 10 August 2013 - 06:01
But the maid is not refusing to work for the OP, she is refusing to be loaned out to the OPs MIL, which frankly I think is fair enough. I would never expect my maid to work for someone else unless it was a separate agreement between herself and them and they were going to compensate her, she is not property to be loaned and borrowed. Yes, there's foundation in what you have said but there's also goodwill and the idea of you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours - and not just when a persons working hours are practically non existent due to circumstances. This maid has no goodwill to anyone except herself. She knows Cleo is an inexperienced employer. She's trouble with a capital T.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 22:21
I don't think anyone's judging you for being a single parent but more making sure you re fully aware just how hard this could be in Dubai as a single parent. And I appreciate that I do, but my personal situation is different to most I don't have the help most people have when they have a child. My daughters father sees her for an afternoon 3/4 times a year if she's lucky and I don't have family support. I'm used to doing it on my own, I don't have social life like most 25 year olds my daughter if my life that what being a mum is about. I understand I will find it harder because I have a child but I'm used to doing it all on my own and that wouldn't change no matter were in world I was. What if you were really sick with the flu or something, or you needed your appendix out? How would you manage your little girl? Being independent takes on a whole new different meaning when it becomes living abroad alone with a child. edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013 I understand this but I would be asking myself the same question if that happened in the UK No. I'm sorry, But its different here - very.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 22:06
I don't think anyone's judging you for being a single parent but more making sure you re fully aware just how hard this could be in Dubai as a single parent. And I appreciate that I do, but my personal situation is different to most I don't have the help most people have when they have a child. My daughters father sees her for an afternoon 3/4 times a year if she's lucky and I don't have family support. I'm used to doing it on my own, I don't have social life like most 25 year olds my daughter if my life that what being a mum is about. I understand I will find it harder because I have a child but I'm used to doing it all on my own and that wouldn't change no matter were in world I was. What if you were really sick with the flu or something, or you needed your appendix out? How would you manage your little girl? Being independent takes on a whole new different meaning when it becomes living abroad alone with a child. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 21:50
We had a fantastic day with the madness starting last night at our mammoth cook-in. We have 70 people through the house for Eid breakfast and there's really not much time for a rest once the cooking is finished and the house wakes up for Eid prayers. I did a different menu this year and it went down a treat, I just couldn't face cooking a whole lamb on an open gas ring in the garden so I did chicken instead. A huge amount of chicken. I actually stumbled on the recipe years ago by accident. I was trying to make something that involved chicken, spuds, onion, garlic, ginger, salt and black pepper as a one pot kind of meal. Anyway it went wrong and I was left with a dry and lumpy textured mush, kind of like crushed potato and a savoury chicken. I had no choice but to serve it up and when I gave it to my husband he said - oh how did you know, my mother used to make this for me, just tell me, how did you know? I just looked at him and said Allah Kareem. It was one of the few things I knew in Arabic and I still laugh about how I came about that chicken till now. So does the family. Anyway I had to cook todays in about 5 batches, it contained about 10 kilos of chicken and 6 sacks of spuds. We also had spinach dhal and chappati with it. There was loads of it and it was delicious and trust me when I tell you that replicating a mistake isn't easy. In fact it was so good my son took some away to work with him and its currently flying at 30,000 feet en-route to Bangkok. When he was on the way out the door my other son said I hope you can get off the ground easier than I can get off this chair. For afters we had a chocolate cake, beetroot cake, and a spicy walnut kind of cakey biscuit thing that I found in an Australian cooker book. The jury is still out on it. There was also loads of sweeties and biscuits. By half eleven everyone had gone and because I was tired I didn't go to visit my beloved sister in law, instead I arranged to see her tomorrow then I climbed into bed for a couple of hours. My husband and children all went to see the extended family, they were still at it the last time I checked but this year I just don't have it in me and I took a rain check. Its been a really great day.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 21:26
She is crying She wants to drink and eat but, as she is vomiting time to time since lunch, I don't give anything and wait her stomach will be healthier later Two hours later we tried to give her water but she was so sick she vomited it also Three hours, four hours, five hours, six hours It is now seven hours after this food poisoning and she is again vomiting You don't know that its food poisoning, it could even be the sudden onset virus that has knocked my grandchildren for six today and cancelled out their eid. That said though - you should take your daughter to hospital and forget about McDonalds till she's better.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 21:10
I think life would be very difficult for you financially even with a good package for the simple reason that at 25 your not going to really be earning much anywhere. But that aside - what would you do for childcare? Its something you are going to need at some point. How will you cover it? Lol thank you very much for you point does that mean that I should just give up looking for work because of my age, I love my job and as long as I'm earning enough to live that's all I care about I think you need to get off your high horse a bit, you seem to be taking umbrage with replies that aren't to your liking and reading into them things that aren't there. My daughter is a 24 year old primary school teacher and I replied to you based on that. Will your package be that great? No I don't think so for the simple reason there are loads of single teachers out there and I think your package would be tailored to what they would make with you being expected to just suck up a shortfall because you have your daughter with you. Childcare - your daughter wont be at nursery or school 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and your working hours more than likely wont match her school hours so what are you going to do about childcare for the hours you will need it. Can you sponsor a nanny or intelligent maid and carry the cost? Can you afford an agency maid to come in a babysit? On what you would be paid as a 25 year old teacher - I doubt it. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013</em>
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Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 21:02
Is strange this thread was updated today because I was thinking about the youngsters just this morning. Well the adults really because of how like my boy they seem to be. Thank goodness for the Emirati couple who run the home, and kind thoughts to the families who have had to give their children up under the most awful of circumstances. It would not have been easy regardless of what people may think.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 20:55
I think life would be very difficult for you financially even with a good package for the simple reason that at 25 you're not going to really be earning much anywhere as a kindergarten teacher. But that aside - what would you do for childcare? Its something you are going to need at some point. How will you cover it? <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 14:58
Tell her the holidays don't have to be given on the day of the actual holiday then fix it firmly in your mind that she has to go because if she doesn't you'll soon be calling her madam - cos that really is what she is - your madam. I cant actually believe that you are still entertaining this womans attitude. but isn't that illegal ? OP's MIL is not maids sponsor... Seemingly not as was explained on a previous thread. But that's beside the point really. The maid is a chancer, Cleo is a new employer, the maid knows Cleo doesnt know how to be an employer and is now calling the shots.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 09 August 2013 - 14:44
We have used Kids First in Jumeirah and whilst their initial point of contact, their reception, is close to shambolic, once you are past it the therapists are excellent. Re sensory, a problem with sound does not necessarily mean there is 'only' a problem with sound. It could very well be there are other sensory issues going on and its all just contributing to sound really being a problem. It could be that a sensory diet, if needed, would help with the sound without you actually having to do anything much about the sound issue. This really isn't about thinking oh it sound that's a problem so Im going to get x y or z off the internet and sort it. What can help - I've used the 'listening programme' on my22 year old son who is severely autistic and it helped him. Ive also used it on my now 30 year old who has CAPD and he said it also helped - in fact he is now wanting to do it again. Whatever you decide to do it has to be on the basis of a whole person approach and not just a persons ears, so to speak. Social stories - there's a knack to them and even more of knack to getting them right. They can be very daunting and all the more-so when your a parent having to do all you have to do and know all you have to know. I've known parents who've wanted to run a mile at the sound of - oh just write a social story, because its just not a case of thinking - oh I'll sit down and write a social story, even a visual one. They can be really difficult to do but if you can get the hang of them at a level your wee one could understand they're really useful when it comes to our children. My son was about 16 before he understood them and even then they really were at a base level. At 22 we now use them quite a lot. He is far better now with the written word than anything else. If you were to google Carol Grey you'd find relevant info, but she is no longer the only one who writes about them. There's loads of stuff out there - for when you might find a very rare spare minute. eta - re his tantrums. It might help with them if you can substitute 'meltdown' for tantrum when thinking about what is going on. Meltdown as in being totally overcome with distress due to probably feeling absolutely overwhelmed by things, rather than in tantrum as in what we usually think of as a tantrum. Its something that really helped me when my son was having a very bad time of it. I hope some of this has helped. :) edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 09/08/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2013 - 06:10
Tell her the holidays don't have to be given on the day of the actual holiday then fix it firmly in your mind that she has to go because if she doesn't you'll soon be calling her madam - cos that really is what she is - your madam. I cant actually believe that you are still entertaining this womans attitude.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2013 - 06:06
A friend normally brings with when she travels. Have you found a good wool shop in Dubai? There is a place in one of the malls on the beach road in jumeirah, its horrible and one of the staff is so unwelcoming she could sour milk with her manner. I would not recommend it .
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2013 - 06:03
If renewing in Dubai, what is the current waiting time for the new passport to be ready. Also, is there a way to pay to speed up the process? If its one of the old style passports you can have an extension that takes a few days, but if a new biometric type passport has to be issued you are talking about a wait of at least or 7 weeks because its not done locally.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2013 - 05:58
I always use Laban instead of buttermilk and have no problems at all with it. My scones are always a triumph :D I use the Delia recipe that calls for buttermilk.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 08 August 2013 - 05:56
I have huge wide feet, usa size 12ww, getting shoes is a nightmare even from the likes of Zappos so when I do get nice shoes I ration my wear of them. I have about 6 pairs of birkenstocks in various colours and designs to wear instead of my 'good shoes' and they look nice under linen trousers and jeans, but personally I'd never wear them with a dress or skirt because of how big they can look in a usa size 12. My daughter has size 9 usa and she can wear them with a skirt though only certain styles. Comfort wise they are only comfortable if you get the correct size and if in doubt I would always go for the smaller size, if they are too big - boy do they hurt the arch of your foot. Do they actually look ugly? No I don't think they do if you are very careful of how you put the rest of your outfit together when you wear them.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 05 August 2013 - 07:21
Dentro there's a previous thread about this but I cant find it so I'll ask around this morning and get back to you. If true I'm sorry it might put you off coming here or hinder your visits in anyway but the truth is that its far from being a step backwards. Anything that can make it more difficult for certain women to get here the way they are doing can only be a good thing from the point of view of the majority of people who live here. Will get back to you later today.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 August 2013 - 11:15
Hi, Im sorry but I have to disagree. Not only should the house have been spotless for Burnsie coming back, the kettle should have been on and at the very least there should have a plate of sandwiches for her.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 03 August 2013 - 07:38
Burnsie, I dont wish to sound harsh but the fact you have had to come and ask this question is clear indication of why she feels able to do the things she does. She should have known from the outset that she would be very silly to get up to non sense and it would be best to not even try. You don't have to be a tyrant to do this, you just make it clear how things are going to be and explain what will happen if they're not. Would I renew this maids visa? Absolutely no way whatsoever. In fact she would have been gone a while back but you work and have children so I can understand the difficulties of not having a planned end to things. You have your chance now - do it and turn a deaf ear to what she says next. She deserves no more of your time whatsoever.
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 July 2013 - 13:12
I don't think she'll get an international hire without her NQT and two years teaching experience (this two yearsis different from the teaching she did in her training, schools state that it must be min of two yars teaching experience after graduation). She may be able to pick up a local hire job without NQT and two years experience but she would require to be sponsored as probably wouldn't get a residency visa. I would suggest she teaches for two years in her home country in order to obtain her NQT and gain experience and then look at moving out here. Gaining her NQT is invaluable. I made the mistake years ago, I trained in my late 20's as a teacher and went immediately out to Saudi to work , as I result I never gained my NQT which is something I regret. Fee its virtually impossible to get a job in teaching these days as a new graduate, there just aren't the openings to the extent I think the government recently extended the time frame given to the graduates to complete their NQT. My daughter is considered one of the very fortunate ones of her year, she's a teacher, she's working and in a great job, just not a job for the sake of it behind a bar of the likes. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/07/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 July 2013 - 12:30
Just to update ; My husband posed this query to a Qatari immigration official and it is categorically illegal for individuals not licensed as manpower agencies to charge for a NOC for a domestic employee. Ok, but people still do it, even those who tell others its illegal. Its kind of along the lines of don't do what I do, do as I say. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/07/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 July 2013 - 11:28
You generally need two years of work experience for an employer to be able to get you a visa. I'm sure you would need this to be considered for an expat package. Otherwise, if she came here and stayed with you I'm sure she would pick up relieving work which might give her a foot in the door, but probably only as a 'local hire'. HTH edited by plum2 on 31/07/2013 Hello She has 2 years in the UK whilst doing her degree but I am worried her age may go against her as only 21 and I have never known a teacher so young! Thank you Did she do her year as a NQT? And does the two years experience consist of her uni placements or did she work as a teacher for 2 years. My youngest girl is a Uk trained primary teacher and would have qualified at age 21 had she gone straight to uni for primary teacher training instead of doing the childhood studies she chose. She gave that up at the end of her first year and started the teaching degree which is what we knew she should have done all along. She was 22 when she qualified but her friends were 21. She now works in one of the international schools here, not Dxb, and she is the first local girl to ever do this, but there was no way she was given a classroom of her own in her first year. She had to do a years internship and prove herself just the way someone doing the NQT status would do. She's glad she had to do it because she said she thinks she would have gone under if she had been thrown into the deep end straight out of uni despite her degree and her placements and the uni she went to which is considered one of the best for teacher training in the Uk. The person who employed her was very wise and if I recall correctly the school doesn't even employ any of the expat staff straight out of uni. In fact I think the trend nowadays is more towards a husband and wife package to save on various expenses and young singles are not so much sought after. I look at her at times when she comes home in a school PE T-shirt and I think oh here she is in from school, and I really do mean here she is in from school as a school girl cos her PE t-shirt was the same colour as the one she was given at work. She's got an older class this year and I'm just waiting to see how many of them are about as tall as her so I totally get what you mean about teachers being so young nowadays. I will tell you though - they are awesome, just awesome.
DesertRose1958
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 July 2013 - 23:24
Tired, I believe how hard things must be right now. A newly diagnosed daughter and a husband who could also be on the spectrum. Its an awful lot for just one soul to deal with and I don't think anyone would expect a mother to not put her child first. Its not even selfish to say I can't do this again with regards to being in a miserable marriage, especially if there is a distinct possibility that things will never get better. But it is really important that should your marriage end it ends based on the actual reality of the situation. It will be better for (both of) you in the long run when you are looking back over the years. Could your husband use a diagnosis to not try and change things a bit? The truth is that I really dont know but my instinct is telling me not in any calculated way. It is however the kind of question you would get answered over at the first forum I mentioned. You could say.....if a person is on the spectrum etc etc etc. Its one of the great things about that forum - you can be as brief as you like when asking for help. And I'm sorry but I don't know of anyone in Dxb who has ASD specific marriage guidance training .....but I think that right now is too soon for it anyway. I think you need to dig in for a while longer and play a bit of a waiting game so you can educate yourself a bit more about things. Your daughter is only 4 and this is way too young an age for you to really know much about anything autism related even from her perspective let alone an adults as well. If you like I could go through the JK catalogue for you and pick one book that I think could maybe help you on the husband front. If you gave yourself 6 months to read it you would still have time to concentrate on learning about your daughter because right now she should quite naturally be coming first. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/07/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 July 2013 - 17:20
Tired, I deliberately referred to ASD when answering your posts and any mention of Aspergers apart from your mentioning it has only been when linking to a forum that had Aspergers in the title. I doubt if your husband is on the spectrum he would be what is called classically autistic so it would make sense to not send you to a forum that caters for people like my son - that leaves forums for AS and HFA. I read your posts and based on my exposure to ASD I thought to myself - this guy sounds as if he could be on the spectrum, there is more to this than meets the eye. You then mentioned your daughter having developmental delays and I wondered if she was on the spectrum but I decided against asking, I did suspect though that she was on the spectrum because of what you were saying about her dad in your opening post. You then posted saying he is highly on the autistic spectrum and that's why my daughter is. I wasn't surprised that she is. Now you are saying you don't think he is based on things you have read on the forums I linked you to so I just want to explain a bit further You can be on the austic spectrum and not have a language delay. A person can be on the spectrum and have a child that is somewhere else on the spectrum. A child who is and aspie can have a parent who is HFA and vice versa. Likewise a person like my son who is about as bad as it can be spectrum wise could have a child who is an Aspie or HF autie and not be as badly autistic as he is. If your daughter has AS it does not follow that her dad would have it though he could still be on the spectrum. Motor skills - its just something that people on the spectrum can have difficulty with. It does not mean that they must. My son doesn't, in fact he is a natural athlete in many respects and can pick up flies. Expressive writing - one of my close friends has Aspergers Syndrom and she is a published author, she is a novelist and following the success of her first novel she is now contracted by a very well known publishing house to write her second. She has two sons who are autistic, one at the more severe end of the spectrum and one in between her and his brother. Sarcasm - again its something that a person may have problems with. However it could be that their difficulties lie in other areas and like my friend they may have an absolutely fantastic wit and be really good at sarcasm. Analysing people - one of the worlds authorities on autism. Dr Wendy Lawson, is HFA, she started off as as psychologist. Then there is Temple Grandin who may not analyse people but she does a pretty good job of it in the animal world. Not showing emotions and belittling people - the latter can be very prevalent and quite often down to language or just the honesty associated with people on the spectrum. They really do call a spade a spade, and say things as they see it. Brothers and sisters - there is a lady in Scotland with 6 children on the spectrum. Then there is my forum friend in the states who has 7 children on the spectrum, some like my son and some at the more able end. Her husband has Aspergers Syndrome and I suspect there is a diagnosis in my friend also. Anyway as to whether your husband on the spectrum? Well he would have to undergo a diagnosis to see. My point however is - that there is much in your initial post that would suggest to me that your husband isn't the husband he is because he's a rat or because he has b a * * * r d syndrome. If you are going to separate then just make sure its based on the reality of a situation because in the long run it would help both of you with moving on. As to what to do next? Speak to your husband and say something along the lines of ....do you think there is a possibility you could be on the spectrum? He might surprise you and say you know what I have wondered about it since we got the wee one, or he might say go to ****, or he might say why are you asking and then you could say well you do display some of the traits. Just put the seed there and see where it take both of you. edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/07/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 30/07/2013</em>
DesertRose1958
1337
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 30 July 2013 - 16:22
If you are who I think you are then a mutual friend of ours has just given up a nursery job which paid the same salary because it didnt cover the effort she had to put in.
 
 
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