DesertRose1958 | ExpatWoman.com
 

DesertRose1958

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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 02 June 2013 - 06:12
I was vaguely aware of them but boy oh boy have these two now won me over as entertainers. I have just loved their series of Saturday Night Takeaway and my Saturday nights have been brightened up considerably. I'm sorry the series is finished for this year and roll on the next one.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 02 June 2013 - 05:47
TSI, it doesn't matter if there is a pattern of excuses, just if there is a pattern of asking for an advance. My rule of thumb is that only once advance can be given per calendar year and it can only be for the amount of one months salary. If the money is ever asked for, and no one has asked for a few years, they are never asked why they need it and its paid back over 2 salaries. Many of these ladies have family who skin them alive financially just because they work in the middle east, horrible pressure is put on them to provide the good things in life, and my lot are happy being able to say to their family - no I cannot ask habitually because I will not get. My children aren't allowed to lend money to the staff either and they know why. They can recall our first ever maid having to borrow money often and getting to the stage whereas she was going to have to work 'free' so to speak for about 4 months in order to catch up with herself. Not that she did, but she was saddled with a debt for about a year. No one can do that, everyone needs money in their hand at the end of the month even if its just to feel the fruits of their labour. Even my better off expat staff who work in the house are told they shouldn't lend money if asked - not that I think the others would dare ask. On the other hand, my lot have a kitty. They get extra money quite often if we are really busy at home, from us, from house guests who've been looked after by them, from the kids if they've had stuff done for them - and they all like it to be kept for them until needed. They can access it instantly and from what I can see its how they finance requests from home. Another one of my lot earns about 500dhms more than her family think, we keep that money for her and she now has a substantial next egg. She told me if her mum knew she had it either as salary or savings she'd spend it for her, and when she leaves next month it will secretly follow her home once she gets home and gets an account organized. Some of these women are ATM machines - they just dont have a sign above their head saying it. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 02/06/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 19:56
Pickachu. No. I think she knows its over and is tr[b'>[/b'>ying to lay down the foundation to a better future with regards to employment. It's obvious she is just going over old ground with regards to her marriage. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/06/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 19:51
Feefmick. I mentioned womens aid because I really hoped youd look at the website and have a resd on whst constitutes abuse. I think you would be surprised.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 11:18
Would this appeal to you. I laughed when my trainer suggested it as part of my sessions but now I rather like it and its really effective. If the link doesn't work just google capoeira dubai and see what you think. http://www.capoeiradubai.com/site/d83d32d0d606459fbc15f31f029a7d1f/home?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.capoeiradubai.com#2804 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/06/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 08:11
Feefmick, you wouldn't have to receive the things till you were ready. They could stay at my house and my dad would forward them when need be.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 06:50
Flydiver :), nip on over to mumsnet and post this question - if you dare :D Or perhaps it would be better for you read existing replies to this kind of question - that way you'll know the abusive replies aren't being directed at you personally. :D You might find the odd nice reply though that will kind of compensate a wee bit for the others. :) But seriously this kind of thing is a minefield and I would be inclined to do what my friend wants and squeeze every one into her place. If it really wouldn't work then ask her to cut down on numbers or not have the shower at all. Or ask one of the 'guests' on the guest list to host the party if space is available. It should be her doing the asking though because there will be a bill to pick up for food etc and she should be picking it up since she seems to be the one wanting the baby shower. If someone else had said oh lets do a shower for so and so and its at my place then I would expect them to pick up the bill for the food and sundries. If you invite people to your house you generally pay to host them. The other thing is to perhaps ask people to bring a plate of something if one of the other ladies can host the 28 pals and you dont want her landed with any expense.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 01 June 2013 - 06:28
Feefmick, I have a really good luggage allowance and with 3 of us travelling its really really really good, and we all travel very light. I will gladly bring a box or two of your things to you in the UK over the summer. I could have it all to your by the end of July via a delivery service once it reaches the UK unless you would be near Wales and wanted to collect it yourself. I would collect it from you at this end. I'm posting the link from the SHELTER UK website as to what happens when a house is repossessed and what steps a person can take to try and prevent it happening. It also explains what happens afterwards. It happened to my neighbor in Wales last year, a lovely young family, dad lost job etc, and the house was taken from them eventually. At auction the house went for only a few thousand less than what a neighbouring one did the conventional way and the family came out of it all right. They said it was a relief and they now have a housing association house in an area that has housing association houses mixed in with those occupied by the owners. This has to be done by law now. Don't be scared to use the likes of these websites for info because the reality is - knowledge is power, and when dealing with my sisters situation I'm finding them a consolation and great source of advice. Another good one is Womens Aid for the information it provides on how to find out whats what. http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repossession eta - one thing I have found out is that families/friends helping by taking a person in can actually be counter productive in the long run and we are now in a situation whereby I'm having to formally evict my step sister from my UK home in order for her to get the help she needs. If I don't do it she will have intentionally made herself homeless and that opens up a whole new can of worms. edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/06/2013 <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 01/06/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 22:42
Fee is your house current empty?
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 22:14
Fee there is also this from money saving expert and it has an option re having a mortgage when calculating things. Maybe have a quick look through the links because what you are told by CAB isnt always correct. We are going through something with my sister just now and I recheck everything we are told. www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 22:05
https://www.gov.uk/benefits-adviser There you are. :)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 21:59
Feemick you come across as a lovely woman. Im sorry you are going through this. Your husband seems the restless type, someone who is always having to run to the next place in the hope that the next place will make him feel better. It wont because deep down inside something is making him miserable and he doesnt know how to address it. He is running away from himself when he makes these moves. You are probably nothing to do with it. I think I would be fed up of things by now and its great that you have access to government support should you choose to go solo with your children. Go online and see what benefits you would be entitled to. The uk government has a kind of calculator that will work things out for you. Or try the moneysavingexpert forum - the martin Lewis one, it has all sorts of things to help you work out a possible scenario. I would imagine the australiam government also have the the same kind of benefits calculator. Dont let the thought of perhaps needing to go on benefits stop you from considering what might be the best thing in the long run for you and your children.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 11:16
Its mould and probably due to the humidity. Make up a solution of liquid soap and water in a spray bottle and spray the plants till the mould is no more.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 10:44
Can anyone help with my cat - he's a year old, has definitely been 'done' but he is SO LOUD! He wanders the house yowling his head off, he gets lots of attention, we have another cat also and they get on with each other, so he's got company when I'm not there. I do let them out, because if I didn't, I would go insane. He wants to be outside all the time. At nighttime, noone gets any sleep because he is yowling and just won't settle. Any ideas? Are you sure his '' bits '' are gone?? ;) My cat does that during the day until he sees me then he finds a spot in the house and settles.At night he is in the house, but we keep him in the small room next to the kitchen so he doesn't have the run of the house going around shouting looking for everyone,at first he hated it and yowled for ages(i felt really bad :( ,but now he comes home about 7.30 and goes straight to ''his room'' where his food is waiting and now not a sound.Its a bit easier for us though we only have 1. :D :D
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 10:42
I suggest that this should be taken as a sign, wrong time and desperation, so relax. If she is still available when you return then go ahead. I wholeheartedly agree with this.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 09:28
The Red Tent. Reading cookery books in bed. Blimey, that is scarily like me.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 08:39
The crushed biscuits and butter type of base is also used to cheesecakes that end up in the oven. Its also used for cheesecakes that just end up in the fridge to set. I think what you are looking for is this but in a ready made form. Its the kind of thing you'd find on an apple pie for eg. Its pie pastry. Its very easy to make but I think for a cheesecake I would go with the biscuit base. http://www.marthastewart.com/283515/basic-pie-dough Here is a recipe for a new york style cheesecake just so you can see a biscuit base. If you do the biscuit base I would make more than is suggested and that way you dont have to worry about having enough if you spread it too thickly or eat loads of the base whilst making it. Seriously though I find when it comes to biscuit bases the recipes can be quite stingy with the quantities suggested. http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/new_york_cheesecake_20451 If you like yu can stick a link to your recipe up and we'll tell you what you are needing. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 08:25
Maid left a month ago, I gave her a weeks pay plus a bit extra as a bonus, she started with a new employer (I found her the job here on EW). She has worked 3 weeks with the new 'madam'. so basically she has been covered for the month, seamless transition... Today I get a call from the new madam saying that the maid has stated I didn't pay her anything for the first week of the month when she worked for me. Just shows you doesn't it... So glad to be rid...... Just move on from it and don't let it bother you because she quiet simply isn't worth it. She probably didn't for a minute think her new employer would ever have reason to repeat the story to you but she did - so now her new employer knows she's a liar and should be watched. She's done a very effective job on herself. Well said! Having just moved here and reading posts on 'maids issues' do not think we want to go down this route at all! Cushion - the saying of biting her hand comes into mind and her deceitful way has truly been highlighted, not a clever move on any employees part! Hi there :), dont let what you read here put you off having domestic help. There are loads of people out there, including myself, who have long and happy relationships with their staff with no problems occuring what so ever. I would say that apart from awful situations where the husband or son has an affair with the maid, or the maid is cruel to a child, or steals, you know, very very serious stuff that is down to a criminal type of character - most of the problems people encounter are down to them and them alone because they dont know how to be an employer to domestic help. Most are eaten up by guilt about it and have all sorts of ideas in their head about 'the poor wee things' but its totally unecessary if you know you are a good employer and treating someone with respect and thanks for the job they do. The latter does not involve having to hang yourself on a cross. You can keep staff for years if you learn how to employ the staff, and on the flip side, doing this also means that should anyone start to take the mickey or cause upset in your home or your day you can say without any qualms - this is finishing now. No ifs, no buts, no maybes.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 31 May 2013 - 06:21
Maid left a month ago, I gave her a weeks pay plus a bit extra as a bonus, she started with a new employer (I found her the job here on EW). She has worked 3 weeks with the new 'madam'. so basically she has been covered for the month, seamless transition... Today I get a call from the new madam saying that the maid has stated I didn't pay her anything for the first week of the month when she worked for me. Just shows you doesn't it... So glad to be rid...... Just move on from it and don't let it bother you because she quite simply isn't worth it. She probably didn't for a minute think her new employer would ever have reason to repeat the story to you but she did - so now her new employer knows she's a liar and should be watched. She's done a very effective job on herself. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 31/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 21:36
This should explain everything but as a general rule I have all bookings etc for flights and hotels made prior to applying for the visa as you generally have to provide the details when applying or during the interview process. www.schengenvisa.cc/apply.html
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 20:42
We are sending our helper to a country other than her own. She needs a Chengen visa . Do I buy the ticket first or apply for the visa? Do you mean Shengan as in travel to a Shengan State with you and your family. She would not be able to travel alone.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 20:40
Ah ok. The only experience I have of them was drinking the stuff to reduce my milk flow when I was getting number one son off the breast - my granny organized it all for me. Then in later life it was added to the bath of my youngest to help calm him and prepare him for sleep. It didn't work for him but it did for a few other children on the autism forum. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 20:26
What do you use them for ladies?
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 19:36
We got one of those very large photo frames from I Ikea that has space for lots of photos. Pictures were taken on the night and people commented alongside where the photos would be placed. Apart from that we did nothing else because a group of women together just evolves on its own to a fun time. I think at times the games etc can be very contrived and false, that its nice to just go with the flow and let the night pan out on its own. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 29/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 29 May 2013 - 19:27
We did this once because we were bringing our existing maids cousin. She seemed fine but failed the medical - she had hepatitis B and had to be sent home. It was a really big shock and scared the pants off me. Its not something I would ever do again. I think we were lucky it was 'just' the hepatitis B.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 28 May 2013 - 21:38
She knew what was going on. I don't buy the "didn't know what was happening" line. Yes, I would have to agree. First born babies don't just slip out! some can and do slip out. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 28/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 28 May 2013 - 14:11
Seriously??? I find it strange that my maid doesn't have any pictures of her son, yet she has an 8x12" picture hanging on the wall of herself! ?? Not to mention its as though we are forcing her to go home for the summer, while we are on holiday. Sometimes, I just feel like things aren't adding up... That would not be an indication to me that she doesn't have a child. Her relationship with her child is very different from your relationship with yours... I agree. On the flip side though one of my lot tells us she has one child but frequently refers to her children. I also had another lady who often spoke of the terrible delivery she had with her third. She once got on the floor and acted part of her labour out for us. It turned out in the end it was her sister in law who had had the baby and died during the delivery. ..my maid and her husband then brought the boy up as there son. Who's to understand the ways of the mind at times eh.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 13:05
I'm not trying to diagnose the person. but I'll be working with them daily and based on my knowledge about bipolars, this person might just be one. i can also not walk up to them and ask for their medical records, unless they do something extreme. so in these circumstances trying to understand what might be going on and how to best approach it, is really only an effort to avoid possible awkward situations or wrong assumptions[/quot You should not be making assumptions and all the more-so because you really dont have that much of an idea regarding bi polar disorder judging from your posts and the language you use within them. And just to add, the person you describe could be my friends daughter who doesn't have bi polar disorder but does have a diagnosis of something else. I really do think you should just try and find your own way with the person and forget all about what you think, more than likely wrongly, is causing their behaviour.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 12:46
Magyera I think you should leave any possible diagnosis to a Dr.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 12:25
I had a very interesting childood as the daughter of someone with bi polar disorder at a time when not really much was known about it and it carried a great stigma. Suffice to say, because its an awful long time ago, that when my mum was well she was the best mum in the world and when she wasnt well she was still quite something. I often wish we could have our time over again just so she could live her life as someone with bipolar without the stigma of having bi polar disorder, and I could be the daughter who understood more and could tell tell her it really was ok.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 09:35
RuthM may i ask how you know so much about Bipolar, Do you have experience working or living with someone that has Bipolar? I understand you may not want to share, i have my own experiences with Bipolar (not myself but someone close) its good to hear from someone who seems to understand ! My mum had bi-polar disorder and my very special boy shows distinct symptoms of it though not enough to warrant a separate diagnosis tagged on the end of his other things. He doesn't have the mania as such but the mood swings are all too prevalent and he takes lithium daily. Currently 1200 mgs daily and it has been really good for him. He's usually well when he has a serum level of .62. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 27/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 06:42
Excellent post Ruth. Well done. :)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 27 May 2013 - 06:19
This was happening to me for a while, up until a fortnight ago, and it was only when I started taking a multivitamin that it stopped - within days. I hadn't even realized I was missing out vitamin wise and it was only when I started using my fitness pal that I realsied. I was eating a balanced diet but not enough of certain things. Anyway I thought nothing ventured nothing gained after talking to a friend who was being treated for asthma, and after testing was found to have a vitamin D deficiency, so I started on a multivitamin and hey presto. I also suspect that a B vitamin deficieny can cause the same symptoms. I did laugh a bit about the asthma and vitamin D but only last week there was quite a significant amount regarding it in the press and it really did give me food for thought regarding things.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 15:05
Thanks ladies. Starting interviewing again this afternoon! Love having a spotless house, so going to brave it again, this time with a bit of wisdom behind me. I've learnt so much about maids recently, so fingers crossed things work out next time. I was wondering what you will do next. Will it be live in without any nights spent away from home? Its what I would only ever agree to. And how will you manage to word the contract so you have room for maneuver in it? You always need room for maneuver given how some of these women would appear to be Philadelphia lawyers.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 12:19
Victoria I'm glad it went ok. :)
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 12:08
How about nothing. Just wish him a happy birthday and give him a big kiss and a cuddle. Tell him prior to the day though that he will be getting nothing because buying for him is too difficult given he has everything possible - then say, if you really really need to, that if he sees something later in the year just to tell you and he can have it as a belated birthday present. We don't really mark the day with presents as such though everyone gets something nice, the present is not the main part of the day, we're more inclined to get together for a family meal and a laugh and on occasion the odd barney. We are not the Waltons.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 12:02
I just used to threaten to kill them if they didn't. It worked.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 26 May 2013 - 12:00
Its really lovely to read so many compassionate replies to Lynette containing so much sound advice. Really, I just want to add that its obvious Lynette will be in her marriage for some time to come and as such she's going to have to watch her 'health' given her husbands philandering which don't appear to be restricted to online shenanigans. I think if there was anything to worry about to date it would have been picked up at the ante natal clinic but the future could be a real cause for concern if he carries on the way he is. I think a way is going to have to be found for her to say to him if you are doing this then make sure you don't bring anything home to me. Either that - or she makes the marriage a non sexual one now that she is going to have her baby, which seems to have been the aim of any marital goings on up to now. Not a nice subject, I know, just the reality when it comes to having a partner who cheats
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 May 2013 - 10:07
Thanks amandshaks and Sue, will try the Organic store, I would have got a breadmaker machine but I don't ever eat bread, just looking for some for my visitors who are really fussy about ingredients! Otherwise its going to be a case of "let them eat cake" without being churlish at all - cant you tell them to bring their own given how hard it is to source what you need here. Personally I would go for eating the cake rather than the bread any day of the week. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 25/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 25 May 2013 - 10:05
It doesn't sound as if it was ever going to work and that neither of you were really keen on the other. I use a recruitment agency in the UK, Reed, for our requirements but I've linked you to the site of another agency that covers nannying type jobs outside of Europe. It might give you an idea of just what it is you want and what you can expect of the person hours wise as well as the kind of salary you would pay. http://www.nannyjob.co.uk/childcare/Nanny/Outside_Europe?results=15
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 May 2013 - 21:15
Different circumstances but I home schooled my youngest child who has profound special needs. Ive never regretted it . I couldn't have done it for my other children but with my youngest it was the most natural thing in the world to do. I think you just know if it will work out or not and if done properly I think its a perfectly acceptable way to educate a child. I wanted my sons education to be about his needs and not for his learning to be hampered by outside influence even by way of other children around him in a class.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 May 2013 - 14:37
Monsoon do them. I bought one for my grandson. Now its coming to summer wedding time in the you might find they even do a linen one. They're really nice.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 May 2013 - 13:37
It's a horrible thing to have to do Pickachu, you're not wrong. It's a last resort. There is no other alternative that doesn't put us at risk. I cant have her in the villa arguing and making demands, making our home miserable, so she has to go. You know the lady and what could perhaps happen when she finds out she's not got what she wants.....a way home or on to a new job her way. Of course its not palatable the way things might have to be done but this lady had shown she is good at manipulating things and you are right to be on your guard. I hope everything goes well for :) You seem like a very fair and decent woman. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 24/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 24 May 2013 - 12:56
We're a family of cat allergy sufferer for the most part. Its a horrible thing to have. Yes there's medication to take but they don't take away all of the symptoms of the allergy. We just kind of stay away from cats which is really really difficult when you're granddaughter is desperate for a kitten to love. She just cant have one tho.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 23 May 2013 - 17:19
This has been going on for days and is set to run for a while yet. Victoria has been given the advice she needs but isn't quite ready yet to do what she needs to be doing. I think perhaps letting it go now and leaving her to process her thoughts is what's needed right now more than anything else. What will be will be.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 22 May 2013 - 08:59
Just say you are moving and if she doesnt want to then she can look for a new job. You dont have to say it in a nasty way, just present it as a fact and give her the choice of what she wants to do. As for the inside room - I dont know, each to their own, but I wouldnt do it, and I would be very careful that if she moves with you she doesnt see it as some kind of compensation for the move. That would be the start of a slippery slope. Ok so the room is small - its probably still a whole lot better than what the maid is used to and lets face it, there are people all over the world with small bedrooms. <em>edited by DesertRose1958 on 22/05/2013</em>
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 May 2013 - 22:28
Thanks desertrose, thats reassuring :) Irooni this is the one I use when in London and I couldn't believe my luck the first time I turned up and saw how central I was to everything. I was 5 mins walk from Piccadilly Circus and 5 minutes walk from Theatre Land. China Town was at the end of the street. I could go out for a walk and 15 minutes later be going up the Mall and into St James park. I really cant praise it highly enough but then again I am a Premier Inn convert - I just plain refuse to pay London Hotel prices anymore because they are such a hit and miss afair. I use this hotel when I travel alone and when I'm travelling with my son. Its very safe and if you don't stay there, there is no getting in at night. The breakfast is good and buffet style and if you can order whatever eggs you like. You get wifi and there is a good selection of tv channels in the room. I stay at the Premier Inns up and down the country and have never been disappointed with my choice. http://www.premierinn.com/en/hotel/LONLEI/london-leicester-square Ive also rented a house in central London, it was an upstairs down stairs kind of house and that was really fun, there was everything we needed nearby and whilst it was great to give my grandchildren home cooked meals every night - I much preferred staying at the premier inn with them later on in the holiday. The Rain Forest Café is just round the corner and Hamleys is a short walk away as well. I used to love walking home at night when the Chinese restaurants were coming to life.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 May 2013 - 20:43
I always stay in a premier inn these days and the newly opened one just off Leicester square is very good.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 May 2013 - 20:19
Can I have some details on Developing Child Centre? I am really confused about Speech Therapy for my 7 year old child on the spectrum. All that is being done is sign language and I don't know how effective that will be to promote speech as they are not working on vocalization. ANy ideas here regarding Speech? Hopefully speech would come from effective communication and sign language is effective communication. Some children never talk but they can communicate just as some of the children can talk but it means nothing because its just words coming out of their mouth.
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 May 2013 - 13:57
I am at the end of my rope with getting a response from Kids First! 3 weeks and several calls and nothing I agree. Their reception is nothing short of a disgrace. A complete and utter fiasco. However once you do manage to catch someone's attention they really are very good at what they do. Ive spent the morning collating emails and phone calls to them, as has my daughter, so we can give them evidence as to how awful their point of contact is.