Dating dilemma | ExpatWoman.com
 

Dating dilemma

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 20 December 2015 - 22:49

I've been here since early August and I came with the set idea that I was going to stay away from men completely. Unfortunately, my plans changed and about a month after arriving I met this amazing man who was born and raised here. At first I thought it would just be for fun but it has turned into far more than fun and he has captured my heart.

What's the dilemma? He's separated and has no interest or desire to go back but hasn't been granted a divorce. I've met his brother and his best friend...we spend almost every evening together talking, watching TV, just sitting together snuggled up on the couch. He says he wants to be with me for a very long time and I want the same. I just don't know how realistic it is in this culture. He's not Emirate but his whole life is here so I know that means staying here which is fine.

He's very different than other men I've met here...not looking for only one thing and not falling in love by date 2. I have even decided that if he can't get a divorce then I am willing to be #2. Anyone have any insight into situations like this? I've learned a lot about the culture but I feel like I'm missing something.

Thanks...FisherGirl

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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 19 February 2016 - 13:37
I carefully advise you although I don't know all the background of story. Why do you keep staying inside that situation? You are precious woman so if he really loves you, he can't treat you with that horrible & complicated his situation. Don't try to understand him and his situation. He is not the victim of his marriage life. He is a main agent in his situation. It's about responsibility and he could be a buck passer. Or he could be cheating you. Of course he is loving you, I believe, but the love of adult is not just important their emotion. Even really he is in difficult situation, if he really loves you, he should not make you unfaithful love target. He is showing an indecisive attitude and then why do you accept and understand it? You are not his mother. This matter is not that you would understand. He should solve his problem, - if he really think it is big problem - also set his affair clearly and then he can ask you for going to be a partner. It's not about simple 'LOVE'. Think about yourself. If you feel 'something missing', obviously there is something missing. Concentrate yourself and go to right way. Hope my words would be helpful. Good luck!!
32
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 16 February 2016 - 22:48
To marry a local woman when you are not local is difficult. The permission required is tough to get. He must have really loved her to go through all of that to be with her. Be careful that you are not the next wife he cannot get a divorce from one day. You are very early in a relationship. And in a relationship with someone from a different background - that is tough. I thought my husband was AMAZING in the first year. And soon our cultural differences began to show very clearly. I do not know the background of your partner, but some cultures do not actually consider affairs a destruction of marriage. I say this because you say you are sick of American men and their cheating,. I know many men here who love their families and would never leave them but chronically cheat because, well, why not? 'I am not leaving my wife. My wife should be happy that she is the important one, not that woman. She is the fun one'. If you chose to become a second wife then he is obviously Muslim. If you are not then that is a whole new thread. Work on strengthening yourself. We can make any choices we want in life, just work on being strong when the choice has been made and be prepared to be strong if it does not go as hoped. That is my only advice. ETA I lived in my in-laws villa for many years after we got married. So do many women here. It is normal as the family home is built or the family do not see it necessary to pay large rents when they have a large home. So him going to his family home each night does not mean anything. She could be in there. Nailed It!!
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 December 2015 - 11:20
He had to get permission from Abu Dhabi to marry her because she is Emirati and he's not and he's been to court twice and they won't grant a divorce. He goes back to his family home with his parents and siblings. I did my own digging and his story is legit. It's amazing what 100aed will get you in this country. I went out on a couple of dates back in September before I realized that I only wanted to be with him and the men were in love and talking marriage on date 2. He isn't pushing anything but is the consummate gentleman. American men and their lying and cheating have really done a number on my thinking. Maybe I just need to pinch myself because I found a nice guy.
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 December 2015 - 09:19
Have been here 7 years now and have met many many expats who have said similar things to you. Of course every person is different but in general they find themselves waiting around a very very long time. If you are looking for something serious then you need to address the issues or move on. Easier said than done but if you speak to anyone in a similar situation to yours you may get a better insight. As I say several expat ladies have experienced this. Some now married, happily I don't know and some still in limbo. You need to really understand what you are letting yourself in for. Best of luck
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EW OLDHAND
Latest post on 21 December 2015 - 06:26
When you say he 'can't' get a divorce or 'hasn't been granted one' - what is the back story here? Has he asked for a divorce? Why did they separate? Why can't he initiate divorce proceedings?
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EW NEWBIE
Latest post on 21 December 2015 - 00:23
Mmmmnnnn. I know little of UAE divorce laws but my instinct and experience, sadly tells me that men who are still married choose to be in that situation. In UK it is called having your cake and eating it. I hope I am wrong but why has he not filed for divorce in his country of origin? Feels a bit like rose tinted spectacles - why would you be prepared to be his illicit mistress and play second fiddle to an unseen wife? Why would you risk a relationship outside of marriage that is not legal in the country you are living in? Why would you be prepared to develop a relationship which is hurting another woman? You spend the evenings together - where does he go then? Have you spent time at his house? My cynical antennae are telling me he probably goes back to his wife. Not really any of my business but I would strongly advise sticking with men who are free to have a relationship. Sorry.