Husband doesn't care

I am very sorry you are going through what so many wives in Dubai have experienced with their husbands. Week after week I hear stories from very close friends that their husbands are up to something, or get sucked into the materialistic world here and the super young and hot women who are after the older settled guys, you see it all here. The environment in itself can make you doubt yourself so many times. It is completely natural to feel this way when you are neglected by your own spouse and don't get what you want from your marriage. Whatever the reason for the neglect is, your alleged low self-esteem or his ignorance of your feelings, focus on yourself! 100%! And your son! Start doing things you haven't done before, get out and about, meet new people. Once you regain control of your life and don't depend on him financially you'll attract a lot of good and positive people and situations and your life will improve! I am a great believer of this Men and midlife crisis just do not go together. I don't know of your origin but if you are British you can get in touch with the British Community Fund in Dubai, google them, there is a phone number you can call for great advice! :cool:

Madeinengland, i saw your post earlier and wanted to reply but got caught up in something. I have not read all previous replies but here is my thought on your situation. 1) you have to finish the year for the sake of your son. 2) unfortunately some men loose interest once they feel that the woman they are with depend highly on them (emotionally or otherwise) and have low self esteem. My advise to you is to LOVE yourself: it seems that your children are old so they don't need constant attention, so get out and about. Go get yourself a new hair color and cut, get new trendy clothes, exercise, do massages… etc just pamper yourself And do not depend on your husband, just forget him for a while and focus on yourself, go out and meet new people to make new friends ( i use meet up dot com, they have lots of very active groups and i have met lots of friendly and nice people through it). Just keep in mind that you are doing this for yourself!!! if your husband came back to his senses great, but if not you would have learnt how to live and enjoy your life without him. Good luck and i hope you feel better soon...

@LT you said it all ?? Unfortunately men are as***ls when it come to midlife crisis, they can't handle it well, and they start being teenagers or 20 something years old, either change their clothes and look at the wife and children as the only reminder of their true age. I have no words of wisdom to give you OP, it's only you who can decide for yourself, you either can start looking younger than him and join his race - change your weardrop, hair style and start going out with other ladies and have a kind of social life and show him how busy you too could be- I know; some posters could say this is pity solution to take, again it could be your Hail Mary for this marriage?? Or you can start planning your next step of moving on and leaving him to his own mirage of lost and found youth he is trying to get it back, lay low and get copies of every shred of paper proof his salary and assets, secure the passports and apply for new schools back home, get everything you can get and pack light, and get tickets for home as Xmas break is right at the corner. It's very difficult and you aren't a princess, you are the queen of your house, and if the king is not that much appreciative of the queen, then it's time for the queen to find her own kingdom that only her is the ruler of her life. Stay strong, because you'll need all the strength Good luck

Glad it helped, This forum can be a bit of a two edged sword, and sometimes replies are harsher than intended. Hope things work out for you and keep reaching out, there are many people out there who know that life is not always black and white, and think before they post. Take care x

Yes, you have answered one of the questions, you have to see out the year for your son's sake, then go. The other question, how to survive is that YOU WILL. From everything you say, your husband has fallen into the Dubai dream trap, he has a fantasy that he can recover his youth and become a carefree young man about town and if he can drive you away he will suddenly become 25 again. It happens a lot, over the years many ladies have posted on here about similar situations, when the Dubai dream has been turned into a nightmare by a male mid life crisis. I am no longer in Dubai but I doubt very much if things have changed, the city still sells itself on glitz, glamour and youth which can be very unsettling for some people. Deep down he probably knows he can never turn back time and his way of coping from what you say is to consider you the root of his problems because your presence is the reminder that he is no longer the young buck about town, I'd guess that he is transferring his anger and sense of loss on to you, hence the undeniable mental cruelty. To use a very overworked phrase, it's not you, it's him. He has battered down your self esteem to reinforce his own brittle self of self. So what can you do? For starters, seek help from others who have gone through the same horrible situation, there is a Face book group, I think it's called Leaving Dubai which many ladies on here have recommended (as I said, yours is not an unusual situation). If nothing else you may find some moral support there, and hopefully some good advice re a game plan. You have already made the decision to hang in there for a year for the sake of your son, so use that time to work out an exit strategy, you say you have no money, but he must have some? Can you squirrel away your housekeeping, or try to find a job yourself? The latter might not be easy but it would not only give you money but a lifeline back into the outside world. You might even find that he behaves in a less obnoxious manner if you reinstated yourself as a person in your own right instead of being merely the trailing spouse. (Which I suspect he may resent, unfair as it seems, the fact that you gave up so much for him will make him feel guilty, but that guilt is the driver for his apparent disdain for you.) Stop expecting him to become the romantic spouse (was he ever so?) and try to stand on your own feet. Or at least look as though you were, the sadder and more needy you appear the more he will push you away. Your children are school age, you can go out during the day, go to Expat coffee mornings, go to the gym, just get out and try to make a life outside of your husband. Give it a year, save what you can, keep the passports safe, start checking out what benefits you are entitled to,reach out to any friends in UK and test the water as to where you could move back to, your home town would seem a good start. Look for jobs, housing there, at least UK will give you basic support, in that sense you are in a much stronger position than many others who have come onto this forum with similar problems. One of two things will happen, either after a year, he will realise you are not just a tear sodden drag on him but a woman in your own right (the woman he married) or you will have found the strength to make the break and go and make a new life. All the very best to you and your children, it is a horrible situation but you can break out!.

Sorry but it seems to me that actually yes you are a bit of a princess (though you say you are not)- wanting constant attention, praise and adoration from what is probably a very hard working man who just wants a quiet life. It seems you have been married for at least 18 years but still expect to be treated like a young bride. You say on the one hand you'' love him so much'' but you cannot stand the way he treats you. We used to get wind ups like this.

Love is a feeling and all feelings either grow or leave. With everything he failed to do as your partner, husband, friend, companion, latching to that thought of love is what will not let you go. Think about it, do you really love him or are you attached to him. A lot confuse the two. In both cases, it is not impossible to get through it. Since your children are not toddlers, then they would understand better the circumstances. Pick yourself up and start moving for your sake. You do not need a person like him to make you happy. Who knows, maybe one day you will find someone who will make you even happier! You shouldn't have to ask for mere kind word or the minimal of care when you are sick or not at your best. He might feel too comfortable in his own shoes right now hence doesnt value what he has. He never will, even if he loses it and swears to change. Its a character that will not change. Deep down you know what is best for you and your children and keep that as a priority. Love is not love when it actually destroys you. You deserve to be happy, but this happiness wont be supported by him.

Oh my god. So sorry for what you are going through. If you don't mind asking, how old are your children? Also, where are you and your husband from... to understand what kind of marriage you have (civil or any other)? Have you considered a divorce? Obviously having children makes it a harder mission but you deserve to be happy for yourself and to be able to provide a healthier environment for your children as well. I think if you really set your mind to it, consider a divorce and work towards it. Fix allocation in your home country, try to look for a job or have a conversation with family on how they would able to support you, ask about education for your children, basically plan it all out and then hit him with a divorce. Otherwise, he will just keep disturbing you. I do not know the intimate details of your marriage but consider joint custody for the children. Most importantly do not feel alone. Unfortunately in the modern world, cases of unhappy marriages or those that dont seem to work are very common, hence you are not alone and would be able to get through this. There was a time when you were happy without him, so you would be able to be happy again. Most importantly, if you are healthy, stable and happy, it will help you raise your children to the best ability possible.